surface of my clothes, my black silk dress was not stout enough to save me from the painful effects of this sudden fomentation; and for some minutes I seemed to be in a boiling cauldron; but, recollecting how Sir Thomas had disguised his torture when I trod upon his toe, I firmly bore my pain in silence, amidst the stifled giggling of the ladies and the servants.

3. I will not relate the several blunders which I made during the first course, or the distress occasioned by my being desired to carve a fowl, or help to various dishes that stood near me; spilling a sauce-boat, and knocking down a salt-cellar: rather let me hasten to the second course, where fresh disasters over whelmed me quite.

4. I had a piece of rich, sweet pudding on my fork, when Miss Louisa Friendly begged to trouble me for a pigeon that stood near me. In my haste, scarce knowing what I did, 1 whipped the pudding into my mouth, hot as a burning coal. It was impossible to conceal my agony; my eyes were starting from their sockets. At last, in spite of shame and resolution, I was obliged to drop the cause of torment on my plate.

5. Sir Thomas and the ladies all compassionated my misfortune, and each advised a different application. One recommended oil, another water; but all agreed that wine was best for drawing out fire; and a glass of sherry was brought me from the sideboard, which I snatched up with eagerness; but, O' how shall I tell the sequel?

6. Whether the butler by accident mistook, or purposely designed to drive me mad, he gave me the strongest brandy; with which I filled my mouth, already flayed and blistered. Totally unused to every kind of ardent spirits, with my tongue, throat and palate, as raw as beef, what could I do? I could not swallow; and, clapping my hands upon my mouth, the liquor squirted through my fingers like a fountain, over all the dishes; and I was crushed by bursts of laughter from all quarters. In vain did Sir Thomas reprimand the servants, and Lady Friendly chide her daughters; for the measure of my shame and their diversion was not yet complete.

7. To relieve me from the intolerable state of perspiration

which this accident had caused, without considering what I did, I wiped my face with that ill-fated handkerchief, which was still wet from the consequences of the fall of Xenophon, and covered all my features with streaks of ink in every direction. The baronet himself could not support the shock, but joined his lady in the general laugh; while I sprang from the table in despair, rushed out of the house, and ran home in an agony of confusion and disgrace which the most poignant * sense of guilt could not have excited. ANON.

2.

3.

CIV. HELPS TO READ.

1. A CERTAIN artist - I've forgot his name

Had got for making spectacles a fame,

Or "Helps to Read," — as, when they first were sold,
Was writ upon his glaring sign in gold;

And, for all uses to be had from glass,

His were allowed, by readers, to surpass.

There came a man into his shop, one day :-
"Are you the spectacle contriver, pray?”.

"" Yes, sir," said he, "I can in that affair
Contrive to please you, if you want a pair."-
"Can you? Pray do, then."-So, at first he chose
To place a youngish pair upon his nose;

And-book produced,† to see how they would fit.
Asked how he liked 'em. — "Like 'em? Not a bit!".

66

Then, sir, I fancy - if you please to try

These in my hand will better suit your eye."
"No, but they don't.".

'Well, come, sir, if you please,

Here is another sort; we 'll e'en try these;
Still somewhat more they magnify the letter:
Now, sir?"-
Why, now - I'm not a bit the better!'
"No! here, take these that magnify still more;
How do they fit?” -"Like all the rest before."

See Exercises under the eighteenth elementary sound, page 38. An elliptical form of expression; meaning, "a book being produced.' See T 194, page 68.

4.

In short, they tried a whole assortment through,
But all in vain, for none of 'em would do.

5.

The operator, much surprised to find

So odd a case, thought, sure the man is blind :

"What sort of eyes can yours be, friend?" said he.—

Why, very good ones, friend, as you may see."

"Yes, I perceive the clearness of the ball;

Pray, let me ask you, can you read at all?”

“No, you great blockhead! if I could, what need
Of paying you for any Helps to Read?"—
And so he left the maker in a heat,

Resolved to post him for an ărrant cheat.

DR. BYROM.

CV. THE FALLS OF NIAGARA IN WINTER.

1. THE river Niagara takes its rise in the western extremity of Lake Erie, and, after flowing about thirty-four miles, empties itself into Lake Ontario. It is from half a mile to three miles broad; its course is very smooth, and its depth considerable. The sides above the cataract are nearly level; but below the falls the stream rushes between very lofty rocks, crowned by gigantic trees. The great body of water does not fall in one complete sheet, but is separated by islands, and forms three distinct falls.

