PASTRY COOK. What have you had, sir?

Boy. I have had two jellies, seven of them, and eleven of them, and six of those, and four Bath buns-a sausage roll, ten almond cakes, and a bottle of ginger beer.

EUCHRE; OR, THE GAME OF LIFE.

[EUCHRE PLAYERS will, we have not the least doubt, fully understand and appreciate the following verses, which we copy from the New York Ledger, Argus and Boston Traveller:]

A HOMILY ON "A HOMILY ON A HOMILY."
BY G. W. PETTES.

By their verses on Euchre 'tis evident quite
Neither Saxe nor the Douglas regard it aright;
Since the first would refuse all assistance to own
And boldly at all times "attempt it alone;'
While the latter, unable his foe to resist,
Expects that his partner will always "assist."

Now, if Euchre illustrates the great Game of Life,
It is not by partially aping the strife;

There are times when 'twere folly to "play it
alone,"

For the game by opponents were easily won.
There are times when a partner's assistance were
vain,

Since attempts to succeed were the enemy's gain.

But he who plays Euchre, or he who regards
The Battle of Life as 'tis told by the cards,
Must know when to "pass," though he hold in his
hand

The requisite bonors on which he might stand;
That, if his opponents rely on their
power,
They may find that a "Euchre" will shadow their
"bower."

Galileo and Kepler, who gild your refrain,
As if to make erudite, lines that are plain,
Played alone," were "assisted" and trumped"
when they pleased,
But when "playing alone," were most fearfully
teased;

Had they known when "to pass," how to "let the
trump be,"

The last had been loved, and the first had been free.

What if Wilkes, on his purpose most earnestly
bent,

Had known "how to pass" when he met with the
Trent?

How rash, with his hand, to "attempt it alone,"
And who should "assist "when the "bowers" were
gone;

Not Fanueil Hall, though with joy it was full,
For Government "passed it" and "Euchred" John
Bull.

You may draw your own moral, but this you
must own,

It is seldom with safety you "play it alone;"
Nor must you "assist," if compelled to refuse,
When the opposite party his "bowers" shall use-
Since your partner may be out of "trumps"

compete,

to

And the aid you vouchsafed makes his ruin com-
plete.

Yes, draw your own moral, but Euchre and Life
Own their losses and gains in ephemeral strife-
"Play alone," when you hold the "good cards" in
the pack;

"Assist" with the Ace, or the King and a Jack,
"Pass" holding both "bowers on refusal to
take,
You can "make" it "the next," and can "play
what you make,"

Look out for the "bridges," and cross if you choose,
But with Euchre and Life, play to win not to lose.
-Boston Traveller.

THE JUDGE'S STORY; OR, THE FALSE CHARGE.

The circumstances which I am about to detail struck me at the time as of so singular a character that they attracted my attention in the midst of the most active pursuit of my profession; and for the space of about a week I may say that I thought of nothing, and did nothing that had not some relation to the extraordinary events which I shall now introduce to the reader.

It was nearly eighteen years before my elevation to the bench, that I occupied a set of dingy and gloomy chambers in Old Square, Lincoln's Inn.

A most dingy and gloomy set of rooms they were. The walls were of old paneling, which had had so many successive coats of paint on them that the very mouldings were nearly filled up and hidden; and the old chimney-pieces, with their quaint ornamentation, were nearly reduced to dull, flat surfaces by the same means.

In those old chambers, though, many a most important consultation took place, and I passed many a long hour, both by day and by night, poring over acts of Parliament and legal volumes.

One evening, in the Spring of the year, when fires were still a luxury, I found that I had an appointment at nine o'clock, with a solicitor of the name of Johnson, who had written to me to say that a deed of gift of rather a peculiar nature was required in favor of a client of his, and that he would be glad to have a conference, accompanied by the client, on the subject.

