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THE

E CLECTIC MUSEUM

OF

FOREIGN LITERATURE, SCIENCE, AND ART.

MA Y, 18 4 3.

TOO HOT.

BY MR. HOOD.FROM THE AMULET.

Ilustrated by an Engraving by Mr. Sartain, from Landseer's Picture.

Will say

# Too Hot!" Ha, ha! Landseer, you're a queer chap;

And so all they
Who see these lap-dogs at their lap.
The most fastidious will find a treat

In your dogs meet.

The pretty creatures !
What life in all their features!
They seem to move and chatter
Over the scalding batter:

And we appear

To hear
Each cur-sory remark.
" Throw physic to the dogs," they say

In the play;
And really one might almost fancy,

(Such is the painter's necromancy)
That any one of ihese could take a little bark.

And I've a notion
There's not a rat

Or cat
Could look on this "still life” without emotion.
What humor in their faces! there's not one

But is a perfect picture of fun.
Wags all, and satirists, and dogs of mind,
Their very tails are waggishly inclined.
Landseer,--thou bright R. A.!

Who, who shall say

What's due
Unless Apollo, glorious god of day,
In whose bright car the eternal gas-light shines,

Would drop us a few lines ?
Oh! had I Byron's power

(Author of the Giaour,)

I'd let 'em know what's what!
For Sir, no praise could be too warm for your “ Too

Hot.”
Though Byron, it must be allowed, was wildish,

And his best poem
(So all will say who know him,)

Very Childe-ish;
Vol. V. No. 1. 3

Or were I like great Little, who doth ring

So sweetly love's alarum,

How I would sing,

And make the world rejoice!
Oh! would I had that heavenly voice,

Moore's Vox Siellarum!
Or were I Doctor Southey, whose invention

And happy turns
Have been so much admired by men!

Would I'd his pen!

I'd rather have his pension.
Perhaps the most appropriate poet, living

Or dead, for giving
Effect to your " Too Hot” were BURNS.
I've known full many a painter in my time,
Of many an age, and many a school and clime;

But, Sir, I never knew

Such a dog fancier as you.
What Rubens was to lions, Cuyp to cows,

Morland to sows

And hogs,

You are to dogs.
There's an attractiveness about your harriers,
Pugs.poodles, mastiffs, greyhounds, turnspits, larriers
Goes far to settle the great philosophic schism

About animal magnetism.
There's not a dog but owes you more, I vow,

Than e'er he owed his pa,

Or his dog-ma;
And not a cur that meets

You in the streets,
But ought to make you a profound bow.

Wow.
Excuse these dog-grel rhymes, my dear

Landseer!
They're bad enough, I own;

But yet they shall go down
To late posterity, (so e'en let critics rail,)
Like a tin kettle tied to your dog's tail.

That every dog's his day

I've ost heard say:
But, Landseer, yours shall last for ages,

(So shall these pages) And after times shall know you what you are,

Quite a Dog-STAR.

To you,

THE ADVERTISING SYSTEM. cannot be worth knowing; and any attempt
From the Edinburgh Review.

to couple merit with modesty, is invariably 1. César Birotteau. Par M. de Balzac. Nou. Reverend Sydney Smith, that the only con

met with the well-known aphorism of the velle Edition. 8vo. Paris: 1841. 2. Histoire de M. Jobard. 8vo. Par Cham. with an m. In this state of things it is use.

nexion between them is their both beginning Paris: 1842.

