Prince. Give him as much as will make him a royal man, and send him back again to my mother. Fal. What manner of man is he? Host. An old man. Fal. What doth gravity out of his bed at midnight? Shall I give him his answer? Prince. Prithee, do, Jack. Fal. 'Faith, and I'll send him packing. [Exit. Prince. Now, sirs: by'r lady, you fought fair; so did you, Peto; so did you, Bardolph: you are lions too, you ran away upon instinct, you will not touch the true prince; no, fie! Bard. 'Faith, I ran when I saw others run. Prince. 'Faith, tell me now in earnest, how came Falstaff's sword so hacked? Peto. Why, he hacked it with his dagger, and said he would swear truth out of England but he would make you believe it was done in fight, and persuaded us to do the like. 339 Bard. Yea, and to tickle our noses with speargrass to make them bleed, and then to beslubber our garments with it and swear it was the blood of true men. I did that I did not this seven year before, I blushed to hear his monstrous devices. Prince. O villain, thou stolest a cup of sack eighteen years ago, and wert taken with the manner, and ever since thou hast blushed extempore. Thou hadst fire and sword on thy side, and yet thou rannest away: what instinct hadst thou for it? 350 Bard. My lord, do you see these meteors? do you behold these exhalations? Prince. I do. Bard. What think you they portend? Hot livers and cold purses. Prince. Bard. Choler, my lord, if rightly taken. Prince. No, if rightly taken, halter. Re-enter FALSTAFF. Here comes lean Jack, here comes bare-bone. How now, my sweet creature of bombast! How long is't ago, Jack, since thou sawest thine own knee? 361 Fal. My own knee! when I was about thy years, Hal, I was not an eagle's talon in the waist; I could have crept into any alderman's thumb-ring: a plague of sighing and grief! it blows a man up like a bladder. There's villanous news abroad: here was Sir John Bracy from your father; you must to the court in the morning. That same mad fellow of the north, Percy, and he of Wales, that gave Amamon the bastinado and made Lucifer cuckold and swore the devil 399 Fal. By the mass, lad, thou sayest true; it is like we shall have good trading that way. But tell me, Hal, art not thou horrible afeard? thou being heir-apparent, could the world pick thee out three such enemies again as that fiend Douglas, that spirit Percy, and that devil Glendower? Art thou not horribly afraid? doth not thy blood thrill at it? Prince. Not a whit, i'faith; I lack some of thy instinct. 409 Fal. Well, thou wilt be horribly chid to-morrow when thou comest to thy father: if thou love me, practise an answer. Prince. Do thou stand for my father, and examine me upon the particulars of my life. Fal. Shall I? content: this chair shall be my state, this dagger my sceptre, and this cushion my crown. Prince. Thy state is taken for a joined-stool, thy golden sceptre for a leaden dagger, and thy precious rich crown for a pitiful bald crown! 420 Fal. Well, an the fire of grace be not quite out of thee, now shalt thou be moved. Give me a cup of sack to make my eyes look red, that it may be thought I have wept; for I must speak in passion, and I will do it in King Cambyses' vein. Prince. Well, here is my leg. Fal. And here is my speech. Stand aside, nobility. 429 Host. O Jesu, this is excellent sport, i' faith! Fal. Weep not, sweet queen; for trickling tears are vain. Host. O, the father, how he holds his countenance! Fal. For God's sake, lords, convey my tristful queen; For tears do stop the flood-gates of her eyes. Host. O Jesu, he doth it as like one of these harlotry players as ever I see! Fal. Peace, good pint-pot; peace, good tickle Prince. That villanous abominable misleader 510 brain. Harry, I do not only marvel where thou spendest thy time, but also how thou art accompanied for though the camomile, the more it is trodden on the faster it grows, yet youth, the more it is wasted the sooner it wears. That thou Fal. But to say I know more harm in him art my son, I have partly thy mother's word, than in myself, were to say more than I know. partly my own opinion, but chiefly a villanous That he is old, the more the pity, his white hairs trick of thine eye and a foolish hanging of thy do witness it; but that he is, saving your revernether lip, that doth warrant me. If then thou ence, a whoremaster, that I utterly deny. If sack be son to me, here lies the point; why, being son and sugar be a fault, God help the wicked! if to to me, art thou so pointed at? Shall the blessed sun be old and merry be a sin, then many an old host of heaven prove a micher and eat blackberries? a that I know is damned: if to be fat be to be hated. question not to be asked. Shall the son of England then Pharaoh's lean kine are to be loved. No, my prove