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dresser; I put two or three corns in my with directions on both sides to be in love mouth, liked it, stole a handful, went into with one another; and in three weeks time my chamber, chewed it, and for two months we were married. I regained my former after never failed taking toll of every pen- health and complexion, and am now as ny worth of oatmeal that came into the happy as the day is long. Now, Mr. Spec, house; but one day playing with a tobacco- I desire you would find out some name for pipe between my teeth, it happened to these craving damsels, whether dignified break in my mouth, and the spitting out or distinguished under some or all of the the pieces left such a delicious roughness following denominations, to wit, “Trashon my tongue, that I could not be satisfied eaters, Oatmeal-chewers, Pipe-champers, till I had champed up the remaining part Chalk-lickers, Wax-nibblers, Coal-scranof the pipe. I forsook the oatmeal and chers, Wall-peelers, or Gravel-diggers;” stuck to the pipes three months, in which and, good sir, do your utmost endeavour to time I had dispensed with thirty-seven foul prevent (by exposing) this unaccountable pipes, all to the bowls: they belonged to an folly, so prevailing among the young ones old gentleman, father to my governess. of our sex, who may not meet with such He locked up the clean ones. I left off eat-sudden good luck as, sir, your constant ing of pipes, and fell to licking of chalk. I reader, and very humble servant, was soon tired of this. I then nibbled all
"SABINA GREEN, the red wax of our last ball-tickets, and, T. Now SABINA RENTFREE.' three weeks after, the black wax from the burying-tickets of the old gentleman. Two months after this, I lived upon thunder
No. 432.] Wednesday, July 16, 1712. bolts, a certain long round blueish stone which I found among the gravel in our gar
- -Inter strepit anser olores. Virg. Ecl. ix. 30. den. I was wonderfully delighted with this; He gabbles like a goose amidst the swan-like quire. but thunder-bolts growing scarce, I fastened
Dryden. tooth and nail upon our garden-wall, which
Oxford, July 14. I stuck to almost a twelvemonth, and had
MR. SPECTATOR, -According to a late in that time peeled and devoured half al invitation in one of your papers to every foot towards our neighbour's yard. I now
man who pleases to write, I have sent you thought myself the happiest creature in the following short dissertation against the the world; and I believe, in my conscience, | vice of being prejudiced. Your most humI had eaten quite through, had I had it in ble servant ; my chamber; but now I became lazy and unwilling to stir, and was obliged to seek “Man is a sociable creature, and a lover food nearer home. I then took a strange of glory; whence it is, that when several hankering to coals; I fell to scranching 'em, persons are united in the same society, and had already consumed, I am certain, they are studious to lessen the reputation as much as would have dressed my wed- of others, in order to raise their own. The ding dinner, when my uncle came for me wise are content to guide the springs in home. He was in the parlour with my silence, and rejoice in secret at their regugoverness, when I was called down. I went lar progress. To prate and triumph is the in, fell on my knees, for he made me call part allotted to the trifling and superficial. him father; and when I expected the bless. The geese were providentially ordained to ing I asked, the good gentleman, in a sur-save the Capitol. Hence it is, that the inprise, turns himself to my governess, and vention of marks and devices to distinguish asks, "whether this (pointing to me) was parties is owing to the beaus and belles of his daughter? This," added he, sis the (this island. Hats moulded into different 'very picture of death. My child was a cocks and pinches, have long bid mutual plump-faced, hale, fresh-coloured girl; but defiance; patches have been set against this looks as if she was half-starved, a mere patches in battle array: stocks have risen skeleton." My governess, who is really a and fallen in proportion to head-dresses; good woman, assured my father I had and peace and war been expected, as the wanted for nothing; and withal told him I white or the red hood hath prevailed. These was continually eating some trash or other, are the standard-bearers in our contending and that I was almost eaten up with the armies, the dwarfs and 'squires who cargreen-sickness, her orders being never to ry the impresses of the giants or knights, cross me. But this magnified but little with not born to fight themselves, but to prepare my father, who presently, in a kind of pet, the way for the ensuing combat. paying for my board, took me home with "It is a matter of wonder to reflect how him. I had not been long at home, but one far men of weak understanding, and strong Sunday at church (I shall never forget it) fancy, are hurried by their prejudices, eren I saw a young neighbouring gentleman that to the believing that the whole body of the pleased me hugely; I liked him of all men adverse party are a band of villains and I ever saw in my life, and began to wish I dæmons. Foreigners complain that the could be as pleasing to him. The very next English are the proudest nation under headay he came with his father a visiting to / ven. Perhaps they too have their share: our house: we were left alone together, I but be that as it will, general charges against bodies of men is the fault I am I kind of fame. These copiers of men, like writing against. It must be owned, to our those of authors or painters, run into afshame, that our common people, and most fectations of some oddness, which perhaps who have not travelled, have an irrational was not disagreeable in the original, but contempt for the language, dress, customs, sits ungracefully on the narrow-souled tranand even the shape and minds of other na- scriber. tions. Some men, otherwise of sense, have “By such early corrections of vanity, wondered that a great genius should spring while boys are growing into men, they will out of Ireland; and think you mad in af- gradually learn not to censure superficially; firming that fine odes have been written in but imbibe those principles of general kindLapland,
