THE

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A GOOD LIAR.

[From the same, Aug. 12.]

HE minions of Ministers, foreseeing the fall of their patrons*, and anxious to put off the evil day, wish to revive the old scheme of a combined and extended Administration."-The scheme, as originally suggested by Mr. Perceval, they do not like to follow implicitly. From the popularity of the Regent, they think the addition of the Foxites will make them strong enough for any emergency, and therefore it is thought advisable to reject the Grenvilles.

That point being settled among the minions of Ministers, that all just and honourable means shall be employed to ensure its attainment,

It is, in the prosecution of this plan, necessary to show, that the Regent hates Lord Grenville mortally; and that no man bearing the name of Grenville, or directly or indirectly connected with that House, shall ever be honoured with the countenance of His Royal Highness.

A good, clever, plausible Liar, hard-mouthed, and gifted with a pleasant fancy, who has no objection to forward this loyal and patriotic object, is therefore

wanted.

The following is a sample of the lies that will be required of any literary gentleman undertaking this

office:

"The Regent dined lately with Lord Grey, and His Lordship rebuked His Royal Highness pretty sharply for not having invited his friend Lord Grenville.-N. B. The Regent, whenever he accepts an invitation, always invites his own company."

"It is a curious fact, that at a late interview at Carleton House, Lord Grenville proposed to the Regent, as a sine quâ non of his acceptance of office,

* Numberless articles in our volumes will show that wits are not always prophets.

EDIT.

06

that

that His Royal Highness must discharge his present bootmaker, and must buy his blacking at a new shop. -Will any man in his senses suppose that His Royal Highness will suffer himself to be thus dictated to by a subject, even though that subject be a Peer of the Realm ?"

The candidate for literary fame, it is hoped, will find nothing discouraging in these samples.-The Gentleman who has hitherto filled the situation with so much credit to himself, and advantage to his employers, is now at Boston, in North America, forging State Papers for the London Courier.-Any person who may answer this advertisement, will therefore be only wanted to furnish matter until that Gentleman's

return.

Application to be made to any of the Ministerial Printing Offices in the Strand.

A

IMPROMPTU.

[From the Morning Post, Aug. 13.]

WAG, who had recently taken a wife,

Was ask'd by a neighbour what caused their strife, As her beauty had been the sole cause of his liking? "Alas!" said the wag, "I have found her too striking!" Gray's Inn, Aug. 7.

R. H.

ON A HASTY MARRIAGE BETWEEN A YOUNG LADY AND A FOP.

[From the Morning Chronicle, Aug. 14.]

BELINDA, in her twentieth year,

Holds solitude such woe,

She'd rather lead a Monkey here
Than lead an Ape below.

A NEW

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A NEW CHEVY CHASE,

ON A LATE MEETING, WHICH DID NOT AMOUNT TO A DUEL.

[From the Morning Herald, Aug. 17.]

GOD prosper long our Regent Prince,

And eke his subjects true,

That when our noble youths do wince,
No bloodshed may ensue !

Two Knights, as Chronicles do tell,
Did woo one Fair La-dy,
And so to loggerheads they fell
In mortal Jealou-sy!

For she was rich in lands, 't is said,
And had of pelf galore;
So, for all this, no costly maid
Was e'er so lov'd before!

So desp'rate grew this doughty twain,
Men swore it, who had seen 'em,
Impossible there should remain

One throat uncut between 'em!

The one was Kill-worth's Lord, I trow,
To couch a lance right willing,
Who never turn'd his back to foe
He thought was worth the Kill-ing.

Well'sley the other, nickna-med

Great De la Pole also;

'Cause on his shoulders he'd a Head*,
And two light heels below.

* A profound Etymologist has proposed to furnish us with a speculation upon the subject of what he calls transmutation of names; and we are sorry that we cannot afford him the sixteen columns which he kindly and modestly wishes to fill. We find, however, that he imputes many English surnames, which have the syllable Head in them, to that good old habit of patriotic katachresis, by which our ancestors endeavoured to read every language, as if it were English. Thus the dignified De la Pole of the Normans seemed to them to mean neither more nor less than Poll, and they thought themselves highly decorous when they turned this into Head.

Now

Now Killworth's Lord march'd out to fight,
And rob Dan Pole of breath;
Resolv'd to teach this waltzing Knight
The deadly Dance of Death;

Who, mounted on his dappled horse,
But slowly reach'd the plain,
In hope that, shaking hands across,
They might dance back again.

For on the Common he did say,
"A plain so green all o'er
Should not, on such a luckless day,
Be made one red

with gore!"

They should have met at crow of cock,
The time bold fighters Pike;

But where's de use of cock, or clock,
To one not me to strike ?

Dan Pole now talk ́d anom, a glove,
Which none could understand,
While Killworth raved about his love
For the Fair Lady's hand!

'Mid this colloquium, peace I wot
Was seal'd by fates above;
So down from Wimbledon they trot,
Close friends as hand and glove!

The Lady Fair, of rich renown,

When told this truce was made,

That her just sentence might be known,.
Thus humorously said :-

"Of bloodshed, then, I'm free from guilt;

(Who did not wish to win 'em ;) For not drop could there be spilt,

If they had none within 'em!

"Making the green one rol."-The mis-reading of this passage in Shakspeare is well remembered. The true text and true sense have been restored, and the conection is highly valuable; but it would have been too much to have ad a practical illustration of it by reddening the green of Wimbledon Common, << Now

X

ON A DANCING POET, IN LOVE.

"Now from my train each doughty Knight

Be banish'd speedily;

For love of Gold if they 'd not fight,

They'd not-for love of Me!"

So prosper long our Regent Prince,
And all his subjects true,

That when our noble youths do wince,

No bloodshed may ensue !

ON A DANCING POET, IN LOVE..
[From the Morning Chronicle, Aug. 13.]

IF

F W-1l-ley's head has no more brains,
Than poetry his verse contains;

If W-11-ley's legs be deftly wise
In proving where his genius lies;
How fit, when all his suit advancing,
To rest the issue on his dancing!
For otherwise, could Pole succeed,
With such a Muse and such a head?-
So W-1-ley P-e a-dancing goes,
And flirts away with all his toes,
And jigs so fine, and jigs so smart,
He'll dance his way into her heart,
And captivate her longing soul

As she whirls round her dancing Pole.
Then, Pole! where'er the Fair you meet,
Oh! shake your legs to show your wit;
Show her, in spite of nature's rigour,
Your only way to make a figure:
And while they cut and caper so,
Be sure you let the Lady know,
Your legs can cut more fine and true
Than e'er your wit was known to do.
Go-heed not what a rival feels,
And woo the Lady with your-heels!""

See page 273.

303

GRIEVANCES