A LUMPING PENN'ORTH.

these lessons in backwardness we would have so given that they might visibly associate with them the person of the monarch. Thus we would have the Royal Portrait in every nursery, that the children might play at ball and battledore and shuttlecock, always backing from the regal countenance. Or, as the good Mussulman always says his prayers with his face to the East, the backward pupil might be taught the various situations of the various palaces, and always reverently face the one whereat the royal standard should be flying. We are very earnest in this matter. For is it not a sad thing that an elderly gentleman should be called upon to walk in a way that, when God made man, it was never intended that man should walk? Hence this fall of man, or fall of Duke!

There are, we know, hasty thinkers, superstitious quidnuncs, likely to predict some evil, to see a bad omen in this accident to the English diadem. Crowns have, we know, been shivered by going backwards, but that-despite the mishap to the DUKE OF ARGYLLthat can never happen to the crown of QUEEN VICTORIA. Nevertheless, we hope, for the sake of all parties, that those who shall henceforth convey the crown, will be allowed to go forwards. Then, certain we are, the crown will lose no one of its jewels. The olden bigotry may love the back step: but the spirit of our day cries"Forwards!"

"GOING BACKWARDS."

Ir is the proud office of the DUKE OF ARGYLL to bear the crown of England before the Sovereign on state occasions. However, it is not etiquette for the subject to turn his back upon his Monarch; though history shows us that this has been done too. However, in the prorogation of Parliament, the DUKE OF ARGYLL carrying the crown and going backwards, slipped down two stairs-fell-and down, with a crash, fell the crown of England!

(But what was to be expected after the Maynooth Grant? Certain we are that however SIR ROBERT INGLIS might have lamented the calamity, he was not taken by surprise by it. MR. PLUMPTRE, too, we are sure of it-looked at SIR ROBERT with an expressive mixture of the dismal and the knowing, as much as to say-" I told you so!")

Several of the diamonds were knocked out of the crown, and Dukes and Marquesses were picking them up like so many SINDBADS. The DUKE OF WELLINGTON, we learn, immediately became the historian of the Fall of the Crown, and in his own short-sword way, narrated the mishap to the Peeresses. Fair cheeks became pale, and many and eloquent were the "dear me's!" However, when the QUEEN quitted the throne, "the housekeeper appeared in front of it, thus taking charge of the position." We know not wherefore; for who in the House of Lords would have pocketted the Crown-jewels? However, even among Peers, housekeepers we suppose ought to be cautious. At length, all the jewels were found, and the crown sent to be repaired, no doubt to the loss of MR. SWIFT, of the Tower, who shows it; for sure we are that in its battered state people would have given an extra threepence to see it: there is something so attractive in the misfortunes of the great.

SONG OF THE SORDID SWEETHEART.

I LOVED thee for thy money,

For wealth, they said, was thine;
But, finding thou hast none, I
Thy heart and hand resign.
Think not I wish to pain thee,
Deem not I use thee ill:

I like thee;-but maintain thee,
I neither can nor will,

I thought thee quite a treasure-
A bonâ fide sum,

And dreamt of joy and pleasure

That never were to come:
The house-the hounds-the horses-
Thy fortune would allow ;
The wines the dozen courses;-
That dream is over now!

Not for thy charms I wooed thee,
Though thou wast passing fair;
Not for thy mind I sued thee,

Though stored with talents rare :
Thine income 'twas that caught me,-
For that I held thee dear;

I trusted thou 'dst have brought me
Five thousand pounds a year.

That hope, alas! is blighted,
Thereon I will not dwell;

I should have been delighted
To wed thee-but, farewell!
My feelings let me smother,

Hard though the struggle be,
And try and find another,

Rich as I fancied thee.

.

"THE TREASURES OF THE DEEP."

THE following intelligence-quoted from the Hampshire Telegraphcomes from free-hearted, liberty-loving, America :

"By a private letter which has reached us from Gibraltar, we are informed, upon good authority, that 20,000 slave shackles, for men, women, and children-in all fourteen cart-loads-have been fished up from the wreck of the American war-steamer, Missouri, lately burnt at that port."

However, our chief business is not with the accident, but to suggest that every means be taken to prevent a recurrence of the calamity. It is plain that the education of the DUKE OF ARGYLL has been sadly neglected. Peers, and others destined to play parts in a court, Now, as the timbers and other relics of our Royal George have been ought from their earliest infancy to be taught to walk backwards; to worked into boxes and nick-nacks, we propose to Americans-the traders ride backwards; if possible-and it is possible we know-to think of the human shambles, the money-seeking breeders of "God's likeness backwards. We have wet-nurses and dry-nurses: we ought to have shackles. If wrought into utensils for domestic use, or what would still in ebony"-that they should turn the penny with these 20,000 slave nurses for the backward step. A proneness in a noble child to walk be better, turned into ornaments for the women of America, they would forward like a mere human animal, should be repressed with the same endear to them that sweet principle which coins money from the "marrow anxiety that we now watch a tendency to bandiness. In fact, better and the bones of man." Some of these shackles might also be manube bandy than forward. To be an extraordinary backward child, factured into steel clasps for the bibles of the very religious breeders of ought to make the best praise of a courtier in short clothes. And the black.

