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Paradox. Says a beau to a lady, Pray name if you Four people sat down in one evening to play,
They play'd all that eve, and parted next day; Of all your acquaintance, the handsomest man. Could you think, when you're told, as thus The lady replied, If you'd have me speak true, they all sat, He's the handsomest inan that's the most un. No other play'd with them, nor was there one like you.
bet; Yet, when they rose up, each gained a guinea, Though none of 'em lost to the amount of a
penny? On a Bowl of Punch. Whene'er a bowl of punch we make,
Answer. Four striking opposites we take;
| Four merry fidlers play'd all night, The strong, the small, the sharp, the sweet,
To many a dancing ninny; Together mix'd, most kindly meet;
And the next morning went away, And when they happily unite,
And each receiv'd a guinea. The bowl “ is pregnant with delight.”
In conversation thus we find,
On the Fifth of November.
By an Irish Bellman.
To-Night's the day, I speak it with great As milk and verjuice, frost and flame;
sorrow, Their parts by properly sustaining,
That we were all t' have been blown up toMay all proye highly entertaining.
morrow; Therefore, take care of fire, and candle-light: 'Tis a cold frosty morn, and so good night. '
A Description of London. Houses, churches, mix'd together, Reflections over a Pipe of Tobacco and a Streets unpleasant in all weather;
Pinch of Snuff Prisons, palaces contiguous,
( Whilst smoke arises from my pipe, Gates, a bridge, the Thames irriguous;
Thus to myself I say: Gaudy things enough to tempt ye,
| Why should I anxious be for life, Showy outsides, insides empty;
Which vanishes away?
Our social snuff-boxes convey
The same ideas just; Lords of laundresses afraid;
| As if they silently would say,
Let's mingle dust to dust.
A Country Quarter Session.
Three or four parsons full of October,
Three or four squires between drunk and sober; Prudes, and such as never pray;
Three or four lawyers, three or four liars ; Handsome, ugly, noisy, still,
| Three or four constables, three or four criers; Some that will not, some that will;
Three or four parishes bringing appeals ; Many a beau without a shilling,
Three or four writings, and three or four seals; Many a widow not unwilling,
Three or four bastards, three or four whores; Many a bargain if you strike it:
Tag, rag, and bobtail, three or four scores; This is London :-how d'ye like it?
Three or four statutes misunderstood, | Three or four paupers all praying for food; Three or four roads that never were mended,
Three or four scolds--and the session is ended, On a young Lady. Behold a nymph with ev'ry virtue graced,
Epigram. Minerva's head on Venus' shoulders placed ! Kind nature here displays her nicest art, What legions of fables and whimsical tales With sweet relievos hides the soundest heart; Pass current for gospel where priestcraft prevails! But while it hides, it elegantly tells
Our ancestors thus were most strangely deWith what benevolence her bosom swells;
ceiv'd ; Here's beauty mental, moral, and divine, What stories and nonsense for faith they bcTo charın the lover, and his thoughts refine.
But we, their wise sons, who these fables To-morrow. An Epigram. reject,
| TO-MORROW you will live, you always cry: Even truth, now-a-days, are too apt to suspect: In what far country does to-morrow lie, From believing too much, the right faith we
That 'tis so mighty long ere it arrive? let fall,
Beyond the Indies doth this morrow live? So now we believe, i'faith, nothing at all.
'Tis so far fetch'd, this morrow, that I fear
'Twill be both very old, and very dear. Another.
To-morrow I will live, the fool does say.
To-day's too late : the wise liv'd yesterday. Cries Ned to his neighbours, as onward they
press'd, Conveying his wife to her place of long rest;
Spoken extempore by the Earl of Rochester to Take, friends, I beseech you, a little more
a Parish Clerk, leisure, For why should we thus make a toil of a
STERNHOLD and Hopkins had great qualms,
When they translated David's Psalms, pleasure ?
To make the heart full glad :
But had it been poor David's fate,
By Jove, 'twould have made him mad.
Rhyme to Lisbon. By the same.
Here's a health to Kate,
Our Sovereign's mate,
But the devil take Hyde,
And the Bishop beside
That made her bone of his bone.
Hence, restless care, and low design! My coal is spent, my iron gone,
Hence, foreign compliments and wine; My nails are drove, my work is done. Let generous Britons, brave and free, My fire-dried corpse here lies at rest,
Still boast their punch and honesty. My soul, smoke-like, soars to be blest. Life is a bumper, fill'd by fate,
And we the guests who share the treat:
Where strong, insipid, sharp, and sweet, A whimsical Epitaph, taken from a Stone in a Each other duly temp'ring, meet. Church.
A while with joy the scene is crown'd, Here lies the body of Sarah Sexton,
A while the catch and toast go round; Who as a wife did never vex one;
And when the full carouse is o'er,
Death puffs the lights, and shuts the door.
What harm in drinking can there be,
Since punch and life so well agree?
bards, Who draws instruction from a game of cards.