ness and humanity, which alone can make « This spirit of rivalship, which hereto-them easy to themselves, and beloved by fore reigned in the two universities, is ex- others. tinct, and almost over betwixt college and “Reflections of this nature have expungcollege. In parishes and schools the thirst ed all prejudice out of my heart; insomuch, for glory still obtains. At the seasons of that though I am a firm protestant, I hope foot-ball and cock-fighting, these little re- to see the pope and cardinals without viopublics reassume their national hatred to lent emotions; and though I am naturally each other. My tenant in the country is grave, I expect to meet good company at verily persuaded, that the parish of the Paris. I am, sir, your humble servant." enemy hath not one honest man in it.
Mr. SpecTATOR, -I find you are a “I always hated satires against women, I general undertaker, and have, by your corand satires against men: I am apt to sus- respondents or sell, an insight into most pect a stranger who laughs at the religion | things; which makes me apply myself to of the faculty: my spleen rises at a dull you at present, in the sorest calamity that rogue who is severe upon mayors and al- l ever befel man. My wife has taken somedermen; and I was never better pleased thing ill of me, and has not spoke one word, than with a piece of justice executed upon good or bad, to me, or any body in the fathe body of a Templar who was very arch | mily, since Friday was seven-night. What upon parsons. ** The necessities of mankind require va- I would be a great obligation to, sir, your
| must a man do in that case? Your advice rious employments; and whoever excels in
most humble servant, his province is worthy of praise. All men |
RALPH THIMBLETON.' are not educated after the same manner,
• July 15, 1712. nor have all the same talents. Those who are deficient deserve our compassion, and.
MR. SPECTATOR,-When you want a have a title to our assistance. . All cannot
ftrifle to fill up a paper, in inserting this you be bred in the same place; but in all places
will lay an obligation on your humble serthere arise, at different times, such persons
OLIVIA.' as do honour to their society, which may “DEAR OLIVIA,- It is but this moment raise envy in little souls, but are admired I have had the happiness of knowing to and cherished by generous spirits.
whom I am obliged for the present I re“It is certainly a great happiness to beceived the second of April. I am heartily educated in societies of great and eminent sorry it did not come to hand the day before; men. Their instructions and examples are for I cannot but think it very hard upon of extraordinary advantage. It is highly people to lose their jest, that offer at one proper to instil such a reverence of the gó- but ohce a-year. I congratulate myself verning persons, and concern for the honour however upon the earnest given me of of the place, as may spur the growing mem- something farther intended in my favour, bers to worthy pursuits and honest emula- for I am told that the man who is thought tion; but to swell young minds with vain worthy by a lady to make a fool of stands thoughts of the dignity of their own bro- fair enough in her opinion to become one therhood, by debasing and vilifying all day her husband. Till such time as I have others, doth them a real injury. By this the honour of being sworn, I take leave to means I have found that their efforts have subscribe myself, dear Olivia, your fool become languid, and their prattle irksome, elect,
NICODEMUNCIO.” as thinking it sufficient praise that they are children of so illustrious and ample a family. I should think it a surer as well as more generous method, to set before the No. 433.] Thursday, July 17, 1712. eyes of youth such persons as have made
Perlege Mæonio cantatas carmine ranas, a noble progress in fraternities less talked Et frontem nugis solvere disce meis. of; which seems tacitly to reproach their
Mart. Epig. clxxxiii. 14. sloth, who loll so heavily in the seats of
To banish anxious thought, and quiet pain, mighty improvement. Active spirits here
Read Homer's frogs, or my more trifling strain. by would enlarge their notions; where The moral world, as consisting of males as, by a servile imitation of one, or perhaps and females, is of a mixed nature, and filled two, admired men in their own body, they with several customs, fashions, and cerecan only gain a secondary and derivative monies, which would have no place in it were there but one sex. Had our species to time, and supplied with their respective no females in it, men would be quite differ- subjects. ent creatures from what they are at pre- These two states were engaged together sent: their endeavours to please the oppo- in a perpetual league, offensive and defensite sex polishes and refines them out of sive; so that if any foreign potentate offered those manners which are most natural to attack either of them, both of the sexes to them, and often sets them upon modelling fell upon him at once, and quickly brought themselves, not according to the plans which him to reason. It was remarkable that for they approve in their own opinions, but ac- many ages this agreement continued invio. cording to those plans which they think are lable between the two states, notwithstandmost agreeable to the female world. In ing, as was said before, they were husbands a word, man would not only be an unhappy, and wives; but this will not appear so wonbut a rude unfinished creature, were he derful, if we consider that they did not live conversant with none but those of his own together above a week in a year. make.
