CHAPTER XVI.

The escape of the thief. Mr. Adams's disappoiní ment. The arrival of two very extraordinary personages, and the introduction of Parson Adams to Parson Barnabas.

BARNABAS and the surgeon being re turned, as we have said, to the inn, in order to convey the thief before the justice, were greatly concerned to find a small accident had happened, which somewhat disconcerted them; and this was no other than the thief's escape, who had modestly withdrawn himself by night, declining all ostentation, and not choosing, in imitation of some great men, to distinguish himself at the expense of being pointed at.

in which, as neither of them professed it, they had equal pretensions to dispute each other's opinions. These disputes were carried on with great contempt on both sides, and had almost divided the parish; Mr. Tow-wouse and one half of the neighbours inclined to the surgeon, and Mrs. Tow-wouse with the other half to the parson. The surgeon drew his knowledge from those inestimable fountains, called The Attorney's Pocket Companion, and Mr. Jacob's Law Tables; Barnabas trusted entirely to Wood's Institutes. It happened on this occasion, as was pretty frequently the case, that these two learned men differed about the sufficiency of evidence; the doctor being of opinion, that the maid's oath would convict the prisoner When the company had retired the without producing the gold; the parson, evening before, the thief was detained in è contra, totis viribus. To display their a room where the constable, and one of parts, therefore, before the justice and the the young fellows who took him, were parish, was the sole motive, which we can planted as his guard. About the second discover, to this zeal, which both of them watch, a general complaint of drought pretended to have for public justice. was made both by the prisoner and his O Vanity! how little is thy force ac-keepers. Among whom it was at last knowledged, or thy operations discerned! agreed, that the constable should remain How wantonly dost thou deceive mankind on duty, and the young fellow call up the under different disguises! Sometimes thou tapster; in which disposition the latter apdost wear the face of pity, sometimes of prehended not the least danger, as the generosity: nay, thou hast the assurance constable was well armed, and could beeven to put on those glorious ornaments sides easily summon him back to his aswhich belong only to heroic virtue. Thou sistance, if the prisoner made the least atodious, deformed monster! whom priests tempt to gain his liberty.

have railed at, philosophers despised, and The young fellow had not long left the poets ridiculed; is there a wretch so aban-room, before it came into the constable's doned as to own thee for an acquaintance | head, that the prisoner might leap on him in public? Yet, how few will refuse to by surprise, and thereby preventing him enjoy thee in private? nay, thou art the of the use of his weapons, especially the pursuit of most men through their lives. long staff in which he chiefly confided, The greatest villanies are daily practised might reduce the success of a struggle to to please thee; nor is the meanest thief an equal chance. He wisely, therefore, below, or the greatest hero above, thy no-to prevent this inconvenience, slipped out tice. Thy embraces are often the sole of the room himself, and locked the door, aim and sole reward, of the private robbery waiting without with his staff in his hand, and the plundered province. It is to pam-ready lifted to fell the unhappy prisoner, if per up thee, thou harlot, that we attempt by ill fortune he should attempt to break to withdraw from others what we do not out.

want, or to withhold from them what they But human life, as hath been discovered do. All our passions are thy slaves. Ava- by some great man or other, (for I would rice itself is often no more than thy hand-by no means be understood to affect the maid, and even Lust thy pimp. The honour of making any such discovery,) bully Fear, like a coward, flies before thee, and Joy and Grief hide their heads in thy presence.

very much resembles a game at chess; for as in the latter, while a gamester is too attentive to secure himself very strongI know thou wilt think, that whilst I ly on one side the board, he is apt to leave abuse thee I court thee, and that thy love an unguarded opening on the other; so hath inspired me to write this sarcastical doth it often happen in life; and so did it panegyric on thee; but thou art deceived: happen on this occasion; for whilst the value thee not of a farthing; nor will it cautious constable, with such wonderful give me any pain, if thou shouldst prevail sagacity, had possessed himself of the on the reader to censure this digression as door, he most unhappily forgot the winarrant nonsense; for know, to thy con-dow. fusion, that I have introduced thee for no The thief, who played on the other other purpose than to lengthen out a short side, no sooner perceived this opening, chapter; and so I return to my history. than he began to move that way; and

finding the passage easy, he took with him the young fellow's hat, and without any ceremony stepped into the street and made the best of his way.

