fend the Corn-Exchange, that Delphos of discontent, and Dodona of dissatisfaction. As to Oates, we care but little for any branch of the family except old Titus, who catered so well in his day for our national love of a supper of horrors. We shall ourselves be always well supplied with plots and conspiracies, and treason alone shall flourish in our pages. We intend to be the greatest alarmists in England, and our readers will see a French navy or a Russian squadron in every fleet of fishing-boats they perceive in the offing. Every month there will be a report of a terrible earthquake in some part of the country or another. We shall prove this to be the most volcanic corner of the globe, and we shall have correspondents in Wales and Cumberland who will give us daily accounts of wolves and avalanches. Then Perkins's steam-gun shall burst once a fortnight at least, and the blowing up of the few public men whose loss is likely to afflict the nation, shall be recorded minutely.

kettle

The markets will be carefully watched-the flesh of donkeys detected in the veal, horse-flesh in the beef, kittens in rabbits, crows in pigeons, and hemlock in every sprig of parsley. We promise to keep public attention for ever alive to the adulterations of bread and every other necessary of life. There will be a sharp eye into every copper in London, and it will be a small speck of verdigris that will elude our sagacity. Our magazine will be a vast assistance to the magistrates and police, by pointing out a thousand street nuisances which, with all their acuteness, they have as yet no notion of. We have been educating our eyes and noses for the purpose, and if a single annoyance escapes our notice, we engage to return the money to our subscribers.

To recommend ourselves to fine gentlemen and young men of spirit, there will be a black list published in every number, of those discreditable tradesmen and shop-keepers who keep accounts, and have the assurance to send in their bills.

There will be always a pitiful story by Moody, illustrated by Scowl, or a tale by Mrs. Whimper, with a design by Wasp. We invite contributions, but a single stroke of pleasantry, or the slightest evidence of good-humour, will be fatal to any writer who desires to appear in our pages. Nobody shall shine in the "Ill-Humorist." Instead of paying by the joke or the smile, we shall pay by the rub or the frown. Our contents must be discontents, or mal-contents.

The discontents of the first number will be as follows: 1. The Shocking Condition of England Question.

Grumble, Bart., M.P.

2. Sharpe upon Acids.

3. The Perils and Dangers of the Streets of London.

4. Ode to Dissatisfaction.

5. An Essay on Sighs. By Dieaway Sob, Esq.

By Sir Gloomy

6. The Natural History of the Weeping Willow. By Professor Lorn. 7. The Seven Woes. By the Rev. John Fright.

"Waters of Mara," and the "Day of Vengeance."

8. Disasters by Land and Sea.

Author of the

9. Life and Adventures of Mr. Diggory Doleful, with his continual falls and downfalls, misdoings and undoings, losses and crosses, evictions and convictions, moanings and groanings, his woes, foes, throes, blows, from his first cry to his last sigh. By Miserrimus Moody, illustrated by Scowl.

THE ROBERTSES ON THEIR TRAVELS.

BY MRS. Trollope.

A SCORE of reasons, at the very least, might easily be found to prove that it is a sin to make public any of the personal anecdotes and observations which we have all, more or less, the opportunity of making in private; there is a sort of treachery in doing so that can admit of no excuse or defence whatever, and most justly does it deserve the universal reprobation which attends it. Far distant, however, from any such offence is the office performed by the moral satirist, who, looking upon his fellow-mortals with an observant eye, and perceiving such faults or follies, not only in an individual, but in a class, as he thinks within reach of being cured or checked by the wholesome touch of ridicule, exerts all the power he has in applying it. It is true, indeed, that in performing this office, he may occasionally be accused, by those who feel themselves galled, of having been guilty of PERSONALITY. But the answer to this accusation is too obvious to escape the dullest, even if an apt, though homely proverb, were less certain to suggest itself as a reply.

