His taste for sparkling liquids craving,
Congenial ran with yours and mine;
For water set us all a-raving,

Whene'er it flow'd instead of wine!
But should he madly yoke-no doubt
In penance we must shift our plan ;
You, Doctor, will go North about,
I-catch a dinner where I can!

ANTI-UXORIENSIS.

THE RAPID FORTUNE.

[From the Morning Chronicle, July 23.]

SAYS Dick to Hal, "Your thrifty sire, in trade,

For your dear sake a rapid fortune made :

You drank, wench'd, gambled, mortgag'd house and land, And from the turf to jail drove four in hand.”—

Have done," cries Hal, "nor with your gammon stun me; My fortune was so rapid, it outrun me.'

IMPROMPTU,

ON THE MARRIAGE OF MR. HENRY MASON AND MISS ELLEN READ.

[From the Morning Post, July 24.]

HE Fair, we're told, have wish'd in vain.

THE

Masonic Clubs a place in ;

But here's an instance where a swain

SIR,

Has made his nymph. Mason.

LETTER TO SIR FRANCIS BURDETT.

[From the same, July 25.]

R.

Crown and Anchor..

TH HE Electors of Westminster having express'd
An anxious desire (don't think that we jest)

To commemorate that ever-glorious hour

When you were allow'd to come out of the Tower *,

See vcl. xiv. p. 275-286.

And

SIR FRANCIS BURDETT'S ANswer.

And treat all your friends with a kind of a by-go,
To gain the great name of Frank, Marquis of Sly-go,
Held a meeting at this very place on last Monday,
At which 't was resolv'd (nem. con. too), that one day
Should be set apart for a gorge, with a view

That a speech, manufactur'd by Horne Tooke and you,
Would be then deliver'd in style from the table,
To please an enlighten'd and liberal rabble.
This business to manage we stewards appointed,
And chose from among us the six most anointed.
In consequence next of a wish universal,

That you would make one-at the stewards' rehearsal
They bid us solicit your company there,

With the wise Sheriff Wood and the learned Lord Mayor.
If with Gale Jones from Newgate you won't spend a day,
We'll take measures for keeping the fellow away;
He will probably though be engag'd then elsewhere,
For lately he oft has been heard to declare,

(As at Newgate they lately thought proper to scout
This worthy, and turn him reluctantly out,)

He will insult resent, while his name remains Jack,,
And that "he 'll be d-'d if he does not go back.”
So Government will not for once gain their ends,
By parting Gale Jones and his Old Bailey friends.
On our honour we beg to say this is no hum,
And therefore we trust you will answer, "I'll come :"
If you won't, pr'ythee say so, and save us the trouble
We had t' other day, when you tipp'd us the doulle;
Making thus of the great Mr. Powell a pope,

While despair put to flight the poor fools of the " Hope."
Believing you'll not get us laugh'd at again,

We your very obedient servants remain,

To Sir F. B-rd-tt.

ROBT. H-TCH-N.

GEO. P-LL-R

ANSWER TO THE ABOVE.

GENTS.

Piccadilly,

THE Electors of Westminster do me great honour,
But I wish they had ask'd Mr. Roger O'Connor,
As he for a dinner is always at leisure,
And would, I am certain, attend with great pleasure..

B 6

For

For myself, I shall always obey your commands;
And the message which I have receiv'd through your hands,
Affords me, I must say, no small satisfaction,

And saves me almost from a state of distraction;
Resolv'd such Constituents never to scout,

When in Parliament, Gentlemen, ay, and when out,
I shall always be ready to serve you in reason,
(That is, to bawl out for reform, and brew

To you, Bob and George, I return my best thanks,
And hope we shall have a fine day for our pranks;
As, should we assemble-if that point we weather—
No doubt we shall be very pleasant together,
Unless some great man, or Commander in Chief,
Should call out an army to charge our roast-beef:
In that case, you know, each must bolt like a thief,
And I, to avoid the confusion and slaughter,
Shall feel it my duty to take to the water.
I remain, &c. &c.

