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C. WHITING, BEAUFORT HOUSE, STRAND CONTENTS OF THE SECOND PART

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FEMALE Arithmeticians. By Laman Blanchard, Esq.

Short Rides in an Author's Omnibus: By Horace Smith, Esq. 13, 159, 415, 444

The Barnabys in America. By Mrs. Trollope

17, 161, 305, 528

The late Andrew Ducrow

41

Graduates and Undergraduates ; or, the Proctor's Note-book. By the

Author of “ Peter Priggins.” No.VIII., Talents Misapplied— No. IX.,

The Soirée Musicale-No. X., A Day's Coursing at Woodstock, 49, 210, 340

The Poetry of Law and the Law of Poetry

65

Recollections of Eton. By an Etonian. (Concluded)

Recreations in Natural History. No. XIV. Owls

90

The Confessions of an Avaricious Man. By the late Henry D. Inglis,

Esq.

102

Phineas Quiddy ; or, Sheer Industry. By John Poole, Esq., author of

“ Paul Pry," &c.

117, 229,

367

Mr. Wakley and the Poets. By Thomas Hood, Esq.

136

Fine Arts : The Poniatowski Gems

137

The Schoolmistress Abroad : an Extravaganza. By T. Hood, Esq. 145

An Essay on Legs. By Laman Blanchard, Esq.

153

Professsional Idiosyncrasy. By u..

185

Literary Prophecies

194

Woman's Love: a Tale founded upon Facts. By James Sheridan

Knowles, Esq.

195

Reminiscences of a Medical Student. No. V., The Adventure of a

Night-No. VI., Romance of a Walk--No. VII., Oxenford Grange,

247, 395, 455

Some Account of the Macaronic Poetry of England and Scotland, with

Specimens. Chap. I. .

258

Spring; a new Version. By Thomas Hood, Esq.

271

The Turtles. By Thomas Hood, Esq.

272

Diabolical Suggestions. By Thomas Hood, Esq.

289

The Thief of Time. By Laman Blanchard, Esq. .

299

On the Perception of Danger

A Discovery. By R. D.

339

Contributions to the Income-tax. By u.

359

Desaga : a Fantastic Tale, after the manner of Hoffman. By Captain

Medwin

387

Epigrams :-On the Depreciated Money. By T. H.-On Constitution

Hill. By T. H.

394

To my Daughter, on her Birthday. By H.

400

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The Sculptor of Avignon. By Elizabeth Youatt, author of " The Price

of Fame”

401

Some Remarks on the “Suum Cuique.” By H.

407

The Little Browns. By Thomas Hood, Esq.

418

The Grimsby Ghost. By Thomas Hood, Esq.

433

Twenty-three Minutes past Two! (Founded on a Fact.) By J. Poole, Esg. 449

The Two Skeletons : a Tale of Florence. By Captain Medwin . 484

The Five Incumbents. By the Author of “ Peter Priggins.” No. I.,

The Vicar of Clearstream

498

An Undertaker.
By T. A.

516

Freaks of Philosophy. Curious opinions respecting the Morality, Poli-

tics, and Religion of Beasts and Birds

518

The Four Phases; or, the late Duke of Orleans

557

An Epigram. By T. H.

566

The Chemist's first Murder. By Laman Blanchard, Esq.

577

Literature of the Month (for Mar): Madame D'Arblay's Diary of the
Court of Queen Charlotte

139 to 143
(for June): Travels in Kashmir, Ladakh,
Iskardo, the countries on the Indus, and the Himalaya, by G. T. Vigne,
Esq.- The Life of Admiral Viscount Keppel.-Memoirs of the Life
and Times of the Right Hon. Henry Grattan, by his Son.— The Lot-
tery of Life, by the Countess of Blessington.-The Operation of
Monopolies on the production of Food, by G. Beauclerc 274 to 287

(for July): Cabool, Personal Narrative of a
Journey to, and Residence in that city from 1836 to 1838, by Sir
Alexander Burnes, C.B-Fourth Volume of the Diary of Madame
D'Arblay:—Passion and Principle: a Novel. Edited by Captain Cha-
mier, R.N.—The Hon. Mrs. Damer's Travels.-The Manæuvring
Mother: a Novel.-Dr. Granville's Spas and Watering-places of
England. The Idler in France, by Lady Blessington

420 to 431
(for August): A Steam Voyage to Constan-

tinople, &c., in 1840-1, by the Marquis of Londonderry.- Fourth

Volume of the Diary of Madame D'Àrblay.—Massaniello : an His-

torical Romance. Edited by Horace Smith, Esq.