In the account which my author gives of Women, on the other side, are apt to form the male republic, there were several custhemselves in every thing with regard to toms very remarkable. The men never that other half of reasonable creatures shaved their beards, or paired their nails, with whom they are here blended and above once in a twelvemonth, which was confused: their thoughts are ever turn- probably about the time of the great annual ed upon appearing amiable to the other meeting upon their frontiers. I find the sex; they talk, and move, and smile, with name of a minister of state in one part of a design upon us; every feature of their their history, who was fined for appearing faces, every part of their dress, is filled too frequently in clean linen; and of a cerwith snares and allurements. There would tain great general, who was turned out of be no such animals as prudes or coquettes his post for effeminacy, it having been in the world, were there not such an ani- proved upon him by several credible witmal as man. In short, it is the male that nesses that he washed his face every morngives charms to woman-kind, that produces ing. If any member of the commonwealth an air in their faces, a grace in their mo- had a soft voice, a smooth face, or a supple tions, a softness in their voices, and a deli-behaviour, he was banished into the comcacy in their complexions.
monwealth of females, where he was treatAs this mutual regard between the two ed as a slave, dressed in petticoats, and set sexes tends to the improvement of each of a spinning. They had no titles of honour them, we may observe that men are apt to among them, but such as denoted some degenerate into rough and brutal natures bodily strength or perfection, as such-a-one who live as if there were no such things as the tall,' such-a-one the stocky,' such-awomen in the world; as, on the contrary, one the gruff.' Their public debates were women who have an indifference or aver-generally managed with kicks and cuffs, sion for their counterparts in human nature insomuch that they often came from the are generally sour and unamiable, sluttish council-table with broken shins, black eyes, and censorious,
and bloody noses. When they would reI am led into this train of thoughts by a proach a' man in the most bitter terms, little manuscript which is lately fallen into they would tell him his teeth were white, my hands, and which I shall communicate or that he had a fair skin and a soft hand. to the reader, as I have done some other The greatest man I meet with in their hiscurious pieces of the same nature without tory, who was one who could lift five huntroubling him with any inquiries about the dred weight, and wore such a prodigious author of it. It contains a summary ac-pair of whiskers as had never been seen in count of two different states which bordered the commonwealth before his time. These upon one another. The one was a common-accomplishments, it seems, had rendered wealth of Amazons, or women without him so popular, that if he had not died very men; the other was a republic of males, seasonably, it is thought he might have enthat had not a woman in the whole com slaved the republic. Having made this munity. As these two states bordered upon short extract out of the history of the male one another, it was their way, it seems to commonwealth, I shall look into the history meet upon their frontiers at a certain sea- of the neighbouring state, which consisted son of the year, where those among the of females; and if I find any thing in it, will men who had not made their choice in any not fail to communicate it to the public. former meeting, associated themselves with particular women, whom they were afterwards obliged to look upon as their wives in every one of these yearly rencounters. The children that sprung up from this al
No. 434,] Friday, July 18, 1712. liance, if males, were sent to their respec
Quales Threicie, cum flumina Thermodoontis tive fathers; if females, continued with Pulsant, et pictis bellantur Amazones arinis: their mothers. By means of this anniversary Seu circum Hyppolyten, seu cum se Martia curru carnival, which lasted about a week, the
Penthesilea refert, magnoque ululante tumultu,
Feminea exultant lunatis agmina peltis: commonwealths were recruited from time!