less to swim against the stream, and folly to M. BIROTTEAU is a worthy citizen, who, differ from our contemporaries: a prudent impatient at the slow results of industry, youth will purchase the last edition of "The resolves to make his fortune at a bound. M. Art of Rising in the World, or Every Man Jobard is a simple-minded believer in Ad. his own Fortune-maker," and sedulously vertisements. Which of us does not, in practise the main precept it enjoins-never some respect, resemble a Birotteau or a Jo. to omit an opportunity of placing your name bard ?—was the question we asked ourselves in printed characters before the world. as we laid down the works in which their It may be argued, that, when every body adventures are recorded, and took up the takes to puffing, it comes to nearly the same extra-sheet of the Times. Here, within the thing as if nobody puffed at all; but the compass of a single Newspaper, are above well-known aphorism holds good: five hundred announcements of wants or su. “Be not the first to lay the old aside, perfluities-remedies for all sorts of ail- Be not the first by whom the new are tried." ments—candidates for all sorts of situations. Besides, in the lottery of life as at present -conveyances for those who wish to travel, managed, though the blanks may be more establishments for those who wish to stay at numerous, the prizes are proportionably home-investments for him who has made rich. When means of communication were his fortune, and modes of growing rich for restricted, and skill, taste, or talent was him who has that pleasure yet to come— made known with difficulty beyond a narrow elixirs to make us beautiful, ond balsams to circle—a street, a village, or a town—it was preserve us from decay-new theatres for coinparatively easy to gain a livelihood, and the idle, new chapels for the serious, new almost impossible to become a millionaire: cemeteries in pleasant situations for the fame and profit were distributed among the dead :-carriages, horses, dogs, men-ser. community much in the same manner as vants, maid-servants, East India Directors, Greek among the inhabitants of our northand Governesses,-how is all this to be dis- ern part of this island, where (according to regarded or disbelieved, without wilfully Dr. Johnson) all have a mouthful, few a bel. shutting our eyes to the progress of society'; lyful; and for this reason we have always or living in an habitual state of apprehen- entertained some doubts of the authenticity sion, resembling that of the late Mr. Accum of the anecdote regarding “the great Twalmof "Death in the Pot” celebrity, who be- ly, the inventor of the New Floodgate Iron.” lieved that every thing he ate was poisoned Either Dr. Johnson invented the story to more or less, and regarded every butcher as tease Boswell, or Mr. Twalmly had formed a Cæsar Borgia, and every cookmaid who an undue estimate of the extent of his own boiled a potato for him as a Marquise de celebrity; though, to be sure, the daily press Brinvilliers in disguise ?

was even then beginning to exercise an unIn short, there is no disguising it, the due influence; since the Lexicographer says, grand principle of modern existence is no- in 1776, that he should have visited Mrs. toriety; we live and move and have our be. Rudd, “were it not that they have now a ing in print. Hardly a second-rate Dandy trick of putting every thing into the newscan start for the moors, or a retired Slop- papers." At the present time, assuming seller leave London for Margate, without greatness to consist in notoriety, the invenannouncing the “fashionable movement” in tor of a new fire-iron for smoothing linen the Morning Post; and what Curran said of (for such, neither more nor less, was Mr. Byron, that“ he wept for the press, and Twalmly’s discovery) might fairly earn a wiped his eyes with the public,” may now title to name himself “the great;' not simbe predicated of every one who is striving ply for the reason suggested by the Bishop for any sort of distinction. He must not of Killaloe (Dr. Barnard)—because he would only weep, but eat, drink, walk, talk, hunt, rank amongst “Inventas aut qui vitam exco. shoot, give parties, and travel, in the news leure per artes,” but because within a few papers. People now-a-days contemptuously hours the whole United Kingdom might be reject the old argiment, "whom not to know talking of him. We pardon the tailor who argues yourself unknown.The universal tells us to reform our bills, and the pastryinference is, that, if a man be not known, hel cook who writes us a private (printed) let.

