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and schemes to accomplish them, he employed the minutes, whilst the squire was absent with Joseph, in assuring her how sorry he was for having treated her so roughly before he knew her merit; and told her that since Lady Booby was unwilling that she should settle in her parish, she was heartily welcome to his, where he promised her his protection, adding, that he would take Joseph and her into his own family, if she liked; which assurance he confirmed with a squeeze by the hand. She thanked him very kindly, and said, “She would acquaint Joseph with the offer, which he would be certainly glad to accept; for that Lady Booby was angry with them both ; though she did not know either had done any thing to offend her; but imputed it to madam Slipslop, who had always been her enemy.” The squire now returned, and prevented any farther continuance of this conversation; and the justice out of a pretended respect for his guest, but in reality from an apprehension of a rival, (for he knew nothing of his marriage,) ordered Fanny into the kitchen, whither she gladly retired : nor did the squire, who declined the trouble of explaining the whole matter, oppose it. t would be unnecessary, if I was able, which indeed I am not, to relate the conversation between these two gentlemen, which rolled, as I have been informed, entirely on the subject of horse-racing. Joseph was soon dressed in the plainest dress he could find, which was a blue coat and breeches, with a gold edging, and a red waistcoat with the same: and as this suit, which was rather too large for the squire, exactly fitted him, so he became it so well, and looked so genteel, that no person would have doubted its being as well adapted to his quality as his shape; nor have suspected, as one might, when my lord , or Sir , or Mr. appear in lace or embroidery, that the tailor's man wore those clothes home on his back which he should have carried under his arm. The squire now took leave of the justice; and, calling for Fanny, made her and Joseph, against their wills, get into the coach with him, which he then ordered to drive to the Lady Booby's. It had moved a few yards only, when the squire asked Joseph, if he knew who that man was crossing the field; for, added he, I never saw one take such strides before. Joseph answered eagerly, “O sir, it is Parson Adams'—‘Ola, indeed and so it is,” said Fanny; ‘poor man, he is coming to do what he could for us. Well, he is the worthiest best-natured creature.” ‘Ay,” said Joseph: “God bless him for there is not such another in the universe.’ - The best creature living sure, cries Fanny. “Is he ” says the squire; “then I
am resolved to have the best creature living in my coach; and so saying he ordered it to stop, whilst Joseph, at his request, halloed to the parson, who, well knowing his voice, made all the haste imaginable, and soon came up with them. He was desired by the master, who could scarce refrain from laughter at his figure, to mount into the coach, which he with many thanks refused, saying he could walk by its side, and he'd warrant he kept up with it; but he was at length over-prevailed on. The squire now acquainted Joseph with his marriage; but he might have spared himself that labour; for his servant, whilst Joseph was dressing, had performed that office before. He continued to express the vast happiness he enjoyed in his sister, and the value he had for all who belonged to her. Joseph made many bows, and expressed as many acknowledgments: and Parson Adams, who now first perceived Joseph's new apparel, burst into tears with joy, and sell to rubbing his hands and snapping his fingers, as if he had been mad. They were now arrived at the Lady Booby's, and the squire, desiring them to wait a moment in the court, walked in to his aunt, and calling her out from his wife, acquainted her with Joseph’s arrival; saying, ‘Madam, as I have married a virtuous and worthy woman, I am resolved to own her relations, and show them all a proper respect: I shall think myself therefore infinitely obliged to all mine, who will do the same. It is true, her brother hath been your servant, but he is now become my orother; and I have one happiness, that neither his character, his behaviour, or appearance, give me any reason to be ashamed of calling him so. In short he is now below, dressed like a gentleman, in which light I intend he shall hereafter be seen; and you will oblige me beyond expression, if you will admit him to be of our party; for I know it will give great pleasure to my wife, though she will not mention it.’ This was a stroke of fortune beyond the Lady Booby's hopes or expectation ; she answered him. eagerly, ‘Nephew, you know how easily I am prevailed on to do any thing which Joseph Andrews desires— Phoo, I mean which you desire me; and as he is now your relation, I cannot refuse to entertain him as such.” The squire told her, he knew his obligation to her for her compliance; and going three steps, returned and told her—he had one more favour, which he believed she would easily grant, as she had accorded him the former. “There is a young woman—'—‘Nephew,' says she, “don’t let my good nature make you desire, as is too commonly the case, to impose on me. Nor think, because I have
with so much condescension agreed to suffer your brother-in-law to come to my table, that I will submit to the company of all my own servants, and all the dirty trollops in in the country.”—“Madam,' answered the squire, “I believe you never saw this young creature. I never beheld such sweetness and innocence joined with such beauty, and withal so genteel.”—“Upon my soul I won't admit her, replied the lady in a passion; ‘the whole world shan’t prevail on me; I resent even the desire as an affront, and’ The squire, who knew her inflexibility, interrupted her, by asking pardon, and promising not to mention it more. He then returned to Joseph, and she to Pamela. He took Joseph aside, and told him, he would carry him to his sister; but could not prevailas yet for Fanny. Joseph begged that he might see his sister alone, and then be with his Fanny ; but the squire, knowing the pleasure his wife would have in her brother's company, would not admit it, tellong Joseph there would be nothing in so short an absence from Fanny, whilst he was asured of her safety; adding, he hoped he could not so easily quit a sister whom he had not seen so long, and who so tenderly loved him.—Joseph immediately complied: for indeed no brother could love a sister more; and recommending Fanny, who re£o that she was not to go before Lady ooby, to the care of Mr. Adams, he attended the squire up stairs, whilst Fanny repaired with the parson to his house, where she thoughtherself secure of a kind reception.