The Disappointed Husband. What tho'Quadrille perplex you? here is shown A SCOLDING wife so long a sleep possess'd, How hard the task for her who plays alone. Her spouse presum'd her soul was now at rest; But would you then consent to be a wife, Sable was call'd to hang the room with black, Think first, O think! you play your cards for And all their cheer was sugar, rolls, and sack; life!
Two njourning staffs stood sentry at the door, Should sordid friends control your right good And Silence reign’d, who ne'er was there will,
before; Beware the wretched state of forced Spadille. The cloaks, and tears, and handkerchiefs Should man, by grandeur, strive your heart to prepar'd,
They march'd in woeful pomp to the church. A cross fish well denotes a purse-proud squire. yard, Then pass by wealth and power; for better sure When, see, of narrow streets what mischiefs It is, with some kind swain to play secure;
come! And he, dear girl, who does your charms The very dead can't pass in quiet home; adore,
By some rude jolt the coffin lid was broke, Now asks your leave; O! let him soon say more. And madam from her dream of death awoke.
Now all was spoild! The undertaker's pay, On the Death of Dr. Secker, late Archbishop Sour faces, cakes and wine, quite thrown away.
of Canterbury. But some years after, when the former scene
While Secker liv’d, he show'd how seers Was acted, and the coffin nail'd again;
should live; The tender husband took especial care
While Secker taught, heaven opend to our To keep the passage from disturbance clear,
eye; Charging the bearers that they tread aright, When Secker gave, we knew how angels give; Nor put his dear in such another fright. When Secker died, we knew e'en Saints
Occasioned by the Words “ One Prior." in DESCEND, fair Stoic, from thy Aights;
One Prior!—and is this, this all the fame
The Poet from th' Historian can claim?
No; Prior's verse posterity shall quote,
When 'tis forgot one Burnet ever wrote.
Another truth to shun;
On Content. An Epigram.
It is not youth can give content,
Nor is it wealth's decree;
| It is a gift from heaven sent, An Epigram. Music's a crotchet the sober thinks vain,
Though not to thee or me. The fiddle's a wooden projection;
| It is not in the monarch's crown, Tunes are but Airts of a whimsical brain,
Though he'd give millions for 't: Which the bottle brings best to perfection.
| It dwells not in his lordship's frown, Musicians are half-witted, merry, and mad,
Nor waits on him to court. The same are all those that admire 'em;
It is not in a coach and six, They're fools if they play unless they're well
It is not in a garter;
| 'Tis not in love or politics, And the other are blockheads to hire 'em. But 'tis in Hodge the carter.
The First Pair.
The Biter bit.
A secret mass of gold;
By fancy was not told.
To lock it in a chest
Thereon, Hic Deus est.
Lony wish'd for such a prey,
That on the casket lay,
The priest's inscript thereon ;
“ Your god is ris'n and gone."
Similes to Molly.
I sit all sober sad;
Or like a March hare mad.
I drink, yet can't forget her;
I love her still the better.
If Molly were but kind;
The rest of womankind.
Like a stuck pig I gaping stare,
You'll find me truer than a die; And eye her o'er and o'er;
And wish me better sped, Lean as a rake with sighs and care,
Flat as a flounder when I lie, Sleek as a mouse before.
And as a herring dead. Plump as a partridge was I known,
Sure as a gun she'll drop a tear, And soft as silk my skin;
And sigh perhaps, and wish, My cheeks as fat as butter grown;
When I am rotten as a pear,
And mute as any fish.
On the Word REPRESENTATIVE.
To represent is but to personate,
Which should be truly done at any rate. Hard is her heart as flint or stone,
Thus they who're fairly chose without a fee, She laughs to see me pale;
Should give their votes, 10 doubt, with liberty. And merry as a grig is grown,
But when a seat is sold by th'venal tribe, And brisk as botiled ale.
He represents them best-who takes a bribe. The god of love at her approach
Is busy as a bee;
On the Shortness of Human Life.
LIKE as a damask rose you see, Ah me! as thick as hops or hail
Or like the blossom on a tree; The fine men crowd about her ;
Or like the dainty flower in May, But soon as dead as a door-nail
Or like the inorning to the day; Shall I be, if without her. .
Or like the sun, or like the shade,
Or like the gourd which Jonas had; Straight as my leg her shape appears;
E'en such is man, whose thread is spun, 0! were we join'd together,
Drawn out and cut, and so is done: My heart would be scot-free from cares,
Withers the rose, the blossom blasts, And lighter than a feather.
The flower fades, the morning hastes; As fine as fivepence is her mien,
The sun doth set, the shadows fly, No drum was ever tighter;
The gourd consuines, and mortals die. Her glance is as a razor keen,
Like to the grass that's newly sprung, And not the sun is brighter.
Or like a tale that's new begun; As soft as pap her kisses are,
Or like a bird that's here to-day, Methinks I taste them yet;
Or like the pearled dew of May; Brown as a berry is her hair,
Or like an hour, or like a span, Her eyes as black as jet.
