"SIR, MY BROTHER!

"I am the child of the Revolution; fo you are.I was born a Sanfculotte; fo you were.-My mother was a wh; so was yours.-My father was a beggar; fo was yours. My fitters are ftrumpets; fo were yours. My brothers are rogues; fo are yours.-I refpected the property of no man; you have pillaged all nations.―Audacity and crime elevated me to fupremacy; impudence and blood have feated you on a throne. If you have defeated Auftrian Pandours, Ruffian Colacks, and Turkish Janiffaries, I have long routed Revolutionary Spies, Parifian Police Commillaries, and French Gens-d'-armes.—I have swayed with rigour, but you tyrannize without mercy.-Confidence and gratitude induced my Confederates of the League of the Seine to hail me their Emperor and Protector; force and terror alone obliged the Contederates of the League of the Rhine, to. own your fovereignty and your protectorship. Although chained in a dungeon, I am beloved by my Confederates; you are detefted by yours, though fhining in a palace.My reign is at an end; your tyranny cannot be of long duration. Spare, therefore, Sir, my brother, the life of a brother Emperor, a brother Protector, a brother plunderer, and a brother murderer. Remember, that not above threefcore perfons have perifhed by my exploits, and by thofe of my Confederates; while your glorious achievement alone has made millions orphans and widows, childless and brotherless.-My ravages extended only to one Department, while your enormities have blasted a whole Continent.

"The fimilitude of our lives and labours, of our birth and characters, fhould infpire you with fear, if not with compaffion. Have you not alfo reason to dread a fimilitude of our exit? But whatever be your decifion, I am in duty bound to bow to your fuperiority of guilt as well as of fortune. I was naturally

100

too brave to become a poifoner, and too generous to degrade myself to an affaffin of my own accomplices. Health and fraternity.

(Signed) "FRANÇOIS ci-devant LAVARDE. "In the Imperial Gaol of the Conciergerie, July 28, 1806.".

66

Addreffed to Napoleon, ci-devant Bonaparte.

This fraternal epiftle had not the defired effect. Napoleon did not pardon the Emperor François, who, with his Confederates of the League of the Seine, were all executed on the firit of Auguft.-Sic tranfit gloria mundi.

THREE THINGS A GOod wife SHOULD BE LIKE, WHICH THREE THINGS SHE SHOULD NOT BE LIKE.

A

[From the Morning Herald.]

WIFE domeftic, good and pure,

Like Snail fhould keep within her door;
But not like Snail, in filver'd track,
Place all her wealth upon her back.

A Wife fhould be like Echo true,
And fpeak but when the 's fpoken to;
But not like Echo ftill be heard
Contending for the final word.

Like a Town Clock a Wife should be,
Keep time and regularity;

But not like Clocks harangue fo clear,
That all the town her voice might hear.

Young man, if thefe allufions ftrike,
She whom as bride you 'd bail,
Muft just be like and juft unlike
An Echo, Clock, and Snail.

W. M.

ON

ON DIDO.

FROM AUSONIUS,

WHAT woes, fad queen, from both your husbands rife! One dies, you fly, and die when t'other flies.

BON MOT..

THE clergyman of a country village reprehending one of his parishioners for quarrelling with his wife fo loudly, and fo frequently, as to be a fource of perpetual difturbance to the neighbourhood, in the courfe of his exhortation remarked, that the Scriptures declared, that man and wife were one." Ay, that may be, Sir," answered Hodge," but if you were to go by when my wife and I are at it, you'd think there were twenty of us!"

THE ALARMING DUEL

BETWEEN THE POET AND THE CRITIC.

MR. EDITOR,

THR

[From the Oracle.]

HROUGH the medium of your impartial print, I with to fuggeft a few obfervations refpecting the late meeting between Meffrs. Moore and Jeffery, which fell under my own immediate infpection. The characters of the above gentlemen ftand fufficiently high, both in literary and polite acquirements, to reder them truly refpectable; and the fole object of this addrefs is to afford them an opportunity of obliterating the only fhade that can attach to them, and of proving to the public, that they were as much in earneft in pulling the trigger, as in wielding the pen; that they were not afraid of fhedding other streams befides ink; and, in fhort, that fo important a matter as the adjustment of an affair of honour was intended to be fomething more ferious than a mere

battle

battle of books. I was prefent at the Office in Bow Street when the piftols were examined, fubfequently to the retirement of the parties; and to the best of my obfervation, from what I actually faw, and from what I could collect from the officers, folemnly declare that neither pistol contained a ball; from that of Mr. Moore was taken a pellet of paper, and in Mr. Jeffery's there was nothing but powder.

Should it be poffible to contradict this statement, let it be fairly and unequivocally done by the seconds, to whoin appertains the office of charging the murderous inftruments; if not, the unavoidable conclufion must be, that the flames of defiance were but flashes in the pan, and that both the Poet and the Critic have been dealing in fiction.

Yours, &c.

LUCIUS O'Trigger.

Slaughter's Coffee Houfe, Tuesday Evening.

Μι

POETO-CRITO-MACHIA:

OR, THE PAPIER-MACHE' WAR.

[From the Times.]

Tam Marte quam Mercurio.

USE! roufe from thy flumbers, and fing of the ire,
In a fmall Poet's bofom which kindled a fire;

i

Whofe thin skin a Critic remorfelefs had stung,
Whence horrible difcord and menaces fprung.
The Bard vow'd by Phoebus, his eyes fhould ne'er close,
Till juftice poetic was wreak'd on the nose
Of his foe; as by this an atonement is made,
And the debt due to honour infulted, is paid: ;
But the Critic indignant ftoed forth to refift,
With fword and with piftol, with cudgel and fift;
Proud defiance they hurl'd, and their gauntlets they threw,
Like wild geefe their tropes and their metaphors flew ;
Laws of combat were fettled in profe and in rhime,
The feconds, the weapons, the place, and the time:

But

But as fpilling of ink, not of blood, was their trade,
Their defign they to Bow Street each wifely convey'd.
Yet as Juftice is faid to be tardy and blind,
And is apt on occafions to linger behind;
To make a doubly fafe, they agreed on the road,
Their piftols with pellets of paper to load;
A ftrong proof how habit enthackles the mind,
That each to a paper-war ftill was inclin'd!
Thus prepar'd for the worst, just at fix yards they ftand,
Both triggers awaiting the word of command,
When Crocker and Rivett jump forth to prevent
Their harmlefs rencontre and bloodless intent.
But for this, how had paragraphs pour'd on the town
Loud pæans of triumph and deathlefs renown!
How, as chivalry's ftatutes and maxims demand,

Had the feconds each form and each circumstance fcann'd,
With precifion minute, time and distance detail'd,
And all (but the pellets of paper) reveal'd!
Anacreon, too, might have rous'd from the dead
To view a mix'd chaplet encircle the head

Of his champion and fon, where the laurels combin'd
With the bays, and their branches fymbolic entwin'd;
This, the conquering hero's illuftrious meed,
And that to the Sons of Parnaffus decreed,
While flashing old Bentley had triumph'd to fee,
That his pupils were still greater afhers than he!

BOBA-DIL.

Sept. 2.

IN

TO DUELLISTS.

[From the British Prefs.]

N Lon'on town, an’a' aroun'
That nibourhood they say,
Auld Clootie fets his traps an' nets,
An' catches fouth o' prey.

There he contrives to fhorten lives,
By methods maift uncivil;

Threaps, toolies, lies, an' fnath replies,
Send thoufans to the Devil.

A dorty