Shal. By my fidelity, this is not well, master licly shamed: and, methinks, there would be no period to the jest, should he not be publicly Ford; this wrongs you. Eva. Master Ford, you must pray, and not shamed. follow the imaginations of your own heart: this is jealousies. Ford. Well, he's not here I seek for. come into the chamber. Mrs. Page. Come, to the forge with it then, shape it: I would not have things cool. [Exeunt. SCENE III-A room in the Garter Inn. Enter Page. No, nor no where else, but in your brain. Ford. Help to search my house this one time: if I find not what I seek, show no colour for my extremity, let me for ever be your table-sport: let Bard. Sir, the Germans desire to have three of them say of me, As jealous as Ford, that search'd your horses: the duke himself will be to-morrow as a hollow walnut for his wife's leman. Satisfy me court, and they are going to meet him. once more; once more search with me. Host. What duke should that be, comes so se Mrs. Ford. What hoa, mistress Page! come cretly? I hear not of him in the court: Let me you, and the old woman down; my husband will speak with the gentlemen; they speak English? Bard. Ay, sir; I'll call them to you. Ford. Old woman! What old woman's that? Host. They shall have my horses; but I'll make Mrs. Ford. Why, it's my maid's aunt of Brent-them pay, I'll sauce them: they have had my house a week at command; I have turned away my other Ford. A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean! guests: they must come off; I'll sauce them: Come. Have I not forbid her my house? She comes of errands, does she? We are simple men; we do not know what's brought to pass under the profes-SCENE IV.-A room in Ford's House. Enter sion of fortune-telling. She works by charms, by Page, Ford, Mrs. Page, Mrs. Ford, and Ser spells, by the figure, and such daubery as this is; Hugh Evans. beyond our element: we know nothing.- -Come down, you witch, you hag you; come down, I say. Mrs. Ford. Nay, good sweet husband;-good as ever I did look upon. gentlemen, let him not strike the old woman. ford. Enter Falstaff in women's clothes, led by Mrs. Page. Mrs. Page. Come, mother Pratt, come, give me your hand. [Exeunt. Eva. 'Tis one of the pest discretions of a 'oman Page. And did he send you both these letters at an instant? I Mrs. Page. Within a quarter of an hour. rather will suspect the sun with old, Ford. I'll prat her:- -Out of my door, you witch! [beats him.] you rag, you baggage, you polecat, you ronyon! out! out! I'll conjure you, In him that was of late a heretic, As firm as faith. Page. I'll fortune-tell you. [Exit Falstaff. Mrs. Page. Are you not ashamed? I think, you have kill'd the poor woman. Mrs. Ford. Nay, he will do it:-'Tis a goodly credit for you. Ford. Hang her, witch! Eva. By yea and no, I think, the 'oman is a witch indeed: I like not when a 'oman has a great peard; I spy a great peard under her muffler. Ford. Will you follow, gentlemen? I beseech you, follow; see but the issue of my jealousy: if I cry out thus upon no trail,' never trust me when I open again. Page. Let's obey his humour a little further; Come, gentlemen. [Ex. Page, Ford, Shal. and Eva. Mrs. Page. Trust me, he beat him most pitifully. Mrs. Ford. Nay, by the mass, that he did not; he beat him most unpitifully, methought. 'Tis well, 'tis well; no more. But let our plot go forward: let our wives Page. How! to send him word they'll meet him in the park at midnight! fie, fie; he'll never come. Eva. You say he has been thrown in the rivers; and has been grievously peaten, as an old 'oman; methinks, there should be terrors in him, that he should not come; methinks his flesh is punished, he shall have no desires. Page. So think I too. Mrs. Ford. Devise but how you'll use him when he comes, Mrs. Page. I'll have the cudgel hallowed, and hung o'er the altar; it hath done meritorious service. Mrs. Ford. What think you? May we, with the And let us two devise to bring him thither. warrant of womanhood, and the witness of a good Mrs. Page. There is an old tale goes, that Herne conscience, pursue him with any further revenge? the hunter, Mrs. Page. The spirit of wantonness is, sure, Sometime a keeper here in Windsor forest, scared out of him; if the devil have him not in fee-Doth all the winter time, at still midnight, simple, with fine and recovery, he