2. One of these, called the Great Fall, or, from its shape, the Horse-shoe Fall, is on the Canadian side. Its beauty is considered to surpass that of the others, although its height is considerably less. It is said to have a fall of one hundred and sixty-five feet; and in the hotel, which is about three hundred yards from the fall, the concussion of air caused by this immense cataract is so great, that the window-frames,, and, indeed, the whole house, are continually in a tremulous motion; and in winter, when the wind drives the spray in the direction of the buildings, the whole scene is coated with sheets of ice.

3. The great cataract is seen by few tourists in its winter garb. I had seen it several years before in all the glories of autumn, its encircling woods, happily spared by the remorseless

hatchet, and tinted with the brilliant hues peculiar to the Amer ican Fall." Now the glory had departed; the woods were still there, but were generally black, with occasional green pines; beneath the gray trunks was spread a thick mantle of snow, and from the brown rocks enclosing the deep channel of the Niagara river hung huge clusters of icicles, twenty feet in length, like silver pipes of giant organs. The tumultuous rapids appeared to descend more regularly than formerly over the steps which distinctly extended across the wide river.

4. The portions of the British, or Horse-shoe Fall, where the waters descend in masses of snowy whi.eness, were unchanged by the season, except that vast sheets of ice and icicles hung on their margin; but where the deep waves of sea-green water roll majestically over the steep, large pieces of descending ice were frequently descried on its surface. No rainbows were now observed on the great vapor-cloud which shrouds forever the bottom of the Fall; but we were extremely fortunate to see now plainly what I had looked for in vain at my last visit, the water-rockets, first described by Captain Hall, which shot up with a train of vapor, singly, and in flights of a dozen, from the abyss near Table Rock, curved towards the east, and burst and fell in front of the cataract.

5. Vast masses of descending fluid produce this singular effect by means o' condensed air acting on portions of the vapor into which the water is comminuted below. Altogether the appearance was most startling. The broad sheet of the American Fall presented the appearance of light-green water and feathery spray, also margined by huge icicles. As in summer, the water rushing from under the vapor-cloud of the two falls was of a milky whiteness as far as the ferry, when it became dark and interspersed with floating masses of ice. Here, the year before, from the pieces of ice being heaped and crushed together in great quantities, was formed a thick and high bridge of ice, completely across the river, safe for passengers for some time; and in the middle of it a Yankee speculator had erected a shanty for refreshments.

6. Lately, at a dinner-party, I heard a staff-officer of talent,

but who was fond of exciting wonder by his narratives, propose to the company a singular wager, -a bet of one hundred pounds that he would go over the Falls of Niagara and come out alive at the bottom. No one being inclined to take him up, after a good deal of discussion as to how this perilous feat was to be accomplished, the plan was disclosed.

7. To place on Table Rock a crane, with a long arm reaching over the water of the Horse-shoe Fall; from this arm would hang, by a stout rope, a large bucket or cask; this would be taken up some distance above the Fall, where the mill-raceE slowly glides towards the cataract; here the adventurer would get into the cask, men stationed on the Table Rock would haul in the slack of the rope as he descended, and the crane would swing him clear from the cataract as he passed over. Here is a chance for any gentleman sportsman to immortalize himself'

1. A TOURISTE in Saxony relates that while visiting a silver mine twelve hundred feet beneath the surface of the earth, he became conscious of the sweet, melancholy sound of a bell, which, at intervals of a minute, would toll dreamily through the air. "That is the bell of safety," said the guide. "Does it sound a warning?" asked the stranger.

lf,

2. "No; the reverse," replied the guide; "its silence gives the warning. The bell is acted upon by a large water-wheel immediately below. By means of this wheel, and of others at greater depths, the whole drainage of this mine is effected. by any means, these water-wheels should cease to act, the bell would cease to sound, and the miners would hasten up to the light of day, lest the place where they are working should be flooded."

3. Every few minutes, the haggard toiler, deep in the earth, pauses to listen to the "still, small voice" of the bell; for such it seems, as its muffled peals re-ver'ber-ate through the subterranean galleries. As his ear catches its reassuring tones, he resumes his work with a more cheerful will.