Dre. S. It seems, thou wantest breaking; Out up- Dro. E. Here's too much, Out upon thee! I pray Dre. S. Ay, when fowls have no feathers, and fish Ant. E. Well, I'll break in: Go borrow me a crow. For a fish without a fin, there's a fowl without a feath er: If a crow help us in, sirrah, we'll pluck a crow to- Ant. E. Go, get thee gone, fetch me an iron crow. Once this,-Your long experience of her wisdom, And dwell upon your grave when you are dead: For ever hous'd, where it once gets possession. And fetch the chain; by this, I know, 'tis made: SCENE II-The same. Enter Luciana and Antiph- Luc. And may it be that you have quite forgot Then, for her wealth's sake, use her with more kind ness: Or, if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth; Muffle your false love with some show of blindness: Let not my sister read it in your eye; Be not thy tongue thy own shame's orator; Look sweet, speak fair, become disloyalty; Apparel vice like virtue's harbinger: 163 Bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted; Be secret-false; what need she be acquainted And let her read it in thy looks at board; Being compact of credit, that you love us; Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her wife: When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife. know not, Nor by what wonder you do hit on mine,) Less, in your knowledge, and your grace, you show not The folded meaning of your words' deceit. Your weeping sister is no wife of mine, Far more, far more, to you do I decline. Spread o'er the silver waves thy golden hairs, And, in that glorious supposition, think sight. Ant. S. As good to wink, sweet love, as look on night. Luc. Ant. S. That's my sister. No; It is thyself, mine own self's better part; O, soft, sir, hold you still; Ant. S. Why, how now, Dromio? where runn'st thou I Dro. S. Do you know me, sir? am I Dromio? am Ant. S. Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art thyself. Dro. S. I am an ass, I am a woman's man, and besides myself. heart of steel, she had transform'd me to a curtail-dog, and made me turn i' the wheel. Ant. S. Go, hie thee presently, post to the road; And if the wind blow any way from shore, Ant. S. What woman's man? and how besides thy- I will not harbour in this town to-night. self? Dro. S. Marry, sir, besides myself, I am due to a woman; one that claims me, one that haunts me, one that will have me. Ant. S. What claim lays she to thee? Dro. S. Marry, sir, such a claim as you would lay to your horse; and she would have me as a beast: not that, I being a beast, she would have me; but that she, being a very beastly creature, lays claim to me. Ant. S. What is she? Dro. S. A very reverent body; ay, such a one as a man may not speak of, without he say, sir reverence: I have but lean luck in the match, and yet is she a wondrous fat marriage. Ant. S. How dost thou mean, a fat marriage? Dro. S. Marry, sir, she's the kitchen-wench, and all grease; and I know not what use to put her to, but to make a lamp of her, and run from her by her own light. 1 warrant, her rags, and the tallow in them, will burn a Poland winter: if she lives till doomsday, she'll burn a week longer than the whole world. Ant. S. What complexion is she of? Dro. S. Swart, like my shoe, but her face nothing like so clean kept; For why? she sweats, a man may go over shoes in the grime of it. Ant. S. That's a fault that water will mend. Dro. S. No, sir, 'tis in grain; Noah's flood could not do it. Ant, S. What's her name? Dro. S. Nell, sir ;-but her name and three quar ters, that is, an ell, and three quarters, will not meas ure her from hip to hip. Ant. S. Then she bears some breadth? Dro. S. No longer from head to foot, than from hip to hip she is spherical, like a globe; I could find out countries in her. Ant. S. In what part of her body stands Ireland? Dro. S. Marry, sir, in her buttocks; I found it out by the bogs. Ant. S. Where Scotland? Dro. S. I found it out by the barrenness; hard, in the palm of the hand. Ant. S. Where France? Dro. S. In her forehead; armed and reverted, making war against her hair. Ant. S. Where England? Dro. S. I looked for the chalky cliffs, but I could find no whiteness in them: but I guess, it stood in her chin, by the salt rheum that run between France and it. Ant. S. Where Spain ? Dro. S. Faith, I saw it not; but I felt it, hot in her breath. Ant. S. Where America, the Indies ? Dro. S. O, sír, upon her nose, all o'er embellished with rubies, carbuncles, sapphires, declining their rich aspect to the hot breath of Spain; who sent whole armadas of carracs to be ballast at her nose. Ant. S. Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands? Dro. S. O, sir, I did not look so low. To conclude, this drudge, or diviner, laid claim to me; called me Dromio; swore, I was assured to her; told me what privy marks I had about me, as the mark of my shoulder, the inole in my neek, the great wart on my left arm, that I, amazed, ran from her as a witch: and, I think, if my breast had not been made of faith, and my If any bark put forth, come to the mart, Ant. S. There's none but witches do inhabit here; Ang. Master Antipholus ? Ang. I know it well, sir: Lo, here is the chain; Ant. S. What is your will, that I shall do with this? SCENE I-The same. Enter a Merchant, Angelo YOU know, since Pentecost the sum is due, Ang. Even just the sum, that I do owe to you, And, in the instant that ï met with you, I shall receive the money for the same: And buy a rope's end; that will I bestow Dre. E. I buy a thousand pound a year! I buy a Ant. E. A man is well holp up, that trusts to you: I promised your presence, and the chain; But neither chain, nor goldsmith, came to me: Belike, you thought our love would last too long, If it were chain'd together; and therefore came not. Ang. Saving your merry humour, here's the note, How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat ; The fineness of the gold, and chargeful fashion; Which doth amount to three odd ducats more Than I stand debted to this gentleman: I pray you, see him presently discharg'd, For he is bound to sea, and stays but for it. Ant. E. I am not furnish'd with the present money; Besides, I have some business in the town: Good signior, take the stranger to my house, And with you take the chain, and bid my wife Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof; Perchance, I will be there as soon as you. Ang. Then you will bring the chain to her yourself? Ant. E. No; bear it with you, lest I come not time enough. Ang. Well, sir, I will: have you the chain about you? Ant. E. An if I have not, sir, I hope you have; Or else you may return without your money. Ang. Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain; Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman, And I, to blame, have held him here too long. Ant. E. Good lord, you use this dalliance, to excuse Your breach of promise to the Porcupine: I should have chid you for not bringing it, But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl. Mer. The hour steals on; I pray you, sir, despatch. Ang. You hear, how he importunes me; the chainAnt. E. Why, give it to my wife, and fetch your Either send the chain, or send me by some token. Ant. E. Fie! now you run this humour out of breath Come, where's the chain? I pray you, let me see it. Mer. My business cannot brook this dalliance: Good sir, say, whe'r you'll answer me, or no; If not, I'll leave him to the officer. Ant. E. I answer you! What should I answer you? Ang. The money, that you owe me for the chain. Ant. E. I owe you none, till I receive the chain. Ang. You know, I gave it you half an hour since. Ant. E. You gave me none; you wrong me much to say so. Ang. You wrong me more, sir, in denying it: Consider, how it stands upon my credit. Mer. Well, officer, arrest him at my suit. Offi. I do; and charge you, in the duke's name, to obey me. Ang. This touches me in reputation : Either consent to pay the sum for me, Or I attach you by this officer. Ant. E. Consent to pay thee that I never had! Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou dar'st. Ang. Here is thy fee; arrest him, officer ;I would not spare my brother in this case, If he should scorn me so apparently. Offi. I do arrest you, sir; you hear the suit. Ant. E. I do obey thee, till I give thee bail :But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear As all the metal in your shop will answer. Ang. Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus, To your notorious shame, I doubt it not. Enter Dromio of Syracuse. Dro. S. Master, there is a bark of Epidamnum, That stays but till her owner comes aboard, And then, sir, bears away: our fraughtage, sir, I have convey'd aboard; and I have bought The oil, the balsamum, and aqua-vitæ. The ship is in her trim; the merry wind Blows fair from land: they stay for nought at all, But for their owner, master, and yourself. Ant. E. How now! a madman? Why thou peevish sheep, What ship of Epidamnum stays for me? Dro. S. A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage. Ant. E. Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope; And told thee to what purpose, and what end. Dro. S. You sent me, sir, for a rope's-end as soon: You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark. Ant. E. I will debate this matter at more leisure, And teach your ears to listen with more heed. To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight; Give her this key, and tell her, in the desk That's cover'd o'er with Turkish tapestry, There is a purse of ducats; let her send it ; Tell her, I am arrested in the street, And that shall bail me: hie thee, slave; begone. On, officer, to prison till it come. [Exe. Merchant, Angelo, Officer, and Ant. E. Dro. S. To Adriana! that is where we din'd, Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband: She is too big, I hope, for me to compass. Thither I must, although against my will, For servants must their masters' minds fulfil. [Exit. SCENE II-The same. Enter Adriana and Luciana. Adr. Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so? Might'st thou perceive austerely in his eye Look'd he or red, or pale; or sad, or merrily? Luc. First, he denied you had in him no right. were. Luc. Then pleaded I for you. Adr. And what said he? Luc. That love I begg'd for you, he begg'd of me. Adr. With what persuasion did he tempt thy love? Luc. With words, that in an honest suit might move. First, he did praise my beauty; then, my speech. Adr. Didst speak him fair? Luc. Have patience, I beseech. Adr. I cannot, nor I will not, hold me still;" My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will. He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere, Ill-fac'd, worse-bodied, shapeless every where; Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind ; Stigmatical in making, worse in mind. Luc. Who would be jealous then of such a one? No evil lost is wail'd when it is gone. Adr. Ah! but I think him better than I say, And yet, would herein others' eyes were worse: Far from her nest the lapwing cries away; My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse. Enter Dromio of Syracuse. Dro. S. Here, go; the desk, the purse; sweet now, make haste. Luc. How hast thou lost thy breath? By running fast. A wolf, nay, worse, a fellow all in buff; A back-friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that countermands The passages of alleys, creeks, and narrow lands; hell. Adr. Why, man, what is the matter? And, therewithal, took measure of my body. Dro. S. Master, here's the gold you sent me for: What, have you got the picture of old Adam new apparelled? Ant. S. What gold is this? What Adam dost thou mean? Dro. S. Not that Adam, that kept the paradise, but that Adam, that keeps the prison: he that goes in the calf's-skin that was killed for the prodigal; he that came behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you forsake your liberty. Ant. S. I understand thee not. Dro. S. No? why, 'tis a plain case: he that went like a base-viol, in a case of leather; the man, sir, that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a fob, and 'rests them he, sir, that takes pity on decayed men, and gives them suits of durance; he that sets up his rest to do more exploits with his mace, than a morris Dro. S. I do not know the matter; he is 'rested on pike. the case. Adr. What, is he arrested? tell me, at whose suit. Dro. S. I know not at whose suit he is arrested, well; But he's in a suit of buff, which 'rested him, that can I tell : Will you send him, mistress, redemption, the money in the desk? Adr. Go, fetch it, sister.-This I wonder at, [Exit. Luc. That he, unknown to me, should be in debt :Tell me, was he arrested on a band? Dr. S. Not on a band, but on a stronger thing; Dro. S. No, no, the bell: 'tis time, that I were gone. It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes Ant. S. What! thou mean'st an officer? Dro. S. Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band: he, that brings any man to answer it, that breaks his band; one that thinks a man always going to bed, and says, God give you good rest! Ant. S. Well. sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there any ship puts forth to-night? may we be gone? Dro. S. Why, sir, I brought you word an hour since, that the bark Expedition puts forth to-night; and then were you hindered by the sergeant, to tarry for the hoy, Delay: Here are the angels that you sent for, to deliver you. Ant. S. The fellow is distract, and so am I; And here we wander in illusions; Some blessed power deliver us from hence! Enter a Courtezan. Cour. Well met, well met, master Antipholus. Ant. S. Satan, avoid! I charge thee tempt ine not! Dro. S. Nay, she is worse, she is the devil's dam; and here she comes in the habit of a light wench; and thereof comes, that the wenches say, God damn me, that's as much as to say, God make me a light wench. It is written, they appear to men like angels of light light is an effect of fire, and fire will burn; ergo, light wenches will burn; Come not near her. Cour. Your man and you are marvellous merry, sir. Will you go with me? We'll mend our dinner bere. Dro. S. Master, if you do expect spoon-meat, or bespeak a long spoon. Ant. S. Why, Dromio? Dro. S. Marry, he must have a long spoon, that must eat with the devil. Ant. S. Avoid then, fiend! what tell'st thou me of supping? Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress : I conjure thee to leave me, and be gone. Cour. Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner, Or, for my diamond, the chain you promis'd; And I'll be gone, sir, and not trouble you. Dro. S. Some devils Ask but the paring of one's nail, a rush, A hair, a drop of blood, a pin, A nut, a cherry-stone; but she, more covetous, us go. Dre. S. Fly pride, says the peacock: Mistress, that you know. [Exeunt Ant. S. and Dro. S. Cour. Now, out of doubt, Antipholus is mad, Else would he never so demean himself: A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats, And for the same he promis'd me a chain; Both one, and other, he denies me now. The reason that I gather he is mad, (Besides this present instance of his rage) is a mad tale he told to-day at dinner, Of his own doors being shut against his entrance. Belike, his wife, acquainted with his fits, On purpose shut the doors against his way. My way is now, to hie home to his house, SCENE IV.-The same. Enter Antipholus of Ephe sus, and an officer. Ant. E. Fear me not, man, I will not break away; My wife is in a wayward mood to-day; I tell you, "twill sound harshly in her ears. Eater Dromio of Ephesus, with a rope's end. Here comes my man; I think, he brings the money. -How now, sir? have you that I sent you for? Dr. E. Here's that, I warrant you, will pay them all. Ant. E. But where's the money? Dro. E. Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope. Ant. E. Five hundred ducats. villain, for a rope? Drs. E. I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate. Ant. E. To what end did I hid thee hie thee home? Dro. E. To a rope's end, sir; and to that end am I returned. Ant. E. And to that end, sir, I will welcome you. [Beating him. Off. Good sir, be patient. Dro. E. Nay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity. Of Good now, hold thy tongue. Dr. E. Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands. Ant. E. Thou whoreson, senseless villain! Dro. E. I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel your blows. Ant. E. Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and 30 is an ass. Dro. E. I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my long cars. I have served him from the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands for my service, but blows: when I am cold, he heats me with beating: when I am warm, he cools me with beating: I am waked with it, when I sleep; raised with it, when I sit; driven out of doors with it, when I go from home; welcomed home with it, when I return: nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a beggar Wout her brat; and, I think, when he hath lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door. Cour. How say you now? is not your husband mad? Adr. His incivility confirms no less. -Good doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer; Establish him in his true sense again, And I will please you what you will demand. Luc. Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks! Cour. Mark, how he trembles in his ecstacy! Pinch. Give me your hand, and let me feel your pulse. Ant. E. There is my hand, and let it feel your ear. Pinch. I charge thee, Satan, housed with this man, To yield possession to my holy prayers, And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight; Ant. E. Peace, doting wizard, peace; I am not mad. Adr. O, husband, God doth know, you din'd at home; Where would you had remain'd until this time, Dro. E. Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home. Ant. E. Were not my doors lock'd up, and I shut out? Dro. E. Perdy, your doors were lock'd, and you shut out. Ant. E. And did not she herself revile me there? Dro. E. Sans fable, she herself revil'd you there. Ant. E. Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me? Dro. E. Certes, she did; the kitchen-vestal scorn'd you. Ant. E. And did not I in rage depart from thence? Dro. E. In verity, you did;-my bones bear witness, That since have felt the vigour of his rage. Adr. Is't good to sooth him in these contraries? Pinch. It is no shame; the fellow finds his vein, And, yielding to him, humours well his frenzy. Ant. E. Thou hast suborn'd the goldsmith to arrest me. Adr. Alas, I sent you money to redeem you, By Dromio here, who came in haste for it. Dro. E. Money by me? heart and good-will you might, But, surely, master, not a rag of money. Ant. E. Went'st thou not to her for a purse of ducats? Adr. He came to me, and I deliver'd it. Luc. And I am witness with her, that she did. Dro. E. God and the rope-maker, bear me witness, That I was sent for nothing but a rope! Pinch. Mistress, both man and master is possess'd; I know it by their pale and deadly looks: They must be bound, and laid in some dark room. Ant. E. Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to. day? -And why dost thou deny the bag of gold? |