The young fellow returning with a double mug of strong beer, was a little surprised to find the constable at the door; but much more so, when, the door being opened, he perceived the prisoner had made his escape, and which way. He threw down the beer, and without uttering any thing to the constable, except a hearty curse or two, he nimbly leaped out of the window, and went again in pursuit of his prey; being very unwilling to lose the reward which he had assured himself of.

no more feeling than a deal board. If a man lived a fortnight in your house without spending a penny, you would never put him in mind of it. See whether he drinks tea or coffee for breakfast.'-' Yes, my dear,' cried Tow-wouse. She then asked the doctor and Mr. Barnabas what morning's draught they chose, who answered, they had a pot of cyder-and at the fire; which we will leave them merry over, and return to Joseph.

He had rose pretty early this morning; but though his wounds were far from threatening any danger, he was so sore with the bruises, that it was impossible for him to think of undertaking a journey yet; Mr. Adams therefore, whose stock was visibly decreased with the expenses of supper and breakfast, and which could not

The constable hath not been discharged of suspicion on this account; it hath been said, that not being concerned in the tak-survive that day's scoring, began to consiing the thief, he could not have been entitled to any part of the reward, if he had been convicted; that the thief had several guineas in his pocket; that it was very unlikely he should have been guilty of such an oversight; that his pretence for leaving the room was abused; that it was his constant maxim, that a wise man never refused money on any conditions; that at every election he always had sold his vote to both parties, &c.

But notwithstanding these and many other such allegations, I am sufficiently convinced of his innocence; having been positively assured of it, by those who received their informations from his own mouth; which, in the opinion of some moderns, is the best and indeed only evi

dence.

All the family were now up, and with many others assembled in the kitchen, where Mr. Tow-wouse was in some tribuJation; the surgeon having declared, that by law he was liable to be indicted for the thief's escape, as it was out of his house; he was a little comforted however by Mr. Barnabas's opinion, that as the escape was by night, the indictment would not lie.

der how it was possible to recruit it. At last he cried, ' He had luckily hit on a sure method, and though it would oblige him to return himself home together with Joseph, it mattered not much.' He then sent for Tow-wouse, and taking him into another room, told him, He wanted to borrow three guineas, for which he would put ample security into his hands.' Towwouse, who expected a watch or ring, or something of double the value, answered, He believed he could furnish him.' Upon which Adams, pointing to his saddlebag, told him with a face and voice full of solemnity, that there were in that bag no less than nine volumes of manuscript sermons, as well worth a hundred pound as a shilling was worth twelve pence, and that he would deposit one of the volumes in his hands by way of pledge; not doubting but that he would have the honesty to return it on his repayment of the money; for otherwise he must be a very great loser, seeing that every volume would at least bring him ten pounds, as he had been informed by a neighboring clergyman in the country; for,' said he, 'as to my own part, having never yet dealt in printing, I do not pretend to ascertain the exact value of such things.'

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Mrs. Tow-wouse delivered herself in the following words; 'Sure never was Tow-wouse, who was a little surprised such a fool as my husband! would any at the pawn, said, (and not without some other person living have left a man in the truth,) that he was no judge of the price custody of such a drunken, drowsy block- of such kind of goods; and as for money, head, as Tom Suckbribe,' (which was the he really was very short.' Adams anconstable's name :) and if he could be swered, Certainly he would not scruple indicted without any harm to his wife and to lend him three guineas, on what was children, I should be glad of it.' (Then undoubtedly worth at least ten.' The the bell rung in Joseph's room.) "Why, landlord replied, 'He did not believe he Betty, John, chamberlain, where the devil had so much money in the house, and beare you all? Have you no ears, or no sides, he was to make up a sum. He was conscience, not to 'tend the sick better?- very confident the books were of much See what the gentleman wants. Why higher value, and heartily sorry it did not don't you go yourself, Mr. Tow-wouse? suit him.' He then cried out, Coming, But any one may die for you; you have sir!' though nobody called: and ran down

stairs without any fear of breaking his neck.

Poor Adams was extremely dejected at this disappointment, nor knew he what further stratagem to try. He immediately applied to his pipe, his constant friend and comfort in his afflictions; and, leaning over the rails, he devoted himself to meditation, assisted by the inspiring fumes of tobacco.

