A GOOD TEST.-DEMME.

A BEAR who was taking his lesson in dancing, and who believed that he could not fail to be admired, paused for a moment on his hind legs to ask an ape how he liked his dancing. "To say the truth, friend, you dance very badly; you are too heavy." "But surely I do not want grace; and what you call heaviness, may it not be dignity of carriage?" and Bruin recommenced his practice with somewhat of an offended air. "Bravo!" cried an ass, who now passed by, "such light and graceful dancing I have never seen; it is perfection." But this unqualified praise was too much for even the self-love of the bear, and startled by it into modesty, he said within himself: "While the ape only censured, I doubted, but now that the ass praises me, I am sure I must dance horribly." Friends, suffer a word of advice: when good taste censures, hesitate, doubt; when folly applauds, be certain you are all in the wrong.

WHAT IS NOT GENTEEL?-N. Y. MIRROR.

1. Ir is not genteel to swear.

It is not genteel to indulge in licentious conversation.

It is not genteel to talk loud in company.

It is not genteel to laugh loud.

It is not genteel to interrupt others in conversation.

It is not genteel to be quick and abrupt in talking.

It is not genteel to advance your opinions in a dogmatical and positive manner.

It is not genteel to attempt to give force to your assertions by hammering on the table, or by any extraordinary gesticulations, as if you were infallible.

2. It is not genteel to slam a door in going in or out of a room, where there are other persons.

It is not genteel to smoke segars in the street, as some respectable-looking strangers are often seen to do.

It is not genteel for tweedledum to turn up his nose at tweedledee in company.

It is not genteel to talk at concerts or lectures, so as to prevent others from hearing.

It is not genteel to whisper in company.

3. It is not genteel at a table to begin before the rest of the company are helped.

It is not genteel to eat fast, or to put a large quantity into your mouth at once.

It is not genteel to finish a meal until others have had time to make some progress with theirs.

It is not genteel to eat so slow as to eat after the others are done.

It is not genteel, when you are invited to a party to meet a stranger, to go away before the stranger.

4. It is not genteel, if you be that stranger, to wait an unreasonable time before you take your leave.

It is not genteel to salute a gentleman, whilst walking in the street with a lady, with a nod of the head.

It is not genteel to contradict others.

It is not genteel to lean back in a chair in company

It is not genteel to rub your head, whilst seated on a sofa, against a newly-papered wall of a parlor, in which you are a visiter.

5. It is not genteel to stand before a fire-place and intercept the heat from others who are as cold as yourself.

It is not genteel in company to comb your hair with your fingers.

It is is not genteel at the Institute, or any other public place, to stick your feet upon a chair or on a table.

It is not genteel to say or do anything in the presence of others, which, if said or done by them, would offend your feelings or sense of propriety.

THE COUNTRYMAN'S REPLY TO A RECRUITING SERJEANT.

1. So, ye want to catch me, do ye?

Nae! I doant much think you wool,
Though your scarlet coat and feathers
Look so bright and butiful;
Though ye tell sich famous stories
Of the fortunes to be won,
Fightin' in the distant Ingies,
Underneath the burnin' sun.

2. S'pose I am a tight young feller,
Sound o' limb, and all that ere,
I can't see that that's a reason

Why the scarlet I should wear;
Fustian coat and corded trousers
Seem to suit me quite as well;
Think I doant look badly in 'em-
Ax my Meary, she can tell!

3. Satinly I'd rather keep 'em

talk about,

These same limbs you
Cover'd up in cord and fustian,

Than I'd try to do without.
There's Bill Muggins left our village
Jest as sound a man as I,

Now he goes about on crutches,
With a single arm and eye.

4. To be sure he's got a medal,

And some twenty pounds a-year :
For his health, and strength, and sarvice,
Guvernment can't call that dear;

Not to reckon one leg shatter'd,

Two ribs broken, one eye lost;
'Fore I went on such a ventur,
I should stop and count the cost.

5. "Lots o' glory ?"-lots o' gammon !
Ax Bill Muggins about that;
He will tell ye 'taint by no means
Sort o' stuff to make ye fat;
If it was, the private so'ger
Gets o' it but precious little;
Why, it's jest like bees a ketchin'
With a sound of a brass kittle.

6. "Lots o' gold, and quick promotion ?"
Phew! jest look at William Green :
He's been fourteen years a-fightin',
As they call it, for the Queen;
Now he comes home invalided,
With a serjeant's rank and pay;
But that he's made a captain,
Or is rich, I arnt heerd say.

7. "Lots o' fun and pleasant quarters,
And a so'ger's merry life;

All the tradesman's-farmer's daughters
Wantin' to become my wife?"

Well, I think I'll take the shillin';
Put the ribbins in my hat!-
Stop! I'm but a country bumpkin,
Yet not quite so green as that.

8. "Fun?" '-a knockin' fellow-creatures
Down like nine-pins, and that ere—
Stickin' bag'nets through and through 'em-
Burnin', slayin', everywhere!

"Pleasant quarters !"-werry pleasant!

Sleepin' on the field o' battle,

Or in hospital, or barracks,

Cramm'd together jest like cattle.

9. Strut away then, master serjeant:

Tell

Make

And

your lies as on ye go;
your drummers rattle louder,

your fifers harder blow:

I shan't be 66
a son o' glory,"

But an honest working man,

With the strength that God has guv me
Doin' all the good I can.

A PITIABLE PATIENT.

PHYSICIAN and LADY.

Phys. MADAM, you look exceedingly well this morning: I hope you feel yourself recovered from your indisposition.

Lady (rather warmly). I am astonished, sir, that a gentleman of your skill should be deceived by appearances: I was never worse in my life.

Phys. (smiling). Indeed! will you favor me with some account of the symptoms of your illness?

Lady. Really, I can do no such thing: all I feel assured of is, that I am altogether in a state of torture.

Phys. What! madam, are you in bodily pain?

Lady. No. I have a horrid freedom from any pain. Phys. Some painful object, perhaps, affects your mind? Lady. No, sir. My agony is, that I have not one subject which can in the smallest degree interest me: I would give a hundred pounds for some serious cause of grief, something over which I could weep profusely.

Phys. Your case is certainly pitiable, but I hope not without remedy. Will you allow me to ask you, madam, how you have spent the last week.

Lady. Upon my word, sir, it is out of my power to comply with your request. I really keep no journal, and my