THE LAST FARCE AT DRURY LANE.

Then wherefore regret the removal of the legitimate drama if it were so unprofitable? Or has the experience of CAPTAIN SPENCER as a proprietor made him, like HERE was nothing dur-Jaffier, "pleased with ruin "? ing the past season that emanated from the genius that rules the destinies of Drury Lane, certainly nothing half so comic

as the late report

laid before the
General Assembly
of Proprietors.
Could the Poet
BUNN stoop to
prose, we should
be inclined to be-
lieve that the do-
cument was the

work of his tre

mendous brain. It

has many of his literary characteristics. There is a freedom of style about it, a sort of touch-and-go manner, elevated too with a strong feeling of the romantic, that now and then reminds us of the Poet's happiest vein. We keenly regret that it was not thrown into verse, set to music by the Poet's own musician, BALFE, and then duly executed by the operatic company. It would have been much more consolatory to the feelings of the proprietors-(who are once a year solemnly called together to be told there is not a sixpence to be shared among them)-and quite as intelligible. The report, to begin with, is brimful of loyalty:—

"It is gratifying to the Committee to be able to state, that, amidst the wreck of the national drama, Her Most Gracious MAJESTY continues her patronage and support to the theatre, by her visits, both in state and in private."

Certainly it is impossible to overrate the condescension of the QUEEN, who visits Drury Lane "amidst the wreck of the national drama !" We have often felt our sympathies touched by the daring of the Deal boatmen, who visit a ship "amidst the wreck." But this is as nothing to the courage and humanity of HER MAJESTY, who goes to assist at operas written by an imported Frenchman, amidst the wreck of English tragedy, comedy, and farce. Besides, did not the Poet BUNN himself do all within his mighty energies to bring about the aforesaid wreck? It is a little bold in the offender who maliciously scuttles a ship, to bellow when the craft is going to the bottom.

"It is matter for consolation, that since the Legislature of the country has thought proper to extend, by their late act of Parliament, the powers of the Lord Chamberlain, and remove the drama from the two national theatres to Sadler's Wells, the Yorkshire Stingo, the Eagle Tavern, and a host of minor establishments to the number of thirty, that MR. BUNN has been enabled to furnish an entertainment worthy of the Royal patronage and the public at large."

"This, however, he was anxious to prove-that there had been more money received from MR. BUNN and music in two years than had been paid by MR. MACREADY during the same duration of time. For instance, he found that the committee had received in two years from BUNN and music, 8,000l.; from MACREADY and legitimate drama, 3,4257.; leaving a balance in favour of 'BUNN and music of 4,5751."

Doubtless, the Captain was "anxious to prove" his case; but arithmetic is not to be conquered, even by Captains. As a proprietor he ought to have known that MR. MACREADY entirely furnished the theatre, and then came the Poet BUNN and took possession. Everything was made to BUNN's hands; even the property lyre, whereto he sings his ravishing strains. CAPTAIN SPENCER, had he not been a proprietor, would, of course, have known this; but the Captain spoke from what we will indulgently suppose extreme simplicity. Captains are so unsophisticated.

Having, in our small way, laboured for free trade in the drama, we congratulate the town upon this Report, that, despite of itself, allows the value of the reform that has permitted SHAKSPEARE to travel to Islington. We are convinced that in due season a better sort of drama will originate at the minor theatres; better actors will then appear-and when they do come, how heartily will

Punch welcome them!

THE PERFIDIOUS ENGLISH IN PARIS.

OUR correspondent informs us, that several Englishmen have been apprehended in Paris. Not content with the calamity worked by JOHN BULL at Toulon, they had hired spacious cellars, and were very busily engaged getting up an earthquake for the destruction of the whole capital. The horror was to have come off on the first of next April. A grocer who discovered the plot has been rewarded with the legion of honour!

THE POLITICAL TOMBOLA.

Most of our readers have no doubt seen a toy made of plaster of Paris, and called a Tombola. It consists of a little figure, which only requires to be pushed gently on one side, when it will go rolling about from right to left, from Tory to Whig; so that it will be quite impossible to say which side it will permanently remain upon.

