Spectre. Would you have me sit with it open ?

Lovell. But why was it locked? Spectre. Locked! Devil a key there is to it.

Lovell. No prevarication, Mr. Spectre.

Spectre. Preposterous-d-me -what would you be at ?

Lovell. What were you about at the door, Sir?

Spectre. Door! about at the door? Didn't you call me? and when I got to the door, didn't you in your vehemence push against me, and catch the flap of my coat on the knob? How can you be so d-d ridiculous? I take it very ill of you, Mr. Lovell-1 do indeed.

Lovell. (coming to himself.) Lovell, Lovell! thou art an egregious ass! (aside.) Tom, my dear Tom! I ask your pardon, I only thought, as you were alone, I might, merely for the pleasure of your company, come and just put on my boots here. Sit down,

my friend, sit down. (Lovell takes a chair and labours to draw on a tight boot.) Come, sit down, Tom.

Spectre. I was going to see Mrs. Lovell for a minute.

Lovell. Eh! Ah! Do so, do so, and then we'll go out together. Spectre. Just as you like. Jealous dog! I'll do for the fellow, that I will. (aside and exit.) Lovell. These d-d boots! •(tugs.) There is no trusting a woman even with such a piece of stuff as my friend Spectre. Novelty, novelty (tugs at the boots) has a greater charm for the fickle sex than any other recommendation; and Tom, (tugs) Tom Spectre tells a story with considerable humor, I have seen it give that ghastly grin of his the air of a smile,

(Mrs. Lovell laughs within.)

There! he is telling her one now, I must go to them.-Oh! confound new boots! (Spectre talks within, she laughs.) There! there again! (rises and tugs.)

(Enter an ugly Groom.)

Groom. The horses are ready,

Sir.

Lovell. D-n the horses.
(Enter Cuffee with a Coat.)
Cuffee. You coat, massa.

Lovell. D-n the coat! D-n the boots!

Mrs. Lovell laughs again, on which Lovell runs out with the boot half on. The Groom and Cuffee stare at each other, and

THE FLEET PRISON;

OR,

A CURE for EXTRAVAGANCE; and a convincing Proof of the FALLACY OF FASHIONABLE FRIEND

SHIP.

THOUGH an egotist is by no means an acceptable member of society, yet we not only find them received, but tolerated, in the most polished circles; and my fêtes, my horses, my equipage, and liveries, fill up many a vacant pause in high-bred conversations.

The possessive pronoun my, having recently obtained a degree of distinction unknown in former ages, it is naturally to be inferred, that my follies, my extravagances, and, consequently, my ruin, may be quite as entertaining to my readers as the beforementioned marks of distinction. Previous to the description of my various follies, it appears necessary to assign some cogent reason for the accumulation of them; which I can do with very little difficulty; in fact, the sum total of them, and all the train of evils which followed, must be ascribed to one cause, namely, a mistaken mode of education.

The early part of my father's life had been devoted to the service of his king and country, and having no prospects of wealth beyond that which he might obtain by valor, every thought of his mind was devoted to acquiring a perfect knowlege of nautical affairs; and the judgement he evinced upon several trying occasions, raised him high in the opinion of his superior officers. At the age of thirty-five my father

was made post-captain, after having been in the navy six and twenty years; and during that period he had only thrice rice revisited revis his native country, and that at each time only for the space of a few months.

My father, however, was an orphan, and being an only child, had none of those magnets to attract hiin to Old England, which those who are blessed with near and dear relations so naturally feel. He had heard, though without paying any great attention to it, that he was presumptive heir to a very fine estate, yet as the possessor of it was in health, and had a son who enjoyed the same blessing, the gilded prospect seldom presented itself before his

eyes.

Upon my father's promotion to post-captain, the admiral of the fleet to which he belonged, advised him to be presented; a forn which he wished to have avoided, but he consented to be guided by the wishes of his friend. He loved his king, and would have died to evince his attachment; yet the life to which he had been accustomed was so distinct from that of a court, that at St. James's he felt himself as much out of his element, as a fish would have been basking in the rays of the sun. Three navy officers of my father's acquaintance were likewise to be presented on the same day, and they had agreed to dine at the Salopian Coffee-House together when they quitted the courtDinner not being quite ready, they called for the newspapers: my father hastily snatched up one, and his attention was attracted by the following words: If any person has any demands on the estate or effects of the late Charles Lessington, of Lessington Lodge, in Leicestershire, they are to deliver them into the hands of Messrs Kidd and Grover, Solicitors, Lincoln's-Inn. And if any person can give an account of Edward Lessington, late master and commander of his majesty's ship Romney (and now heir to the Lessington estates), they shall be haudsomely rewarded for their trouble.'