CHAPTER VI. Of which you are * to read no more than you toe,
THE meeting between Joseph and Pamela was not without tears of joy on both sides; and their embraces were full of tenderness and affection. They were, however, regarded with much more pleasure by the nephew than by the aunt, to whose flame they were fuel only; and being assisted by the addition of dress, which was indeed not wanted, to set off the lively colours in which Nature had drawn health, strength, comeliness, and youth. In the asternoon, Joseph, at their request, entertained them with an account of his adventures: nor could Lady Booby conceal her dissatisfaction at those parts in which Fanny was concerned, especially when Mr. Booby launched forth into such rapturous praises of her beauty. She said, applying to her niece, that she wondered her nephew, who had pretended to marry for love, should think such a subject proper to amuse his wife with; adding, that for her part, she should be jealous of a husband who spoke so warmly in praise of another woman. Pamela answered, ‘Indeed she thought she had cause; but it waj an
instance of Mr. Booby's aptness to see more beauty in women than they were mistresses of. At which words, both the women fixed their eyes on two looking-glasses; and Lad Booby replied, that men were, in general, very ill judges of beauty; and then, whilst both contemplated only their own faces, they paid a cross compliment to each other's charms. When the hour of rest approached, which the lady of the house deferred as long as decently she could, she informed Joseph, (whom, for the future, we shall call Mr. Joseph, he having as good a title to that appellation as many others; I mean that incontested one of good clothes,) that she had ordered a bed to be provided for him. He declined this favour to his utmost : for his heart had long been with his Fanny: but she insisted on his accepting it, alleging that the parish had no proper accommodation for such a person as he was now to esteem himself. The squire and his lady both joining with her, Mr. Joseph was at last forced to give over his design of visiting Fanny that evening ; who, on her side, as impatiently expected him till midnight; when, in complaisance to Mr. Adams's family, who had sat up two hours out of respect to her, she retired to bed, but not to sleep; the thoughts of her love kept her waking, and his not returning according to his promise, filled her with uneasiness; of which, however, she could not assign any other cause than merely that of being absent from him. Mr. Joseph rose early in the morning, and visited o, in whom his soul ... She no sooner heard his voice in the parson's parlour, than she leaped from her bed, and, dressing herselfin a few minutes, went down to him. They passed two hours with inexpressible happiness together; and then, having appointed Monday, by Mr. Adams's permission, for their marriage, Mr. Joseph returned, according to his promise, to breakfast at the Lady Booby's, with whose behaviour, since the evening, we shall now acquaint the reader. She was no sooner retired to her chamber, than she asked Slipslop, ‘What she thought of this wonderful creature her nephew had married?”—“Madam" said Slipslop, not yet sufficiently understanding what answer she was to make. “I ask you,' answered the lady, “what you think of the dowdy, my niece, I think I am to call her? Slipslop, wanting no further hint, began to ull her to pieces, and so miserably defaced er, that it would have been impossible for i. one to have known the person. The lady gave her all the assistance she could, and ended with saying, “I think, Slipslop, you have done her justice; but yet, bad as she is, she is an angel, compared to this
Slipslop then fell on o: whom she hacked and hewed in the like barbarous manner, concluding with an observation, that there was always something in those ow-life creatures which must eternally extinguish them from their betters. ‘Really,” said the lady, “I think there is one exception to your rule; I am certain you may guess who I mean.”—“Not I, upon my word, madam,” said Slipslop. “I mean a youn fellow ; sure you are the dullest wretch, said the lady. “O la " I am indeed. Yes, truly, madam, he is an accession,” answered Slipslop. “Ay, is he not, Slipslop?’ returned the lady. “Is he not so genteel, that a prince might, without a blush, acknowledge him for his son & His behaviour is such that would not shame the best education. He borrows from his station a condescension in every thing to his superiors, yet unattended by that mean servility which is called good-behaviour in such persons. Every thing he doth hath no mark of the base motive of fear, but visibly shows some respect and gratitude, and carries with it the persuasion of love. And then for his virtues: such piety to his parents, such tender affection to his sister, such integrity in his friendship, such bravery, such goodmess: that if he had been born a gentleman, his wife would have possessed the most invaluable blessing.”