will never, I Walk round about an oak, with great ragg'd horns; think, in the way of waste, attempt us again. And there he blasts the tree, and takes the cattle, Mrs. Ford. Shall we tell our husbands how we And makes milch-kine yield blood, and shakes a have served him? chain Mrs. Page. Yes, by all means; if it be but to In a most hideous and dreadful manner. scrape the figures out of your husband's brains. If You have heard of such a spirit; and well you they can find in their hearts, the poor unvirtuous know, fat knight shall be any further afflicted, we two will The superstitious idle-headed eld Receiv'd, and did deliver to our age, still be the ministers. Mrs. Ford. I'll warrant, they'll have him pub-This tale of Herne the hunter for a truth. (1) Lover. (2) Scab. (3) Scent. (4) Cry out. (5) Strikes. (6) Old age. Page. Why, yet there want not many, that do fear thick-skin? speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, In deep of night to walk by this Herne's oak; But what of this? Mrs. Ford, Marry, this is our device; That Falstaff at that oak shall meet with us, Disguis'd like Herne, with huge horns on his head. Page. Well, let it not be doubted but he'll come, And in this shape: When you have brought him thither, What shall be done with him? what is your plot? Mrs. Page. That likewise have we thought upon, and thus: Nan Page my daughter, and my little son, Mrs. Ford. 3 And till he tell the truth, Let the supposed fairies pinch him sound,3 And burn him with their tapers. Mrs. Page. The truth being known, We'll all present ourselves; dis-horn the spirit, And mock him home to Windsor. Ford. The children must Be practised wel. to this, or they'll ne'er do't. Eva. I will teach the children their behaviours; and I will be like a jack-an-napes also, to burn the knight with my taber. Ford. That will be excellent. I'll go buy them ▾ vizards. Mrs. Page. My Nan shall be the queen of all the fairies, Finely attired in a robe of white. Page. That silk will I go buy ;-and in that time Shall master Slender steal my Nan away, [Aside. And marry her at Eton.Go, send to Falstaff straight. Ford. Nay, I'll to him again in name of Brook: He'll tell me all his purpose: sure he'll come. Mrs. Page. Fear not you that: Go, get us properties,* And tricking for our fairies. Eva. Let us about it: It is admirable pleasures, and fery honest knaveries. [Exeunt Page, Ford, and Evans. Mrs. Page. Go, mistress Ford, Send quickly to sir John, to know his mind. [Exit Mrs. Ford. I'll to the doctor; he hath my good will, [Exit. SCENE V.-A room in the Garter Inn. Enter Host and Simple. quick, snap. Sim. Marry, sir, I come to speak with sir John Falstaff from master Slender. Host. There's his chamber, his house, his castle, his standing-bed, and truckle-bed; 'tis painted about with the story of the prodigal, fresh and new: Go, knock and call; he'll speak like an Anthropophaginians unto thee: Knock, I say. Sim. There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into his chamber; I'll be so bold as to stay, sir, till she come down: I come to speak with her, indeed. Host. Ha! a fat woman! the knight may be robbed: I'll call.-Bully knight! Bully sir John! speak from thy lungs military: Art thou there? it is thine host, thine Ephesian, calls. Fal. [Above.] How now, mine host? Host. Here's a Bohemian Tartar tarries the coming down of thy fat woman: Let her descend, bully, let her descend: my chambers are honourable: Fie! privacy? fie! Enter Falstaff. Fal. There was, mine host, an old fat woman even now with me; but she's gone. Sim. Pray you, sir, was't not the wise woman of Brentford f Fal. Ay, marry, was it, muscle-shell; What would you with her? Sim. My master, sir, my master Slender, sent to her, seeing her go through the streets, to know, sir, whether one Nym, sir, that beguiled him of a chain, had the chain, or no. Fal. I spake with the old woman about it. Fal. Marry, she says, that the very same man, that beguiled master Slender of his chain, cozened him of it. Sim. I would, I could have spoken with the woman herself; I had other things to have spoken with her too, from him. Fal. What are they? let us know. Sim. I may not conceal them, sir. Sim. Why, sir, they were nothing but about mistress Anne Page; to know, if it were my mas ter's fortune to have her, or no. Fal. "Tis, 'tis his