Mrs. Ford. Nay, good, sweet husband;-good gentlemen, let him not strike the old woman. Enter Falstaff in women's clothes, led by Mrs. Page. Mrs. Page. Come, mother Prat, come, give me your hand. Ford. I'll prat her:Out of my door, you witch, [beats him, you rag, you baggage, you polecat, you ronyon! out out! I'll conjure you, I'll fortunetell you. [Exit Falstaff. Mrs. Page. Are you not ashamed? I think you have killed the poor woman. credit for you. Mrs. Ford. Nay, he will do it :-'T is a goodly Ford. Will you follow, gentlemen? I beseech Page. Let's obey his humour a little further: [Exeunt Page, Ford, Shallow, and Evans. Mrs. Page. Yes, by all means; if it be but to scrape the figures out of your husband's brains. If they can find in their hearts the poor unvirtuous fat knight shall be any further afflicted, we two will still be the ministers. Mrs. Ford. I'll warrant they 'll have him publicly SCENE III.-A Room in the Garter Inn. Bard. Sir, the Germans desire to have three of Bard. Ay, sir; I'll call them to you. Come. SCENE IV.-A Room in Ford's House. Eva. 'T is one of the pest discretions of a 'oman Mrs. Page. Within a quarter of an hour. [wilt; Page. 'T is well, 't is well; no more: But let our plot go forward: let our wives Ford. There is no better way than that they the park at midnight; fie, fie; he 'll never come. the hunter. [chain Page. Why, yet there want not many that do fear Mrs. Ford. Marry, this is our device; thither, What shall be done with him? what is your plot? Nan Page my daughter, and my little son, Be practised well to this, or they 'll ne'er do 't. Ford. That will be excellent. I'll go buy them Ford. Nay, I'll to him again, in name of Brook; her. [Exeunt. SCENE V.-A Room in the Garter Inn. Enter Host and Simple. Host. What would'st thou have, boor? what, thickskin? speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick, snap. Sim, Marry, sir, I come to speak with sir John Falstaff from master Slender. It is not convenient you should be cozened: Fare Caius. Vere is mine Host de Farterre? Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat : But it is tell-a me, Host. There's his chamber, his house, his castle, dat you make grand preparation for a duke de Far his standing-bed, and truckle-bed; 't is painted many: by my trot, dere is no duke dat de court is about with the story of the prodigal, fresh and new: know to come: I tell you for good vill: adieu. [Ex. Go, knock and call; he 'll speak like an Anthropo-Host. Hue and cry, villain, go:-assist me, knight; phaginian unto thee: Knock, I say. I am undone: fly, run, hue and cry, villain! fam undone ! [Exeunt Host and Bardolph. Fal. I would all the world might be cozened; for I have been cozened and beaten too. If it should come to the ear of the court, how I have been transformed, and how my transformation hath been washed and cudgelled, they would melt me out of my fat, drop by drop, and liquor fishermen's boots with me. I warrant, they would whip me with their fine wits, till I were as crest-fallen as a dried pear. I never prospered since I fore-swore myself at primero. Well, if iny wind were but long enough to say my prayers, I would repent.Enter Mistress Quickly. Sim. There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone Here's a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the coming down of thy fat woman. Let her descend, bully, let her descend; my chambers are honourable: Fye! privacy? fye! Enter Falstaff. Fal. There was, mine host, an old fat woman even Sim. My master, sir, my master Slender, sent to chain, had the chain, or no. a Fal. I spake with the old woman about it. of it. Sim. I would I could have spoken with the woman herself: I had other things to have spoken with her too, from him. Fal. What are they? let us know. Sim. I may not conceal them, sir. Now! whence come you? Quick. From the two parties, forsooth. Fal. What tell'st thou me of black and blue? I was beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow; and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brentford; but that my admirable dexerity of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old woman, deliver'd me, the knave constable had set me i' the stocks, i' the common stocks, for a witch. Quick. Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber: you shall hear how things go; and, I warrant, to your content. Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good hearts, what ado here is to bring you together! Sim. Why, sir, they were nothing but about mis-Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well that tress Anne Page; to know if it were iny master's fortune to have her, or no. Fal. 'T is, 't is his fortune. Sim. What, sir? [told me so. Fal. To have her,-or no: Go; say, the woman: Was there a wise woman with thee? Enter Bardolph. Bard. Run away with the cozeners: for so soon as Host. They are gone but to meet the duke, villain: do not say they be fled; Germans are honest men. Enter Sir Hugh Evans. you are so crossed. [Exeunt. SCENE VI.-Another Room in the Garter Inn. Enter Fenton and Host. Fal. Come up into my chamber. Host. Master Fenton, talk not to me; my mind is Fent. Yet hear me speak: Assist me in my pur Fent. From time to time I have acquainted you Eva. Where is mine host? She, seemingly obedient, likewise hath Fent. Both, my good host, to go along with me: or Host. Well, husband your device; I'll to the vicar: Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest. Fent. So shall I ever more be bound to thee; Besides, I'll make a present recompense. [Exeunt. ACT V. SCENE I.-A Room in the Garter Inn. Enter Falstaff and Mrs. Quickly. Fal. Prithee, no more prattling-go. I'll hold: This is the third time; I hope, good luck lies in odd numbers. Away, go; they say there is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death. Away. Quick. I'll provide you a chain: and I'll do what and mince. Enter Ford. How now, master Brook? Master Brook, the matter will be known to-night, or never. Be you in the Park about midnight, at Herne's oak, and you shall see wonders. Ford. Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you told me you had appointed? Fal. I went to her, master Brook, as you see, like a poor old man: but I came from her, master Brook, like a poor old woman. That same knave, Ford her husband, hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him, master Brook, that ever governed frenzy. I will tell you:-He beat me grievously, in the shape of a woman; for in the shape of man, master Brook, I fear not Goliah with a weaver's beam; because I know also, life is a shuttle. I am in haste; go along with me; I'll tell you all, master Brook. Since I pluck'd geese, play'd truant, and whipp'd top, I knew not what it was to be beaten, till lately. Follow me: I'll tell you strange things of this knave Ford on whom to-night I will be revenged, and I will deliver his wife into your hand.-Follow: Strange things in hand, master Brook! follow. [Exeunt. SCENE II.-Windsor Park. Enter Page, Shallow, and Slender. Page. Come, come: we 'll couch i' the castle-ditch, Will we see the light of our fairies.-Remember, son Slender, my daughter. Slen. Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her, and we have a nay-word, how to know one another. I come to her in white, and cry, mum; she cries budget; and by that we know one another. Shal. That's good too: but what needs either your mum, or her budget? the white will decipher her well enough.-It hath struck ten o'clock. Page. The night is dark; light and spirits will become it well Heaven prosper our sport! No man means evil but the devil, and we shall know him by his horns. Let's away; follow me. [Exeunt. SCENE III.-The Street in Windsor. Enter Mrs. Page, Mrs. Ford, and Dr. Caius. Mrs. Page. Master Doctor, my daughter is in green when you see your time, take her by the hand, away with her to the deanery, and despatch it quickly: Go before into the park; we two must go together. Caius. I know vat I have to do; Adieu. Mrs. Page. Fare you well, sir. Exit Calus. My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse of Falstaff, as he will chafe at the doctor's marrying my daughter: but 't is no matter; better a little chiding than a great deal of heart-break. Mrs. Ford. Where is Nan now, and her troop of fairies and the Welch devil, Hugh? Mrs. Page. They are all couched in a pit hard by Herne's oak, with obscured lights; which, at the very instant of Falstaff's and our meeting, they will at once display to the night. Mrs. Ford. That cannot choose but amaze him. Mrs. Page. Against such lewdsters, and their lechThose that betray them do no treachery. [ery, Mrs. Ford. The hour draws on. To the oak, to the oak! [Exeunt. SCENE IV.