I had agreed, and at nine o'clock precisely my clerk, who was remarkably steady and sober on that evening, since he had only, I suppose, been twice or thrice to Bell Yard, or to the public-house in Cursitor street, announced the visitors.

"Mr. Johnson, sir; and Captain Meath!"

Johnson I knew quite well; but who or what Captain Meath could be, I was rather at a loss to conjecture, as the first sight of the "Captain" did not bring him up to my notions of what a captain should be in either branch of the service.

Imagine a big, bloated-looking man, about fifty years of age, as dirty and disreputable as he could very well look, and yet with some of the most costly jewelry about him that I ever saw publicly worn. The captain had a beard of some three or four days' growth. His hands and soap had not formed the slightest intimacy apparently for a long period of time, and he brought with him into my chambers a most serious and, to me, a most detestable odor of stale tobacco.

His dress was something between that of a hanger-on at a gaming-house and a horse-jockey.
But his jewels! They startled me!

On his dirty, thick fingers, he must have had at least five hundred pounds' worth of diamonds in rings of massive gold! A pin held together his cravat, from which flashed a ruby of great value; and a gold chain, with a slide in which glittered some half-dozen brilliants, was round his neck, and connected with a watch, I presumed, which no doubt came up to the general grade of his appointments.

Such, then, was Captain Meath, as he sat down on one of my rather old and rickety chamber chairs, and put his hat on the floor between his feet.

I looked at Johnson with an air which no doubt said, pretty plainly, "What sort of an animal is this which you have brought me?" Johnson looked a little red in the face.

"This is-a-Captain Meath," he said. "A gentleman of means!"

"I believe you!" said the captain, in a husky voice, as if his throat were scarred and seamed with alcoholic drinks. "I believe you! Got anything, sir, on the Derby this year, eh?"

"Sir?" said I.

"You look as if you ought to know a 'oss, when you sees him?"

"Mr. Johnson," said I, in a cold, wiry sort of tone, "I am much surprised! Let us proceed to busiif you please!"

ness,

"Certainly! Certainly!"

"O yes!" chimed in the captain. "Business is business! I say, though, sir, don't it strike you, eh? that business always goes better if it's m'istenéd?"

"If it's what, sir?" said I.

"M'istened! Don't you know?"

Mr. Johnson, upon this, tried to get up a little insane sort of a laugh, as he said, "The Captain is only joking, sir. He means moistened. He-he-is thirsty, perhaps.""

Dry as dust!" exclaimed the captain.

"O!" said I.

"Perhaps you haven't something in the drinkable way, here, Mr. ?" added the captain, then. "O, yes, I have."

"No?-you don't say so?"

"Certainly I have."

I rang my little bell, and my clerk popped in his head at the door of the room.

"Brooks, the water-jug!" I said.

"Yes, sir."

"The what?" roared the captain, with a look of the most intense disgust. "The what? Thewater-jug? Sir, do you wish to insult me? Do you mean to offer a man like me the water-jug? I can tell you, Mr. Lawyer what's-your-name, that I know nothing of water!"

"Nor soap either!" said I, rising; "and the sooner you leave my chambers the better, in order that I may get them properly fumigated!"

66

Captain! Captain! Gentlemen!" said Johnson. "Really, now-I hope-I beg―O dear me !" "What's the row, then?" said the captain. "What does he go on at me for, eh ?"

"Look you here, Mr. Johnson," I said; "if you are disposed to go on with the professional business which brings you here, pray do so, and I will attend to it. If not, let me be, and leave me, with your client."

"Certainly! certainly! My dear captain, pray be quiet!"

"The water-jug, sir!" said my clerk, at this moment coming into the room with a large blue article of that description.

The captain sprang at him with a roar, and wrenching the jug from his hands, flung the whole contents over him; and as the jug held about four quarts of pump-water, my clerk, for once in a way, might be said to have gone through the hydropathic treatment.

I could not help laughing, for the life of me.

Mr. Johnson looked alarmed, but the captain only then gave a nod to the clerk, and slammed the door shut in his face, and came back to his chair as if nothing had happened.

