piece of dress, which is called an ornament, in management. Fashion has often been at variance with nature and simplicity, but now she is at perfect open war with them, and has lately introduced an appendage of dress, which common sense may deem rather unsuitable to buxom beauties; yet they too will be monsters, if it is the fashion. -We have long had perfumers who furnish complexions, and red cheeks and pale lips are not uncommon. The lily varnish for the mahogany skin may be had at many cosmetic warehouses; but we have now, for the first time, got bottom-shops, and ladies of all ages and dimensions, tall, short, fat, and lean, must have enormous bs. Spinal tenuity and mamillary exuberance (see Johnson's Dictionary,) have for some time been the fashion with the fair, but a posterior rotundity, or a balance, was wanting behind; and you may now tell the country lasses, if they wish to be fashionable, they must resemble two blown bladders, tied together at the necks. Says Lady Winterbottom t'other day to Mr Tiffaney, the haberdasher-Mr Tiffaney I want a new bottom.-Very well, Ma'am happy to supply your Ladyship-proud to say my b— -S have been much approved of, and given satisfac tion.-Not so fast, Mr Tiffaney-the last I had is worn out already.-Why, Ma'am, you very well know that no lady of fashion has been at rest five minutes in a place for sometime past What with races-morning and evening concerts-dinner parties-squeezing and mobbing to get into the playhouse-fits, and fainting soon after-tossing and tumbling to get out againthen assemblies, or fireworks, with the delicate assistance of a young fellow's arm—late suppers, and all that sort of thing-why really, Ma'am, the best bottoms cannot support such tear and wear any length of time-Your Ladyship looks thinner since last furnishing-Here now is a b-m, Ma'am-Your Ladyship's back, if you please-ay, this gets well up behind-quite Ladyship's size.-Rather flat, Mr TiffanyPlump as can be, your Ladyship-But I must have my old bottom repaired, Mr TiffaneyWe'll do the best we can, my Lady-Your Lady. ship must allow that the artificial b-m is the most fundamental improvement of modern times. There was but t'other day, Miss Plausible, accompanied by her friend Miss Crop, bought a b-m here, and being to cross the water, the poor soul slipt her foot in stepping into the boat, and went souce into the sea-the tide going three knots an hour-but, my Lady, she sat as snug and composed on the face of the water, as Queen Mab on the Gossamer.With her bosom frame, gauzes, and flounces, she looked, by all the world, like a swan on a cruize in a pond. Your Ladyship means to go north soon, diversions now over, presume? Wish your Ladyship good weather to cross the ferries.-Thank you, Mr Tiffaney-You may as well send two b―ms. Your Ladyship's right-it is best to be provided, in case of accident-Ladyship's most humble servant. You may also inform your country readers that the male dress has undergone some change, though in general puppyism has remained in statu quo for these some months. Some few distinguished spirits have endeavoured to new-model the beard, by making it half Jewish, half Christian, and have thought it an ornament to come into company with a tuft of hair like a whin-bush on each cheek. But this savage fashion has not been much followed. Roses, or tufts of black ribbons or strings, tying the shoes, instead of buckles, have also appeared as a morning dress; and by and by the country labourers in this particular will be in high fashion all the day through. Long necked spurs, with joints like folding penknives, to make them convenient in walking, and to prevent cutting the legs (no matter for the horse's sides,) are coming into fashion; but sensible people think the shortest necked long enough for the purpose of a spur. Several people, besides barbers and bakers, have worn white hats this season. Promiscuous bathing has been very much in fashion this season, and the decency of an awning to the bathing machines, so universal in England, is not yet adopted; * to the great satisfaction of the rude and the ill-bred, who triumph in insulting modesty. The buckskin and nankeen under drapery of the young gentlemen still continues as if sewed or pasted to the skin. The first symptoms of a rising buck this season have commenced at and after school, by turning the broad cock of the hat foremost, and the button behind assuming a knowing look, with a gait like Filch in the Beggar's Opera-carrying a short bludgeon in the hand, and endeavouring to swear (poor things!) most dreadfully. * Since the above was written, an improvement has taken place. Separate houses for the gentlemen and ladies are built, and the bathing machines for the ladies are furnished with awnings. The having half-a-dozen large buttons under the pocket lids, might do very well for security in these pick-pocket times, but unfortunately, it is not the fashion to have button holes. The rumpled boot about the ancle, to give air to the calf in the white silk stocking, has still been thought tonish by a few; and Boots in the forenoon, with persons who have no horses to ride, is thought very fashionable. With many it has been thought manly and high life to be as much the blackguard as possible; and with them frivolity and dissipation are only worth living for. To squander money with freedom, and go drunk to public amusements, constitute the gentleman. Such is the picture of this last season. may make what use of it you please. You AH! wherefore silent is thine Edwin's muse? |