-Windsor Park. Enter Sir Hugh Evans, and Fairies. Eva. Trib, trib, fairies; come; and remember your parts: be pold, I pray you; follow me into the pit; and when I give the watch-'ords, do as I pid you; Come, come; trib, trib. [Exeunt. SCENE V.-Another part of the Park. Enter Falstaff, disguised with a buck's head on. Fal. The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the minute draws on: Now, the hot-blooded gods assist me:-Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy Europa; love set on thy horns. O powerful love! that, in some respects, makes a beast a man; in some other, a man a beast. You were also, Jupiter, a swan, for the love of Leda :-O, omnipotent love! how near the god drew to the complexion of a goose ?-A fault done first in the form of a beast; Jove, a beastly fault! and then another fault in the semblance of a fowl; think on 't, Jove; a foul fault. When gods have hot backs, what shall poor men do? For me, I am here a Windsor stag; and the fattest, I think, i' the forest: Send me a cool rut-time, Jove, or who can blame me to piss my tallow? Who comes here? my doe? Enter Mrs. Ford and Mrs. Page, Mrs. Ford. Sir John? art thou there, my deer? my male deer? Fal. My doe with the black scut?-Let the sky rain potatoes; let it thunder to the tune of Green sleeves; hail kissing-comfits, and snow eringoes; let there come a tempest of provocation I will shelter me here. [Embracing her. Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart. Fal. Divide me like a bribe-buck, each a haunch: I will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow of this walk, and my horns I bequeath your husbands. Am I a woodman? ha! Speak I like Herne the hunter ?-Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience; he makes restitution. As I am a true spirit, welcome! [Noise within. Mrs. Page, Alas! what noise! Mrs. Page. Away, away. [They run off. Fal. I think the devil will not have me damned, lest the oil that is in me should set hell on fire; he would never else cross me thus. Enter Sir Hugh Evans like a satyr; Mrs. Quickly, and Pistol; Anne Page, as the Fairy Queen, attended by her brother and others, dressed like fairies, with waxen tapers on their heads. Quick. Fairies, black, grey, green, and white, You moon-shine revellers, and shades of night, You orphan-heirs of fixed destiny, Attend your office and your quality Crier Hobgoblin, make the fairy oyes. Pist. Elves list your names; silence, you airy toys. Cricket, to Windsor chimnies shalt thou leap: Where fires thou find'st unrak'd, and hearths un-Jare his horns, master Brook: And, master Brook, That, ere she sleep, has thrice her prayers said, Search Windsor castle, elves, within and out: In emerald tufts, flowers purple, blue, and white: Fal. Heavens defend me from that Welch fairy! Come, will this wood take fire? Fal. Oh, oh, oh! SONG. Fye on sinful fantasy! Fye on lust and luxury! Lust is but a bloody fire, Kindled with unchaste desire, Fed in heart; whose flames aspire, Mrs. Ford. Sir John, we have had ill luck; we Eva. Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your Eva. And leave you your jealousies too, I pray you. Fal. Have I laid my brain in the sun, and dried it, that it wants matter to prevent so gross o'er-reaching as this? Am I ridden with a Welch goat too? Shall I have a coxcomb of frize? 'T is time I were choked with a piece of toasted cheese. Eva. Seese is not good to give putter; your pelly is all putter. Fal. Seese and putter! have I lived to stand at the taunts of one that makes fritters of English? This is enough to be the decay of lust and late-walking through the realm. Mrs. Page. Why, sir John, do you think, though Ford. What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax? Ford. And as wicked as his wife? Eva. And given to fornications, and to taverns, and sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings, and swearings, and starings, pribbles and prabbles? Fal. Well, I am your theme: you have the start of me; I am dejected; I am not able to answer the Welch flannel: ignorance itself is a plummet o'er me; use me as you will. Ford. Marry, sir, we 