AMEL I A.
ELIA.

CHAPTER I.

Contains the Exordium, &c.

BOOK 1.

THE various accidents which befel a very worthy couple, after their uniting in the state of matrimony, will be the subject of the following history. The distresses which they waded through, were some of them so exquisite, and the incidents which produced these so extraordinary, that they seemed to require not only the utmost malice, but the utmost invention which superstition hath ever attributed to Fortune: though whether any such being interfered in the case, or, indeed, whether there be any such being in the universe, is a matter which I by no means presume to determine in the affirmative. To speak a bold truth, I am, after much mature deliberation, inclined to suspect, that the public voice hath, in all ages, done much injustice to Fortune, and hath convicted her of many facts in which she had not the least concern. I question much, whether we may not, by natural means, account for the success of knaves, the calamities of fools, with all the miseries in which men of sense someties involve themselves, by quitting the directions of Prudence, and following the blind guidance of a predominant passion; in short, for all the ordinary phenomena which are imputed to Fortune; whom, perhaps, men accuse with no less absurdity in life, than a bad player complains of ill fuck at the game of chess.

are not content with seeing any thing to be great, without knowing why and how it came to be so. By examining carefully the several gradations which conduce to bring every model to perfection, we learn truly to know that science in which the model is formed. As histories of this kind therefore, may properly be called models of HUMAN LIFE; so by observing minutely the several incidents which tend to the catastrophe or completion of the whole, and the minute causes whence those incidents are produced, we shall best be instructed in this most useful of all arts, which I call the ART oF Life.

CHAPTER II.

the

Observations on the excelThe history sets out. lency of the English constitution, and curious examinations before a justice of peace. On the first of April, in the year watchman of a certain parish, (I know not particularly which,) within the liberty of Westminster, brought several persons whom they had apprehended the preceding night, before Jonathan Thrasher, Esq. one of the justices of the peace for that liberty.

But here, reader, before we proceed to the trials of these offenders, we shall, after our usual manner, premise some things which it may be necessary for thee to know.

It hath been observed, I think, by many, But if men are sometimes guilty of lay-as well as the celebrated writer of three ing improper blame on this imaginary being, letters, that no human institution is capable they are altogether as apt to make her of consummate perfection. An observation amends, by ascribing to her honours which which, perhaps, that writer at least gathered she as little deserves. To retrieve the ill from discovering some defects in the polity consequences of a foolish conduct, and by even of this well-regulated nation. And, struggling manfully with distress to subdue indeed, if there should be any such defect it, is one of the noblest efforts of wisdom in a constitution which my Lord Coke long and virtue. Whoever, therefore, calls such ago told us, the wisdom of all the wise men a man fortunate, is guilty of no less impro-in the world, if they had all met together priety in speech, than he would be, who at one time, could not have equalled,' which should call the statuary or the poet fortunate, who carved a Venus, or who writ an Iliad. Life may as properly be called an art as any other: and the great incidents in it are no more to be considered as mere accidents, than the several members of a fine statue, or a noble poem. The critics in all these 153

some of our wisest men who were met together long before, said, was too good to be altered in any particular; and which, nevertheless, hath been mending ever since, by a very great number of the said wise men: if, I say, this constitution should be imperfect, we may be allowed, I think, to

U

doubt whether any such faultless model can | the prisoners above-mentioned were now be found among the institutions of men. brought, had some few imperfections in his

It will probably be objected, that the magistratical capacity. I own, I have been small imperfections which I am about to sometimes inclined to think, that this office produce, do not lie in the laws themselves, of a justice of peace requires some knowbut in the ill execution of them; but, with ledge of the law: for this simple reason; submission, this appears to me to be no less because in every case which comes before an absurdity, than to say of any machine that him, he is to judge and act according to it is excellently made, though incapable of law. Again, as these laws are contained in performing its functions. Good laws should a great variety of books; the statutes which execute themselves, in a well-regulated state; relate to the office of a justice of peace, at least, if the same legislature which pro- making of themselves at least two large vides the laws, doth not provide for the ex-volumes in folio; and that part of his jurisecution of them, they act as Graham would do, if he should form all the parts of a clock in the most exquisite manner, yet put them so together that the clock could not go. In this case, surely we might say that there was a small defect in the constitution of the clock.

