I know what charity is, better than to give to vagabonds.'-' Besides, if we were inclined, the poor's rate obliges us to give so much charity,' cries the wife. Pugh! thou art a fool. Poor's rate! Hold thy nonsense,' answered Trulliber; and then turning to Adams, he told him,' He would give him nothing.'-'I am sorry,' answered Adams, that you do know what charity is, since you practise it no better: I must tell you, if you trust to your knowledge for your justification, you will find yourself deceived, Suppose when a tradesman first carries in his bill, the man of fashion should pay it; or suppose, if he did so, the tradesman should abate what he had overcharged, on the supposition of waiting. In short,-suppose what you will, you never can nor will suppose any thing equal to the astonishment which seized on Trulliber, as soon as Adams had ended his speech. A while he rolled his eyes in silence; sometimes surveying Adams, then his wife; then casting them on the ground, then lifting them up to heaven. At last he burst forth in the follow-though you should add faith to it, without ing accents: Sir, I believe I know where good works.'- Fellow,' cries Trulliber, to lay up my little treasure as well as an- dost thou speak against faith in my house? other. I thank G—, if I am not so warm Get out of my doors: I will no longer reas some, I am content; that is a blessing main under the same roof with a wretch greater than riches; and he to whom that who speaks wantonly of faith and the scripis given, need ask no more. To be content tures.'-' Name not the scriptures,' says with a little, is greater than to possess the Adams. How! not name the scriptures! world; which a man may possess without Do you disbelieve the scriptures?' cries being so. Lay up my treasure! what mat-Trulliber. No, but you do,' answered ters it where a man's treasure is, whose heart Adams, if I may reason from your pracis in the scriptures? there is the treasure of a Christian. At these words the water ran from Adams's eyes; and catching Trulliber by the hand in a rapture, Brother,' says he, 'heavens bless the accident by which I came to see you! I would have walked many a mile to have communed with you; and, believe me, I will shortly pay you a second visit; but my friends, I fancy, by this time wonder at my stay; so let me have the money immediately. Trulliber then put on a stern look, and cried out, Thou dost not intend to rob me? At which the wife, bursting into tears, fell on her knees, and roared out, O dear, Sir! for heaven's sake don't rob my master: we are but poor people.Get up for a fool, as thou art, and go about thy business,' said Trulliber: 'dost think the man will venture his life? he is a beggar and no robber.'-' Very true, indeed,' answered Adams. I wish, with all my heart, the tithing-man was here,' cries Trulliber: 'I would have thee punished as a vagabond for thy impudence. Fourteen shillings, indeed! I won't give thee a far-mony. thing. I believe thou art no more a clergyman than the woman there, (pointing to his wife;) but if thou art, dost deserve to have thy gown stript over thy shoulders, for running about the country in such a manner.' -I forgive your suspicions,' says Adams; 'but suppose I am not a clergyman, I am nevertheless thy brother; and thou, as a Christian, much more as a clergyman, art obliged to relieve my distress.'- Dost preach to me?' replied Trulliber: dost pretend to instruct me in my duty?'-Isacks, a good story,' cries Mrs. Trulliber, preach to my master. Silence, woman,' cries Trulliber, I would have thee know, friend,' (addressing himself to Adams,) I shall not learn my duty from such as thee. tice; for their commands are so explicit, and their rewards and punishments so immense, that it is impossible a man should steadfastly believe without obeying. Now, there is no command more express, no duty more frequently enjoined, than charity. Whoever, therefore, is void of charity, I make no scruple of pronouncing that he is no Christian.'I would not advise thee,' says Trulliber, 'to say that I am no Christian: I won't take it of you; for I believe I am as good a man as thyself;' (and indeed, though he was now rather too corpulent for athletic exercise, he had, in his youth, been one of the best boxers and cudgel-players in the county.) His wife, seeing him clench his fist, interposed, and begged him not to fight, but show himself a true Christian, and take the law of him. As nothing could provoke Adams to strike, but an absolute assault on himself or his friend, he smiled at the angry look and gestures of Trulliber; and telling him, he was sorry to see such men in orders, departed without further cere CHAPTER XV. An adventure, the consequence of a new instance which Parson Adams gave of his forgetfulness. WHEN he came back to the inn, he found Joseph and Fanny sitting together. They were so far from thinking his absence long, as he had feared they would, that they never once missed or thought of him. Indeed, I