เ เ 'fellow. Me, indeed! No, Slipslop, all thoughts of men 6 are over with me. I have lost a husband, who-but if 'I should reflect, I should run mad. My future ease must depend upon forgetfulness. Slipslop, let me hear some of thy nonsense, to turn my thoughts another เ way. What dost thou think of Mr. Andrews?'-'Why 'I think,' says Slipslop, he is the handsomest, most properest man I ever saw; and if I was a lady of the เ greatest degree, it would be well for some folks. Your ladyship may talk of custom, if you please; but I am 'confidous there is no more comparison between young Mr. Andrews and most of the young gentlemen who come to your ladyship's house in London; a parcel of 'whipper-snapper sparks: I would sooner marry our old parson Adams. Never tell me what people say, whilst 'I am happy in the arms of him I love. Some folks rail against other folks, because other folks have what some folks would be glad of.'-'And so,' answered the lady, 'if you was a woman of condition, you would really marry Mr. Andrews ?'-' Yes, I assure your ladyship,' replied Slipslop, 'if he would have me.'-Fool, 'idiot!' cries the lady; 'if he would have a woman of 'fashion! is that a question ?'-' No truly, Madam,' said Slipslop, I believe it would be none if Fanny was 'out of the way; and I am confidous, if I was in your ladyship's place, and liked Mr. Joseph Andrews, she 'should not stay in the parish a moment. I am sure lawyer Scout would send her a-packing, if your lady'ship would but say the word.' This last speech of Slipslop raised a tempest in the mind of her mistress. She feared Scout had betrayed her, or rather that she had betrayed herself. After some silence, and a double change of her complexion, first to pale and then to red, she thus spoke: 'I am astonished at the liberty 'you give your tongue. Would you insinuate that I 1 1 เ เ 'I 'employed Scout against this wench, on the account of the fellow?'-La, Ma'am,' said Slipslop, frighted out of her wits, I assassinate such a thing!' เ think you dare not,' answered the lady; 'I believe my 'conduct may defy malice itself to assert so cursed a เ slander. If I had ever discovered any wantonness, any lightness in my behaviour: if I had followed the example of some whom thou hast, I believe, seen, in 'allowing myself indecent liberties, even with a hus'band; but the dear man who is gone,' (here she began to sob) was he alive again,' (then she produced tears) 'could not upbraid me with any one act of tenderness or passion. No, Slipslop, all the time I cohabited with him, he never obtained even a kiss from me, without my expressing reluctance in the granting it. I am sure he 'himself never suspected how much I loved him. Since 'his death, thou knowest, though it is almost six weeks เ (it wants but a day) ago, I have not admitted one visitor, till this fool my nephew arrived. I have con'fined myself quite to one party of friends. And can 'such a conduct as this fear to be arraigned? To be 'accused, not only of a passion which I have always despised, but of fixing it on such an object, a creature so much beneath my notice!'-'Upon my word, 'Ma'am,' says Slipslop, 'I do not understand your lady'ship; nor know I any thing of the matter.'-'I believe ' indeed thou dost not understand me. Those are deli'cacies which exist only in superior minds; thy coarse 'ideas cannot comprehend them. Thou art a low creature, of the Andrews' breed, a reptile of a lower order, 'a weed that grows in the common garden of the crea'tion.'-'I assure your ladyship,' says Slipslop, whose passions were almost of as high an order as her lady's, 'I have no more to do with Common Garden than other 'folks. Really, your ladyship talks of servants, as if เ เ เ they were not born of the Christian specious. Servants 'have flesh and blood as well as quality; and Mr. 'Andrews himself is a proof that they have as good, 'if not better. And for my own part, I can't perceive my dears are coarser than other people's; and I am เ sure, if Mr. Andrews was a dear of mine, I should not 'be ashamed of him in company with gentlemen; for 'whoever hath seen him in his new clothes, must confess ' he looks as much like a gentleman as any body. Coarse, เ quotha! I can't bear to hear the poor young fellow run 'down neither; for I will say this, I never heard him say an ill word of any body in his life. I am sure his coarseness doth not lie in his heart, for he is the best'natured man in the world; and as for his skin, it is no เ coarser than other people's, I am sure. His bosom, ' when a boy, was as white as driven snow; and, where ' it is not covered with hairs, is so still. 