If we

ter to commend his rout-cakes, when we re- bered, has been proved by Mr. Wordsworth collect that a lucky hit might enable the one to be che essential, elemental, fundamental, (like Gunter) to return thirty thousand a characteristic quality of poetry. year to the income tax, and the other (like adopt Locke's definition, the writers are Stulz) to purchase a feudal castle and a equally distinguished by wit; for they disbarony.

cover hidden similitudes, and associate With so much to stimulate energy and things apparently unconnected with the reward eloquence, no wonder that invention most startling and enviable facility. Let has been racked for topics, and language for any one who is skeptical as to the degree of terms, to arrest the attention of a busy and talent employed and required for the pur. bustling, but observing and intelligent pub. pose, try to find out the point of analogy lic; and here, again, it is remarkable how between Dante's Inferno and Holloway's ingeniously the style of address has been Ointment, or the likeness between Archimeadapted to the taste or fashion of the hour. des and Mr. Wray, the vender of gout pills. When Scott, Byron, Moore, Rogers, Words- Mark, too, the skill with which the mode worth, Southey, &c., were in their zenith, of attack is varied; one dashes at once in or whilst the horizon was still in a blaze with medias res, or puts on an imposing air of their descending glory, the most attractive frankness; another trusts the result to in. vehicle was verse, and the praises of black- ference, reserves the point for the postscript, ing were sung in strains which would have like a young lady's letter, or lures you on done no discredit to “Childe Harold” him. imperceptibly, like Bishop Berkeley's “Esself, even in his own opinion—for when ac- say on Tar Water," which concludes with cused of receiving six hundred a-year for reflections on the Trinity. bis services as Poet-Laureat to Mrs. Warren, On the whole, there is no denying that -of being, in short, the actual personage Advertisements constitute a class of com. alluded to in her famous boast, "We keeps position intimately connected with the arts a poet”-he showed no anxiety to repudiate and sciences, and peculiarly calculated to the charge. The present, however, is an illustrate the domestic habits of a people. unpoetic age — though, by the way, we Porson used to say, that a single Athenian should be exceedingly obliged to any one newspaper would be worth all the commenwho would mention an age that was not de- taries on Aristophanes put together. Surescribed as both unpoetic and wicked at the ly, then, a brief analysis of modern puffery time :

would be no unacceptable bequest to pos. “Nos nequiores, mox daturos

terity. We shall show, before we have Progeniem vitiosiorem.”

done, that no trade, profession, walk, or To change the expression, then, the pre-condition in life is entirely free from it; and sent age decidedly prefers prose to poetry; it will be an instructive exercise for moral nay, unaccountable as it may appear to the philosophers or metaphysicians to fix the person principally interested, and after all degrees and ascertain the causes of the vaihe good advice both he and we have wasted rieties. on the point, there can be no doubt whatev- It would seem that pain, or the fear of er that““The Excursion" is more than ever pain, is the most active stimulant, and vancaviare to the vulgar; and, notwithstanding ity the next; for the boldest appeals to creihe gallant stand made by Mr. Henry 'Tay- dúlity are made by those who profess to lor and Mr. Sergeant Talourd in its defence, cure diseases or improve personal appear. bas no chance at all against the “Pickwick ance. Our first specimens shall be borrow. Papers" or “Oliver Twist.” Mrs. Warren, ed from a class usually, though we hope unconsequently, has been obliged to pension justly, denominated quacks:off her poets; and the ingenuity of inventions, the excellence of elixirs, the wonder

6. Surprising Prophecy of Dante.-How lit

ule was it imagined that those celebrated lines of working powers of pills, the beauties of estates on sale, the rain-repelling powers of ill! would be literally fulfilled in England, and

Dante, 'And Time shall see thee cured of every York cloth, the advantages of railroads, the in the nineteenth century! Yet so it is. 'The comforts of steam-vessels, the hopes of the disorders of man, however complicated they may living, the virtues of the dead, are now al. be, are now subdued with surprising rapidity by most invariably set forth in that humble and that incomparable preparation, Holloway's ordinary form of language which M. Jour. Ointment,' in combination with its powerful auxdain had been employing

all his life without iliary, Holloway's External Disease Pill. It

is truly surprising to witness the innumerable knowing it. Far be it from us to say that cures performed by the special qualities of the there is the less scope for imagination on Ointment, and the alterative and tonic properties that account; and imagination, be it remem. 1 of the Pills. Nor can we too earnestly recom

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