PROLOGUE.

BY

DAVID GARRICK, ESQ.

Enter MR WOODWARD, dressed in black, and holding a handkerchief to his eyes.

Excuse me, sirs, I pray,—I can't yet speak,-
I'm crying now-and have been all the week.

<< 'Tis not alone this mourning suit,» good masters:
<< I've that within »>-for which there are no plasters!
Pray, would you know the reason why I'm crying?
The Comic Muse, long sick, is now a-dying!

And if she goes, my tears will never stop;
For, as a player, I can't squeeze out one drop:
I am undone, that's all-shall lose my bread-
I'd rather, but that's nothing-lose my head.
When the sweet maid is laid upon the bier,
SHUTER and I shall be chief mourners here.
To her a mawkish drab of spurious breed,
Who deals in sentimentals, will succeed!
Poor NED and I are dead to all intents;
We can as soon speak Greek as sentiments!
Both nervous grown, to keep our spirits up,.
We now and then take down a hearty cup.

What shall we do?-If Comedy forsake us,
They'll turn us out, and no one else will take us.
But why can't I be moral?—Let me try—
My heart thus pressing-fix'd my face and eye-
With a sententious look that nothing means,
(Faces are blocks in sentimental scenes)
Thus I begin-« All is not gold that glitters;
Pleasures seem sweet, but prove a glass of bitters.
When ign'rance enters, folly is at hand:

Learning is better far than house and land.
Let not your virtue trip; who trips may stumble,
And virtue is not virtue if she tumble.»

I give it up-morals won't do for me;
To make you laugh, I must play tragedy.
One hope remains-hearing the maid was ill,
A Doctor comes this night to show his skill.

To cheer her heart, and give your muscles motion,
He, in Five Draughts prepared, presents a potion:
A kind of magic charm-for be assured,

If
you will swallow it, the maid is cured:
But desperate the Doctor, and her case is,
If you reject the dose, and make wry faces!
This truth he boasts, will boast it while he lives,
No pois'nous drugs are mix'd in what he gives.
Should he succeed, you'll give him his degree;
If not, within he will receive no fee!

The college, you, must his pretensions back,
Pronounce him Regular, or dub him Quack.

SHE STOOPS TO CONQUER;

OR,

THE MISTAKES OF A NIGHT.

ACT I.

SCENE-A CHAMBER IN AN OLD-FASHIONED HOUSE.

Enter MRS HARDCASTLE and MR HARDCASTLE.

MRS HARDCASTLE.

I vow, Mr Hardcastle, you're very particular. Is there a creature in the whole country but ourselves, that does not take a trip to town now and then, to rub off the rust a little? There's the two Miss Hoggs, and our neighbour Mrs Grigsby, go to take a month's polishing every winter.

HARDCASTLE.

Ay, and bring back vanity and affectation to last them the whole year. I wonder why London cannot keep its own fools at home! In my time, the follies of the town crept slowly among us, but now they travel faster than a stage-coach. Its fopperies come down not only as inside passengers, but in the very basket.

VOL. II.

15

MRS HARDCASTLE.

Ay, your times were fine times indeed; telling us of them for many a long year.

you have been

Here we live in

an old rumbling mansion, that looks for all the world like an inn, but that we never see company. Our best visitors are old Mrs Oddfish, the curate's wife, and little Cripplegate, the lame dancing-master; and all our entertainment your old stories of Prince Eugene and the Duke of Marlborough. I hate such old-fashioned trumpery.

HARDCASTLE.

And I love it. I love every thing that's old: old friends, old times, old manners, old books, old wines; and, I believe, Dorothy, [taking her hand] you'll own I have been pretty

fond of an old wife.

MRS HARDCASTLE.

Lord, Mr Hardcastle, you're for ever at your Dorothys You may be a Darby, but I'll be no I'm not so old as you'd make me, year. Add twenty to twenty, and

and
your old wives.
Joan, I promise you.
by more than one good
make money of that.

HARDCASTLE.

Let me see; twenty added to twenty makes just fifty and seven.

MRS HARDCASTLE.

It's false, Mr Hardcastle; I was but twenty when I was brought to bed of Tony, that I had by Mr Lumpkin, my first husband; and he's not come to years of discretion yet.

HARDCASTLE.

Nor ever will, I dare answer for him. Ay, you have taught him finely.

MRS HARDCASTLE.

No matter. Tony Lumpkin has a good fortune.

My