Or like the singing of a swan ;
E'en such is man, who lives by breath, As smooth as glass, as white as curds,
Is here, now there, in life and death: Her pretty hand invites;
The grass decays, the tale doth end, Sharp as a needle are her words,
The bird is flown, the dews ascend; Her wit like pepper bites.
The hour is short, the span not long, Brisk as a body-louse she trips,
The swan's near death, man's life is done. Clean as a penny drest; Sweet as a rose her breath and lips,
Like to the bubble in the brook, Round as a globe her breast.
Or in a glass much like a look :
Or like the shuttle in the hand, Full as an egg was I with glee,
Or like the writing in the sand; And happy as a king!
Or like a thought, or like a dream, Good Lord! how all men envied me!
Or like the gliding of the stream; She lov'd like any thing:
E'en such is man, who lives by breath, But false as hell, she like the wind
Is here, now there, in life and death : Chang'd as her sex must do;
The bubble's burst, the look 's forgot, Though seeming as the turtle kind,
The shuttle's fung, the writing's blot ; And like the Gospel true.
The thought is past, the dream is gone,
The water glides, man's life is done. If I and Molly could agree,
Let who would take Peru; Great as an emperor should I be,
Epitaph on Captain Jones, And richer than a Jew.
Who published some marvellous Accounts of kas
Travels, the Truth of all which he though Till you grow tender as a chick,
proper to testify by affidavit. I'm dull as any post; Let us like burrs together stick,
Tread softly, mortals, o'er the bones And warm as any toast.
Of the world's wonder, Captain Jones!
Who told his glorious deeds to many, 'Tis a landscape vainly gay,
Painted upon crumbling clay;
"Tis a lamp that wastes its fires; He swore all's true, yet here he lies. "Tis a smoke that quick expires;
'Tis a bubble, 'tis a sigh :
Be prepar'd, O Man! to die.
An Anatomical Epitaph on an Invalid. Comesit by my side while this picture I draw:
Written by Himself. In chatt'ring a magpie, in pride a jackdaw;
Here lies a head that often ach’d; A temper the devil himself could not bridle,
Here lie two hands that always shak'd; Impertinent mixture of busy and idle ;
Here lies a brain of odd conceit; As rude as a bear, no mule half so crabbed,
Here lies a heart that often beat; She swills like a sow, and she breeds like a
Here lie two eyes that daily wept,
And in the night but seldom slept ; A housewife in bed, at table a slattern,
Here lies a tongue that wbining talk'd, For all an example, for no one a pattern;
Here lie two feet that feebly walk'd; Now tell me, friend Thomas*, Fordt, Grat
Here lie the midriff and the breast, tan, † and merry Dant,
With loads of indigestion prest;
Here lies the liver, full of bile,
Here lie the bowels, human tripes,
Tortur'd with wind and twisting gripes ; On seeing a young Lady writing Verses with a
Here lies the livid dab, the spleen,
The source of life's sad tragic scene,
That left-side weight that clogs the blood, With so much sense and such a face,
And stagnates nature's circling food ; So slatternly, is shocking:
Here lie the nerves, so often twitch'd 0! if you would with Venus sie,
With painful cramps and poignant stitch; Your pen and poetry lay by,
Here lies the back, oft rack'd with pains, And learn to mend your stocking.
Corroding kidneys, loins, and reins;
With pimples and eruptions red;
Here lies the man, from top to toe, As Tom was one day deep in chat with his That fabric fram'd for pain and woe.
friend, He gravely advisd him his manners to mend;
A Poem, That his morals were bad, he had heard it from
By Sir Walter Raleigh. many..
Shall I like an hermit dwell They lie, replied Tom, for I never had any.
On a rock or in a cell,
Calling home the smallest part
That is missing of my heart,
To bestow it where I may Say, is there aught that can convey
Meet a rival ev'ry day? An image of its transient stay?
If she undervalue me, "Tis a hand's breadth ; 'ris a tale;
What care I how fair she be? 'Tis a vessel under sail;
Were her tresses angel-gold; "Tis a courser's straining steed; 'Tis a shuttle in its speed ;
If a stranger may be bold,
Unrebuked, unafraid, 'Tis an eagle in its way, Darting down upon its prey;
To convert them to a brayde,
And, with little more ado, "Tis an arrow in its fight,
Work them into bracelets too; Mocking the pursuing sight;
If the mine be grown so free, "Tis a vapour in the air; 'Tis a whirlwind rushing there;
What care I how rich it be? 'Tis a short-liv'd fading How'r;
Were her hands as rich a prize Tis a rainbow on a show'r;
As her hair, or precious eyes; 'Tis a momentary ray
If she laid them out to take Smiling in a winter's day;
Kisses, for good manners' sake, 'Tis a torrent's rapid stream;
And let ev'ry lover skip 'Tis a shadow ; 'tis a dream ;
From her hand unto her lip; 'Tis the closing watch of night;
If she seem not chaste to me,
| What care I how chaste she be?