Sir,' replied he, as fast as I went forward, the wind blew me back again !'

The elder daughter of E. H. Barker, when she was about ten years of age, observed in a remote corner of a field some remains of snow, though the snow had disappeared from every other part of the ground; and she said playfully, Lady Linger, with her white finger.'

CXVI. Archbishop Herring.

Archbishop Herring had the Living of Barley in Norfolk, where lived Sir Peter Soame, who was annoyed by the Archbishop being too good a shot. To get rid of him, he silently pushed the Archbishop's promotion and succeeded in getting for him the Living of St Giles, which required residence, and took him away from Barley. Herring suspected (or was told by a third person,) to whom he was indebted for the advancement, and humorously toasted his patron, Sir Peter Soame, who was told of this, chagrined at it, and said that Herring was as great a fool as the Archbishop [who gave the Living to him.]

G. A. Browne told this to me.

Query Is St Giles's in the gift of the Archbishop?

CXVII.

To get forward, get forward; this simply I mean,
He stands fair for a Bishop, who once is a Dean.

CXVIII. Sheridan.

A party of SHERIDAN's friends insisted on seeing him to his home, when he was very tipsy. When they reached the street, leading to the Square, in which he lived, he required them to leave him; they did so, but after they had proceeded a short distance, turned round, and saw him standing where they had left him, and using his umbrella like a person, who is counting objects before him. They said, 'What on earth, SHERRY, are you about?' 'Do you not see,' said he, 'that all the houses in the Square are going round and round? Well, I am waiting till mine comes by, and then I shall just step in.'

CXIX. EPITAPH ON MATTHEW PRIOR.

Lo, here, good reader, by your leave,
Beneath this stone lies Matthew Prior;

The son of Adam and of Eve,

Let Bourbon or Nassau go higher!

CXX. A Puritan.

"Here follows the Description of a Puritan, (as they are

now termed,) by profane Papists and Atheists, etc.

Long hath it vext our learned age to scan,

Who rightly might be termed a PURITAN.

A PURITAN, both Layicke and Divine,
I will according to my skill define.

A PURITAN is he that, when he prayes,

His rowling eyes up to the heavens doth rayse.

A Puritan is he that cannot fare

To decke his round head with a bonnet square,
Whose Turkey robe, in his faire furred traine
Above his anckle, turneth up againe :
That at his belt a buffe-clad Bible beares,
Stampt with the true Genevah characters:
Whose thin-beat volume scorneth to admit

The bastard monuments of humane writ:
Whose haire and ruffes dare not his eares exceed;
That on high Saints' dayes weares his working weed:
That crosses each doth hate save on his pence,

And loathes the publicke rope of pennitence:
That in his censure each alike gainsayes,
Poets in pulpits, holy writ in playes,
Roodes in the windows, and the marriage-ring,
The churching, vaile and midwives christening.
A Puritan is he that listeth not to pray

'Gainst thunder in the coldest winter day. A Puritan is he that quite denyes

The help of Angels to a benefice:

That cannot brooke a deputy, to serve

And feed himselfe, but let his people starve:
That loves alike an organ in a quire,

As th' elephant delights a swine to hear:
That never in his life did kneele before
The gate of a Cathedrall-chancell dore.

A Puritan is he that cannot dine

Nor sup without a double grace divine. A Puritan is he that through the yeare

Two Lords day sermons doth either preach or heare. A Puritan is he that will not lend

A gamefull oath to his distressed friend.

A Puritan is he that for no need

Will serve the time, and great men's humors feed:

That doth the selfe-accusing oath refuse:

That hates the ale-house, and a stage, and stews.

A Puritan is he, whose austere life

Will not admit a mistris, and a wife:

That when his betters sweare, doth bite the lip,
Nor will be drunken for good-fellowship.

That wisheth for the amendment of the best,

Blames the least ill, and doth the worst detest.

Reader, if such be term'd a Puritan,

God made me wise, and thee an honest man.

Extracted From "A Dialogue, wherein is plainly layd open the tyrannicall dealing of Lord Bishops against Gods Children, Published by the worthy Gentleman, Dr. Martin Mar-Prelat, Doctor in all the Faculties, Primat and Metropolitan, Reprinted in the Time of the Parliament, A. D. 1640. 4to."

CXXI. A SERMON ON THE WORD

"MALT" PREACHED

IN AN HOLLOW TREE.

The Reverend Mr Dodd, a very worthy minister who lived a few miles from Cambridge, had rendered himself obnoxious to many Cantabs by frequently preaching against drunkenness : several of whom meeting him on a journey determined to make him preach in an hollow tree, which was near the road side.

Accordingly, addressing him with great apparent politeness, they asked him if he had not lately preached much against drunkenness. On his replying in the affirmative, they insisted that he should now preach from a text of their choosing. In vain did he remonstrate on the unreasonableness of expecting him to preach without study, and in such a place: they were determined to take no denial, and the word Malt was given him by way of text, on which he immediately delivered himself as follows.

BELOVED! Let me crave your attention. I am a little man, come at a short warning to preach a short sermon, from a short subject, in an unworthy pulpit, to a small congregation.

BELOVED, my text is Malt: I cannot divide it into words, it being but one, nor into syllables, it being but one; I must of necessity therefore divide it into letters, which I find to be these four, MA L T.

My beloved, M is Moral; A is Allegorical; L Litteral ; T Theological. The Moral is set forth to teach you drunkards good manners: therefore M Masters, A All of you, L Listen, T To my text. The Allegorical is when one thing is spoken and another meant. The thing spoken of is Malt, the thing meant is the juice of Malt, which you Cantabs make your M Master, A your Apparel, L your Liberty, and T your Trust. The Theological is according to the effects that it works, and these I find to be of two kinds: first in this world, Secondly in the world to come. The effects, that it works in this world, are in some M Murder, in others A Adultery, in all L looseness of manners, in some T Treason. The effects it works in the world to come, are M Misery, A Anguish, L Lamentation, and T Torment, and so much for this time and text.

I shall improve this first by way of exhortation. M Masters A All of you, L Leave off, T Tippling. Or secondly, by way of excommunication: M Masters, A All of you, L Look for T Torment. Thirdly by way of caution. Take this: a drunkard is the annoyance of modesty, the spoil of civility, the destruction of reason, the brewer's agent, the alehouse's benefactor, his wife's sorrow, his children's trouble, his own shame, his neighbour's scoff, a walking swill bowl, the picture of a beast, and the monster of a man. Now to God, &c.

He then concluded in the usual form, and the young men, pleased with his ingenuity, not only sincerely thanked him, but absolutely profited more by his short and whimsical sermon than by any serious discourse they had ever heard.

CXXII. EPIGRAM ON ELPHINSTONE'S TRANSLATION OF MARTIAL'S EPIGRAMS:

O Thou, whom poetry abhors,

Whom prose has turned out of doors,