Dialogues, Tableaux, Speakers, Recitations, Shadows, Pantomimes, Wax Works, Etc., for Evening Amusements and School or Church Entertainments are unrivaled. This list is the newest, freshest, raciest, and best calculated to please American audiences of any published. The immense sales of Denison's Plays is a sufficient guarantee of their merits. T. S. DENISON, PUB., 163 RANDOLPH ST., CHICAGO. SETH GREENBACK.-A drama in four acts, by T. S. Denison: male, 3 female. Time, 1 h. 15 m. Scenes, plain parlor, room in a hotel. Irish comedian, Irish domestic, soubrette, leading lady, old man, villains. "Seth Greenback was a perfect success. It can't be beat as an amateur drama."-Will H. Talbott, Coatsville, Ind., Dramatic Club. THE ASSESSOR-A humorous sketch by T. S. Denison; 3 male, 2 female. Time, 15 min. Illustrating the difficulties of the assessor in listing the property of Mr. Taxshirk, a farmer. Owing to the indiscretion of "Bub" and "Sairy Jane," the assessor captures the "hul kit." Very amusing. BORROWING TROUBLE.-A ludicrous farce by T. S. Denison: 3 male, 5 female. Time, 30 min. Contains philanthropic gent who is a chronic dead-beat, old lady gossip, darky servant girl, doctor, detective. Scene, a plain room. HANS VON SMASH.-A roaring farce in a prologue and one act, by T. S. Denison; 4 male and 3 female. Time, 35 min. Hans, a "fresh" Dutchman; Katie, Irish domestic; Mr. Prettyman, too pretty to live; practical young ladies, etc. Scene, plain room in a farm house. "Our Literary Association has presented upward of fifty dramas and farces, but never had any take like that.” -Secretary Chelmsford Center (Mass.) Literary Association. WIDE ENOUGH FOR TWO.-A Roaring farce, one of Denison's very best: 5 male, 2 female. Time, 50 Contains a rattling Dutch comedian, sharp negro ditto, male crank, female literary crank, practical business man, and equally practical daughter. Scene, plainly furnished room, no change. m. "One of the best farces in existence."-Dramatic Club, Danville, Ind. " THE SCHOOL MA'AM.-A brilliant comedy in four acts, by T. S. Denison; 6 male, 5 female. Time, I h 45 m. Characters, Irish janitor, a good Mrs. Gamp and her "little son,' a self-made man (poor job), a bold, scheming young woman, a director who always" agrees with the board," and a plucky "school ma'am.' Scenes: Plain room, and interior of a school-house. "It took to perfection "-J. W. Jarnigan, Lynnville, Iowa. THE IRISH LINEN PEDDLER.—A capital farce in two acts, by T. S. Denison, 3 male, 3 femaǝr Time, 40 m. Irish comedian, middle-aged man, young man, a scheming widow, young lady, Irish servant girl· Scenes: Interior, room in a farm house, and room in a hotel "The Irish Linen Peddler' cannot be excelled in wit and humor. It kept the whole house in an uproar of laughter."-T. J. Loar, Towanda, Ill. THE KANSAS IMMIGRANTS.-A hilarious farce in two scenes, by T. S. Denison; 5 male 1 female. Time, 30 m. Scenes; Interior of a shanty in Kansas. Contains two darky "Exodusters," early settler and wife, cowboy (to make up as an Indian), and a Boston swell. "Don't want anything better than 'The Kansas Immigrants.'"-H. S. Kiehle, Circleville, Pa. TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING -A rattling comedy farce, by T..S. Denison; 3 male, 6 female. Time, 50 m. Characters. A precise stepmother, and five young ladies in training, who are inclined to make mischief, a country bumpkin, precise young man, old gent, full of sly humor. Scene, a parlor. "We used 'Too Much of a Good Thing.' It is the best thing out."-Dramatic Club, Fairview, Pa. IS THE EDITOR IN?-A lively faree, by T. S Denison; 4 male, 2 female. Time, 20 m. Scene, country printing-office. Brassy editor, poetical old maid, aggrieved subscribers. Very amusing, illustrates the trials of country journalism, and of country subscribers. MY WIFE'S RELATIONS.-A comedietta in one act, by Walter Gordon; 4 male, 6 female. Time, 1 hour. Scene, neatly furnished room. This play is an excellent one. There is a vein of humor pervading it which, with the droll situations, make it highly enjoyable. IN THE WRONG HOUSE.