— To be sure, ma'am,” says Slipslop. “But as he is,' answered the lady, “if he had a thousand more good qualities, it must render a woman of fashion contemptible, even to be suspected of thinking of him; yes, I should despise myself for such a thought.”—“To be sure, ma'am,” said Slipslop. “And why to be sure?’ relied the lady; ‘thou art always one's echo. he not more worthy of affection than a dirty country clown, though born of a family as old as the flood? or an idle worthless rake, or little puisny beau of quality? And yet these we must condemn ourselves to, in order to avoid the censure of the world; to shun the contempt of others we must ally ourselves to those we despise; we must prefer birth, title, and fortune, to real merit. It is a tyranny of custom, a tyranny we must comply with: for we people of fashion are the slaves of custom.”— “Marry come up!” said Slipslop, who now well knew which party to take: ‘If I was a woman of your ladyship's fortune and quality, I would be a slave to nobody.”—“Me,” said the lady: “I am speaking, if a young woman of fashion, who had seen nothing of the world, should happen to like such a fellow.--Me, indeed! I hope thou dost not imagine’—“No, ma'am, to be sure, cried Slipslop.–No! what no?" cried the lady. ‘Thou art always ready to answer, before thou hast heard one. So far I must allow he is a charming follow. Me, indeed! No,
Slipslop, all thoughts of men are over with me. I have lost a husband, who—but if I should reflect, I should run mad. My future ease must depend upon forgetfulness. Slipslop, let me hear some of thy nonsense, to turn my thoughts another way. What dost thou think of Mr. Andrews?”—“Why, I think, says Slipslop, “he is the handsomest, most properest man I ever saw; and if I was a lady of the greatest degree, it would be well for some i. Your ladyship may talk of custom, if you please; but I am confidous there is no more comparison between young Mr. Andrews, and most of the young genisemen who come to your ladyship's house in London; a parcel of whippersnapper sparks: I would sooner marry our old Parson Adams. Never tell me what people say, whilst I am happy in the arms of him I love. Some folks rail against other folks, because other folks have what some folks would be glad of.” ‘And so,” answered the lady, “if you was a woman of condition, you would really marry Mr. Andrews?”—“Yes, I assure your ladyship,” replied Slipslop, ‘if he would have me.”—“Fool, idiot!' cries the lady; ‘if he would have a woman of fashion' is that a question ?”—“No, truly, madam,” said Slipslop, “I believe it would be none, if Fann was out of the way; and I am confidous, if I was in your ladyship's place, and liked Mr. Joseph Andrews, she should not stay in the parish a moment. I am sure lawyer Scout would send her a-packing, if your ladyshi would but say the word.’ This last ...; of Slipslop raised a tempest in the mind of her mistress. She feared Scout had betrayed her, or rather that she had betrayed herself. After some silence, and a double change of her complexion, first to pale and then to red, she thus spoke: ‘I am astonished at the liberty you give your tongue. Would you insinuate that I employed Scout against this wench, on account of the fellow *—‘La, ma'am,” said Slipslop, frighted out of her wits, “I assassinate such a thing!”—“I think you dare not,’ answered the lady: “I believe my conduct may defy malice itself to assert so cursed a slander. If I had ever discovered any wantonness, any lightness in my behaviour; if I had followed the example of some whom thou hast, I believe, seen, in allowing myself indecent liberties, even with a husband; but the dear man who is gone,’ (here she began to sob.) was he alive again,' (then she produced tears) “could not upbraid me with any one act of tenderness or passion. No, Slipslop, all the time I cohabited with him, he never obtained even a kiss from me, without my expressing reluctance in the granting it. I am sure he himself never suspected how much I loved him. Since his death, thou knowest, though it is almost six weeks (it wants but a§o ago. I have not admitted one visitor, till this fool, . arrived. I have confined myself quite to one party of friends. And can such a conduct as this fear to be arraigned: To be accused of a passion which I have always despised, but of fixing it on such an object, a creature so much beneath my notice '-' Upon my word, ma'am, says Slipslop, ‘I do not understand your ladyship ; nor know I any thing of the matter.”—“I believe, indeed, thou dost not understand me. Those are delicacies which exist only in superior minds; thy coarse ideas cannot comprehend them. Thou art a low creature of the Andrews’ breed; a reptile of a lower order; a weed that grows in the common garden of the creation.”