Virg. Æn. viii. GGO.
So march'd the Thracian Amazons of old,
I could not attend the public affairs as so When Thermodon with bloody billows rollid: Such troops as these in shining arms were seen,
great an exigency of state required; but When Theseus met in fight their maiden queen.
this I can give no manner of credit to, since Such to the field Penthesilea led,
it seems to contradict a fundamental maxim From the fierce virgin when the Grecians fled. With such return'd triumphant from the war,
in their government, which I have before Her maids with cries attend the lofty car:
mentioned. My author gives the most proThey clash with manly force their moony shields; | bable reason of this great disaster; for he With female shouts resound the Phrygian fields.
| affirms that the general was brought to Dryden.
bed, or (as others say) miscarried, the very HAVING carefully perused the manu- night before the battle: however it was, script I mentioned in my yesterday's paper, this single overthrow obliged them to call so far as it relates to the republic of women, in the male republic to their assistance; I find in it several particulars which may but, notwithstanding their common efforts very well deserve the reader's attention to repulse the victorious enemy, the war
The girls of quality, from six to twelve continued for many years before they could years old, were put to public schools, where entirely bring it to a happy conclusion. they learned to box and play at cudgles, The campaigns which both sexes passed with several other accomplishments of the together made them so well acquainted same nature: so that nothing was more with one another, that at the end of the usual than to see a little miss returning war they did not care for parting. In the home at night with a broken pate, or two beginning of it they lodged in separate or three teeth knocked out of her head. camps, but afterwards, as they grew more They were afterwards taught to ride the familiar, they pitched their tents promisgreat horse, to shoot, dart or sling, and cuously, listed into several companies, in order to From this time, the armies being checkperfect themselves in military exercises. ered with both sexes, they polished apace, No woman was to be married till she had | The men used to invite their fellow soldiers killed her man. The ladies of fashion used into their quarters, and would dress their to play with young lions instead of lap-dogs; tents with flowers and boughs for their reand when they made any parties of diver- ception. If they chanced to like one more sion, instead of entertaining themselves at than another, they would be cutting her ombre and piquet, they would wrestle and name in the table, or chalking out her pitch the bar for a whole afternoon toge- figure upon a wall, or talking of her in a ther. There was never any such thing as kind of rapturous language, which by dea blush seen, or a sigh heard, in the whole grees improved into verse and sonnet. commonwealth. The women never dressed These were as the first rudiments of archibut to look terrible; to which end they would tecture, painting, and poetry, among this sometimes, after a battle, paint their cheeks savage people. After any advantage over with the blood of their enemies. For this the enemy, both sexes used to jump toreason, likewise, the face which had the gether, and make a clattering with their most scars was looked upon as the most swords and shields, for joy, which in a few beautiful. If they found lace, jewels, years produced several regular tunes and ribands, or any ornaments in silver or gold, set dances. among the booty which they had taken, As the two armies romped together upon they used to dress their horses with it, these occasions, the women complained of but never entertained a thought of wear- the thick bushy beards and long nails of ing it themselves. There were particular their confederates, who thereupon took care rights and privileges allowed to any mem- to prune themselves into such figures as ber of the commonwealth who was a mo- were most pleasing to their friends and ther of three daughters. The senate was allies, made up of old women, for by the laws of When they had taken any spoils from the country, none was to be a counsellor the enemy, the men would make a present of state that was not past child-bearing. of every thing that was rich and showy to They used to boast that their republic had the women whom they most admired, and continued four thousand years, which is would frequently dress the necks, or heads, altogether improbable, unless we may sup- or arms, of their mistresses, with any thing pose, what I am very apt to think, that which they thought appeared gay or pretty. they measured their time by lunar years. The women observing that the men took
There was a great revolution brought about delight in looking upon them when they in this female republic by means of a neigh- were adorned with such trappings and bouring king, who had made war upon them gewgaws, set their heads at work to find several years with various success, and at out new inventions and to outshine one anlength overthrew them in a very great battle. other in all councils of war, or the like This defeat they ascribe to several causes: solemn meetings. On the other hand, the some say that the secretary of state, having men observing how the women's hearts been troubled with the vapours, had com- were set upon finery, begun to embellish mitted some fatal mistakes in several des- themselves, and look as agreeably as they patches about that time. Others pretend could in the eyes of their associates. In that the first minister being big with child, I short, after a few years' conversing togeVol. II.