-A farce by Martin Becher; 4 male, 2 female. Time, 30 m. Scene, a plain room. Two light comedians, and two excellent parts for ladies. An eccentric author hires the lodgings of a young man in his absence; the latter has eloped with a young lady, and the irate father is in pursuit with a detective. All confront the author about the same time, to the complete mystification of everybody. Very laughable throughout. A fine parlor play. HARD CIDER.-An amusing little sketch, by T S. Denison. 4 male, 2 female. Time, 20 m. Just the thing for a short entertainment anywhere, in school, parlor or Red Ribbon Club. INITIATING A GRANGER.-A roaring farce, by T. S. Denisou, full of practical jokes; to male. Time, 25 m. Scene, a student's room. "Laughable beyond description.'.-J. W. Simmons, Lawrence, Mich. COUNTRY JUSTICE.—A very amusing country lawsuit, by T. S. Denison: 8 male, (may admit further a jury of 6 or 12). Time, 15 m This little play will do equally for boys or full-grown men. The testimony, the arguments and the verdict are all remarkable. It is always popular. THE MOVEMENT CURE.-Very funny scene in a doctor's office; 5 male (may make principal, negroes if desired). Time, 15 m. TWO GHOSTS IN WHITE.-A humorous farce, by T. S. Denison; based on boarding-school life; 8 female characters. Tine, 25 m. Very funny throughout, and contains some excellent hits. PETS OF SOCIETY. A farce, by T. S. Denison; 7 female. Time, 30 m. Scene, handsome parlors German or Scandinavian girl, Irish girl, fashionable people. Takes off the fashionable girl of the period to a dot "It must be read to be appreciated."-Theatrical Record. MRS. GAMP'S TEA.-Arranged from Dicken's novel, Martin Chuzzlewit; 2 females. Mrs. Gamp and Betsy Prig, English nurses. Time, 15 m. THE PULL-BACK.-A laughable farce by T. S. Denison; 6 female. Time, 20 m. Scene, waiting room of depot. Plain room will answer. This little play is very popular. It contains an excellent old lady character. THE ABOVE PLAYS 15 CENTS EACH. POSTPAID. Denison's List, embracing over one hundred plays and many other choice books, mailed free on application. To St. Paul, Minneapolis, and All Points North and West TWO DAILY TRAINS Between Minneapolis, St. Paul, Dubuque and Chicago. J. A HANLEY, Traffic Manager, ST. PAUL, MINN. The Jowa Normal Monthly. GEO. W. JONES, Editor in Chief. JAMES A. EDWARDS, Business Manager. We confront the dangers of suffrage by the blessings of Universal Education. -JAMES A. GARFIELD. VOL. X. DUBUQUE, MAY, 1887. No. 10. OLD SCHOOL DAYS. AMANDA B. HARRIS. The school house had seats enough for seventy scholars-you could cram in eighty or ninety, and away back somewhere in the long-time-ago there was that number, all under one teacher. The big boys up in the back seats have had a grim reality to me, on a dark background, like sombre pictures in an ill-lighted gallery, ever since I can remember; and those boys, I am sure were all seven feet tall and I can't remember that they ever did anything but cipher. The "'rithmetic" they used was said to have had two extraordinary problems by way of alleviating the austerity of "figgers." Had it, or had it not? Could it have been a figment of my small brain? Or did I-yes, I did-really and truly hear it talked about, that there was that well-known rhyme: As I was going to Saint Ives, I met seven wives; Each wife had seven sacks; Each sack had seven cats; Each cat had seven kits; How many were going to Saint Ives? And there was the other, which was an aggravating puzzle to us infants, about a man who had to cross the ferry with the fox, the goose, and the bag of corn, and could not take them all at once, or leave any two behind without risk. How we toiled over it; but, thanks to what nature had done for us, we triumphed at last, and succeeded in getting them all safely over the ferry, and they traveled on. On the first day of school, as 9 o'clock draws nigh, there is breathless wonder about the teacher if she happens to be a stranger —we always found out her name before hand. It was the question of every child, persisted in till the matter was decided upon: "Who is going to teach the summer school?" And then the news was set to going that the "committeeman" had hired such a person, from such a place. This man escorted the new mistress in, pronounced her name, departed, and usually was seen no more. As soon as she had taken a survey of us in the mass, she would say: "I will take your names. What is yours?" beginning at one corner. Some comical