fortune. Sim. What, sir? Fal. To have her,-or no: Go; say, the woman told me so. Sim. May I be so bold to say so, sir? Sim. I thank your worship: I shall make my Fal. Ay, that there was, mine host; one that hath taught me more wit than ever I learned before in my life: and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning. Enter Bardolph. Bard. Out, alas, sir! cozenage! meer cozenage! Host. Where be my horses? speak well of them, varletto. Host. What would'st thou have, boor? what, Bard. Run away with the cozeners; for so soon (1) Elfs, hobgoblins. (2) Wild, discordant. (3) Soundly. (4) Necessarier (5) Cannibal. (6) Cunning woman, a fortune-teller (7) Scholar-like. as I came beyond Eton, they threw me off, from SCENE VI.—Another Room in the Garter Inn. behind one of them, in a slagh of mire; and set Enter Fenton and Host. spurs, and away, like three German devils, three Doctor Faustuses. Host. They are gone but to meet the duke, vil-is lain: do not say, they be fled; Germans are honest men. Enter Sir Hugh Evans. Eva. Where is mine host? Host. What is the matter, sir? Host. Master Fenton, talk not to me; my mind heavy, I will give over all. Fent. Yet hear me speak: Assist me in my And, as am a gentleman, I'll give thee Fent. From time to time I have acquainted you Eva. Have a care of your entertainments: there With the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page; is a friend of mine come to town, tells me, there Who, mutually, hath answered my affection is three cousin Germans, that has cozened all the (So far forth as herself might be her chooser,) hosts of Readings, of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, Even to my wish: I have a letter from her of horses and money. I tell you for a good-will, of such contents as you will wonder at; look you: you are wise, and full of gibes and The mirth whereof so larded with my matter, louting-stogs; and 'tis not convenient you should That neither, singly, can be manifested, be cozened: Fare you well. [Exit. Without the show of both; wherein fat Falstaff Hath a great scene; the image of the jest Enter Doctor Caius. Caius. Vere is mine Host de Jarterre? Host. Here, master doctor, in perplexity, and doubtful dilemma. I'll show you here at large. [Showing the letter. Hark, good mine host: just 'twixt twelve and Must my sweet Nan present the fairy queen, Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat but it is tell-a The purpose why, is here;2 in which disguise, me, dat you make grand preparation for a duke de While other jests are something rank on foot,. Jarmany: by my trot, dere is no duke, dat de Her father hath commanded her to slip court is know to come; I tell you for good vill: Away with Slender, and with him at Eton adieu. [Exil. Immediately to marry: she hath consented: Host. Hue and cry, villain, go:-assist me, Now, sir, knight; I am undone :-fly, run, hue and cry, vil- Her mother, even strong against that match, lain! I am undone! [Exeunt Host and Bardolph. And firm for doctor Caius, hath appointed Fal. I would, all the world might be cozened; That he shall likewise shuffle her away, for I have been cozen'd and beaten too. If it should While other sports are tasking of their minds, come to the ear of the court, how I have been And at the deanery, where a priest attends, transformed, and how my transformation hath been Straight marry her: to this her mother's plot washed and cudgelled, they would melt me out of She, seemingly obedient, likewise hath my fat, drop by drop, and liquor fishermen's boots Made promise to the doctor;-Now, thus it rests. with me; I warrant, they would whip me with Her father means she shall be all in white; their fine wits, till I were as crest-fallen as a dried And in that habit, when Slender sees his time pear. I never prospered since I fors wore myself To take her by the hand, and bid her go, at Primero. Well, if my wind were but long She shall go with him :-her mother hath intended, enough to say my prayers, I would repent. Enter Mrs. Quickly. Now! whence come you? Quick. From the two parties, forsooth. Fal. The devil take one party, and his dam the other, and so they shall be both bestowed! I have suffered more for their sakes, more, than the villanous inconstancy of man's disposition is able to bear. Quick. And have not they suffered? Yes, warrant; speciously