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Speed. And yet I was last chidden for being too slow.
Val. Go to, sir; tell me, do you know madam Silvia ?
Speed. She that your worship loves ?
Speed. Marry, by these special marks : First, you have learned, like sir Proteus, to wreath your arms like a male-content; to relish a love-song, like a Robin-red-breast; to walk alone, like one that had the pestilence; to sigh, like a school-boy that had lost his A B C; to weep, like a young wench that had buried her grandam ; to fast, like one that takes diet; 1 to watch, like one that fears robbing; to speak puling, like a beggar at Hallowmas.? You were wont, when you laughed, to crow like a cock; when you walked, to walk like one of the lions; when you fasted, it was presently after dinner; when you looked sadly, it was for want of money: and now you are metamorphosed with a mistress, that, when I look on you, I can hardly think you my master.
Val. Are all these things perceived in me?
Speed. Without you? nay, that 's certain; for, without you were so simple, none else would : but
1 To take diet' was the phrase for being under regimen for a disease,
2 About the feast of All Saints, when winter begins, and the life of a vagrant becomes less comfortable.
you are so without these follies, that these follies are within you, and shine through you like the water in an urinal; that not an eye, that sees you, but is a physician to comment on your malady.
Val. But, tell me, dost thou know my lady Silvia ?
Speed. She, that you gaze on so, as she sits at supper?
Val. Hast thou observed that? even she I mean. Speed. Why, sir, I know her not.
Val. Dost thou know her by my gazing on her, and yet knowest her not?
Speed. Is she not hard-favored, sir ?
Speed. That she is not so fair, as (of you) wellfavored.
Val. I mean, that her beauty is exquisite, but her favor infinite.
Speed. That's because the one is painted, and the other out of all count.
Val. How painted ? and how out of count?
Speed. Marry, sir, so painted, to make her fair, that no man counts of her beauty.
Val. How esteemest thou me? I account of her beauty.
Speed. You never saw her since she was deformed.
Val. I have loved her ever since I saw her; and still I see her beautiful.
Speed. If you love her, you cannot see her.
Speed. Because love is blind. O, that you had mine eyes; or your own eyes had the lights they were wont to have, when you chid at sir Proteus for going ungartered!
Val. What should I see then ?
Speed. Your own present folly, and her passing deformity; for he, being in love, could not see to garter his hose ; and you, being in love, cannot see to put on your hose.
Val. Belike, boy, then you are in love; for last morning you could not see to wipe my shoes.
Speed. True, sir; I was in love with my bed : I thank you, you swinged me for my love, which makes me the bolder to chide you for yours.
Val. In conclusion, I stand affected to her.
Speed. I would you were set; so, your affection would cease.
Val. Last night she enjoined me to write some lines to one she loves.
Speed. And have you?
Val. No, boy, but as well as I can do them :Peace, here she comes.
Enter SILVIA. Speed. O excellent motion !1 O exceeding puppet! Now will he interpret to her.
Val. Madam and mistress, a thousand good morrows.
Speed. O, 'give ye good even ! here's a million of manners.
Taside. Sil. Sir Valentine and servant,1 to you two thousand.
Speed. He should give her interest; and she gives it him.
Val. As you enjoin'd me, I have writ your letter, Unto the secret nameless friend of yours ; Which I was much unwilling to proceed in, But for my duty to your ladyship.
Sil. I thank you, gentle servant: 'tis very clerkly? done.
Val. Now trust me, madam, it came hardly off ; For, being ignorant to whom it goes, I writ at random, very doubtfully. Sil. Perchance you think too much of so much
pains ? Val. No, madam; so it stead you, I will write, Please you command, a thousand times as much : And yet,
Sil. A pretty period ! Well, I guess the sequel ; And yet I will not name it:—and yet I care not ; And yet take this again ;-—and yet I thank you; Meaning henceforth to trouble you no more. Speed. And yet you will; and yet another yet.
I Lovers were called servants by their mistresses at the time when Shakspeare wrote.
2 Like a scholar.
I wow, will none of th writ them, sir
Val. What means your ladyship? do you not
like it? Sil. Yes, yes; the lines are very quaintly writ: But since unwillingly, take them again ; Nay, take them.
Val. Madam, they are for you.
Sil. Ay, ay; you writ them, sir, at my request;
Val. Please you, I'll write your ladyship another.
Val. If it please me, madam ! what then?
Sil. Why, if it please you, take it for your labor ; And so good-morrow, servant.
[Exit Silvia. Speed. O jest unseen, inscrutable, invisible, As a nose on a man's face, or a weathercock on a
steeple! My master sues to her; and she hath taught her
suitor, He being her pupil, to become her tutor. O excellent device! was there ever heard a better? That my master, being scribe, to himself should
write the letter ? . Val. How now, sir? what are you reasoning 1 with yourself?
Speed. Nay, I was rhyming; 'tis you that have the reason.