One plunge within the murky stream would end the bitter strife. 66 I must see that," he cried-the words that put his woe to flight Were "John S. Clarke as Acres at the Charing Cross to-night." Another of these effusions, well worthy of insertion here, appeared quite recently in a humorous paper, and is devoted to the interests of Messrs Cook & Son, the tourist agents. Whether or not it was paid for as an advertisement, they must have found it valuable. Despite the sneers of several small wits whom fortune has enabled to travel in the old expensive mode, there are very many who are neither cads nor snobs, whatever the distinction may be, and whose greatest sin is a paucity of income, that have felt the benefit of the popular excursionists' endeavours. The verses are called COOK'S PERQUISITES. In longitude six thousand ninety-two, Her back was broken, so she went in halves, Was waiting to receive him on the beach; And seeing he was plump and nice to eat, Received him graciously with courteous speech. The suite, who thus their coming banquet eyed, That they meant feasting on-and not with-him! But, as you draw a fowl before 'tis drest, And laid their plunder down before the king. The monarch started at some object there— Howinki croblob? Boo! Owchingadowd!" Which means "Unhand this kindly gentleman. Observe those coupons! Note that small green book! ̧ Put out the fire-hang up the frying-pan! We mustn't eat him. He belongs to Cook!" But turning back to the early times on which we started. in quest of amusing advertisements, we come upon a fictitious letter addressed to Sylvanus Urban in the Gentleman's Magazine for September 1803, which is signed Maria Elderly, and falls sadly foul of the indecorous announcements then so plentiful. It runs thus: "Good Mr Urban,-You must know, Sir, I am a married woman and a mother (I bless Heaven!) of several not unpromising daughters. We read most of the best English and French authors together as we sit at our work: that is to say one reads aloud whilst the rest draw, sew, or embroider. The hours thus pass more pleasantly; and our amusement I will hope is productive of solid mental profit. It is a proverbial goodnatured joke with young gentlemen that curiosity is of the feminine gender. I will not stop to dispute the matter with such acute grammarians; but will rather honestly admit that (although I think otherwise) perhaps much may be said on both sides.' Nay, I will own, Sir, that what with the natural timidity of my sex, and the fear of Bonaparte's invasion, I do feel a little hankering or so, to learn how the world of politics is conducted. I therefore have lately and was taken in a certain fashionable morning newspaper, much amused at first with its contents. But, my dear Mr Urban, I fancy I must give up this paper; and as I find you are a married gentleman, I will at once tell you why: I have often been vexed, Sir, at the sight of certain indecorous, advertisements. Proof is better than accusation at all times. I will therefore just allude to a few, which, however, I assure you, are not the worst. I know you cannot expect me to transcribe them. The first instance I shall notice, is in the paper of April 21, 1803, where 'a lady near 30, wishes to be companion to a single gentleman ;' and as a proof of the impropriety of this advertisement, Mr O. of Dover Street (to whom the lady referred) thought it necessary pointedly to deny all knowledge of her in another advertisement of April 28. In the paper of May 5, I read that 'a widow-lady pleasing in her person, &c., solicits the loan of £40 from a gentleman.' The lady refers to a house in Dean Street, Soho. In that of May 26 'a young female intreats the loan of £130 from a nobleman or gentleman of fortune.' She refers to Curriers' Row, Black friars. In that of June 1, a young lady (who refers to the post-office, Blandford Street, Portman Square) inserts a most unqualified proposal indeed. In that of June 16, the proposal is repeated in still more impertinent terms. The lady now refers to Eyre Street, Hatton Garden. In that of June 18, appear two advertisements from females, of a very curious nature, addressed to two young men. Both are assignations; and they are expressed too in very intelligible terms, I do assure you. I believe you will agree with me that such advertisements can do no, good and may do much harm. I could enlarge my list very greatly, by pointing your eyes to paragraphs of a later date; but the subject is a very unpleasant one, and I at present forbear. 'My poverty, but not my will consents' may do in a play; but it is a sad excuse for the editor of a daily publication: and it is criminal, Sir, when we consider how many young minds may thus be empoisoned." We trust this letter will be taken as evidence that we have in the preceding chapter by no means selected the worst specimens of the style which pervaded advertisements at the close of the last century and beginning of the present. The believers in vested interests may see by an advertisement of the year 1804, that proprietorial rights were respected in those days even among beggars :— To be disposed of for the benefit of the poor widow a Blind Man's WALK in a charitable neighbourhood, the comings-in between twenty-five and twenty-six shillings a week, with a dog well drilled, and a staff in good repair. A handsome premium will be expected. For further particulars, inquire at No. 40, Chiswell Street. The halcyon days of cadgers and crossing-sweepers are over, and we no longer hear of members of either profession leaving fortunes. It has often been source of wonder to us how a right was maintained in any particular crossing or walk. It is presumable, of course, that no action would lie in the event of one man taking another's favourite corner; yet, if story-tellers are to be depended upon, the "goodwills" of these places in days gone by were worth not hundreds alone, but thousands of pounds. The new police and the mendicity societies have considerably disturbed such sinecures, and even those affectionate parents that of late years lived on the earnings of their young, who pretended to sell cigar-lights and newspapers, but who in reality begged freely, have been driven to earn their own meals by the officers of the various school-boards. passes away the glory of free trade from this over-legislated and effete old country, where no one is allowed to do as he likes if it at all interferes with the comfort of his neighbours -except, of course, when he is rich and the neighbour is poor. Passing on to 1811, we come upon a quaint request for a servant in the Morning Post of December 4:— A So COOK-HOUSEMAID, or HOUSEMAID-COOK is wanted, for the service of a single gentleman, where only one other, a manservant is kept. The age of the woman wanted must not be less than 25, nor more than 40 years; and it is requisite that she should be equally excellent in the two capacities of Cook and Housemaid. Her charac ter must be unexceptionable for sobriety, honesty and cleanliness. The sobriety, however, which consists in drinking deep without staggering will not do; nor will the honesty suffice which would make up for the possible absence of pilfering by waste. Neither will the cleanliness answer which is content with bustling only before the employer's eyes—a sure symptom of a slattern. The servant advertised for, must be thoroughly and truly cleanly, honest and sober. As it is probable that not a drab out of place who reads this advertisement but will be for imposing herself, though, perhaps, incapable of cooking a sprat, and about as nice as a Hottentot, all such are warned not to give themselves useless trouble. On the other hand, a steady, clean woman, really answering the above description, will, by applying as below, hear of a place not easy equalled in comfort; where the wages are good and constantly increasing, and where servants are treated as fellow-creatures, and with a kindness, which, to the discredit of their class, is seldom merited. Personal application to be made, from one to three o'clock, to Mr Danvers, perfumer, No. 16, Craven Street, Strand. Here we have the crotchety old bachelor of the novels to the life. This advertiser was evidently a judge of character, and doubtless one of the kindest-hearted of men, but irascible and touchy, subject to twinges of gout, and possessed of a horror of east winds. A man who would scorn to be affected by the most pitiful story, yet whose hand was always in his pocket, and whose sympathy always meant relief as well. Where are all these good old creatures gone? Are they all dead, and is the race extinct? Frankly we must admit that we never met with any one of them, though we should very much like to, as we could in our own person find plenty of opportunity for the disposition of extra benevolence. It is said that the brothers Cheeryble had an actual existence, and perhaps they had, but if so, they managed to conceal their identity extremely successfully. We remember once meeting two brothers in business, who in appearance and manner were exactly like Nickleby's benefactors; but two more astute individuals were not to be found in the three kingdoms. And on the strength of this likeness they possessed a great reputation for a benevolence which never had even a symptom of |