Masterpieces of American Wit and Humor, Volume 2

Capa
Thomas L. Masson
Doubleday, Page, 1903

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Página 100 - The times have been That, when the brains were out, the man would die, And there an end ; but now they rise again, With twenty mortal murders on their crowns, And push us from our stools.
Página 63 - So's to lug new slave-states in To abuse ye, an' to scorn ye, An' to plunder ye like sin. Ain't it cute to see a Yankee Take sech everlastin...
Página 154 - Wait till you come to Forty Year. Forty times over let Michaelmas pass, Grizzling hair the brain doth clear — Then you know a boy is an ass, Then you know the worth of a lass, Once you have come to Forty Year.
Página 61 - Fact! it takes a sight o' cotton To stuff out a soger's chest: Sence we farmers hev to pay fer 't, Ef you must wear humps like these, Sposin' you should try salt hay fer 't, It would du ez slick ez grease.
Página 127 - No, no, no; said he cut down his apple tree." "George's apple tree?" "No, no; his father's." "Oh!" "He said " "His father said?" "No, no, no; George said, 'Father, I cannot tell a lie. I did it with my little hatchet.
Página 144 - ... requisite tin For ransom of their salesman, that he may Go forth as other boarders go alway — As those I hear now flocking from their tea, Led by the daughter of my landlady Pianoward. This day for all my moans, Dry bread and water have been served me. Behold the deeds that are done of Mrs. Jones1 Miss Amabel Jones is musical, and so , The heart of the young he-boarder doth win. Playing "The Maiden's Prayer," adagio — That fetcheth him, as fetcheth the banco skin The innocent rustic.
Página 64 - Spose the crows wun't fall to pickin' All the carkiss from your bones, Coz you helped to give a lickin' To them poor half-Spanish drones ? Jest go home an...
Página 144 - Galleth the crook of the young man's elbow ; / forget not, for I that youth have been. Smith was aforetime the Lothario gay. Yet once, I mind me, Smith was forced to stay Close in his room. Not calm, as I, was he ; But his noise brought no pleasaunce, verily. Small ease he gat of playing on the bones, Or hammering on his stovepipe, that I see. Behold the deeds that are done of Mrs. Jones!
Página 24 - I'll sit down when I'm ready, so I will, Ann Ryan, an' ye'd better be list'nin' than drawin' your remarks) an' it's mysel', with five good characters from respectable places, would be herdin
Página 30 - Ez fer the war, I go agin it, — I mean to say I kind o' du, — Thet is, I mean thet, bein' in it, The best way wuz to fight it thru ; Not but wut abstract war is horrid, I sign to thet with all my heart, — But civlyzation doos git forrid Sometimes upon a powder-cart. About thet darned Proviso matter I never hed a grain o...

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