Enter MRS. GLASTONBURY, L.

Mrs. G. (L.) Your room is ready, sir; and I hope I shall make all things agreeable.

Sir L. And are you Mrs. Glastonbury, the housekeeper?

Mrs. G. At your honour's service. I'll show you all the pictures to-morrow, sir. This house was erected in King William's time. I was born in it, sir.

Sir L. (c.) That you were, the day before it was built, I'll be bound for you.

[Aside. Mrs. G. (L. C.) This way, if you please, sir. [Exit, L. And Don't you be roguish wi' our housekeeper, zur. Her reputation be tender, you do know.

Sir L. Then, upon my soul, it isn't at all like her person-for, any how, that's tough.

And. (R. c.) You'll always find her mighty civil to ye,

zur.

Sir L. 'Faith, and I'll return the compliment; for damn the bit shall she complain of my being rude. And. He he he!

Sir L. Oh, curse you--and are you laughing? Show me the way, you sneering spalpeen! [Exeunt, L.

END OF ACT II.

ACT III.

SCENE I.-A Still-Room in Lord Alamode's House. Bottles, &c. on table.

Enter MRS. GLASTONBURY and ANDREW Bang, L.

Mrs. G. (L.C.) Bless my stars!-he's up the house, and down the house! skipping, jumping, boxing, swinging the dumb-bells, blowing the flute,-all within this half-hour. For my part, I think he's a madman.

And. (c.) So do I;—but he do say he's na' but a

baronet.

Mrs. G. And who is he? Where does he come from? And. That's tellings. He ha' put I upon honour. Mrs. G. Put you upon a pin's head! I wou'dn't give a farthing for your honour.

And He gi'd I nine-and-sixpence. I said naught but

liquor should make I betray un. Be that cherry-bounce you ha' got on table, Mrs. Glastonbury?

Mrs. G. Tell me all, and you shall have two glasses. And. [Sits R. of table.] Fill away, then [She fills a glass, and gives it to him.] Why, then, you must know, his name be-Here's wishing you well, through this world's trouble, and very soon out on't [Drinks.] Fill up t'other glass [She fills and holds it.] His name be Sir Somebody Summut, as long as your bills; and-gi's t'other glass -he do come from a place fit to break more teeth than you ha' left in your head.

Mrs. G. And that's all you have to discover?

And. Ees-don't you tell. [A horn is blown without, L. Mrs. G. What's that?

And. He be gi'ing a tantivy upon your old rusty French horn, that do hang up in the hall.

Mrs. G. My legacy!—I wouldn't have it hurt for fifty pounds. He'll turn the whole house topsy-turvy.

And. Wool he? It will be a comical sight, then, to walk into your room.

Enter SIR LARRY M'MURRAGH, L.

Sir L. (c.) The rain's done, all but drizzling, Mr. Bang, and we'll pop at the partridges. Oh! and is it there you are again, Mother Glastonbury?

Mrs. G. (R. C.) Marry, come up!-Mother! I never was called so before, sir.

Sir L. Then it is too late in the day with you now to hope for a true title to that appellation. And whose is that horn, hanging up in the hall, old gentlewoman? Mrs. G. Old gentlewoman! Why, sir, that horn belonged to my dear deceas'd husband, who was huntsman here! and, if you must know every thing, my late lord gave him a pair of them.

Sir L. And did your late lord do that?

Mrs. G. That he did-bless his memory for it!

Sir L. That's right! you mayn't meet such another good-natured person again in a hurry. [Aside to Andrew.] Mr. Bang, isn't that sweet lady a most infernal sour old woman?

And. (L. c.] Nation! Plague her a bit, do, zur. Say my lord ha' hir'd another housekeeper.

Sir S. Be asy, Bang. Mrs. Glastonbury, I--you're a fine bustling body-but, now I'm come here, mayn't I chance to fatigue you a small matter?

Mrs. G. Perhaps you may, sir,

[Sulkily.

Sir L. That's what I'm thinking-and you might be even with me, you know-so I told my friend, Lord Alamode, I had just made bold to order a new housekeeper in the room of you.

Mrs. G. What! I've been here these five-and-forty years, and, if my lord himself offered to discharge me, I wouldn't turn out, and that's flat.

And. Dang me, but he ha' set the old one's back up

now!

Enter CARRYDOT, R.

Car. (R.) Sir Lawrence, a young person at the gate inquires for you.

Sir. L. (c.) A young person? By the powers, a sucking bailiff !

Car. "Tis a woman, Sir Lawrance.

Sir L. A woman! And is she handsome, Mr. Carrydot Car. That, sir, is not my department to determine. And. (L. c.) Let I go and look at her, zur. I be reckon'd a tightish judge.

Sir L. Bang, don't you bellow.