one of them; mistress Ford, good heart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot about her. The better to denote her to the doctor, (For they must all be mask'd and vizarded,) Fent. Both, my good host, to go along with me: Host. Well, husband your device; I'll to the vicar; Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest. Besides, I'll make a present recompense. [Exeunt. Fal. What tell'st thou me of black and blue? I was beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow, and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brentford; but that my admirable dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old woman, deliver'd me, the knave constable had set me" the stocks, i' the common stocks, for a witch. Quick. Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber: you shall hear how things go; and, I warrant, to your content. Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good hearts, what ado here is to SCENE I-A Room in the Garter Inn. Enter bring you together! Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well, that you are so crossed. Fal. Come up into my chamber. [Exeunt. (1) A game at cards. ACT V. Falstaff and Mrs. Quickly. Fal. Pry'thee, no more prattling ;—go.—I'll (2) In the letter. (3) Fantastically. hold This is the third time; I hope good luck the very instant of Falstaff's and our meeting, they lies in odd numbers. Away, go; they say, there will at once display to the night. is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death.-Away. Quick. I'll provide you a chain; and I'll do what I can to get you a pair of horns. Fal. Away, I say; time wears; hold up your nead, and mince. [Exit Mrs. Quickly. Enter Ford. How now, master Brook? Master Brook, the matter will be known to-night, or never. Be you in the Park about midnight, at Herne's oak, and you shall see wonders. Ford. Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you told me you had appointed? Mrs. Ford. That cannot choose but amaze him. Mrs. Page. If he be not amazed, he will be mocked; if he be amazed, he will every way be mocked. Mrs. Ford. We'll betray him finely. Mrs. Page. Against such lewdsters, and their lechery, Those that betray them do no treachery. Mrs. Ford. The hour draws on: To the oak, SCENE IV.-Windsor Park. Enter Sir Hugh Eva. Trib, trib, fairies; come; and remember Fal. I went to her, master Brook, as you see, your parts: be pold, I pray you; follow me into like a poor old man: but I came from her, master the pit; and when I give the watch-'ords, do as I Brook, like a poor old woman. That same knave, pid you: Come, come; trib, trib. Ford her husband, hath the finest mad devil of [Exeunt. jealousy in him, master Brook, that ever governed SCENE V-Another part of the Park. Enter phrensy. I will tell you.-He beat me grievously,| Falstaff disguised, with a buck's head on. in the shape of a woman; for in the shape of man, master Brook, I fear not Goliath with a weaver's minute draws on: Now, the hot-blooded gods assist Fal. The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the beam; because I know also, life is a shuttle. I am me!-Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy .n haste, go along with me; I'll tell you all, mas a ter Brook. Since I plucked geese, played truant, Europa; love set on thy horns.-O powerful love! and whipped top, I knew not what it was to be that, in some respects, makes a beast a man; in beaten, till lately. Follow me: I'll tell you strange some other, a man a beast.-You were also, Jupiter, things of this knave Ford on whom to-night I will swan, for the love of Leda; 0, omnipotent love! how near the god drew to the complexion of be revenged, and I will deliver his wife into your hand.-Follow: Strange things in hand, master goose!-A fault done first in the form of a beast; Brook! follow. [Exeunt. -O Jove, a beastly fault! and then another fault in the semblance of a fowl; think on't, Jove; a SCENE II.-Windsor Park. Enter Page, Shal- foul fault.-When gods have hot backs, what shall low, and Slender. poor men do? For me, I am here a Windsor stag; and the fattest, I think, i' the forest: send me a Page. Come, come; we'll couch i' the castle-cool rut-time, Jove, or who can blame me to piss ditch, till we see the light of our fairies.-Remem-my tallow! Who comes here? my doe? er, son Slender, my daughter. Slen. Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her, and we have a nay-word, how to know one another. I come to her in white, and cry, mum; she cries, budget; and by that we know one another. Shal. That's good too: But what needs either your mum, or her budget? the white will decipher her well enough.-It hath struck ten o'clock. Page. The night is dark; light and spirits will become it well. Heaven prosper our sport! No man means evil but the devil, and we shall know him by his horns. Let's away; follow me. Enter Mrs. Ford and Mrs. Page. Mrs. Ford. Sir John? art thou there, my deer? my male deer? rain potatoes, let it thunder to the tune of Green Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart. Fal. Divide me like a bribe-buck, each a haunch: [Exeunt. I will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow of this walk, and my horns I bequeath your SCENE III.-The Street in Windsor. Enter husbands. Am I a woodman? ha! Speak I like Mrs. Page, Mrs. Ford, and Dr. Caius. Mrs. Page. Master doctor, my daughter is in green: when you see your time, take her by the hand, away with her to the deanery, and despatch it quickly: Go before into the park; we two must go together. Caius. I know vat I have to do; Adieu. Herne the hunter?-Why, now is Cupid a child of Mrs. Page. Alas! what noise? Mrs. Ford. Mrs. Page. Away, away. [They run off. Fal. I think, the devil will not have me damned, My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse lest the oil that is in me should set hell on fire; he of Falstaff, as he will chafe at the doctor's marry-would never else cross me thus. ing my daughter: but 'tis no matter; better a little chiding, than a great deal of heart-break. Mrs. Ford. Where is Nan now, and her troop of fairies? and the Welsh devil, Hugh? Mrs. Page. They are all couched in a pit hard by Herne's oak, with obscured lights; which, at (2) Watch-word. (1) Keep to the time. Enter Sir Hugh Evans, like a satyr; Mrs. Quickly You moon-shine revellers, and shades of night, Pist. Elves, list your names; silence, you airy toys. Cricket, to Windsor chimneys shalt thou leap: Where fires thou find'st unrak'd, and hearths unswept, There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry:* shall die. Search Windsor castle, elves, within and out: And twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be, Fal. Heavens defend me from that Welch fairy, lest he transform me to a piece of cheese! Pist. Vile worm, thou wast o'er-look'd even in thy birth. Quick. With trial-fire touch me his finger end: If he be chaste, the flame will back descend, And turn him to no pain; but if he start, It is the flesh of a corrupted heart. Pist. A trial, come. Eva. Come, will this wood take fire? [They burn him with their tapers. Fal. Oh, oh, oh! Quick. Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire! About him, fairies; sing a scornful rhyme: And, as you trip, still pinch him to your time. Eva. It is right; indeed he is full of lecheries and uniquity. no higher; Now, good sir John, how like you Windsor wives? See you these, husband? do not these fair yokes Become the forest better than the town? Ford. Now, sir, who's a cuckold now ?-Master Brook, Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here are his horns, master Brook: And, master Brook, he hath enjoyed nothing of Ford's but his buckbasket, his cudgel, and twenty pounds of money; which must be paid to master Brook; his horses are arrested for it, master Brook. Mrs. Ford. Sir John, we have had ill luck; we could never meet. I will never take you for my love again, but I will always count you my deer. Fal. I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass. Ford. Ay, and an ox too; both the proofs are extant. Fal. And these are not fairies? I was three or four times in the thought, they were not fairies: and yet the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of my powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into a received belief, in despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason, that they were fairies. See now, how wit may be made a Jack-a-lent, when 'tis upon ill employment! Eva. Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your desires, and fairies will not pinse you. Ford. Well said, fairy Hugh. Eva. And leave you your jealousies too, I pray |