Imagens das páginas
PDF
ePub

A few extracts from his diary

Being answered that it would | gled joy. Blessed are the dead not be matter of surprise, if he who die in the Lord. should be released before night, he replied; "That is good-which was written, merely for 'tis a good thought." Sabbath his own spiritual benefit, without morning, being asked, if it would the least idea of its ever being not injure him to see so much made public, will now be added. company as would probably be But here I find a difficulty in in on that day, he replied, "No. determining where to begin and Let as many come as wish it, where to end, each part being and see to what they are coming. nearly alike interesting.-After I cannot preach to them now, ex- he had entertained a hope of his cept in groans and hiccoughs. good estate, and made a public But my situation may be as for profession of religion, he seemcible preaching as any other." ed to enjoy much comfort, exOn Monday, after a kind of cepting at few short intervals, spasm, he said ; My pain was for about a year. After this he so great just now, that I almost had great doubts, and at times, forgot that it was my Father's gave up his hope. This was hand. Do remind me of it in the case great part of the time these turns. You do not know for three years or more. The how much the thought eases general state of his mind, during my pain." He observed, sever- that time, may be seen from the al times, that he thought his following extracts from his diprospects brightened, as he drew ary, excepting the first, which nearer the other world. He of he wrote on the day in which he ten spake of the greatness of the made a public profession of rechange, but viewed it with com-ligion, and is as follows. posure.

60

On Wednesday, when the symptoms of dissolution became evident, he was asked if he was sensible that he was dying, and told that his friends viewed him so; he replied; "I believe I am, though my distress is not greater than it has been before." He then called for Mrs. Huntington, who had, for some time been very weak, and low, and addressed her thus: "I am sensible that I am dying, and that we must part. I am willing, I hope you are also willing. We

Sept. 3d, 1786. I arose this morning, and performed secret devotion with some fervency and satisfaction, but so little that I had occasion to lament it before God.

The solemn day was now come, wherein I was to dedicate myself to God, and sit down at the table of our Lord. My mind felt calm, serene and resigned; but less affected than I wished. But thanks be to God, that in the solemn transaction, he gave me so much willingness, and resolution to be his. I adore shall soon meet again." Here that unspeakable love, goodness his strength failed. Soon after, and wisdom which have found with a mind serene and compos-out a way whereby such an aled, he resigned his breath, and ienated, sinful creature as I, may we confidently believe, exchan- be reconciled to an offended and ged a world of sin and sorrow, neglected Creator.

And now,

for a world of glory, and unmin-I O God, if I have devoted myself

4

.

to thee in sincerity, solely rely - | me, to aggravate my guilt, is,
ing on the merits of Christ's per- | that I know it, and am at least
fect righteousness, as I humbly rationally convicted of it; and yet
hope I have, I know that thou do not exercise that repentance
wilt accept me, though the which the gospel requires. I
greatest of sinners. But if Sa- sin against great light and
tan, and my own abominably | knowledge, against the admoni-
wicked heart have deceived me, | tions of God's word and provi-
I pray thee to snatch me as a dences, against daily mercies,
brand from the burning, and | and, I have reason to think, a-
bring me to a true knowledge gainst the strivings of the Holy
of myself and thee. But if | Shirit. And this is certainly
thou hast, O Lord, enabled me | highhanded wickedness. Alas!
to do it with sincerity, I desire I am the most abject slave to sin.
to ascribe the praise to thee I am bound by it in chains of
alone, humbly desiring that thou | adamant ! O hateful chains !
wouldest enable me to walk wor- O vile servitude! And yet
thy the high and holy vocation such is my nature, that I love it!
wherewith I am called. Of my | Shall I not then lothe myself ?
self, O Lord, I am nothing. If | O Adam, what an inheritance
there be the least goodness in hast thou lost! Could I throw
me, it is thy grace that hath | all the blame on thee, it would,
made me so. I pray thee to perhaps, ease me. But alas !
keep me humbly dependent on it is mine as well as thine. The
the influences of thy Spirit, to | inheritance, bad as it was, I
carry me through life, and the accepted; yea, and have vastly
gloomy vale of death, and into added to, and improved it.
a blessed eternity. And the Gracious God! take from me
praise shall all be to God the these wretched possessions, and
Father, God the Son, and God make me an heir of that glori-
the Holy Spirit, now and for ous inheritance, which is incor-
ever. Amen."
ruptible, undefiled, and that
fadeth not away ."

