LAWYER.

Pray do not mention them at present!
You bade me tell-what our arts are,-
I've told you truly, I declare;

And I should hope, that so much candour,
Without a syllable of slander,

Would e'en from you some kind regard
Beget-indeed 'twere very hard

That I should thus expose my friends,
And you not make me some amends.

DEATH.

Sir, you presume!—remember I
Came here, a ticklish cause to try;
Though, possibly, put off I may
The trial to another day ;-

But, come-I'll hear a little more
About the "useful arts" of your

"Profession."

LAWYER.

Proud am I to say,

That no one can these arts display
Better than he who stands before ye.-
Thus, then, I now resume my story :-
A Lawyer ought to take delight in
All kinds of broils, abuse, and fighting;

For, few things likelier are to fill
His pocket than a swingeing bill,
Obtain'd through any civil action,
When parties, seeking satisfaction,
Go to the bench or Common Pleas
For clever Lawyers there, with ease,
Get fame, as well as lots of fees!
He should no legal mode neglect,
The public's follies to correct;
By this I mean, a good tactician
Should fearlessly perform his mission,
Nor suffer any threadbare maxim
'Bout want of honesty to tax him—

DEATH.

Hold! hold! for Honesty's abus'd,

Whene'er the word's by Lawyers us'd. I've heard enough!-so, come with me.

LAWYER.

Oh, no! we never should agree;
Besides, you said, some other day
You'd call, when I was in the way.

DEATH.

I own I did then, be it so,

And when you feel dispos'd to go,

Perhaps you'll kindly let me know :-
As to the cause I had to try

With you-why, let it e'en stand by-
Some other time will do-I'll now,
With your permission, make my bow!
But don't forget me! if you do,
I'll certainly remember you,

And you shall recollect this warning:-
Good morning to you, Sir-good morning!
Next time you'll go!-I'll not be flamm'd.

LAW.

"To him who goes to law, nine things are requisite. First, a good deal of money; secondly, a good deal of patience; thirdly, a good cause; fourthly, a good attorney; fifthly, a good counsel; sixthly, good evidence; seventhly, a good jury; eighthly, a good judge; and, ninthly, good luck.”

Law has been most aptly compared to an absorbent pipe or channel, through which, whatever may be poured into it, nothing passes; and its delay and expense have been exemplified by a chancery suit, which, having maintained its conductor for thirty years, is left as a notable legacy to his heir. It has been made a question, whether more than half the estates in this kingdom would not change possessors, was their legality properly sifted. Few, it is thought, would bear the ordeal touch of the lawyer's quill; "flaw in the best" might be foundsome are "flaw all over."

Law-terms may, in a great measure, be understood for their opposites; thus:

Settlement,
Suit,

Uncertainties.

Words.

Contentions.

Rags to the Client; though warm clothing to the Lawyer.

As for justice, it is an obsolete term, thought by some to signify the largest fee; many doubt its existence on earth, and compare it to the perpetual motion, the philosopher's stone, the grand elixir, or any other chimera of the imagination.

It may well be said, that what is one man's meat is another's poison: since it is found that there are those of so perverse a disposition, that they cannot live without litigation, and must be handling the net of the law till they get entangled in its meshes. Characters of this description are principally found in country places, where causes spring up as fast as weeds, and are sure to encumber the richest soils! then there is the game-what a prolific source of envy, hatred, and malice is the protection of game! How many wrongs do the rights of man generate! What a cause of bitterness to a sportsman is the full bag of a permitted shot!