My journey from Bristol to Chester was very difagreeable, as it was across the country, and through bad roads. When I got to that city, I met my fervants, together with all my paraphernalia, plate, and every thing but the money I expected for the overplus of my jewels. Mr. Calcraft wrote to me; but he took no notice of what alone could have made his letter agreeable. the epiftle is rather a curious one, I will copy it. Young gentlemen may learn from it how to write to their fweethearts. As "Chrift Jefus God, why do you keep me in "this torment. If you will not write, tell me fo, and make me completely miferable. I "have had a letter from my Lord, and have seen "that to your maid; by which I find you are "unalterable in your refolution. I hate HollB • wood, VOL. IV. wood, and every place which reminds me how "happy I have been in your company. Caroline "has almoft broke my heart with fhewing me 66 the fweet letter which accompanied your fair"ing. Every body is made happy but me; but "vexation and the gout will foon relieve you "from the man you hate. I have ordered the plate, your new fedan, and books, to be sent you. "I have fent you the parchment I have found, "which I fuppofe is the counterpart of your an"nuity; but, depend upon it, I fhall not think it "fufficient for your fupport. For God's fake! "write to me; and be affured, whilft 1 have "breath, I am affectionately yours. 'JOHN CALCRAFT." The parchment mentioned in the above letter was that given me by Mr. Davy, the perfon who had lent me the five hundred pounds. It was a writing to show that I had only fold the annuity conditionally. Mr. Calcraft's barefaced meannefs, in pretending to be ignorant of what he had before upbraided me with, increased if poffible my difguft and contempt. Unfortunately for me, I kept these feelings, with the injuries which occafioned them, a fecret from every body but Lady Tyrawley; whilft my former friend, the person who had fucceeded me in in Mr. Calcraft's affection, propagated innumera... ble falfehoods against me. As the poffeffed a fertile genius, she was able to clothe them with an appearance of plaufibility, which made them believed; and my filence gave her every advantage over me. My extravagance furnished her with a fund of calumny. Nor was this the worft. It was industriously reported, that I entertained a partiality for a man I fcarcely knew; and that this was the caufe of my leaving Mr. Calcraft. So improbable a story, I think, could hardly gain belief. For, had that been the cafe, I fhould certainly have ftaid in London, where my imagined lover was, rather than have removed to so great a distance from him. But to what lengths will not malevolence and the love of flander carry fome people! How finely, and at the fame time how justly, has Shakspere defcribed this propenfity, in the following lines! Slander Whofe edge is sharper than the sword; whose tongue All corners of the world, kings, queens, and states, * Cymbeline, A& III. Scene IV. B 2 Inftead Inftead of being able to indulge my tender emotions, the mortification and difguft I had fo long been a prey to entirely engroffed my thoughts. I had not even the flighteft idea of forming another connection. Not that I thought myself debarred from it by any ties that fubfifted between myself and Mr. Calcraft; for these were now perfectly diffolved by his duplicity. Had I encouraged fuch a wifh, I could foon have extricated myself from all my difficulties, as there was many a competitor for my favour; particularly one of the first and most generous men in the kingdom. That our differences did not arise folely from the impropriety of my behaviour to him, notwithftanding fome reports have been circulated by my enemies to the contrary, is plainly evinced by the tenor of all his letters to me; which, even when he appears to have had the greatest cause for refentment and recrimination, if fuch a cause exifted, breathe forth nothing but tenderness and affection. As a further proof of this, I will copy for your perufal (though you, my dear Madam, I am well affured, want no proofs) another of his letters. This, which was one of the laft I received from him, will prove, and that in terms as forcible and explicit as language can convey, that my conduct, admitting the imprudences I have acknowledged knowledged myself guilty of, have not been fuch as warranted any upbraidings, or could leffen his regard for me. It runs thus: "PACKET after packet arrives from Ireland "without a letter from you: why won't you 46 write, and fully? I never am fo well pleafed as " when I hear fully from you; nor ever so uneasy 56 as when I do not.-The children are both "well, and charming ones. I have been with my brother to Poole, this week, and fecured his election, I hope, without oppofition. Pray "do write. You don't know the diftrefs your ་ neglect occafions to "Yours, ever and ever (Signed) J. C." The packet not being ready to fail from Parkgate, left I should forfeit the penalty of my articles, by not being at Dublin in time, I set off for Holyhead. As I travelled by myself, I had leisure to indulge my melancholy. I could not even help envying the happiness of my fervants, in whofe bofoms cheerful innocence feemed to reign, whilft I was tortured with the fevereft reflections. Thefe B 3 |