means or other lost her's (an idea which I could not fupport) has driven me to madness. The world will condemn me, but your heart will pity me. God bless you, my dear F. Would I had a fum of money to leave you, to convince you of my great regard! You were almoft my only friend. I have hid one circumftance from you, which gives me great pain. I owe Mr. W. of Gofport one hundred pounds, for which he has the writings of my houses; but I hope in God, . when they are fold,and all other matters collected, there will be nearly enough to fettle your account. May almighty God bless you and your's, with comfort and happiness; and may you ever be a ftranger to the pangs I now feel! May Heaven protect my beloved woman, and forgive this act, which alone could relieve me from a world of mifery I have long endured! Oh! if it should be in your power to do her any act of friendship, remember your faithful friend, LETTER LVIII. TO CHARLES, Efq, J. H. Tothill-fields, 8 April, 1779 I am alive and fhe is dead. I shot her, and not myfelf. Some of her blood and brains is fill. upon upon my cloaths. I don't ask you to speak to me, I don't ask you to look at me. Only come hither, and bring me a little poifon; fuch as is ftrong enough. Upon my knees, I beg, if your friendship for me ever was fincere, do, do, bring me fome poison. LETTER To the SAME. LIX. 9 April, 79 Your note juft now; and the long letter I received at the fame time, which should have found me the day before yesterday, have changed my refolution. The promise you defire, I most solemnly give you. I will make no attempt upon my life. Had I received your comfortable letter when you meant I should, I verily do not think this would have happened.. Pardon what I wrote to you about the poison. Indeed I am too compofed for any fuch thing now. Nothing should tempt me. My death is all the recompence I can make to the laws of my country. Dr. V. has fent me fome excellent advice, and Mr. H. has refuted all my falfe arguEven fuch a being as I finds friends. ments. Oh, Oh, that my feelings and his feelings would let me fee my dearest friend. Then I would tell you how this happened. LETTER To the SAME. LX. Newgate, 14 April, 1779. My best thanks for all your goodness fince this day fe'nnight. Oh, Charles, this is about the time. I cannot write. My trial comes on either Friday or Saturday. It will be indeed a trial. God (whom I have fo outraged) can alone tell how I fhall go through it. My refolution is not fixed as yet about pleading guilty. The arguments by which they tell me I may escape that death fo much my due, I certainly will not fuffer to be used. My prefent fituation of mind you may collect from the enclofed copy of what I mean to fay, if I continue in the resolution, in which I yesterday wrote you word I was, of pleading not guilty. "My Lord, "My Lord, I should not have troubled the Court with the examination of witneffes to fupport the charge against me, had I not thought the pleading guilty to the indictment would give an indication of contemning death, not suitable to my -prefent condition; and would, in fome measure, make me acceffary to a second peril of my life. And I likewise thought that the justice of my country ought to be fatisfied, by fuffering my offences to be proved, and the fact to be eftablished by evidence. I stand here the moft wretched of human beings! and confefs myself criminal in a high degree. I acknowledge with shame and repentance that my determination against my own life was formal and complete. I proteft, with that regard to truth which becomes my fituation, that the will to deftroy her, who was ever dearer to me than life,was never mine until a momentary frenzy overcame me, and induced me to commit the deed I deplore.--The letter which I meant for my brother-in-law, after my decease, will have its due weight, as to this point, with good men. Before this dreadful act, I trust, nothing will be found in the tenor of my life, which the common charity of mankind will not readily excufe. I have no wish to avoid the punishment which the laws of my country appoint for my crime; but, being already too unhappy to feel a punishment in death, or a fatisfaction in life, I submit myself to the difpofal and judgment of Almighty God, and to the confequences of this enquiry into my conduct and intention.” Whatever the world may think, you, I know, believe that I had no intention against her till the very inftant. The account I wrote to you of the fhocking fhocking business since it happened, was the real truth. AllTuesday, after I had finished my letter to you, I in vain fought for an opportunity to destroy myfelf in her prefence. So, again, on the Wednefday, all the morning. In the afternoon, after dining at poor B.'s, I faw Lord S's coach pass by the Cannon Coffee-house, where I was watching for it. I followed it to G.'s (inhuman, and yet - not guilty, G.!) From her house I saw it take them to the play. Now, I was determined; and went to my lodgings, for my pistols, where I wrote a letter to B. which I put into my pocket, intending to fend it; but, as I forgot it, the letter was found there. When I returned to Covent-Garden, I waited for the conclufion of the play, in the Bedford Coffee-Houfe. What a figure muft I have been! Indeed, I overheard one gentleman fay to a friend, that I looked as if I was out of my fenfes. Oh, how I wished for the play to be over! I had charged my piftols with the kindeft letter fhe ever wrote me; a letter which made me the happieft of mortals, and which had ever fince been my talifman. At laft, arrived the end of the play, and the beginning of my tragedy. I met them in the stone passage, and had then got the piftol to my forehead, but fhe did not fee me, (nor did any one, I suppose.) And the croud feparated us. This accident I confidered |