'Ifackins! if I was Mrs. Andrews, with a hundred a-year, I should not เ envy the best she who wears a head. A woman that 'could not be happy with such a man, ought never to be so; for if he can't make a woman happy, I never yet เ beheld the man who could. I say again, I wish I was เ a great lady for his sake. I believe when I had made ' a gentleman of him, he'd behave so, that nobody should deprecate what I had done; and I fancy few would เ venture to tell him he was no gentleman to his face, 'nor to mine neither.' At which words, taking up the candles, she asked her mistress, who had been some time in her bed, If she had any farther commands? who mildly answered, she had none; and telling her she was a comical creature, bid her good night. เ เ *Meaning perhaps ideas. [This interpretation is, surely, a mistake. Dears evidently means lovers; as the context clearly proves : "And I am sure if Mr. Andrews 1 was a dear of mine."] CHAPTER VII. Philosophical reflections, the like not to be found in any light French romance. Mr. Booby's grave advice to Joseph, and Fanny's encounter with a beau. HABIT, my good reader, hath so vast a prevalence over the human mind, that there is scarce any thing too strange or too strong to be asserted of it. The story of the miser, who, from long accustoming to cheat others, came at last to cheat himself, and with great delight and triumph picked his own pocket of a guinea to convey to his hoard, is not impossible or improbable. In like manner it fares with the practisers of deceit, who, from having long deceived their acquaintance, gain at last a power of deceiving themselves, and acquire that very opinion (however false) of their own abilities, excellences, and virtues, into which they have for years perhaps endeavoured to betray their neighbours. Now, reader, to apply this observation to my present purpose, thou must know, that as the passion generally called love exercises most of the talents of the female or fair world; so in this they now and then discover a small inclination to deceit; for which thou wilt not be angry with the beautiful creatures, when thou hast considered, that at the age of seven, or something earlier, miss is instructed by her mother, that master is a very monstrous kind of animal, who will, if she suffers him to come too near her, infallibly eat her up, and grind her to pieces: that so far from kissing or toying with him on her own accord, she must not admit him to kiss or toy with her: and, lastly, that she must never have any affection towards him: for if she should, all her friends in petticoats would VOL. V. A A esteem her a traitress, point at her, and hunt her out of their society. These impressions being first received, are farther and deeper inculcated by their school-mistresses and companions; so that by the age of ten they have contracted such a dread and abhorrence of the abovenamed monster, that, whenever they see him, they fly from him as the innocent hare doth from the greyhound. Hence, to the age of fourteen or fifteen, they entertain a mighty antipathy to master; they resolve, and frequently profess, that they will never have any commerce with him, and entertain fond hopes of passing their lives out of his reach, of the possibility of which they have so visible an example in their good maiden aunt. But when they arrive at this period, and have now passed their second climacteric, when their wisdom, grown riper, begins to see a little farther, and, from almost daily falling in master's way, to apprehend the great difficulty of keeping out of it; and when they observe him look often at them, and sometimes very eagerly and earnestly too (for the monster seldom takes any notice of them till at this age), they then begin to think of their danger; and as they perceive they cannot easily avoid him, the wiser part bethink themselves of providing by other means for their security. They endeavour, by all the methods they can invent, to render themselves so amiable in his eyes, that he may have no inclination to hurt them; in which they generally succeed so well, that his eyes, by frequent languishing, soon lessen their idea of his fierceness, and so far abate their fears, that they venture to parley with him; and when they perceive him so different from what he hath been described, all gentleness, softness, kindness, tenderness, fondness, their dreadful apprehensions vanish in a moment; and now (it being usual with the human mind to skip from one extreme to its opposite, as easily, and almost as suddenly, as a bird |