As the Poet himself says-for we are almost certain it is he- it is matter We have seen figures of the QUEEN, PRINCE ALBERT, for consolation" (though we know not to whom) that though the drama is and a Chinese Mandarin, taken as models for these toys; wrecked, BUNN can yet furnish an entertainment to set before a Queen. Part but we are surprised that the PREMIER, whose political of the crew have taken to the jolly-boat, and rowed to Sadler's Wells; but movements point him out as the very thing for it, should BUNN, like Robinson Crusoe, has saved enough from the ship to keep himself never yet have figured as a Tombola. Now that Punch has in excellent case. Nevertheless, BUNN, in that confusion of ideas that will sometimes bewilder the clearest wits, does somewhat fail in his pattern respect for the QUEEN; for he must recollect that it was HER MAJESTY'S La Reine le reut that made the law that "removed the drama" to Sadler's Wells. But high poets, like high mountains, have, now and then, their tops in mist.

"An act of the greatest injustice has thereby been inflicted upon the national theatres, and most certainly demands compensation at the hands of those who legislate for the drama, and who are bold enough to contend that they are upholding it by legalising the representation of SHAKSPEARE at pot-houses and public gardens."

No doubt. And the same spirit that grants compensation to Drury Lane against the Eagle Tavern, should also award it to Astley's against Drury Lane. Who were the first robbers? Who stole the horses from the ring, and the lions and tigers from the menagerie? Answer, gentlemen of the General Committee.

The Poet BUNN thus modestly winds up :

"The Committee trust that they have acted judiciously in retaining their lessee, and hope he is too well satisfied with the terms of the agreement to seek to disturb it."

We can answer for the Poet,-yes.

The Report being read, the conversation took a very lively turn. One Captain SPENCER ("the Captain's a bold man ") painted the Poet BUNN in the prettiest colours, and then tried his hand at a little black on MR. MACREADY. This bold officer spoke as follows:

"With respect to the performance of what was denominated the legitimate drama, he was prepared to show that the most disastrous consequences had arisen from the management of MR. MACREADY."

W

thrown out the hint, the PREMIER may make up his mind to find himself promoted to the heads of all the Italian imageboys. It is true that there would be very little imagery in anything so purely matter-of-fact as PEEL's oscillation from side to side on the field of politics.

PUNCH'S CARTOONS.

the SPEAKER as the very personification of Chivalry, surrounded by men of various pursuits and various politics. In the background is the DUKE OF WELLINGTON staring at vacancy through a pair of spectacles.

On the other side is PEEL, looking like a chivalrous knight who has got a good account at his bankers', while STANLEY scowls at his side as if jealous of the éclat that his companion in arms has monopolised. Beneath is BROUGHAM in the character of a Seer or Soothsayer, who never says anything to soothe, but always something to irritate. Still lower down is O'CONNELL in the character of a Bard, inspiring Youth-that is to say, D'ISRAELI, commonly called Young England Ben-by a series of recitals, in which he is playing as usual the "precious lyre."

Among them may be seen ROEBUCK offering up the sword of duelling, but retaining in his possession the envenomed dagger of slander, while Punch is seen in the centre as "the poet-historian from whom future ages must derive their knowledge of the spirit and the deeds" of the chivalry of politics. GRAHAM, who has the valour and hardihood to brazen out the hostility which all his actions create, with a few others too insignificant to specify, complete a Cartoon which will go down to posterity, or rather will go down with posterity, as pleasantly as it is eagerly swallowed by the public of the present age.

THE masterly Cartoon of MACLISE has only one fault which Mr. Punch feels it his duty to rectify. The error to which we allude is making the various figures in the Cartoon ideal instead of real personages. It was a beautiful saying of REYNOLDS, or DOCTOR JOHNSON, or BONAPARTE, or Great Metropolis GRANT, that "We care nothing for a face we don't know, but a familiar eye will lash up long dormant memories, and a nose we know will, in preference to a nose that nobody knows, come home to the recollections of all of us."

We regret therefore, that MACLISE did not render his conception perfect by "filling in" with portraits of the remarkable men of the present day-men with whom the pencil of Punch has rendered the public familiar, though the familiarity established may have bred contempt in two or three instances.

But to the great Cartoon of the "Spirit of Chivalry:" in the centre you will see

RAILWAY TRAVELLING.-"SIX HOURS IN A
CORN-FIELD."

A YOUNG lady, christened CLARISSA, has written a very pretty letter to the Post, on the late accident on the Northern and Eastern Line: she, "a young lady of some birth,"-by which it appears there are young ladies who are only partly born-" was placed in a corn-field." The road was to be repaired in half-an-hour: nobody went for conveyances, and the young lady, like another RUTH, "sick for home," sat six hours "amid the alien corn!"

this poor young lady. Fair CLARISSA! not we. No: had But let it not be thought we laugh at the sorrows of we known them, we would always allowing that we could-have sent a lark above that corn-field, over your fair and patient head, "singing like an angel in the sky." We have dwelt upon the circumstance in all its atrocity, to warn travellers by the Northern and Eastern Line to take bedding with them-a pocket mattress and half-adozen blankets-that when left in a corn-field for six hours, whose condition will, we trust, cut remorsefully into the they may fare a little better than the bewildered maid, hearts of the barbarians of the Northern and Eastern Line.

Πρ