—“I assure your ladyship,” says Slipslop, whose passions were almost of as high an order as her lady's, “I have no more to do with the common garden than other folks. Really, your ladyship talks of servants, as if they were not born of the Christian specious. Servants have flesh and blood, as well as quality; and Mr. Andrews himself is a proof that they have as good, if not better. And for my own part, I can't perceive my dears” are coarser than other people's ; and I am sure, if Mr. Andrews was a dear of mine, I should not be ashamed of him in company with ntlemen; for whoever hath seen him in is new clothes, must confess he looks as much like a gentleman as any body. Coarse, uotha " I can’t bear to hear the poor young ellow run down neither; for I will say this, I never heard him say an ill word of any body in his life. I am sure his coarseness doth not lay in his heart, for he is the bestnatured man in the world; and as for his skin, it is no coarser than other people's, I am sure. His bosom, when a boy, was as white as driven snow; and, where it is not covered with hairs, is so still. Isackins' if I was Mrs. Andrews, with a hundred a-year, I should not envy the best she who wears a head. A woman that could not be happy with such a man, ought never to be so; for if he can't make a woman happy, I never yet beheld the man who could. I say again, I wish I was a great lady, for his sake. I believe when I had made a gentleman of him, he'd behave so, that nobody should deprecate what I had done; and I fancy, few would venture to tell him he was no gentleman, to his face, nor to mine neither.’ At which words, taking up the candles, she asked her mistress, who had been some time in her bed, if she had any farther commands? who mildly answered, she had none; and telling her she was a comical creature, bid her good-night.
* Meaning, perhaps, ideas.
CHAPTFR VII. Philosophical reflections, the like not to be found in any light French romance. Mr. Booby's grave advice to Joseph, and Fanny's encounter with a beau. HABIT, my good reader, hath so vast a prevalence over the human mind, that there is scarce any thing too strange or too strong to be asserted of it. The story of the miser, who, from long accustoming to cheat others, came at last to cheat himself, and with great delight and triumph picked his own pocket of...a guinea to convey to his hoard, is not impossible or improbable. In like manner it fares with the practisers of deceit, who, from having long deceived their acquaintance, gain at last a power of deceiving themselves, and acquire that very opinion, (however false,) of their own abilities, excellencies, and virtues, into which they have for years perhaps endeavoured to betray their neighbours. Now, reader, to apply this observation to my present purpose, thou must know, that as the passion generally called love, exercises most of the talents of the female or fair world ; so in this they now and then discover a small inclination to deceit: for which thou wilt not be angry with the beautiful creatures, when thou hast considered, that at the age of seven, or something earlier, miss is instructed by her mother, that master is a very monstrous kind of animal, who will, if she susfers him to come too near her, infallibly eat her up, and grind her to pieces: that so far from kissing or toying with him on her own accord, she must not admit him to kiss or toy with her: and lastly, that she must never have any affection towards him: for if she should, all her friends in petticoats would esteem her a traitress, point at her, and hunt her out of their society. These impressions being first received, are farther and deeper inculcated by their school-mistresses and companions; so that by the age of ten they have contracted such a dread and abhorrence of the above-named monster, that, whenever they see him, they fly from him as the innocent hare doth from the greyhound. Hence, to the age of fourteen or fifteen, they entertain a mighty antipathy to master; they resolve, and frequently profess, that they will never have any commerce with him, and entertain fond hopes of passing their lives out of his reach, of the possibility of which they have so visible an example in their good maiden aunt. But when they arrive at this period, and have now passed their second climacteric, when their wisdom, grown riper, begins to see a little farther, and, from almost daily falling in master’s way, to apprehend the great difficulty of keeping out of it; and when they observe him look often at them, and sometimes very eagerly and earnestly too,