To say the truth, Graham would soon see the fault, and would easily remedy it. The fault, indeed, could be no other than the parts were improperly disposed.

diction which is founded on the common law being dispersed in above a hundred volumes, I cannot conceive how this knowledge should be acquired without reading; and yet certain it is, Mr. Thrasher never read one syllable of the matter.

This, perhaps, was a defect; but this was not all; for where mere ignorance is to decide a point between two litigants, it will always be an even chance whether it decides right or wrong but sorry am I to say, Perhaps, reader, I have another illustra- right was often in a much worse situation tion which will set my intention in still a than this, and wrong hath often had five clearer light before you. Figure to your-hundred to one on his side before that maself, then, a family, the master of which gistrate; who, if he was ignorant of the should dispose of the several economical laws of England, was yet well versed in the offices in the following manner; viz. should put his butler on the coach-box, his steward behind his coach, his coachman in the butlery, and his footman in the stewardship, and in the same ridiculous manner should misemploy the talents of every other servant; it is easy to see what a figure such a family must make in the world.

As ridiculous as this may seem, I have often considered some of our lower officers in our civil government to be disposed in this very manner. To begin, I think, as low as I well can, with the watchmen in our metropolis; who being to guard our streets by night from thieves and robbers, an office which at least requires strength of body, are chosen out of those poor old decrepit people, who are, from their want of bodily strength, rendered incapable of getting a livelihood by work. These men, armed only with a pole, which some of them are scarce able to lift, are to secure the persons and houses of his majesty's subjects from the attacks of gangs of young, bold, stout, desperate, and well-armed villains.

Quæ non viribus istis
Munera conveniunt.

If the poor old fellows should run away from such enemies, no one I think can wonder, unless it be that they were able to make their escape.

The higher we proceed among our public officers and magistrates, the less defects of this kind will, perhaps, be observable. Mr. Thrasher, however, the justice before whom

laws of nature. He perfectly well understood that fundamental principle so strongly laid down in the institutes of the learned Rochefoucault; by which the duty of selflove is so strongly enforced, and every man is taught to consider himself as the centre of gravity, and to attract all things thither. To speak the truth plainly, the justice was never indifferent in a cause, but when he could get nothing on either side.

Such was the justice, to whose tremendous bar, Mr. Gotobed, the constable, on the day above-mentioned, brought several delinquents, who, as we have said, had been apprehended by the watch for divers outrages.

The first who came upon this trial, was as bloody a spectre as ever the imagination of a murderer or a tragic poet conceived. This poor wretch was charged with a battery by a much stouter man than himself; indeed the accused person bore about him some evidence that he had been in an affray, his clothes being very bloody, but certain open sluices on his own head sufficiently showed whence all the scarlet stream had issued, whereas the accuser had not the least mark or appearance of any wound. The justice asked the defendant, What he meant by breaking the king's peace?To which he answered- - Upon my shoul I do love the king very well, and I have not been after breaking any thing of his that I do know, but upon my shoul this man hath brake my head, and my head did break his stick; that's all, gra.' He then offered to produce several witnesses against this improbable

accusation; but the justice presently inter- | whore several times. Oho! you will swear rupted him, saying, 'Sirrah, your tongue the peace, madam, will you;' cries the jusbetrays your guilt. You are an Irishman, and that is always sufficient evidence with me.'

The second criminal was a poor woman, who was taken up by the watch as a streetwalker. It was alleged against her, that she was found walking the streets after twelve o'clock, and the watchman declared he believed her to be a common strumpet. She pleaded in her defence, (as was really the truth,) that she was a servant, and was sent by her mistress, who was a little shopkeeper, and upon the point of delivery, to fetch a midwife; which she offered to prove by several of the neighbours, if she was allowed to send for them. The justice asked her, Why she had not done it before? to which she answered, She had no money, and could get no messenger. The justice then called her several scurrilous names; and declaring she was guilty within the statute of street-walking, ordered her to Bridewell for a month.

tice, give her the peace, presently; and pray, Mr. Constable, secure the prisoner, now we have him, while a warrant is made to take him up.' All which was immediate y performed, and the poor witness, for want of sureties, was sent to prison.