ther, the women had learned to smile, and a hat and feather, a riding-coat, and a the men to ogle; the women grew soft, and periwig, or at least tie up their hair in a the men lively.
bag or riband, in imitation of the smart When they had thus insensibly formed part of the opposite sex. As in my yesterone another, upon finishing of the war, day's paper I gave an account of the mixwhich concluded with an entire conquest ture of two sexes in one commonwealth, I of their common enemy, the colonels in one shall here take notice of this mixture of army married the colonels in the other; the two sexes in one person. I have already captains in the same manner took the cap- shown my dislike of this immodest custom tains to their wives: the whole body of more than once; but in contempt of every common soldiers were matched after the thing I have hitherto said, I am informed example of their leaders. By this means that the highways about this great city are the two republics incorporated with one still very much infested with these female another, and became the most flourishing cavaliers. and polite government in the part of the I remember when I was at my friend world which they inhabited.
Sir Roger de Coverley's, about this time twelvemonth, an equestrian lady of this
order appeared upon the plains which lay No. 435.] Saturday, July 19, 1712.
at a distance from his house. I was at that
time walking in the fields with my old friend; Nec duo sunt, et forma duplex, nec fæmina dici, and as his tenants ran out on every side Nec puer ut possint, neutrumque et utrumque videntur. to see so strange
tur. to see so strange a sight, Sir Roger asked Ovid. Met. iv. 378.
one of them, who came by us, what it was? Both bodies in a single body mix,
To which the country fellow replied, "'Tis A single body with a double sex. - Addison
a gentlewoman, saving your worship's preMost of the papers I give the public are sence, in a coat and hat.' This produced a written on subjects that never vary, but great deal of mirth at the knight's house, are for ever fixed and immutable. Of this where we had a story at the same time kind are all my more serious essays and of another of his tenants, who meeting this discourses; but there is another sort of spe- gentleman-like lady on the highway, was culations, which I consider as occasional asked by her whether that was Coverlevpapers, that take their rise from the folly, hall? The honest man seeing only the extravagance, and caprice of the present male part of the querist, replied, "Yes, age. For I look upon myself as one set to sir;' but upon the second question, whether watch the manners and behaviour of my Sir Roger de Coverley was a married man? countrymen and contemporaries, and to having dropped his eye upon the petticoat, mark down every absurd fashion, ridicu- he changed his note into •No, madam.' lous custom, or affected form of speech, Had one of these hermaphrodites apthat makes its appearance in the world peared in Juvenal's days, with what an during the course of my speculations. The indignation should we have seen her depetticoat no sooner begun to swell, but I scribed by that excellent satirist! he would observed its motions. The party-patches have represented her in a riding habit as a had not time to muster themselves before greater monster than the centaur. He I detected them. I had intelligence of the would have called for sacrifices of purifycoloured hood the very first time it ap- ing waters, to expiate the appearance of peared in a public assembly.. I might here such a prodigy. He would have invoked mention several other the like contingent the shades of Portia and Lucretia, to see subjects, upon which I have bestowed dis-into what the Roman ladies had transformtinct papers. By this means I have so effec- ed themselves. tually quashed those irregularities which For my own part, I am for treating the gave occasion to them, that I am afraid sex with greater tenderness, and have all posterity will scarce have a sufficient idea along made use of the most gentle methods to of them to relish those discourses which bring them off from any little extravagance were in no little vogue at the time they into which they have sometimes unwarily were writter. They will be apt to think fallen. I think it however absolutely necesthat the fashions and customs I attack sary to keep up the partition between the ed were some fantastic conceits of my two sexes, and to take notice of the smallest own, and that their great grandmothers encroachments which the one makes upon could not be so whimsical as I have repre- the other. I hope therefore I shall not sented them. For this reason, when I think hear any more complaints on this subject. on the figure my several volumes of specu- I am sure my she-disciples, who peruse lations will make about a hundred years these my daily lectures, have profited but hence, I consider them as so many pieces little by them, if they are capable of giving of old plate, where the weight will be re-into such an amphibious dress. This I garded, but the fashion lost.
should not have mentioned, had I not lately Among the several female extravagan- met one of these my female readers in ces I have already taken notice of, there Hyde-park, who looked upon me with a is one which still keeps its ground. I mean másculine assurance, and cocked her hat that of the ladies who dress themselves in 1 full in my face.