(for the monster seldom takes any notice of them till at this age,) they then begin to think of their danger; and as they perceive they cannot easily avoid him, the wiser part bethink themselves of providing by other means for their security. They endeavour by all the methods they can invent, to render themselves so amiable in his eyes, that he may have no inclination to hurt them; in which they generally succeed so well that his eyes, by frequent languishing, soon lessen their idea of his fierceness, and so far abate their fears, that they venture to parley with him; and when they rceive him so different from what he hath en described, all gentleness, softness, kindness, tenderness, fondness, their dreadful apprehensions vanish in a moment; and now, (it being usual with the human mind to skip from one extreme to its opposite, as easily, and almost as suddenly, as a bird from one bough to another,) love instantly succeeds to fear: but as it happens to persons who have in their infancy been thoroughly frightened with certain no-persons called ghosts, that they retain their dread of those beings after they are convinced that there are no such things; so these young ladies, though they no longer apprehend devouring, cannot so entirely shake off all that hath been instilled into them; they still entertain the idea of that censure, which was so strongly imprinted on their tender minds, to which the declarations of abhorrence they every day hear from their companions greatly contribute. To avoid this censure, therefore, is now their only care; for which purpose they still pretend the same aversion to the monster; and the more they love him, the more ardently they counterfeit the antipathy. By the continual and constant practice of which deceit on others they at length impose on themselves, and really believe they hate what they love. Thus indeed, it happened to Lady Booby, who loved Joseph long before she knew it; and now loved him much more than she suspected. She had indeed, from the time of his sister's arrival in the quality of her niece, and from the instant she viewed him in the dress and character of a gentleman, began to conceive secretly a design which love had concealed from herself, till a dream betrayed it to her. She had no sooner risen, than she sent for her nephew. When he came to her, after many compliments on his choice, she told him, “He might perceive in her condescension to admit her own servant to her table, that she looked on the family of Andrews as his relations, and indeed hers; that as he had married into such a family, it became him to endeavour by all methods to raise it as much as possible. At length she advised him to use all his art to dissuade
Joseph from his intended match, which would still enlarge their relation to meannessand poverty; concluding, that by a commission in the army, or some other genteel employment, he might soon put young Mr. Andrews on the foot of a gentleman; and that being once done, his accomplishments might quickly gain him an alliance which would not be to their discredit.” Her nephew heartily embraced this proposal; and finding Mr. Joseph with his wife, at his return to her chamber, he immediately began thus: “My love to my dear Pamela, . will extend to all her relations; nor shall I show them less respect than if I had married into the family of a duke. I hope I have given you some early testimonies of this, and shall continue to give you daily more. You will excuse me therefore, brother, if my concern for your interest makes me mention what may be, perhaps, disagreeable to you to hear; but I must insist upon it, that, if you have any value for my alliance or my friendship, you will decline any thoughts of engaging farther with a girl who is, as you are a relation of mine, so much beneath you. I know there may be at first some difficulty in your compliance, but that will daily diminish; and you will in the end sincerely thank me for my advice. I own indeed the girl is handsome ; but beauty alone is a poor ingredient, and will make but an uncomfortable marriage.’ ‘Sir,’ said Joseph, “I assure you her beauty is her least perfection; nor do I know a virtue which that young creature is not possessed of.” ‘As to her virtues,” answered Mr. Booby, “you can be yet but a slender judge of them; but if she had never so many, you will find her equal in these among her superiors in birth and fortune, which now you are to esthem on a footing with yourself; at least I will take care they shall shortly be so, unless you prevent me by degrading yourself with such a match, a match I have hardly patience to think of, and which would break the hearts of your parents, who now rejoice in the expectation of seeing you make a figure in the world.”—“I know not,’ replied Joseph, “that my parents have any power over my inclinations; nor am I obliged to sacrifice my happiness to their whim or ambition: besides, I shall be very sorry to see that the unexpected advancement of my sister should so suddenly inspire them with this wicked pride, and make them despise their equals. I am resolved on no account to quit my dear Fanny; no, though I could raise her as high above her present station as you have raised my sister.”—“Your sister, as well as myself,' said Booby, “are greatly obliged to you for the comparison; but, sir, she is not worthy to be compared in beauty to my Pamela; nor hath she half her merit