He had on a nightcap, drawn over his wig, and a short great-coat, which half covered his cassock,-a dress which, added to something comical enough in his countenance, composed a figure likely to attract the eyes of those who were not overgiven to observation.

Whilst he was smoking his pipe in this posture, a coach and six, with a numerous attendance, drove into the inn. There alighted from the coach a young fellow, and a brace of pointers, after which another young fellow leapt from the box, and shook the former by the hand; and both, together with the dogs, were instantly conducted by Mr. Tow-wouse into an apartment; whither as they passed, they entertained themselves with the following short facetious dialogue.

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the coachman, I will match my spotted dog with your white bitch for a hundred, play or pay.'-'Done,' says the other: and I'll run Baldface against Slouch with you for another.'- No,' cries he from the box; but I'll venture Miss Jenny against Baldface, or Hannibal either.'- Go to the devil,' cries he from the coach: 'I will make every bet your own way, to be sure! I will match Hannibal with Slouch for a thousand, if you dare; and I say done first.'

They were now arrived; and the reader will be very contented to leave them, and repair to the kitchen; where Barnabas, the surgeon, and an exciseman, were smoking their pipes over some cider-and; and where the servants, who attended the two noble gentlemen we have just seen alight, were now arrived.

'Tom,' cries one of the footmen, 'there's Parson Adams smoking his pipe in the gallery.' 'Yes,' says Tom; I pulled off my hat to him, and the parson spoke to me.'

'Is the gentleman a clergyman, then?" says Barnabas, (for his cassock had been tied up when he first arrived.) 'Yes, sir,' answered the footman; and one there be but few like.'-' Ay,' said Barnabas: 'if I had known it sooner, I should have desired his company; I would always show a proper respect for the cloth; but what say you, doctor, shall we adjourn into a room, and invite him to take part of a bowl of

This proposal was immediately agreed to, and executed; and Parson Adams accepting the invitation, much civility passed between the two clergymen, who both declared the great honour they had for the cloth. They had not been long together before they entered into a discourse on small tithes, which continued a full hour, without the doctor or exciseman's having one opportunity to offer a word.

'You are a pretty fellow for a coachman, Jack!' says he from the coach; 'you had almost overturned us just now.''Pox take you!' says the coachman; if had only broke your neck, it would have been saving somebody else the trouble; but I should have been sorry for the poin-punch?' ters. Why you son of a b-,' answered the other, if nobody could shoot better than you, the pointers would be of no use. -D-n me,' says the coachman, I will shoot with you five guineas a shot. You be hang'd,' says the other; for five guineas you shall shoot at my a-.'-' Done,' says the coachman; 'I'll pepper you better than ever you was peppered by Jenny Bouncer.Pepper your grandmother,' says the other; 'Here's Tow-wouse will It was then proposed to begin a general let you shoot at him for a shilling a time.' conversation, and the exciseman opened -'I know his honour better,' cries Tow-on foreign affairs; but a word unluckily wouse; 'I never saw a surer shot at a par-dropping from one of them, introduced a tridge. Every man misses now and then; dissertation on the hardships suffered by but if 1 could shoot half as well as his the inferior clergy; which, after a long honour, I would desire no better livelihood duration, concluded with bringing the nine than I could get by my gun.'-Pox on volumes of sermons on the carpet. you,' said the coachman, you demolish Barnabas greatly discouraged poor more game now than your head's worth. Adams; he said the age was so wicked, There's a bitch, Tow-wouse: by G-she that nobody read sermons; would you never blinked a bird in her life. I have think it, Mr. Adams,' said he, 'I once ina puppy, not a year old, shall hunt with tended to print a volume of sermons myher for a hundred,' cries the other gentle- self, and they had the approbation of two man.- Done,' says the coachman: but or three bishops; but what do you think a you will be pox'd before you make the bookseller offered me?'-Twelve guineas, bet.'-'If you have a mind for a bet,' cries perhaps,' cried Adams. Not twelve pence, To blink, is a term used to signify the dog's I assure you,' answered Barnabas: nay, passing by a bird without pointing at it.

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the dog refused me a Concordance in