Mr. G. P. and Mr. R. H.

ས ་

}

F. B-RD-TT.

A

THE SAILOR'S CREED.

[From the same, July 31.]

a Sailor, while working my passage through life,
Many hands I with grief oft remark,

Dishearten'd at failures in this scene of strife,

In despair let chance pilot their bark.

At peril dismay'd, yet unable to fly,

Stupify'd they relinquish the oar:

But such conduct, d' y' see, is in Jack Splicewell's eye
Beneath e'en a lubber on shore.

Off Cornwall, when once mountains high the sea roll'd,
Averse to our hopes the wind veer'd,

While, new scenes of danger and care to unfold,
On our starboard-side breakers appear'd.
Alarm'd, poor Tom Topsail thus cried out to me,
"All is over-our efforts are vain!

In less than a glass, at the bottom, Jack, we

Shall be strangers to fear, hope, or pain!

"The

THE PERFECT AGREEMENT.

"The wind still against us continues to blow; Ev'ry chance of escaping is past;

To Davy we all in a short time must go,

For the leak, messmate, gains on us fast!"

13

"Well, brother," said I, "with fear yield not the ghost, If so be as how danger you scan;

Never strike to despair, but stand firm to your post,
Do your duty, and die like a man!"

My words were not slighted; with pleasure I found
Each his part anxious well to perform;
The leak we got under, the wind shifted round,
And in safety we weather'd the storm.
In life, thus from duty disdaining to swerve,
Though calamities fast on us press,

Some comfort we find Fate has still in reserve,
And superior we rise to distress.

The misfortunes of life, which so many bewail,
I regard not the end of a rope.

Be Reason our helm, Resolution our sail;
Ay-and still let our anchor be Hope.

Then smoothly our vessel will scud with the breeze,
And, the shoals of adversity pass'd,

Though tempests assailing, sometimes may chase ease,
We shall gain a fair haven at last.

And thus, when the voice of base faction is loud,
Though unprincipled arrogant elves

May a while our horizon political cloud,

Yet, if Britons are true to themselves,

Their daring illusions must quickly decay,

Nor longer our glories deform.

With Bt, Trn's sons will, in trembling dismay, View the Albion weather the storm.

CR

THE PERFECT AGREEMENT.

[From the British Press, Aug. 2.]

RIED a wealthy old Cit t' other day to his Wife,
"The times may be bad-but for me-on my life,
I laugh at these men who have fail'd-one and all-
For I says that the weakest must go to the wall."

" And

"And I," said his Lady, 66 approve your remark— For I said just the same-t' other night-to our Clerk."

RECIPROCITY.

EPIGRAM.

A

BINDER of Books-a small Volume of LoveAddress'd a rich Widow in suit most profound : "Fair Lady, if you but my courtship approve,

You will find me well letter'd and handsomely bound. "That style," cried the Widow," my Library meetsFor I hear that your Works took but poorly-in Sheets," UDOLPHO

ON A CELEBRATED BOOK OF COOKERY.
[From the Morning Post, Aug. 8.]

N Authoress, of culinary fame,

ΑΝ

Skill'd in the art which practice long had taught her, In cooking greens, if well you'd do the same,

Most wisely bids you

OF

64 boil them in cold water!"

LONG AND SHORT HORNED BREEDERS.
[From the British Press, Aug. 14.]

F Bulls and their qualities, which may be best,
I attempt not to argue, unless as a jest ;
After all our fine statements, the labour I grudge,
When I think that a Cow is a much better judge.
But horns long and short we with confidence scan,
'Tis a subject comes home to the fortunes of man;
And if 't is our fate aught of these to throw out,
G-d send they may be of the Hereford sprout!
The poet, when measuring our wants, deeply thinking,
At horns, big or little, sure only was blinking;
We want little below, or old Goldsmith was wrong,
And those little, he said, had no need to be long..
Our fathers (their like we shall ne'er see again),
When good humming beer was the liquor of men,
Drank their ale out of horns of their own handicraft,
And which, long or short, held a dev'lish long draught.

Then