A young fellow, whose name was Booth, was now charged with beating the watchman, in the execution of his office, and breaking his lanthorn. This was deposed by two witnesses; and the shattered remains of a broken lanthorn, which had been long preserved for the sake of its testimony, were produced to corroborate the evidence. The justice, perceiving the criminal to be but shabbily dressed, was going to commit him without asking any further questions. At length, however, at the earnest request of the accused, the worthy magistrate submitted to hear his defence. The young man then alleged, as was in reality the case, That as he was walking home to his lodgings, he saw two men in the street cruelly A genteel young man and woman were beating a third, upon which he had stopped then set forward, and a very grave-looking and endeavoured to assist the person who person swore he caught them in a situation was so unequally attacked; and that the which we cannot as particularly describe watch came up during the affray, and took here, as he did before the magistrate: who them all four into custody; that they were having received a wink from his clerk, de- immediately carried to the roundhouse, clared with much warmth, that the fact was where the two original assailants, who apincredible and impossible. He presently peared to be men of fortune, found means discharged the accused parties, and was to make up the matter, and were discharged going, without any evidence, to commit the by the constable; a favour which he himaccuser for perjury; but this the clerk dis-self, having no money in his pocket, was suaded him from, saying, he doubted whether a justice of peace had any such power. The justice at first differed in opinion; and said, He had seen a man stand in the pillory about perjury; nay, he had known a man in jail for it too; and how came he there, if he was not committed thither?' "Why, that is true, sir,' answered the clerk; and yet I have been told by a very great lawyer, that a man cannot be committed for perjury before he is indicted: and the reason is, I believe, because it is not against the peace before the indictment makes it so. Why, that may be,' cries the justice, 'and indeed perjury is but scandalous words, and I know a man cannot have a warrant for those, unless you put for rioting* them into the warrant.'

unable to obtain. He utterly denied having assaulted any of the watchmen, and solemnly declared, that he was offered his liberty at the price of half a crown.'

Though the bare word of an offender can never be taken against the oath of his accuser; yet the matter of this defence was so pertinent, and delivered with such an air of truth and sincerity, that had the magistrate been endued with much sagacity, or had he been very moderately gifted with another quality, very necessary to all who are to administer justice, he would have employed some labour in cross-examining the watchmen; at least he would have given the defendant the time he desired to send for the other persons who were present at the affray; neither of which he did. In short, The witness was now about to be dis- the magistrate had too great an honour for charged, when the lady whom he had ac-truth to suspect that she ever appeared in cused, declared she would swear the peace sordid apparel; nor did he ever sully his against him; for that he had called her a sublime notions of that virtue, by uniting

*Opus est interprete. By the laws of England committed by several persons, by three at least, nor abusive words are not punishable by the magistrate; can a less number be convicted of it. Under this word some commissioners of the peace, therefore, when rioting, or riotting, (for I have seen it spelt both ways,) one scold hath applied to them for a warrant against many thousands of old women have been arrested another, from a too eager desire of doing justice, have and put to expense, sometimes in prison, for a little constructed a little harmless scolding into a riot, intemperate use of their tongues. This practice bewhich is in law an outrageous breach of the peacegan to decrease in the year 1749.

Blear-eyed Moll then came up to Mr. Booth with a smile, or rather grin on her countenance, and asked him for a dram of gin; and when Booth assured her that he Could his own thoughts, indeed, have had not a penny of money, she replied,suffered him a moment to forget where he'D-n your eyes, I thought by your look

you had been a clever fellow, and upon the snaffling lay at least; but d- -n your body and eyes, I find you are some sneaking budget rascal.' She then launched forth a volley of dreadful oaths, interlarded with some language not proper to be repeated here, and was going to lay hold on poor Booth, when a tall prisoner, who had been very earnestly eyeing Booth for some time, came up, and taking her by the shoulder, flung her off at some distance, cursing her for a b-h, and bidding her let the gentleman alone.