After this, he often speaks of the clear, refreshing views which he had of God, and sweet communion with him, for a year or more. Then he was involved in great darkness and distress, which will appear from the few following extracts.

|

|

"Lord's-day morning, June 6th. How miserable is the guilty conscience! Oh, how am I under the dominion of sin ! How cruel the bondage! Oh, the heart-piercing thought of its being eternal! Nothing but "Lord's-day morning, April discouragement, nothing but 4th, 1790. Without holiness, no wrath present themselves to my man shall see the Lord. Where view. A fearful looking-for of then shall I appear? Perhaps I judgment and fiery indignation. have but poor ideas of what ho- O solemn, and alarming tho't! liness is; but I know by woful But, O my soul is there not a experience, what its opposite is. God of infinite mercy? Is not One look inward shows me the the Saviour yet extending his latter in all its deformity. I yet arms of mercy and inviting you live a most miserable, guilty to come? Then I must retract creature; and what appears to | my saying, that it is all discoura VOL. VI. No. 7.

Kk

agement. Gracious God, come over the mountains of my sins, and visit me with thy grace, and redeem me from sin and death." "Monday, June 7th. How unsatisfying is the world! and

[ocr errors]

need, than he, of assistance. F am more in danger of future wrath. My character in the sight of God, is much the most criminal, and I am least concerned about it. I am guilty

"Friday evening, June 18th. I have this day resisted temptation in some little degree; but, alas! my resolutions against sin are miserably feeble. The sin

yet how eager I am in the pur-of unparalleled stupidity. The suit of its enjoyments! I am world will command my attenfully sensible of its insufficien- tion, even to the neglect of the cy for happiness, and that there one thing needful.” is another real, unfailing source of true, solid delight. But still (strange preposterous creature that I am) the former is chosen, and the latter is neglected. My principles and practice shame-which easily besets me, will fully contradict each other. have the victory over me. I My head, I believe is much bet- am shamefully pusillanimous in ter than my heart. I have no conflicting with it. God will doubt, that, in general, my faith certainly one day punish me, or is orthodox. Oh, that my life at least, awfully humble me unand conversation harmonizedder a sense of it. If I ever get with it! I want a new heart, into a happier state, I must first and a right frame of spirit.-pass through a fiery trial in reThen should I go on my way re-pentance. A view of myself, joicing. Then would open to my view a glorious scene indeed. Life and immortality with all its joys would then be mine in prospect. No more fears of future wrath would torment my anxious spirit. Then should I serve my God and Saviour, with sweet delight, and be influenced to duty, not by mercenary hopes, but by pure delight in the performance. Blessed is the man whose case is thus."

without an interest in Christ, will be a sight awfully painful. But to see myself fixed in this state eternally, would be horrible beyond conception. Oh, what scenes await me! O my God! How am I to be disposed of for eternity! A vessel of wrath, or a vessel of mercy! How much reason have I to fear the former! I can have no rational hope in any thing but the sovereign, long-abused grace "Wednesday, June 16th. I of God. Here there is a may be. hate the character of the hypo- With God, all things are possicrite, and consequently hate my ble. His mercy is boundless. But God hates it infinite- He has done wonders in every ly more. How vile then must age for undeserving sinners. A I appear in his sight! I have persecuting Saul, a thief on the been conversing with a friend cross, and many of the vilest of this afternoon, under great anxi-men, have been the objects of ety of mind. He came to me his sovereign mercy. Hence the (poor man) for counsel and di-only ground of hope for me. I rection, supposing I am a Chris- have, this evening, been con-tian. Alas! I am but a blindversing with my sister, who proleader of the blind. I have more fesses a hope that she has shared

own.

in the special grace of God.How ought this to animate me to obtain the crown !"