have been often assured by both, that they to spent these hours in a most delightful conversation; but as I never could prevail on either to relate it, so I cannot communicate it to the reader. Adams acquainted the lovers with the ill success of his enterprise. They were all greatly confounded, none being able to propose any method of departing, till Joseph at last advised calling in the hostess, and desiring her to trust them; which Fanny said she despaired of her doing, as she was one of the sourest-faced women she had ever beheld. But she was agreeably disappointed; for the hostess was no sooner asked the question, than she readily agreed; and with a courtesy and smile, wished them a good journey. However, lest Fanny's skill in physiognomy should be called into question, we will venture to assign one reason which might probably incline her to this confidence and good humour. When Adams said he was going to visit his brother, he had unwittingly imposed on Joseph and Fanny; who both believed he meant his natural brother, and not his brother in divinity; and had so informed the hostess, on her inquiry after him. Now Mr. Trulliber had, by his professions of piety, by his gravity, austerity, reserve, and the opinion of his great wealth, so great an authority in his parish, that they all lived in the utmost fear and apprehension of him. It was therefore no wonder that the hostess, who knew it was in his option whether she should ever sell another mug of drink, did not dare to affront his supposed brother, by denying him credit. They were now just on their departure, when Adams recollected he had left his great-coat and hat at Mr. Trulliber's. As he was not desirous of renewing his visit, the hostess herself, having no servant at home, offered to fetch them. fessing Christianity, for a wretch to starve in the midst of his fellow-creatures who abounded. Whilst he was gone, the hostess, who staid as a sort of guard with Joseph and Fanny, entertained them with the goodness of Parson Trulliber. And, indeed, he had not only a very good character as to other qualities in the neighbourhood, but was reputed a man of great charity; for though he never gave a farthing, he had always that word in his mouth. Adams was no sooner returned the second time, than the storm grew exceeding high, the hostess declaring, among other things, that if they offered to stir without paying her, she would soon overtake them with a warrant. Plato and Aristotle, or somebody else, hath said, that when the most exquisite cunning fails, chance often hits the mark, and that by means the least expected. Virgil expresses this very boldly, Turne, quod optanti divum promittere nemo I would quote more great men if I could; but my memory not permitting me, I will proceed to exemplify these observations by the following instance. There chanced, (for Adams had not cunning enough to contrive it,) to be at that time in the ale-house a fellow, who had been formerly a drummer in an Irish regiment, and now travelled the country as a pedlar. This man having attentively listened to the discourse of the hostess, at last took Adams aside, and asked him what the sum was for which they were detained. As soon as he was informed, he sighed, and said, 'He was sorry it was so much; for that he had no more than six shillings and sixpence in his This was an unfortunate expedient; for the hostess was soon undeceived in the opinion she had entertained of Adams, whom Trulliber abused in the grossest terms, especially when he heard he had had the assur-pocket, which he would lend them with all ance to pretend to be his near relation. At her return, therefore, she entirely changed her note. She said, 'Folks might be ashamed of travelling about, and pretending to be what they were not. That taxes were high, and for her part she was obliged to pay for what she had; she could not therefore possibly, nor would she, trust any body; no, not her own father. That money was never scarcer, and she wanted to make up a sum. That she expected, therefore, they should pay their reckoning before they left the house.' Adams was now greatly perplexed; but as he knew that he could easily have borrowed such a sum in his own parish, and as he knew he would have lent it himself to any mortal in distress, so he took fresh courage, and sallied out all round the parish, but to no purpose; he returned as pennyless as he went, groaning and lamenting that it was possible, in a country pro his heart.' Adams gave a caper, and cried out, 'It would do; for that he had sixpence himself.' And thus these poor people, who could not engage the compassion of riches and piety, were at length delivered out of their distress by the charity of a poor pedlar. I shall refer it to my reader to make what observations he pleases on this incident: it is sufficient for me to inform him, that, after Adams and his companions had returned him a thousand thanks, and told him where he might call to be repaid, they all sallied out of