This person was not himself of the most inviting aspect. He was long visaged, and pale, with a red beard of above a fortnight's growth. He was attired in a brownish black coat, which would have showed more holes than it did, had not the linen which appeared through it, been entirely of the same colour with the cloth.

This gentleman, whose name was Robinson, addressed himself very civilly to Mr. Booth, and told him he was very sorry to see one of his appearance in that place: For as to your being without your coat, sir,' says he, 'I can easily account for that; and, indeed, dress is the least part which distinguishes a gentleman.' At which words he cast a significant look on his own coat, as if he desired they should be applied to himself. He then proceeded in the following manner:

'I perceive, sir, you are but just arrived in this dismal place, which is, indeed, rendered more detestable by the wretches who inhabit it, than by any other circumstance; but even these, a wise man will soon bring himself to bear with indifference: for what is, is: and what must be, must be. The knowledge of this, which, simple as it appears, is in truth, the height of all philosophy, renders a wise man superior to every evil which can befal him. I hope, sir, no very dreadful accident is the cause of your coming hither; but whatever it was, you may be assured it could not be otherwise: for all things happen by an inevitable fatality; and a man can no more resist the impulse of fate, than a wheelbarrow can the force of its driver.'

an atheist; for though he did not absolutely deny the existence of a God; yet he entirely denied his providence. A doctrine, which, if it is not downright atheism, hath a direct tendency towards it; and, as Dr. Clarke observes, may soon be driven into it. And as to Mr. Booth, though he was in his heart an extreme well-wisher to religion, (for he was an honest man,) yet his notions of it were very slight and uncertain. To say the truth, he was in the wavering condition so finely described by Claudian:

labefacta cadebat

Religio, causæque viam non sponte sequeba.
Alterius; vacuo quæ currere semina motu
Affirmat; magnumque novas per inane figuras
Fortuna, non arte, regi; quæ numina sensu
Ambiguo, vel nulla putat, vel nescia nostri.

This way of thinking, or rather of doubting, he had contracted from the same reasons which Claudian assigns, and which had induced Brutus in his latter days to doubt the existence of that virtue which he had all his life cultivated. In short, poor Booth imagined, that a larger share of misfortune had fallen to his lot than he had merited; and this led him, who, (though a good classical scholar,) was not deeply learned in religious matters, into a disadvantageous opinion of Providence. A dangerous way of reasoning, in which our conclusions are not only too hasty, from an imperfect view of things; but we are likewise liable to much error from partiality to ourselves; viewing our virtues and vices as through a perspective in which we turn the glass always to our own advantage, so as to diminish the one, and as greatly to magnify the other,

From the above reasons, it can be no wonder that Mr. Booth did not decline the acquaintance of this person, in a place which could not promise to afford him any better. He answered him, therefore, with great courtesy, as indeed he was of a very good and gentle disposition, and, after expressing a civil surprise at meeting him there, declared himself to be of the same opinion with regard to the necessity of human actions; adding, however, that he did not believe men were under any blind impulse or diBesides the obligation which Mr. Robin-rection of fate; but that every man acted son had conferred on Mr. Booth, in deliver- merely from the force of that passion which ing him from the insults of Blear-eyed Moll, was uppermost in his mind, and could do there was something in the manner of no otherwise. Robinson, which notwithstanding the meanness of his dress, seemed to distinguish him From the crowd of wretches who swarmed n those regions; and above all, the sentinents which he had just declared, very early coincided with those of Mr. Booth: his gentleman was what they call a freehinker; that is to say, a deist; or perhaps,

A cant term for robbery on the highway. ↑ Another cant term for pilfering.

A discourse now ensued between the two gentlemen, on the necessity arising from the impulse of fate, and the necessity arising from the impulse of passion, which, as it will make a pretty pamphlet of itself, we shall reserve for some future opportunity. When this was ended, they set forward to survey the jail, and the prisoners, with the several cases of whom Mr. Robinson, who had been some time under confinement, undertook to make Mr. Booth acquainted.