a thief and take purses? a question to be good lord; banish Peto, banish Bardolph, banish asked. There is a thing, Harry, which thou hast Poins: but for sweet Jack Falstaff, kind Jack often heard of and it is known to many in our land Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff, valiant Jack Falstaff, by the name of pitch: this pitch, as ancient writers and therefore more valiant, being, as he is, old do report, doth defile; so doth the company thou Jack Falstaff, banish not him thy Harry's comkeepest: for, Harry, now I do not speak to theepany, banish not him thy Harry's company: in drink but in tears, not in pleasure but in passion, not in words only, but in woes also: and yet there is a virtuous man whom I have often noted in thy company, but I know not his name. 461 Prince. What manner of man, an it like your majesty? Fal. A goodly portly man, i' faith, and a corpulent; of a cheerful look, a pleasing eye and a most noble carriage; and, as I think, his age some fifty, or, by'r lady, inclining to three score; and now I remember me, his name is Falstaff: if that man should be lewdly given, he deceiveth me; for, Harry, I see virtue in his looks. If then the tree may be known by the fruit, as the fruit by the tree, then, peremptorily I speak it, there is virtue in that Falstaff: him keep with, the rest banish. And tell me now, thou naughty varlet, tell me, where hast thou been this month? Prince. Dost thou speak like a king? Do thou stand for me, and I'll play my father. Fal. Depose me? if thou dost it half so gravely, so majestically, both in word and matter, hang me up by the heels for a rabbit-sucker or a poulter's hare. 481 Prince. Well, here I am set. Fal. And here I stand: judge, my masters. Fal. 'Sblood, my lord, they are false: nay, I'll tickle ye for a young prince, i' faith. : 489 Prince. Swearest thou, ungracious boy? henceforth ne'er look on me. Thou art violently carried away from grace there is a devil haunts thee in the likeness of an old fat man; a tun' of man is thy companion. Why dost thou converse with that trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with the pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years? Wherein is he good, but to taste sack and drink it? wherein neat and cleanly, but to carve a capon and eat it? wherein cunning, but in craft? wherein crafty, but in villany? wherein villanous, but in all things? wherein worthy, but in nothing? Fal. I would your grace would take me with you: whom means your grace? banish a Re-enter the Hostess. 530 Host. O Jesu, my lord, my lord! Host. The sheriff and all the watch are at the door: they are come to search the house. Shall I let them in? Fal. Dost thou hear, Hal? never call a true piece of gold a counterfeit: thou art essentially mad, without seeming so. 541 Prince. And thou a natural coward, without instinct. Fal. I deny your major: if you will deny the sheriff, so; if not, let him enter: if I become not a cart as well as another man, a plague on my bringing up! I hope I shall as soon be strangled with a halter as another. Prince. Go, hide thee behind the arras: the rest walk up above. Now, my masters, for a true face and good conscience. 551 Fal. Both which I have had: but their date is out, and therefore I'll hide me. Prince. Call in the sheriff. [Exeunt all except the Prince and Peto. Enter Sheriff and the Carrier. Now, master sheriff, what is your will with me? cry Hath follow'd certain men unto this house. Sher. One of them is well known, my gracious He shall be answerable; and so farewell. Peto. Falstaff!-Fast asleep behind the arras, and snorting like a horse. Prince. Hark, how hard he fetches breath. Search his pockets. [He searcheth his pockets, and findeth certain papers.] What hast thou found? Peto. Nothing but papers, my lord. Prince. Let's see what they be: read them. Peto. [Reads] Item, A capon, 25. 2d. Item, Sauce, 4d. Item, Sack, two gallons, 5s. 8d. Item, Anchovies and sack after supper, 2s. 6d. Item, Bread, ob. Prince. O monstrous! but one half-pennyworth of bread to this intolerable deal of sack! What there is else, keep close; we'll read it at more advantage: there let him sleep till day. I'll to the court in the morning. We must all to the wars, and thy place shall be honourable. I'll procure this fat rogue a charge of foot; and I know his death will be a march of twelve-score. The money shall be paid back again with advantage. Be with me betimes in the morning; and so, good morrow, Peto. [Exeunt. 