In recently looking over a miscellaneous collection of old travelling notes, made at various times, and in various lands, I found such constantly-repeated expressions of regret and vexation at the effect produced on the minds of all foreigners by the strange, and often offensive, manners of many among the multitudes of English travellers who thronged their cities, that I almost felt remorse at never having made public some of the offences and absurdities which had come under my own observation, and which tended to account for and justify the universal sentence of condemnation which has been passed upon English manners by every nation on the continent. But I well remember that all, or very nearly all, such observations were laid aside at the time they were written, because I feared that some of the sketches, however slightly drawn, might possibly be recognised by any one who happened to know what I had been doing, and where I had been. But my wanderings have now been so various, that this danger can exist no longer; yet, sorry am I to say, that what was truth on this subject several years ago, is truth still, and I think it not impossible that some good may be done by occasionally bringing before the eyes of the thoughtless people who have brought this stigma upon us, some of the follies by which it has been occasioned. Did I believe that the English people as a nation, or even the majority of them, merited the odium which has been thus cast upon them, I should certainly not occupy my pen upon a theme at once so useless and so distasteful; but knowing, as I do, that such is not the fact, I am tempted to make an effort towards the reform of follies, which are not, as I conceive, of so hopeless a nature as to be given up as incurable. The mischief, for the most part, arises from mere blunders and mistakes, which there is great reason to believe would be gladly avoided by those who fall into them, did they know a little better what they were about. Those who have travelled much, and still more, perhaps, those who have resided

for a time in any of the continental capitals of Europe, must, I think, have observed how very much more conspicuous those English travellers, who are not of the most polished class of society, make themselves, than those do who are. Any one residing for a twelvemonth in Paris, for instance, who would direct a little attention to this point, would be sure to find that, whereas hundreds of highly-educated and refined people come and go without ever exciting a remark, or drawing upon themselves any disagreeable attention whatever, persons less educated, or less refined, can scarcely show themselves in any place of public resort, without attracting both eyes and ears, in a manner that cannot fail to establish for the English nation exactly such a reputation for mauvais ton as at this moment attaches to them. And thus it happens, of necessity, that the better specimens of our travelling countrymen form no antidote, in the popular judgment of the countries they visit, to the worse; for while the first pursue the noiseless tenour of their way without drawing upon themselves any popular attention at all, the last, amongst all the amusement they may chance to find, have perhaps no pleasure so great as that of being conscious that they are observed that they are producing a great sensation-and that they are not leaving their gold behind them without the meed of being stared at as rich milors, who were of too much consequence at home to condescend to be decently civil and quiet abroad. Could these persons but hear, as I have done, the observations of those before whom they perform these tricks of noisy and consequential impertinence, the evil would be soon cured, for there are few who would not willingly submit to some restraint, or at any rate, to the same discipline of ordinary good-breeding to which they yield themselves at home, rather than become the subject of remarks, often as good-natured as they are acute, and all tending to prove beyond the hope of a doubt, that the only delusion produced by their obstrusive swaggering, is that which causes them to be considered as the fair type of their countrymen, instead of a bad specimen of a small class. For it is a positive fact, that from the gamin who mutters his "got dem" upon the boulevard, to the individual of the very highest class, let it be who it may, whom they have the honour to encounter, there is not one who will blunder so egregiously as to mistake them for people of education.

But what makes this national judgment, both in France and elsewhere, the more provoking, is, that these very offenders are not a fair specimen even of themselves. How many respectable fathers and mothers, pretty daughters, and learned sons have I seen "at church and market," at the theatre, and in the chamber of peers, at the king's court, and at a restaurant of forty sous, who, in all of these scenes, have assumed a sort of tone (mauvais ton, sans contredit), as unlike as possible from what the very same persons would display in similar scenes at home. That this is a fact, no close observer will deny; but to account for it satisfactorily, is not easy. Sometimes I have been tempted to believe that it arises from the unwonted lightness of spirit, produced by the change of climate. On first breathing the clear bright atmosphere of France, almost every one seems to enjoy a sensation of bien-être from its influence. The animal spirits rise. The customary restraints imposed by the habits and manners of home, and the check produced by the presence of familiar eyes being withdrawn, the gay

travellers become fantastic first, and then impertinent, and like children invited out without their governess, appear in the eyes of those they visit to have much worse manners than they ever exhibited at home.

It is impossible to witness this sort of display without mortification and regret, which is only increased by remembering how many amiable qualities, and how much genuine excellence, exist behind this provoking chevaux-de-frise of thoughtless folly.

It is said that a warning is better than an example; and if so, there may be use in stringing together some of the recollections which bear upon this subject, and setting them, from time to time, before the eyes of my dear compatriots, so many of whom are daily taking wing to visit foreign lands, in which they would find it infinitely more pleasant

to be liked than disliked.

