ADVANCEMENT OF THE STAGE. 269 public expense, capable of containing at least ten thousand spectators, which is become absolutely necessary, by the great addition of children and nurses to the audience since the new entertainment. That there be a stage as large as the Athenian, which was near ninety thousand geometrical paces square, and separate divisions for the two Houses of Parliament, my Lords the Judges, the Honourable the Directors of the Academy, and the Court of Aldermen, who shall all have their places frank." I shall occupy too much of your paper by quoting verbatim the remainder of my propositions; but I suggested the propriety of demolishing Somerset House, that the said Theatre might be built upon its site; and I have it, upon pretty good authority, that when Mr. S. was Treasurer of the Navy, he had a great inclination, which was indeed thwarted only by the obstinacy of his colleagues in office, to carry the scheme into effect. The classical mind of Mr. Kemble can never be sufficiently admired for introducing quadrupeds on a regular Theatre; but I flatter myself, that the idea would not have suggested itself, had I not previously recommended the Rope-dancers and Prize-fighters.The size of the Theatre is evidently from my plan, and the Private Boxes, which were thrown open by a barbarous effort of the multitude, is as certainly taken from my proposal of particular seats for the privileged orders. I am an old man; but as a new Theatre is speedily to be erected on the site of the old one in Drury Lane, I hope to see it quite upon the principle I proposed to my less enlightened countrymen so many years since; with this addition, that as the two rival Houses will vie with each other in the classicality of their productions, I should command the building of Stables round N 3 the the Theatre, that the principal Actors might be conveniently lodged. I have the honour to be Your profound admirer, MARTINUS SCRIBLERUS. TO THE RIGHT HONOURABLE THE LORDS AND COMMONS OF THE UNITED KINGDOM, IN PARLIAMENT ASSEMBLED. The humble Address, Remonstrance, and Petition of a Guinea, MOST HUMELY SHOWETH, THAT your Petitioner hath, for ages past, been held in universal estimation by the people of these kingdoms, borne the stamp of its monarchs, and been preserved in its purity by the wisdom of the legislature. That your Petitioner lays claim to no peculiar distinction, but what arises from its intrinsic worth: that the labour and expense of collecting any portion for the convenience of mankind, is a sufficient security against the evils of excess; whilst its inherent qualities protect its possessor from the artful designs of the impostor. With endowments like these were its rude ancestors brought from the mines of Golconda and Peru; with the aid of its numerous family these favoured kingdoms have had the ready means of extracting from the habitable world all their rarities, commanding all their labour; bringing armies into the field in war, and preliminary articles to a favourable conclusion by a definitive treaty of peace. That in domestic life it has soothed the sorrows of many an afflicted family, given life and animation to the neglected, secured assistance to disease, and snatched the prostrate victim from the voracious jaws of death. Those are only a few of its qualities-it may be considered as the universal linguist, since it facilitates the intercourse between nations whose vocabulary is not known to each other; it softens the acerbities of ap. proach PETITION OF A GUINEA. 271 proach to the high; and elevates the low with whom it associates. That its value was known to the most remote antiquity, because it "would abide the fire*;" and when the Queen of Sheba visited the court of Solomon, the wisest monarch of the East, she brought with her gold in abundance and precious stones; her present to the King was 120 talents, besides the six score talents from King Hiram, and 420 talents brought from Ophir, making in the whole 660 talents of pure gold poured into the treasury of that potent Prince in one year. History furnishes no example where the ancestry of your Petitioner have been contemned, and it now becomes its painful duty to utter the language of complaint; it is driven into exile by the severity of penal enactments said to be made for its preservation-it is associated with companions from the rags and filth of the people; and these meretricious children, who only a few years ago sprang from the loins of your afflicted Petitioner, have now usurped its authority, and have the audacity to disown their neglected parent t. Your Petitioner, that used to glisten on the eyes and gladden the hearts of the people, is condemned to solitude without a crime; it never sees the light with the impression of a beloved Monarch, but it trembles for its existence as well might it have been buried for ever in the bowels of the earth, as to remain thus impotent and degraded. Your Petitioner only claims its lost rights-it only claims the rank that the common consent of mankind gave it-and it asks now for that, with confidence, which is given to the impression of The Militia, who volunteered into the line during the expedition to the Helder, ate their bounty with their bread, which was paid to them in Bank-notes. Vide all the ministerial Newspapers in 1799. + Vide Chalmers, Perceval Elliot, Bosanquet, Coutts, Trotter, &c. 272 SCHEME FOR PAYING THE NATIONAL DEBT. a Foreign Prince *. While the Spanish Monarch languishes in captivity, his coins of silver," that will abide the fire," have been elevated, and these meretricious beauties of which it complains have been permitted to come in, in increased numbers, in order that they may make the tokens stay. Your Petitioner, therefore, as a subject of our Sove. reign, demands equal justice; he prays to be delivered from the noxious embraces of Four-and-Twenty Protectors, who know not his worth, and, by permitting him to go alone while his family is not quite extinguished, he has well-founded hopes that he will keep his place among you, secure your liberties and properties, and, as his power increases, he will diminish the number of your and his enemies. By taking all these premises into your serious consideration, your humble Petitioner will ever pray, &c. &c. [From the Morning Chronicle, July 6.] SCHEME FOR PAYING THE NATIONAL DEBT, AND SUPERSEDING THE NECESSITY OF TAXES. [From the same, July 11.] I PROPOSE, that an inquiry should be made into the income of the Bank Directors. 2. Into the salaries paid the Clerks of every denomination connected with, as well as those in, the Bank employ. Having so done, by way of complete satisfaction to all the parties concerned, I propose to double the amount of their incomes. *Alluding to the notice from the Bank to take in Dollars, which were current at 55., at 5s. 6d. The AN IMPROMPTU. 273 The ground being thus cleared, I propose an act should be passed, compelling all manner of persons to receive Bank-notes at their denominated value. Then an act to take possession of the concerns of the Bank (to which no objection could be raised, all the parties being satisfied as above). Being thus legally in possession of the Paper Machine, I propose paying the National Debt, by giving to every one of the large Stock-holders notes of 1000l. each, to the amount of their respective claims—after which I would in like manner proceed to pay the lesser ones. Now, Mr. Editor, you perceive, by only admitting that Paper is Money, how pleasant the office of State Minister will become, and in how little time the burdens of the people may be taken from their shoulders. 7th July, 1811. C.. [From the Morning Herald, July 15] THOUGH my feet caper'd first with the smart Emma Lg, My eyes danc'd in chase of her sister; And salt tears never fail'd in their sockets to throng 1 So bewitching her jewels-attractive her pelf, Cocoa Tree, July 13. N 5 MARGATE, |