thou not quit thy obstinate hold of sin? Hast thou not become convinced of the folly and mad"Saturday evening, July 3d. ness of thy conduct? May not What am I? Do I know my the time past suffice thee to have own heart? Do I really see and wrought the will of the flesh ? feel it to be wicked, as I often Wilt thou not henceforth turn confess it to be? Do I see any unto God and live? O vain thing of the great evil, which and fruitless words? Vain are true Christians are said to see the tears which flow from my in the nature of sin? Do I see eyes-vain the anguish which any thing of its destructive ten-wreaks my heart! O the perdency, and great desert of pun- plexity, the anxiety and distress ishment? Does it give me any of my poor benighted soul! Oh, trouble, only as it exposes me what ignorance, what atheism, to future misery? Alas! Ideism, and many other frightful find that I can convince myself spectres lurk within my breast! of being altogether mercenary And this, alas! for ought I in all that I do. My prayers, can tell, is but the beginning of tears, and great thoughtfulness sorrows. But can I support the in religion, will excite in my thought of their being eternal! heart the idea that God is un-Oh! What shall I do to be der some obligation to have saved?" mercy on me. But this I find, on reflection, is far from being the case. I find that I have no regard for God, in all that I do; and why is he obliged to take any kind notice of me? I do what he has commanded me, not because he has commanded it, but because, by disobeying, I am exposed to punishment; or by obeying, I hope to obtain a reward. This I plainly see and feel is a hard saying for a proud heart-hard to be believed, and harder still to be thoroughly felt. But my heart can do no better than to plead guilty to the charge. I cannot find in it any other than selfish views. This is indeed a humbling confession! To view one's self stripped of all true virtue, of all real excellence, is dismal, is mortifying beyond expression! and being not only destitute of real good, but full of evil, is enough to break an heart of adamant. O my soul wilt thou not relent? wilt

"Tuesday evening July 6th. One is taken, and another left. How sovereign is God's elec tion! Nothing the sinner does, is of the least account with him. Prayers, tears, and strivings, bring him under no obligation. I have been these many years using these, and yet I obtain not. My friend lately began to be thoughtful, but the great work in him, is, most probably so soon accomplished. A few weeks on the boisterous ocean, have landed him on the rock of ages, in the harbor of peace and safety. But I am tossed year after year, and alas! must probably sink at last. My prospects look daily, more and more like final perdition. I am led captive by my evil propensities.'

“Lord's day, April 10th, 1791, P. M. The word of God sounds in my ears from week to week, and from day to day; but I prove a thorny ground hearer. What will become of me in the

end God only knows. I have reason to fear, that I shall be cast off with the present wicked generation. Almost all of my standing in life, appear to be travelling to a world of woe. Most go on merrily as if they had a paradise in prospect; but I find a melancholy journey of it; and am, notwithstanding, so foolish as obstinately to pursue it. I see more of the folly of it than others, and am I fear, on that account, more guilty in adhering to it. When I compare my outward behavior with that of others, I am apt to look on myself as less guilty than many. But when I look at my heart, my secret sins, my hypocrisy, breach of covenant, misimprovement of light, and the influences of the Holy Spirit, of privileges, ordinances, and providences, I apprehend myself among the greatest sinners that ever meet the boundless mercy of God. How necessary is the power of God in conversion! How completely have I ruined myself! How dead am I in trespasses and sins-dead to holiness, but alive to sin! A most miserable death, and a most miserable life!" (To be continued.)

From the Religious Monitor.

Account of the Society in Scot. land for Propagating Christian Knowledge.

(Concluded from p. 240) O one other object, which at present is matter of great solicitude to our Society, I beg leave for a moment to call the attention of this large and most respectable company; and that is, a proposed new edition of the Bible in the Gaelic language.

into the question, how far the preservation of that ancient dialect of the Celtic, the language of our forefathers, the primitive inhabitants of this Island, is an object of just desire.

It is the earnest wish of many wise and good men, that the whole inhabitants of Great Britain and Ireland should speak in the same tongue, and be perfectly understood by one another in their mutual intercourse ;—my sentiment on this point differs not from theirs. But surely while the Celtic, whether in the Irish, Welch, or Gaelic dialects, is the existing language of great bodies of remote and ignorant people, no wise and good man will refuse to give them the means of instruction in the only language in which they are capable of receiving it. And of all the means and modes of conveying instruction and improvement, in religion, in morals, and civilization, the Scriptures are, without doubt, the best and most effectual. In the Highlands of Scotland it is computed that 335,000 people speak the Gaelic language, and that of these 300,000 cannot understand a discourse, or a book written in English.

Proceeding upon this idea, our Society as soon as public and private benevolence enabled them to do so, translated and published the holy Scriptures in the Gaelic language. But this they could not do at once; the work was great and expensive. They published the Bible at different periods, and in detached portions: in the year 1767 the New Testament in Gaelic by itself; and in various successive years, and in separate volumes, the several books of the Old Tes

Gentlemen, I will not enter¦ tament.

« AnteriorContinuar »