• Whew!' exclaimed my father ina kind of boats Main's whistle'all hands aloft, my boys! but d-n those rascalls Kidd and Grover; why did not they steer to the admiralty ? I see through their tricks; they would advertize forsooth in the papers; little doubting but that I was safe at sea, and should never get a sight of them; and then they might plunder the estate as they pleased.'

What estate, my dear Lessington?' eagerly inquired Captaiu Baldwin.

What estate! why, my estate: have you never heard of Lessington Lodge in Leicestershire ? one of the finest places in all England, worth six thousand a-year, my boys; is not that something for a man to pop upon, unasked? Yet I am sorry the poor boy is dead, as he must be, by that advertisement, for he was a fine little fellow, and seemed to have some soul in him, though 'tis nine years ago since I was at the lodge; but as to the father, he was a poor mean spirited fellow, and had not a heart so big as that in a walnut.'

Not to trespass upon my reader's patience, by relating any more of the conversation which passed at the Salopian Coffee-House, or the solicitors, my father immediately was put into possession of Lessington Lodge, and all it's ap

purtenances, and, of course, quitted the navy, and became a private gentleman. The change, however, so far from contributing to his happiness, produced quite a contrary effect; and the tedeum of a country life was insupportably fatiguing. He continually complained of ennui, and lassitude, and daily wished him on board the Romney; his friends advised him to marry, and each seemed desirous of recommending a wife. Brown, and fair; young, and middie aged, were alternately recoinmended to him; but as regularly disapproved; and his heir at law began to hope he would die a bachelor, when a very unexpected event occurred. The passive life of a country gentleman having become insupportable to my father, he resolved to have some active pursuit, and though sailors in general are allowed bad horsemen, hunting became his favorite employ. The hair-breadth escapes he had, before he obtained any degree of excellence in the art of riding, would appear tedious in detail; suffice it to say, that after three broken ribs, and two dislocated shoulders, he was pronounced an excellent jockey.

One

After three years'apprenticeship he was allowed to be an equal judge of horses; for Captain Lessington's favorite hunter, Neptune, had actually won two cups at the neighbouring races. day, as his master had followed the fox-hounds eight and twenty miles, and expected to come in at the death of him, Neptune in one moment became, according to the sportsman's phrase, dead-lame; or, in other words, stopped short in an instant, and avoided putting to the ground his off leg. My father instantly dismounted, and

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1

being near a farm-house led the poor hobbling animal to it, having first previously examined the foot. The farm belonged to a person of the name of Dawson, one of my father's tenants; and the daughter, a young woman about three and twenty, was considered as the village belle. Miss Dawson perceiving her father's landlord, flew to offer him every attention, and hearing him express the greatest concern at not being able to discover the cause of his favorite's lameness, intreated permission to examine the foot herself, adding, that she was remarkably fond of all animals, but more particularly of horses

My father thanked her, but smiled at the proposal; which was repeated with still greater earnestness; and at length, in compliance with this female horse doctress, she was permitted to examine the lame leg. Having looked, and felt and felt, and looked for some moments, at length the poor animal gave a violent start; when Miss Dawson in a tone of exultation exclaimed, 'Am I not a good doctress?" producing the extracted thorn! My father was overjoyed at the skill of his veterinary surgeon, but as the hounds had completely distanced him, consented to stay and partake of the farmer's roast beef, who came home to dinner, just as his daughter had performed this femenine exploit.

Miss Dawson during the hour of dinner, contrived to render herself so agreeable, that any father did not feel desirous of quitting such an engaging companion; and the farmer, delighted at the honor conferred upon him by his landlord, produced a second, and a third bettle of his good old port.

Whether the effect of that visit is to be ascribed to the wine, or the cure of Neptune, must for ever remain a secret; but certain it is, that my father inade Miss Dawson an offer of his hand; and what may appear still more extraordinary, the next morning they were actually married.

Without entering into any sophistical arguments upon the subject, I am inclined to believe farmer Dawson never permitted the fumes of the wine to evaporate; but from the moment the proposal was made, until the knot was tied irrevocably, continued plying him with large libations. In vindication, however, both of farmer Dawson, and his daughter's apparent want of delicacy, I must acknowlege that I have frequently heard my father had previously declared his resolution of never dangling after any woman that was to sail with him into the port of matrimony. All I want (he would say) is a tight built frigate that I can take in tow, without any likelihood of her foundering; but as to her sails, and rigging, d-n me, if I care a pin about them: for I warrant ye, the mas-ter of Lessington Lodge can afford to rig her out as fine as any Lord Mayor's barge in London, Whether these sea-faring phrases had been reported to Miss Daw son, or whether her ardent lover had convinced her she must make hay whilst the sun shone, I can not pretend to decide; for as veracity is my motto, 1 must declare that thus far the opponent goeth, and no farther,

The indissoluble bond having been tied, and farmer Dawson's daughter having thus unexpected ly become mistress of Lessington Lodge, a boy was taken from the