'Tis knowledge gained on every hand The aim of education is to show how to think. Ah! well I mind me of the days, When knaves were only found in books, And friends were known by friendly looks, Beattie John G. Saxe, A crown does not cure the headache, nor a golden slipper the gout. Each age of man new fashions doth invent; Things which are old young men do not esteem; The longest life is but a parcel of moments. Longfellow. We wish for more in life, rather than more of it. Jean Ingelow. Nature has cast me in so soft a mould Dryden. Men apt to promise are apt to forget. Alas! the joys that fortune brings Are trifling, and decay; And those who prize the trifling things More trifling still than they. Abundance, like want, ruins many. Goldsmith. In human works, though labored on with pain A thousand movements scarce one purpose gain; In God's one single can its ends produce, Pope. Those are the most honorable who are the most useful Nothing noble, nothing great, The world has ever known, By some generous nature sown. · man in a passion rides a mad horse. It often falls in course of common life That right long time is overborne of wrong, Draw not thy bow before thy arrow be fixed. Grant this, we pray Thee, that all they who read When a fox preaches beware of your geese. Might never reach me more! My ear is pained, Bailey. Of wrong and outrage with which earth is filled. Couper. To me the world's an open book Geo. P. Morris. Sharp wits, like sharp knives, often cut their owner's fin gers. A glorious tree is the old gray cak: On the trees around, Arrowsmith. Like a king among his peers. George Hill. Every man's experience of to-day is that he was a fool yesterday and the day before yesterday. To-morrow he will most likely be of exactly the same opinion. Charles Mackay. The Germans sleep between two beds, and, it is related, that an Irish traveler, upon finding a feather bed thus laid over him, took it into his head that the people slept in strata, one upon the other, and said to the attendant," Will you be kind enough to tell the gentleman who is to sleep above me to make haste and get to bed, as I wish to get to sleep." On a remarkably hot summer's day, a man, thinly dressed, sat down while in a violent perspiration, and was cautioned against catching cold. "Catch it!" said he, wiping his face, "I wish I could catch it." Fletcher, Bishop of Nismes, was the son of a tallow chandler. A proud duke once endeavored to mortify the prelate, by saying, at a levee, that he smelt of tallow; to which the bishop replied: "My lord, I am the son of a chandler, it is true, and if your lordship had been you would have remained so all the days of your life." An apothecary who used to pride himself on his knowledge of drugs, asserted that all bitter things were hot. "Indeed!" said a gentleman present, "what think you of a bitter cold day?" A Leicestershire farmer, who had never seen a silver fork, had some soup handed to him at a dinner. He found that no spoon was laid by his plate. Lifting the fork, and twirling it in his fingers for sometime, he called the waiter, and requested him to bring a silver spoon without any slits in it. A lady after performing, with the most brilliant execution, a sonata on the piano-forte, in the presence of Dr. Johnson, turned to the philosopher, and asked him if he was fond of music. "No, madam," replied the doctor, "but of all noises I think music is the least disagreeable." A French officer having just arrived at the court of Vienna, and the empress hearing that he had the day before been in company with a great lady, asked him if it were true that she was the most handsome princess of her time. "Ithought so yesterday, madam," answered the officer, with great gallantry. Moliere was asked, why in some countries, the King may assume the crown when fourteen years old, and cannot marry until eighteen. "Because it is more difficult to rule a wife than a kingdom," was his reply. Dominico, the harlequin, going to see Louis XIV at supper, fixed his eyes on a dish of partridges. The king, who was fond of his acting, said, "Give that dish to Dominico." "And the partridges, too, sire?" Louis, penetrating into the artfulness of the question, replied, " And the partridges too." The dish was of gold. Admiral Duncan's address to the officers who came on board his ship for instructions, previous to the engagement with Admiral de Winter, was both laconic and humorous: "Gentlemen, you see a severe Winter approaching; I have only to advise you to keep up a good fire." A gentleman entered the room of Dr. Barton, the warden of Merton College, and told him that Dr. Vowel was dead. "What!" said he, "Dr. Vowel dead! thank heaven it was neither U nor I." Curran was once arguing in Chancery before Lord Clare. who was seated on the bench caressing a Newfoundland dog. and apparently ignoring Curran's presence. At last Curran stopped speaking. The Judge said: “Go on, Mr. Curran.” Curran replied: "I beg a thousand pardons, I really thought your lordship was employed in consultation." A soldier was wounded in the knee. After the surgeons had cut and carved for some time, the Count asked why they made so many incisions. They said they were looking for the ball. "Why," said the soldier, “I have it in my pocket." Talleyrand had an inquisitive servant, whom the Prince saw open a private letter of his. The next day he sent another letter by the servant, containing a postscript: "You may send a verbal answer by bearer, he has taken the caution to read this before delivery.” A minister making a pastoral call at a house, where the children were kept pretty quiet on Sunday, was confidentially told by one of the girls, that she would like to be a minister. "Why?" said the gratified, but somewhat puzzled shepherd. "So I could holler on Sunday," was the reply. When the great picture of the Court of Death was exhibited in Boston, a ticket was sent to the Rev. Dr. Osgood, to admit the bearer to the Court of Death. The old gentleman was literally confounded, not having heard of the painting. "I expected to go before long, but I was not prepared for so abrupt a summons," said he. What is that which lives in the winter, dies in the summer, and grows with its root upwards? An icicle. What is the difference between a watchmaker and a jailer? The one sells watches, and the other watches cells. What is the largest room in the world? The room for improvement. What is the difference between truth and eggs? Truth crushed to earth will rise again, but eggs won't. Why is a well trained horse like a benevolent man? Because he stops at the sound of wo. Why is a mad bull like a man of convivial disposition? Because he offers a horn to every one he meets. Why are the complaints of married people like the noise of the waves on the shore? Because they are the murmurs of the tied. (tide.) Why is the map of Turkey in Europe, like a frying-pan? Because it has Greece at the bottom. Why are washerwomen the silliest of women? Because they put out their tubs to catch soft water when it rains hard. What word by taking the first letter from it, makes you sick? M-usic. What is that debt for which you cannot be sued? The debt of nature. What time should an innkeeper visit an iron foundry? When he wants a bar-maid. Why is "E" the most unfortunate of letters? Because it's never in cash, always in debt, and never out of danger. Which of the planets has the most specie? The moon, because she is constantly changing quarters. When does a caterpillar improve in morals? When he turns over a new leaf. What trade does the sun regularly follow? Those of a tanner and a portrait painter. Why is a very old umbrella, that has been lost, as good as new when found? Because it's re-covered. What kind of medicine does a man take for a scolding wife? He takes an elixir. (he takes and he licks her.) When may a man be said to breakfast before he gets up? When he takes a roll in bed. Why is a distanced horse like a man in a shady place? Because he is out of the heat. |