« AnteriorContinuar »
prey; or as a voracious pike, of immense size, surveys through the liquid element a roach or gudgeon, which cannot escape her jaws, opens them wide to swallow the little fish; so did Mrs. Slipslop prepare to lay her violent amorous hands on the poor Joseph, when luckily her mistress's hell rung, and delivered the intended martyr from her clutches. She was obliged to leave him abruptly, and to defer the execution of her purpose till some other time. We shall therefore return to the Lady Booby, and give our reader some account of her behaviour, after she was left by Joseph in a temper of mind not greatly different from that of the inflamed Slipslop.
Sayings of raise men. A dialogue between the lady and her maid; and a panegyric, or rather satire, on the passion of love, in the sublime style.
It is the observation of some ancient sage, whose name I have forgot, that passions operate differently on the human mind, as diseases on the body, in proportion to the strength or weakness, soundness or rottenness, of the one and the other.
We hope, therefore, a judicious reader will give himself some pains to observe, what we have so greatly laboured to describe, the different operations of this passion of love in the gentle and cultivated mind of the Lady Booby, from those which it effected in the less polished and coarser disposition of Mrs. Slipslop.
Another philosopher, whose name also at present escapes my memory, hath somewhere said, that resolutions, taken in the absence of the beloved object, are very apt to vanish in its presence; on both which wise sayings the following chapter may serve as a comment.
No sooner had Joseph left the room in the manner we have before related, than the lady, enraged at her disappointment, began to reflect with severity on her conduct. Her love was now changed to disdain, which pride assisted to torment her. She despised herself for the meanness of her passion, and Joseph for its ill success. However, she had now got the better of it in her own opinion, and determined immediately to dismiss the object. After much tossing and turning in her bed, and many soliloquies, which if we had no better matter for our reader we would give him; she at last rung the bell as above-mentioned, and was presently attended by Mrs. Slipslop, who was not much better pleased with Joseph than the lady herself.
'Slipslop,' said Lady Booby,' when did you see Joseph?'
The poor woman was so surprised at the unexpected
sound of his name, at so critical a time, that she had the
greatest difficulty to conceal the confusion she was under
from her mistress; whom she answered, nevertheless, with
pretty good confidence, though not entirely void of fear
of suspicion, that she had not seen him that morning. 'I
am afraid,' said Lady Booby, ' that he is a wild young
fellow.'—' That he is,' said Slipslop, 'and a wicked one
too. To my knowledge games, drinks, swears, and
fights eternally; besides, he is horribly indicted to
wenching.'—' Ay!' said the lady, 'I never heard that of
him.'—' O Madam!' answered the other, ' he is so lewd
a rascal, that if your ladyship keeps him much longer
you will not have one virgin in your house except
myself. And yet I can't conceive what the wenches see
in him, to be so foolishly fond as they are; in my eyes,
he is as ugly a scarecrow as I ever opheld.'—' Nay,'
said the lady, ' the boy is well enough.'—' La! Ma'am,' cries Slipslop, 'I think him the ragmaticallest fellow in 'the family.'—' Sure, Slipslop,' says she, 'you are mis* taken: but which of the women do you most suspect?'— 'Madam,' says Slipslop, 'there is Betty the chambermaid, 1 I am almost convicted, is with child by him.'—' Ay!' says the lady, 'then pray pay her her wages instantly. I 'will keep no such sluts in my family. And as for 'Joseph, you may discard him too.' 'Would your lady'ship have him paid off immediately?' cries Slipslop, 'for perhaps, when Betty is gone, he may mend; and 'really the boy is a good servant, and a strong healthy 'luscious boy enough.'—' This morning,' answered the lady, with some vehemence. 'I wish, Madam,' cries Slipslop, 'your ladyship would be so good as to try him a 'little longer.'—' I will not have my commands disputed,' said the lady; 'sure you are not fond of him yourself.'— 'I, Madam !' cries Slipslop, reddening, if not blushing, ' I 'should be sorry to think your ladyship had any reason to 'respect me of fondness for a fellow; and if it be your 'pleasure, I shall fulfil it with as much reluctance as 'possible.'—' As little, I suppose you mean,' said the lady; 'and so about it instantly.' Mrs. Slipslop went out, and the lady had scarce taken two turns, before she fell to knocking and ringing with great violence. Slipslop, who did not travel post haste, soon returned, and was countermanded as to Joseph, but ordered to send Betty about her business without delay. She went out a second time with much greater alacrity than before; when the lady began immediately to accuse herself of want of resolution, and to apprehend the return of her affection, with its pernicious consequences; she therefore applied herself again to the bell, and re-summoned Mrs. Slipslop into her presence; who again returned, and was told by her mistress that she had considered better of the matter, and was absolutely resolved to turn away Joseph; which she ordered her to do immediately. Slipslop, who knew the violence of her lady's temper, and would not venture her place for any Adonis or Hercules in the universe, left her a third time; which she had no sooner done, than the little god Cupid, fearing he had not yet done the lady's business, took a fresh arrow with the sharpest point out of his quiver, and shot it directly into her heart: in other and plainer language, the lady's passion got the better of her reason. She called back Slipslop once more, and told her she had resolved to see the boy, and examine him herself; therefore bid her send him up. This wavering in her mistress's temper probably put something into the waiting-gentlewoman's head not necessary to mention to the sagacious reader.
Lady Booby was going to call her back again, but could not prevail with herself. The next consideration therefore was, how she should behave to Joseph when he came in. She resolved to preserve all the dignity of the woman of fashion to her servant, and to indulge herself' in this last view of Joseph (for that she was most certainly resolved it should be) at his own expense, by first insulting and then discarding him.
0 Love, what monstrous tricks dost thou play with thy votaries of both sexes! How dost thou deceive them, and make them deceive themselves! Their follies are thy delight! Their sighs make thee laugh, and their pangs are thy merriment!
Not the great Rich, who turns men into monkeys, wheelbarrows, and whatever else best humours his fancy, hath so strangely metamorphosed the human shape; nor the great Cibber, who confounds all number, gender, and breaks through every rule of grammar at his will, hath so distorted the English language as thou dost metamorphose and distort the human senses.
Thou puttest out our eyes, stoppest up our ears, and
talc est away the power of our nostrils: so that we can neither see the largest objects, hear the loudest noise, nor smell the most poignant perfume. Again, when thou pleasest, thou canst make a molehill appear as a mountain, a Jew's-harp sound like a trumpet, and a daisy smell like a violet. Thou canst make cowardice brave, avarice generous, pride humble, and cruelty tender-hearted. In short, thou turnest the heart of man inside out, as a juggler doth a petticoat, and bringest whatsoever pleasest thee out from it. If there be any one who doubts all this, let hini read the next chapter.
In which, after some very fine writing, the history goes on, and relates the interview between the lady and Joseph; where the latter hath set an example, which we despair of seeing followed by his sex, in this vicious age.
Now the rake Hesperus had called for his breeches, and having well rubbed his drowsy eyes, prepared to dress himself for all night; by whose example his brother rakes on earth likewise leave those beds in which they had slept away the day. Now Thetis, the good housewife, began to put on the pot, in order to regale the good man Phoebus after his daily labours were over. In vulgar language, it was in the evening when Joseph attended his lady's orders.
But as it becomes us to preserve the character of this lady, who is the heroine of our tale; and as we have naturally a wonderful tenderness for that beautiful part of the human species called the fair sex; before we discover too much of her frailty to our reader, it will be proper to give him a lively idea of the vast temptation