'll bring you to Windsor, to one master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to whom you should have been a pander: over and above that you have suffered, I think, to repay that money will be a biting affliction. Page. Yet be cheerful, knight: thou shalt eat a posset to-night at my house; where I will desire As thoughts do blow them, higher and higher. thee to laugh at my wife that now laughs at thee: Pinch him, fairies, mutually; Pinch him for his villainy; Pinch him, and burn him, and turn him about, Till candles, and star-light, and moon-shine be out. During this song, the fairies pinch Falstaff. Doctor Caius comes one way, and steals away a fairy in green; Slender another way, and takes off a fairy in white; and Fenton comes, and steals away Mrs. Anne Page. A noise of hunting is made within. All the fairies run away. Falstaff pulls off his buck's head, and rises. Enter Page, Ford, Mrs. Page, and Mrs. Ford. Page. Nay, do not fly; I think, we have watch'd Will none but Herne the hunter serve your turn? Now, good sir John, how like you Windsor wives? Tell her master Slender hath married her daughter. my daughter, she is, by this, doctor Caius' wife. Enter Slender. [Aside. Slen. Whoo, ho! ho! father Page! Slen. Despatched!-I'll make the best in Gloces- Slen. I came yonder at Eton to marry mistress Anne Page, and she's a great lubberly boy. If it had not been i' the church, I would have swinged him, or he should have swinged me. If I did not think it had been Anne Page would I might never stir, and 't is a post-master's boy. I Page. Upon my life then you took the wrong. Page. Why, this is your own folly. Did not I tell you how you should know my daughter by her garments? Slen. I went to her in white, and cry'd mum, and she cry'd budget, as Anne and I had appointed; and yet it was not Anne, but a post-master's boy. Mrs. Page. Good George, be not angry; I knew of your purpose; turned my daughter into green; and, indeed, she is now with the doctor at the deanery, and there married. Enter Caius. Caius. Vere is mistress Page? By gar, I am cozened; I ha' married un garçon, a boy; un paisan, by gar, a boy; it is not Anne Page: by gar, I am cozened. [her. Where there was no proportion held in love. The truth is, she and I, long since contracted, Are now so sure that nothing can dissolve us. The offence is holy that she hath committed: And this deceit loses the name of craft, Of disobedience, or unduteous title; Since therein she doth evitate and shun A thousand irreligious cursed hours, Ford. Stand not amaz'd: here is no remedy: Which forced marriage would have brought upon In love, the heavens themselves do guide the state; Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate. Fal. I am glad, though you have ta'en a special stand to strike at me, that your arrow hath glanced. Page. Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give What cannot be eschew'd must be embrac'd. thee joy! Fal. When night-dogs run all sorts of deer are chas'd. [Fenton, Mrs. Page. Well, I will muse no further: master Heaven give you many, many merry days! Good husband, let us every one go home, And laugh this sport o'er by a country fire; [maid? Sir John and all." Ford. Let it be so:-Sir John, Mrs. Page. Why went you not with master doctor, To master Brook you yet shall hold your word; Fent. You do amaze her: Hear the truth of it. For he, to-night, shall lie with mistress Ford. You would have married her most shamefully, raise all Windsor. Mrs. Page. Why, did you take her in green? How now, master Fenton? [Exeunt. MEASURE FOR MEASURE. VINCENTIO, the Duke. ESCALUS, an ancient lord joined Two other like gentlemen. ACT I. SCENE I.-An Apartment in the Duke's Palace. Duke. Of government the properties to unfold, My strength can give you: Then, no more remains: For common justice, you are as pregnant in, To undergo such ample grace and honour, Enter Angelo. ISABELLA, sister to Claudio. Heaven doth with us as we with torches do; As if we had them not. Spirits are not finely touch'd Both thanks and use. But I do bend my speech In our remove, be thou at full ourself: Live in thy tongue and heart: Old Escalus, Nor need you, on mine honour, have to do So to enforce or qualify the laws As to your soul seems good. Give me your hand; |