[Stopping his mouth, R. C. Mrs. G. I see what's going on. The family mansion will be made quite scandalous.

Sir L. [Putting her aside.] Hold your tongue, you punchy lady! Mr. Carrydot, I respect the roof of my bosom friend; and, if the young person isn't fitting to come under it, by St. Patrick! rather than let her in, I'll marry Mother Glastonbury.

Car. Her appearance is most respectable, sir; but I think there must be some mistake.

Sir L. Explain me the rights of it, Mr. Carry dot. Don't bother, now, you two keepers, game and house. Car. She has inquired for the gentleman who is just arrived on the estate.

Sir L. That's myself, you know.

Car. Doubtless, sir; but she says that she is come. here, engaged by you, as housekeeper.

Mrs. G. I won't budge an inch. I'll stay here and tear her eyes out.

Sir L. [Apart.] Mr. Bang, how will I get rid of that tremendous old tabby?

And. Bide where you be, zur; I'll ha' her out in no time.

[Exit, L

Mrs. G. Service is no inheritance, that's a sure thing; but, if my deceas'd husband was alive, he'd-[Andrew Bang plays upon the French horn without.] Bless me! what's the matter now?

Sir L. It's Mr. Bang playing "Variety is Charming," on the horn of your deceas'd husband.

[The horn falls with a crash. Mrs. G. [Screaming.] Augh! he has broke it all to pieces. [Runs out, L

Sir L. I'll thank you now, Mr. Carrydot, just to send in the young woman, and keep out the old one.

Car. I shall, Sir Lawrence. But I had almost forgotthe young woman desir'd me to give you this card, which will instruct you whence she came; and then, she says, you will recollect who she is, Sir Larry.

[Gives a card and exit, R. Sir L. [Reading the card.] "Jonathan Oldskirt, remnant-seller, back of St. Clement's."-What will I make out of this? Sure a young woman, come here for house. keeper, can't be Jonathan Oldskirt, from the back of St. Clement's." Deals for ready money only."-By St. Patrick, you are a little likely to get me for a customer!

Enter ANDREW BANG, L.

And. (L. C.) I think, zur, I ha' blow'd out Mother Glastonbury.

Sir L. (c.) And who is it you have bid to be asking after me, to bother her?

And. Come, that be a good un! You do know who it be better nor I, zur.

Sir L. Look at this card, Mr. Bang; can you read? And. I left off schooling, zur, afore I got to that part o'my edication.

Sir L. And you don't know the back of St. Clement's? And. Na, zur; nor his face neither.

Sir L. Look ye, Mr. Bang, you rapscallion! if you have been sending any female here according to my order, which I never gave, you have taken an unpardonable liberty with my name,-provided she's ugly.

And. Why, how could that possibly be, zur? Putting the case, I had got your order in earnest, who could I gi' it to as would mind it?

Sir L. Not mind my order! Would you make me believe every body here is like my banker?

Enter FANNY, R.

Oh, Venus! here's a creature! Are you the person that came from the person that

Fan. (R. C.) Sir!

Sir L. By the powers! the dazzle of her eyes has blinded my utterance! Are you the person, my dear, come here as housekeeper?

Fan. Yes, sir; I am come from London in obedience to your commands.

Sir L. My comma-seat yourself, my jewel. Mr. Bang, get some refreshments.-Fly, you divel!

Fan. Indeed, sir, you distress me.

And. [Going to the table.] Mother Glastonbury ha' left out her brandy-bottle. I'll fill the young woman a bumper.

Fan. [Doubtfully.] I hope I have not mistaken the house, sir.

Sir L. Oh, 'faith, you are under no mistake. This, my dear, is the house that-the house that Jack built, for all I know to the contrary. [Aside. And. (R). [Presenting a bumper.] Take a drop o'this, miss; it will comfort you up, like.

Fan. Not any, I thank you.

And. Then here's wishing you joy o' your safe arrival. [Drinks it.

Fan. Then this, sir, is the manor-house?

Sir L. Is this the manor-house ?-Isn't there the gamekeeper?-Only ask him-sure he should know.

And. [Aside to Sir Larry.] It be half a mile up the hill, -on the hill, zur.

Sir L. Lie through half a mile up hill-it wo'n't tire you.

And. I wool.-Ees, miss, this be the manor-house. Fan. [To Sir Larry.] And are you the master of the house, sir?

Sir L. Ask the gamekeeper again, my little one. And. What be I to say, zur? [Aside to Sir Larry, who holds up half-a-crown.] Hem!-Oh! half-a-crown.-Yes, miss, this be master.-He be landlord in fee.

[Takes the money.

Fan. I had been taught to expect a gentleman of a more elderly appearance, sir.

Sir L. Would you be after my parish-register, my