CLXXXII. DR HAWKER.

A sailor entered Stoke Church at Plymouth, when Dr John Hawker was preaching, and seeing the letters "J. H. S." on the pulpit, asked if they stood for JOHN HAWKER OF STOKE. The sermon was long, and the same sailor, seeing the same initials in another church, made a precipitate retreat forthwith.

CLXXXIII. CHARLES II.

A worthless fellow, whilst King Charles was knighting him, hung down his head, as if out of countenance. "Do not be ashamed," said the king, "I have more reason to be so than you."

CLXXXIV. NED WARD.

Ned Ward, speaking of a law-suit which turned on a mistake between the words this and that, said that it looked like a family-quarrel, since it was a dispute between relatives.

CLXXXV. THE AMBASSADOR.

A prince one day told his ambassador that he was an owl: "I should be sorry to think so," said the courtier, "having so often represented your majesty."

CLXXXVI. LOGGERHEADS.

A countryman, seeing a single person at a desk in a lawyer's office, asked what they sold in that shop. "Loggerheads" said

the clerk. "Do you?" said the countryman, "then you had better shut up shop, for you have only one left."

CLXXXVII. LACE.

A witty fellow bargained to buy as much lace as would reach from one ear to the other. The vendor, who lived in London, consented, but it turned out one of the rascal's ears was nailed to the pillory at Bristol.

CLXXXVIII. AN INCH AND AN ELL.

A judge, finding out that a criminal, who said his name was Linch, was really called Inch, said "I see how it is; allow him an inch, and he'll take an L."

CXXXIX. KETTLE AND SAUCE.

A Barrister, attempting to brow-beat a female witness, told her she had brass enough to make a kettle. The woman retorted, "And you have sauce enough to fill it."

CXC. HENRY VIII AND FRANCIS I.

Henry VIII told his ambassador who was just starting for nce, that if the French King should take away his life, he

is death by taking off every Frenchman's head

s, Sir," said the nobleman, "and perhaps

fit my shoulders."

CXCI. BOND AND CROMWELL.

Colonel Bond died a few days before Cromwell. A wit observed that Oliver had given Bond to the devil for his own appearance.

CXCII. DANIEL PURCELL.

Daniel Purcell, being asked to make a pun extempore and to take the King as his subject, replied "The King is not a subject."

CXCII. Too LATE.

An Irishman, angry at being late, and hearing the clock strike, broke its face with his cane. The owner expostulated. "Faith, sir," said the other, "the clock struck first."

CXCIV. LEGAL EVIDENCE.

An Irishman, convicted of stealing a pig on the evidence of two eye-witnesses, attempted to refute the charge by bringing twenty witnesses, who swore that they did not see him steal it!

CXCV. SPRING-GUNS AND MAN-TRAPS.

Some thieves stole a steel-trap and a spring gun, and left on a board these lines addressed to the owner:

Stare not, nor let your silly heart be swollen,

For Spring-guns will Go OFF and STEEL-traps should be STOLEN.

CXCVI. WHOLE-SALE AND RE-TAIL.

Some malicious person cut off a gentleman's horse's tail. A wag advised the owner to sell him wholesale. "Why?" said "Because you cannot retail bim."

the owner.

CXCVII. THE KNAVE AND THE FOOL.

Two men, joking a friend, asked him whether he was most knave or fool. "In truth," said he, taking an arm of each, "I believe I am between both."

CXCVIII. SILK AND WORSTED.

An Irishman, who had lost a valuable pair of silk stockings, being afraid that he had offered too small a reward, ordered the crier to say that they were worsted.

CXCIX. BREVITY.

Quin wrote to Rich the Proprietor of one of the London theatres, with whom he had quarrelled, wishing to renew his engagement but not liking to ask for it directly: "I am at Bath,....... Quin." was the Epistle-"Stay there and be d-d." was the reply.

CC. ARMS.

An Apothecary chose for his motto the Latin word Persiste. A wag observed that it should have been Perge (purge).

CCI. Castles.

"In a wild and picturesque country, with abrupt hills, and dark sweeping woods, including a vast extent of territorial domain, a castellated mansion might appear appropriate, as more picturesque; but in all modern structures of this kind, however picturesque or magnificent in themselves, there appears something not exactly in accordance with our ideas of propriety. The dislike probably arises from this cause. A vast baronial castle, in times of perfect security, appears like a massy fiction. It is the idea of defence, which gives any castle its most appropriate interest. Its clustering towers, its shade of buttresses, its range of battlements, as far as mere pictures are concerned, must be the same to the eye, whether the castle be old or new. But take away the associations, which the least thought must instantly do, the ideas connected with appropriateness instantly vanish. In the next place, massiveness and extent appear so necessary, that in all modern attempts of the kind, the mind feels that something is always deficient; it is not large, it is not massy enough! But, supposing a castle as large and magnificent as that of Windsor, were now built, it would not be congenial to our feelings, because all harmonizing associations are cut off. Even Windsor Castles loses a great deal of its architectural impression, (if I may use that word,) by the smooth neatness, with which its old towers are now chiselled and mortared. It looks as if it was washed every morning with soap and water, instead of exhibiting here and there a straggling flower, or creeping weatherstains. I believe this circumstance strikes every beholder, but most imposing, indeed, is its distant view, when the broad banner floats or sleeps in the sunshine, amidst the intense blue of the summer-skies, and its picturesque and ancient architectural vastness harmonizes with the decaying and gnarled oaks, coeval with so many departed monarchs. The stately long-extended avenue, and the wild sweep of devious forests, connected with the eventful