573 to 583

The WHISPERING GALLERY

144, 432, 583

Notes on New PUBLICATIONS

144, 287

THE

NEW MONTHLY MAGAZINE.

FEMALE ARITHMETICIANS.

BY LAMAN BLANCHARD, ESQ.

FIGURES on China jars and ivory fans, figures in intricate quadrilles, and figures of polite rhetoric, are among the things which education and custom have rendered perfectly comprehensible to every woman of taste; but figures of arithmetic are unquestionably matters on which even the most enlightened and accomplished of the sex are apt to entertain rather confused ideas.

We intend not hereby the remotest of remote allusions to the subject of age. On that point it is well known, their notions are for the most part perfectly clear-perfectly clear ; as they always are with regard to the particular hour of the night at which “ truant husband" returned home from the club or the play-they never confound the sober hour of eleven with dissipated half-past one, when discussing the question over the breakfast-table next morning. Never. You never hear them upon such occasions, cry,

“My dear, it's of no use talking ; I'm sure it was half-past one before you came to bed, and I believe it was two, comparatively speaking."

(This phrase, by the way—this comparatively speaking" —is invaluable as a qualifier of exaggeration, while it justifies and makes clear the most preposterous comparisons,

The scold informs her wedded victim that he is enough to provoke a saint, “ comparatively speaking,” and the traveller fresh from New York declares that he had seen cheeses there in which the mites were as large as muffins, “ comparatively speaking.”)

But with reference to those figures which are sometimes essential in the calculations of “ domestic economy," with reference to the phraseology, current in what is called the monetary world - most women are, for half their lives at least, in a delicious mystification, an

May.- VOL. LXV. NO. CCLVII.

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exquisite obliviousness. “Five per cent.,” constitutes a case of perplexity, and“ per ann.,” converts it into an enigma not to be solved.

We never quote without book; here is an argument drawn from real life, that is exactly in point.

“Make haste, Edward, make haste down, you'll be too late," cried the anxious mistress of a pretty lodge at Kensington, to its hurried, flurried, worried master, as the omnibus that took him to town drove up to his gate the other morning.

“ How I do hate this omnibus life !” she continued, as after two or three“ Now, sirs," from the road, he darted past her, just in time.

“Only to think of my being obliged to see that dear fellow rush out of doors every morning, as if the house were on fire! That horrid omnibus ! It doesn't care how husband and wife part !”

And the affectionate creature, left to herself, sat down to meditate on grave matters. Various abstruse and difficult calculations kept her brain in full employment until his return, when the result began to unfold itself in this interesting observation :

“ In my opinion, Edward, we could very well afford a riage !"

A slight shrug, a movement of the eyebrows, a rather melancholy smile, and a decided shake of the head, conveyed the discouraging answer.

Well, but think now,” pursued the lady, “just estimate the expenses. What would a carriage and horses, once purchased, cost in the year?"

“Pair of horses? Oh, why—a hundred a-year-set it down at a hundred, certain," was the reply.

“And what, now, does the omnibus cost you, may I ask?" “Omnibus? Oh, why-eight pounds—about eight.”

“But this you would save," argued the lady; " for if we had the carriage, you would not want the omnibus, you know."

“That's true; yes, of course, I should save the eight pounds.".

“Well-well!” cried the lady, with a look of exquisite simplicity, yet in a tone that implied something of exultation as a discoverer.

“ Well! and wouldn't that be getting eight per cent. ?”

Wise and excellent is the law that gives, in due succession, the sway of this empire to the hand of a woman. Ever may we have reason to rejoice while a lady sits on the throne; but perhaps it is quite as well that women should still be, as heretofore, excluded from the post of Chancellor of the Exchequer.

Kind, pretty, perplexing Mrs. Dipple, was the exact representative of that class of feminine economists to which we are referring. She knew when she wanted fifty pounds without looking into her accountbook ; but as for showing, when it was all gone, how it had been expended in the“ house affairs,” you might as well expect Master Bidder to furnish an account of all the items, because he was such an excellent reckoner. Yet account for the sum she would-in her way-she was such a severe economist. She was the most accurate of all ladyarithmeticians that the world has yet looked upon, the most expert at rendering a family Dr. and Cr. account. Still she never got beyond

this point.

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