incidents occurred during this proceeding, at one time and another. There were always new scholars, and you could have heard that much-written-about "pin drop" while we waited to hear. Once there was a puny girl who announced herself, in a voice as strong as the name was long, as Wilhelmina Tryphena Cunningham; and we had one Virgin Ina, who had a baby sister named Attaline Excella, at home. The little Virgin was a dear, sweet child, and when she grew older she had sense, and had herself called Virginia. Then there was a whole family of children, who, with the exception of George and Georgiana, seemed to belong with Spanish and Italian cavaliers and Northern Sea rovers Frederico Francisco, and Hugo Rinaldino, and Rodolphus Rondo, and Clovius Ulrico. But that English Reader! How my class ever came by it, or into it, I can't imagine. We certainly could not have been jumped from the alphabet into it; even the Quincy school system could not do that. There seems to be a gap somewhere—a hiatus. It makes me think of the spaces between the reigns in history which were marked with the word "interregnum." But I recall us out in the floor, "toeing the crack" as the classes had to (and it was easy enough, seeing that gaps between the boards were wide and we were barefoot), then with fingers of one hand between the leaves of the closed book, the book hanging down at the side, we heard the word "Attention!" exploded from the lips of the teacher, and the girls of the class swept in a courtesy to the floor, and the boys made a bow, a jerky sort of bow, and we were ready to begin. What an infliction on a child's nature, what a violation of child rights was that book! Perhaps Lindley Murray was well qualified to concoct a grammar-I am not prepared to dispute it; but I was brought up on the "Part First" of his reader, and against that I protest. Think of such sentences as these, in what he meant for preparatory lessons: "In order to acquire a capacity for happiness, it must be our first study to rectify inward disorders!" "A temperate spirit and moderate expectations are excellent safeguards of the mind in this uncertain and changing state!" That (there are pages of it) is supposed to be easy reading! Oh, such choky reading as we found it! It makes me tired now! And after we had dragged through it, we came to "Narrative Pieces," which were not much relief; and then, too soon, we fell upon "Didactic," and then "Argumentative," up to which time we had struggled bravely; but there, on that cheerless shore, we stranded; for by that time the last day of school had come. I do not know how many summers and winters I was reading in that book, but I should think there were ages, and there never was a school long enough for the English Reader. With each new term we began at the beginning, and as no scholar, however glib of tongue, was able to make much headway on a page, we never were known to come even in sight of Part II.," where the "Pieces in Poetry" were put. On that page in my old copy there is a drawing of a girl waiting. 66 I especially remember one delicate, pensive school mistress who taught the summer school for two or three successive years. That meek young teacher! Her greatest trial was with the big girls who were as tall as she was and not many years younger. It was their delight to do things which they knew she would not dare try to punish them for. One forenoon one of them rose and asked to go out she wanted "a drink of water;" but as it lacked only a few minutes of recess time, the mistress refused; upon which the second one rose with the same words, and then the third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, one after another, stringing the question right along. "May I go out? I want a drink of water," May I go out? I want a drink of water," till nothing else was heard in the schoolroom, except the added mutterings: "I'm most choked to death." She shook her head to each, with the same answer, that it would be recess in a few minutes, and kept about her duties, but with a look on her face as if she knew there was thunder in the air. Well, recess came, and recess was over, and the pupils were all back in their places, except the great girls. Their seats, which took the whole back row, were vacant, and there was an ominous hush, 66 |