"Now, gents," he said, "your servant. I'm ready!"

I nodded to Mr. Johnson to go on; for, to tell the truth, I was getting curious to know what the case could be about.

Mr. Johnson then spoke.

"My client, Captain Meath, is about to accept, as a gift from Mr. Timothy Grigson, of the estate called The Elms, at Richmond, of the whole of that freehold property, with all its hereditaments and appurtenances; and as the estate was the subject of a marriage-settlement at the time of the union of Mr. Timothy Grigson with his wife, Mrs. Placida Grigson, formerly Marrow, and as the captain is to give no valuable consideration for the gift, we are anxious that the deed should be perfectly valid." I looked all the surprise I felt.

What on earth could induce a Timothy Grigson, or anybody else, to make a present of their estate to such a man as Captain Meath, and that estate, too, the subject of a marriage-settlement?

66

"Pray," said I, rather for the purpose of saying something, than for the sake of the information, pray, what is the estate worth, Mr. Johnson ?"

66 Eighteen thousand pounds."

"That's about it," said the captain.

"And do the Grigsons reside there?"

"O yes!" added Johnson. "But they are going abroad."

"Where to, may I ask?"

"I don't know.".

"Well, I suppose a man may give away his property, if he likes. But there were, of course, trustees to the marriage-settlement on Mr. Grigson! What do they say?"

"They oppose."

"Yes," said Captain Meath, and be "

"Sir," said I, stopping him, "you will oblige me by reserving any expletives till you leave me. "Ay, what?"

"Don't swear, he means," whispered Johnson to the captain.

"O very good; but I was only going to say trustees might be-"

"My dear sir, don't, don't! Yes, Mr., the trustees object, but Mrs. Grigson and all her children agree; so we think that a deed may be drawn which will oust the trustees-since, if all parties for whom a trust is held, choose to absolve it, I thought, you see, sir, that it might be set aside."

I shook my head.

"Why, you don't mean to say," roared Captain Meath, "that if old Grigson chooses, he can't give me his property, and go to New Zealand with all his family, eh? He will have enough to begin the world there with again, I fancy, eh?"

I felt quite bewildered. What could be the inducing cause of a man wishing to give away his property here, and begin the world in New Zealand again with his children, and to give it to such a person as Captain Meath?

"There's another little matter, too," said Johnson. "The deed must not be in the name of Meath as the person gifted with the estate. The captain's real name is Amos Briggs."

"Then, why does he call himself Captain Meath?"

"Ha! ha!" laughed the captain. "A good traveling name, you see, sir! But when you come to law-parchments, and those sort of things, let it be Briggs !-let it be Briggs! What's the odds, so long as you are happy?"

"Then," said I, "as I comprehend you, Mr. Johnson, you want such a deed of gift settled as shall bestow an estate without consideration upon a person to be there named; such estate, at the same time, being part of a marriage-settlement, the trustees to such settlement objecting, although the parties in whose interests the settlement was made agree."

"That's it, sir!"

"I must consider."

"Then you are a muff!"

"But now I know," added I.

"Oh, dear!" said Johnson.

"Now, I know, Mr. Johnson, and you, Captain Meath, alias Amos Briggs; and tell you at once that I will have nothing whatever to do with the transaction!"

Captain Meath turned white with rage, and he took two steps toward me."

"I'm half a mind," he said, "to smash you!"

"If you come one inch nearer me," I said, "I will thrash you within a hair's-breadth of your life. You are a bully and a scoundrel!"

"Murder!" said Johnson.

For one moment Captain Meath seemed as if he would muster up courage enough to attack me; and then, like a cur as he was, and as such men usually are, he turned on his heel, muttering some indistinct threats.

"And a coward too, I see!" added I.

Captain Meath took no notice of these words, but abruptly left the room.

was lying sprawling in the outer office.

Another moment, and he