I beg to observe, however, that although I shall set nothing down which has not a fact for its foundation, I shall take especial care to avoid every thing approaching to personality. Even my old notebook, as it lies in the original before me, might be read from the first page to the last, without throwing any light upon the questions "WHO?" and "WHERE?" The anecdotes stand isolated, and although they may recall to me, freshly enough, places and persons alike distant, I am quite sure that they could perform the same office to no one else, unless, indeed, it were the near and dear ones who were beside me when they occurred.

"I wish you joy, Mrs. Roberts," said a tall, well-looking man of fifty, entering his drawing-room in Baker-street with rather a triumphant step; "I wish you joy, madam. The arrangements, respecting the disposal of the banking business, are all concluded, and I am now a free man, and at liberty to indulge your long-cherished wish to visit the continent."

The lady he thus addressed was his wife; she was of an age and appearance very suitable to his own, being about five years his junior, and having, like himself, the remains of considerable comeliness of feature. It is true that the lady was rather more en bon point than she would have wished, and the carnation of her once fine complexion had deepened into a coarser tint; nevertheless, she was still what many people would call a very fine-looking woman, and in this judgment both herself and her husband joined.

"You have actually sold your share in the business, and been permitted to withdraw your share of the capital, Mr. Roberts?" demanded the lady, clasping her large, fair, fat hands in an attitude of thanksgiving.

"I have actually sold my share of the business, and have excellent security for the price, as well as for my capital, and I am to receive four per cent for the whole," he replied. "Thank God !" exclaimed his wife very fervently; "and now then for the amount ?" "Why, my dear, it is a good bit less than it would have been if you could have let me remain a few years longer in the business. However, I dare say we shall do very well, because of what you tell me about the cheapness of

living abroad." "But what is it, Mr. Roberts? Pray_don't beat about the bush in that way; you know I can't bear it." "I won't beat about the bush, my dear; I have no thought of the kind; but if you don't give me time to speak, you know, I can't tell you. I reckon that we shall have altogether, with your railroad shares, and the interest from your brother upon the mortgage, just about seven hundred a-year." "Seven, Mr. Roberts? Upon my life I expected it would have been nearer seventeen. However there is no need of your looking so terrified; I'll undertake to make seven hundred a-year abroad go as far as three times the sum at home. Just let me have the management of it, and you will see that it will do very well. But I hope you have not forgotten my positive injunctions about securing a sufficient sum of ready money to pay the expenses of the journey? Remember, sir, I will have no forestalling of the income. I must have that from the very first, perfectly clear and unincumbered." "You know, my dear, that I never forget what you say. Nicholson has promised to advance me three hundred on the furniture of this house," replied Mr. Roberts," and I only wait for your orders about the time of setting out, in order to speak to an auctioneer about it."

"I would rather the sum had been five hundred, Mr. Roberts, a good deal rather. However, I am not going to find fault; altogether you have done very well; I only regret that I did not tell you to let me speak to Mr. Nicholson myself. But never mind, with my management I dare say I shall make it do."

"And about time, my dear," said her husband, greatly relieved by the degree of approval his statement had met with. "How soon do you think you should like to set off?"

"I must not be hurried, Mr. Roberts. I have a great deal to do, an immense deal to do, and all I can say is, that you may depend upon it I shall get through it all in about half the time that any body else would take. In the first place, you know, I have got to give notice to Edward that he is to leave Oxford immediately."

God bless my soul, Mrs. Roberts, I never heard you say any thing about that before," exclaimed her husband, the startled blood mounting to his temples and his ears; don't you intend to let him stay at Oxford till he has taken his degree?"

"Most decidedly not, Mr. Roberts," she replied. "If you knew a little better what you were talking about you would not ask such a question. Edward, with his extraordinary talents, has already had a great deal more time than was necessary for acquiring as much Greek and Latin as any body can want who is not intended for a schoolmaster, and I certainly do not mean that he shall lose any more time at it. Modern languages, Mr. Roberts, must now be added to the accomplishments for which he is already so remarkable. Modern languages and waltzing will render him as nearly perfect as it is within the reach of human nature to be. Say no more about his remaining at Oxford, if you please, for I feel it would irritate me."

mained silent. 66

Thus warned, Mr. Roberts attempted no further remonstrance on the subject, but pulled out his pocket handkerchief, blew his nose, and reThere, my dear, that will do now," said the lady, waving her hand; "I need not detain you any longer, and I have myself many things to do more profitable than talking."