378 WHISKERS AND JEWELRY. He stated that the information given by the clairvoyant lady was so minute and distinct as to leave a strong impression of its truthfulness on his mind. That she traced the letter from the time it was put in the office-saw it placed in the mail bag, saw the bag taken from the office, saw every station where it stopped-saw it taken into the Hartford office-saw it opened there, saw a clerk take the letter, open it, and on finding that it contained a number of bank-bills, put said letter in a drawer of his, and then lock the drawer. Farther than this, the Seeress declared that said clerk wore large whiskers, and a large gold ring, and that he resided in Front Street. In addition to these facts the lady declared that the letter thus opened, with the bills still in it, was yet remaining in the locked drawer of the delinquent clerk. Having carefully repeated this train of circumstantial evidence, pointing so distinctly to a certain culprit, the gentleman then commenced interrogating the head of the Hartford postoffice : "Have you, sir," said he, "a clerk in your employment who wears whiskers ?" The witness was compelled, on the part of some of his clerks at least, to plead guilty to this first count in the indictment from an invisible Grand Jury. As whiskers are not an expensive article of luxury, even post-office clerks can afford to wear them. "Have you," continued the counsel for the unknown prosecutor, “a clerk who wears large whiskers and a large gold ring?" The reply to this query was not equally satisfactory, for the witness averred that his clerks were decidedly not given to jewelry; and as to gold, they felt that they could invest it more usefully than in the purchase of mammoth finger-rings. “Have you,” continued the pertinacious querist, "a clerk who lives in Front Street ?" Here again the answer was not gratifying, for the witness THE SPIRITS AT FAULT. 379 declared that to the best of his knowledge, no clerk of his had, whether with or without whiskers, or whether with or without a stupendous finger-ring, made Front Street illustrious by residing therein. Notwithstanding the discrepancy, the gentleman went on with his inquiries: "Have you a clerk in your employment who has a drawer of which he keeps the key?" The reply to this question was such as to meet the wishes of the querist, and he was told that there was more than one such clerk in his office. "Then," said the gentleman, "I demand that you have those drawers opened, and their contents examined !" Notwithstanding the urgent desire of the person who had reposed such confidence in the revelations of the female informer, the post master peremptorily declined to take a single step implying a doubt as to the integrity of his clerks, on the mere strength of clairvoyant testimony. Argument was in vain, and the disappointed letter seeker left Hartford, thinking in all probability that General Pierce would have done better to have given the charge of the office there to some person more willing to accommodate the public! Some time after this, the Special Agent met the post masters of New Haven and Hartford, in pursuance of instructions from the Department, for the purpose of distributing the funds taken from the depredator, among those who had lost by the robberies. On examining the money found on the person of the robber, there were discovered the seven bank-bills, all of one denomination, lost by our clairvoyant-seeking friend! The bills not only agreed with his description, but, what made the case still stronger, was the fact that no other bills of the same denomination and bank were claimed by any other party. How it was that "the Spirits" gave the distinguished seeress such a complete tissue of falsehoods, will probably remain unknown until the "new philosophy" becomes better 380 FACTS AGAINST THEORY. understood, or until the Spirit of Franklin, who it is said presides over communications from the upper spheres, appoints some Special Agent to investigate the causes of failure. The gentleman who unexpectedly regained his money, may still entertain his old affection for clairvoyance, but he cannot deny that the poet was right when he exclaimed, "Optics sharp it needs, I ween, To see what is not to be seen." CHAPTER XXX. POETICAL AND HUMOROUS ADDRESSES UPON LETTERS. THE exterior, as well as the interior of a letter is sometimes made the vehicle of sentiment, affection, wit, fun, and the like, which, thus riding as outside passengers, display their beauties to the gaze of those connected with post-offices. In such instances, it may be that the writer's ideas, gushing from his pen, have overflowed their bounds, and spread themselves upon the usually dry surface of the epistle. It must be a pleasing relief to post-office clerks, wearied with the monotonous task of turning up innumerable names, to find the flowers of fancy and imagination supplanting the endless catalogue of Smiths and Browns which ordinarily meet their eyes. Below are a few specimens of these embellished addresses. The first is probably from some home-sick miner. It was mailed at San Francisco, California. His wife and children have no doubt derived, long ere this, the pleasure which he anticipated for them, in the perusal of the letter:— OUTSIDE RHYMES. Across the land, across the sea, Thy homeward course thou wilt pursue, Yet know I well their hearts are true. Then swiftly go, thou ocean steed; The address followed, in plain prose. Here is a specimen in a less elevated strain : Robber, shouldst thou seize this letter, There is nothing but affection, And perhaps a little news; When you've read this, on reflection, If you should conclude to leave it, |