And my skull teems with notions infinite: Be still, ye reeds of Camus, while I teach Truths which transcend the searching schoolmen's vein; And half had stagger'd that stout Stagyrite*." Thus it is that our treasure always lies, where our knowledge does not; and fortunately enough perhaps; for the empire of imagination is wider and more prolific than that of experience. The author of the old play, whoever he was, appears to have belonged to that class of mortals, who, as Fielding has it, feed upon their own hearts; who are egotists the wrong way, "made desperate by too quick a sense of constant infelicity;" and have the same intense uneasy consciousness of their own defects that most men have self-complacency in their supposed advantages. Thus venting the dribblets of his spleen still upon himself, he prompts the Page to say, "A mere scholar is a creature that can strike fire in the morning at his tinder-box, put on a pair of lined slippers, sit reuming till dinner, and then go to his meat when the bell rings; one that hath a peculiar gift in a cough, and a licence to spit or if you will have him defined by negatives, he is one that cannot make a good leg, one that cannot eat a mess of broth cleanly, * Sonnet to Cambridge, by Charles Lamb. one that cannot ride a horse without spur-galling, one that cannot salute a woman, and look on her directly, one that cannot If I was not afraid of being tedious, I might here give the examination of Signor Immerito, a raw ignorant clown (whose father has purchased him a living) by Sir Roderick and the Recorder, which throws considerable light on the state of wit and humour, as well as of ecclesiastical patronage in the reign of Elizabeth. It is to be recollected, that one of the titles of this play is A Scourge for Simony. "Rec. For as much as nature has done her part in making you a handsome likely man-in the next place some art is requisite for the perfection of nature: for the trial whereof, at the request of my worshipful friend, I will in some sort propound questions fit to be resolved by one of your profession. Say what is a person, that was never at the university? Im. A person that was never in the university, is a living creature that can eat a tythe pig. Rec. Very well answered: but you should have added— and must be officious to his patron. Write down that answer, to shew his learning in logic. Sir Rad. Yea, boy, write that down: very learnedly, in good faith. I pray now let me ask you one question that I remember, whether is the masculine gender or the feminine more worthy? Im. The feminine, Sir. Sir Rad. The right answer, the right answer. In good faith, I have been of that mind always: write, boy, that, to shew he is a grammarian. Rec. What university are you of? Im. Of none. Sir Rad. He tells truth: to tell truth is an excellent virtue : boy, make two heads, one for his learning, another for his virtues, and refer this to the head of his virtues, not of his learning. Now, Master Recorder, if it please you, I will examine him in an author, that will sound him to the depth; a book of astronomy, otherwise called an almanack. Rec. Very good, Sir Roderick: it were to be wished there were no other book of humanity; then there would not be such busy state-prying fellows as are now a-days. Proceed, good Sir. Sir Rad. What is the dominical letter? Im. C, Sir, and please your worship. Sir Rad. A very good answer, a very good answer, the very answer of the book. Write down that, and refer it to his skill in philosophy. How many days hath September? Im. Thirty days hath September, April, June, and November, February hath twenty-eight alone, and all the rest hath thirty and one. Sir Rad. Very learnedly, in good faith: he hath also a smack in poetry. Write down that, boy, to shew his learning in poetry. How many miles from Waltham to London? Im. Twelve, Sir. Sir Rad. How many from New Market to Grantham ? Sir Rad. Write down that answer of his, to shew his learning in arithmetic. Page. He must needs be a good arithmetician that counted [out] money so lately. Sir Rad. When is the new moon? Im. The last quarter, the 5th day, at two of the clock, and thirty-eight minutes in the morning. Sir Rad. How call you him that is weather-wise? Rec. A good astronomer. Sir Rad. Sirrah, boy, write him down for a good astronomer. What day of the month lights the queen's day on? Im. The 17th of November. Sir Rad. Boy, refer this to his virtues, and write him down a good subject. Page. Faith, he were an excellent subject for two or three good wits: he would make a fine ass for an ape to ride upon. Sir Rad. And these shall suffice for the parts of his learuing. Now it remains to try, whether you be a man of a good utterance, that is, whether you can ask for the strayed heifer with the white face, as also chide the boys in the belfry, and bid the sexton whip out the dogs: let me hear your voice. Im. If any man or woman Sir Rad. That's too high. Im. If any man or woman can tell any tidings of a horse with four feet, two ears, that did stray about the seventh hour, three minutes in the forenoon, the fifth day Sir Rad. Boy, write him down for a good utterance. Master Recorder, I think he hath been examined sufficiently. Rec. Aye, Sir Roderick, 'tis so: we have tried him very thoroughly. Page. Aye, we have taken an inventory of his good parts, and prized them accordingly. Sir Rad. Signior Immerito, forasmuch as we have made a double trial of thee, the one of your learning, the other of your erudition; it is expedient, also, in the next place, to give you a few exhortations, considering the greatest clerks are not the wisest men: this is therefore first to exhort you to abstain from controversies; secondly, not to gird at men of worship, such as myself, but to use yourself discreetly; thirdly, not to speak when any man or woman coughs: do so, and in so doing, I will persevere to be your worshipful friend and loving patron. Lead Immerito in to my son, and let him dispatch him, and remember my tythes to be reserved, paying twelve-pence a-year." Gammer Gurton's Needle* is a still older and more curious relic; and is a regular comedy in five acts, built on the circumstance of an old woman having lost her needle, which throws the whole village into confusion, till it is at last providentially found sticking in an unlucky part of Hodge's dress. This must evidently have happened at a time when the manufactures of Sheffield and Birmingham had not reached the height of perfection which they have at present done. Suppose that there is only one sewingneedle in a parish, that the owner, a diligent notable old dame, loses it, that a mischiefmaking wag sets it about that another old woman has stolen this valuable instrument of household industry, that strict search is made every where in-doors for it in vain, and that then the incensed parties sally forth to scold it out in the open air, till words end in blows, and the affair is referred over to the higher authorities, and we shall have an exact idea (though perhaps not so lively a one) of what passes in this authentic document between Gammer Gurton and her Gossip Dame Chat, Dickon the * The name of Still has been assigned as the author of this singular production, with the date of 1566. |