601 Peto. Good inorrow, good my lord. Glend. I say the earth did shake when I was born. Hot. And I say the earth was not of my mind, If you suppose as fearing you it shook. Glend. The heavens were all on fire, the earth did tremble. Hot. O, then the earth shook to see the heavens on fire, 30 And not in fear of your nativity. I do not bear these crossings. Give me leave 41 Which calls me pupil, or hath read to me? him mad. 50 Hot. And I can teach thee, coz, to shame the devil By telling truth: tell truth and shame the devil. If thou have power to raise him, bring him hither, And I'll be sworn I have power to shame him hence. 61 O, while you live, tell truth and shame the devil! Mort. Come, come, no more of this unprofitable chat. Glend. Three times hath Henry Bolingbroke made head Against my power; thrice from the banks of Wye And sandy-bottom'd Severn have I sent him Bootless home and weather-beaten back. Hot. Home without boots, and in foul weather too! How 'scapes he agues, in the devil's name? Glend. Come, here's the map: shall we divide our right According to our threefold order ta'en? Mort. The archdeacon hath divided it 70 All westward, Wales beyond the Severn shore, And my good Lord of Worcester will set forth Nor shall we need his help these fourteen days. men. Glend. A shorter time shall send me to you, And in my conduct shall your ladies come; In quantity equals not one of yours: It shall not wind with such a deep indent, To rob me of so rich a bottom here. 140 Are the indentures drawn? shall we be gone? 150 Hot. I cannot choose: sometime he angers me But mark'd him not a word. O, he is as tedious Worse than a smoky house: I had rather live Glend. Not wind? it shall, it must; you see it Exceedingly well read, and profited doth. In strange concealments, valiant as a lion I warrant you, that man is not alive Wor. In faith, my lord, you are too wilful blame; And since your coming hither have done enough And that's the dearest grace it renders you, 181 Hot. Well, I am school'd: good manners be your speed! 190 Here come our wives, and let us take our leave. Re-enter GLENDOWER with the ladies. Mort. This is the deadly spite that angers me; My wife can speak no English, I no Welsh. Glend. My daughter weeps: she will not part with you; She'll be a soldier too, she'll to the wars. Mort. Good father, tell her that she and my Shall follow in your conduct speedily. aunt Percy [Glendower speaks to her in Welsh, and she answers him in the same. Glend. She is desperate here; a peevish selfwill'd harlotry, one that no persuasion can do good upon. [The lady speaks in Welsh. Mort. I understand thy looks: that pretty Welsh 201 Which thou pour'st down from these swelling heavens I am too perfect in; and, but for shame, [The lady speaks again in Welsh. 210 Glend. Nay, if you melt, then will she run mad. [The lady speaks again in Welsh. Mort. O, I am ignorance itself in this! Glend. She bids you on the wanton rushes lay you down And rest your gentle head upon her lap, And she will sing the song that pleaseth you By that time will our book, I think, be drawn. 220 And those musicians that shall play to you Hang in the air a thousand leagues from hence, And straight they shall be here: sit, and attend. Hot. Come, Kate, thou art perfect in lying down: come, quick, quick, that I may lay my head in thy lap.. Lady P. Go, ye giddy goose. 231 [The music plays. Hot. Now I perceive the devil understands Welsh ; And 'tis no marvel he is so humorous. Lady P. Then should you be nothing but musical, for you are altogether governed by humours. Lie still, ye thief, and hear the lady sing in Welsh. Hot. I had rather hear Lady, my brach, howl in Irish. 241 Hot. Not yours, in good sooth! Heart! you swear like a comfit-maker's wife. 'Not you, in good sooth,' and 'as true as I live,' and 'as God shall mend me,' and 'as sure as day,' And givest such sarcenet surety for thy oaths, Lady P. I will not sing. 260 Hot. 'Tis the next way to turn tailor, or be red-breast teacher. An the indentures be drawn, I'll away within these two hours; and so, come in when ye will. [Exit. Glend. Come, come, Lord Mortimer; you are as slow As hot Lord Percy is on fire to go. By this our book is drawn; we'll but seal, 270 SCENE II. London. The palace. Enter the KING, Prince of Wales, and others. King. Lords, give us leave; the Prince of Wales and I Must have some private conference: but be near at hand, For we shall presently have need of you. [Exeunt Lords. I know not whether God will have it so, For some displeasing service. I have done, That, in his secret doom, out of my blood He'll breed revengement and a scourge for me; But thou dost in thy passages of life Make me believe that thou art only mark'd For the hot vengeance and the rod of heaven 10 To punish my mistreadings. Tell me else, Could such inordinate and low desires, Such poor, such bare, such lewd, such mean attempts, Such barren pleasures, rude society, Quit all offences with as clear excuse 20 King. God pardon thee! yet let me wonder, At thy affections, which do hold a wing 30 |