the house without any compliments from their hostess, or indeed without paying her any; Adams declaring he would take particular care never to call there again; and she, on her side, assuring them she wanted no such guests. CHAPTER XVI. A very curious adventure, in which Mr. Adams gave a much greater instance of the honest simplicity of his heart, than of his experience in the ways of this world. christian divine; and I heartily wish they were universal; but on the contrary, I am stead of esteeming his poor parishioners as sorry to say the parson of our parish, ina part of his family, seems rather to consider them as not of the same species with himself. He seldom speaks to any, unless some few of the richest of us; nay, indeed, he will not move his hat to the others. Í often laugh, when I behold him on Sundays strutting along the church-yard, like a turkey-cock, through rows of his parishioners; who bow to him with as much submission, and are as unregarded as a set of servile courtiers by the proudest prince in Christendom. But if such temporal pride is ridiculous, surely the spiritual is odious and detestable; if such a putled-up empty human bladder, strutting in princely robes, justly moves one's derision; surely in the habit of a priest it must raise our scorn.' OUR travellers had walked about two miles from that inn; which they had more reason to have mistaken for a castle, than Don Quixote ever had any of those in which he sojourned, seeing they had met with such difficulty in escaping out of its walls; when they came to a parish, and beheld a sign of invitation hanging out. A gentleman sat smoking a pipe at the door; of whom Adams inquired the road, and received so courteous and obliging an answer, accompanied with so smiling a countenance, that the good parson, whose heart was naturally disposed to love and affection, began to ask several other questions; particularly the name of the parish, and who 'Doubtless,' answered Adams, your was the owner of a large house whose front opinion is right; but I hope such examples they then had in prospect. The gentleman are rare. The clergy whom I have the lionanswered as obligingly as before; and as to our to know maintain a different behaviour; the house, acquainted him it was his own. and you will allow me, sir, that the readiHe then proceeded in the following man- ness which too many of the laity show to ner: Sir, I presume by your habit you are contemn the order, may be one reason a clergyman; and as you are travelling on of their avoiding too much humility.'foot, I suppose a glass of good beer will not Very true, indeed,' says the gentleman; be disagreeable to you; and I can recom-'I find, sir, you are a man of excellent mend my landlord's within, as some of the sense, and am happy in this opportunity of best in all this country. What say you, knowing you; perhaps our accidental meetwill you halt a little and let us take a pipe ing may not be disadvantageous to you together? there is no better tobacco in the neither. At present, I shall only say to you, kingdom. This proposal was not displeas- that the incumbent of this living is old and ing to Adams, who had allayed his thirst infirm; and that it is in my gift. Doctor, that day with no better liquor than what give me your hand; and assure yourself of Mrs. Trulliber's cellar had produced; and it at his decease.' Adams told him, 'He which was indeed, little superior, either in was never more confounded in his life, than riches or flavour, to that which distilled at his utter incapacity to make any return from those grains her generous husband to such noble and unmerited generosity.'bestowed on his hogs. Having therefore A mere trifle, sir,' cries the gentleman, abundantly thanked the gentleman for his scarce worth your acceptance; a little kind invitation, and bid Joseph and Fanny more than three hundred a year. I wish it follow him, he entered the alehouse, where was double the value, for your sake.' Adams a large loaf and cheese, and a pitcher of bowed, and cried, from the emotions of beer, which truly answered the character gratitude; when the other asked him, ‘If given of it, being set before them, the three he was married, or had any children, betravellers fell to eating, with appetites infi-sides those in the spiritual sense he had nitely more voracious than are to be found mentioned.'-Sir,' replied the parson, ‘I at the most exquisite eating-houses in the parish of St. James's. have a wife and six at your service.'That is unlucky,' says the gentleman; 'for The gentleman expressed great delight I would otherwise have taken you into my in the hearty and cheerful behaviour of own house as my chaplain; however, I have A lams; and particularly in the familiarity another in the parish, (for the parsonagewith which he conversed with Joseph and house is not good enough,) which I will furFanny, whom he often called his children; nish for you. Pray, does your wife undera term he explained to mean no more than stand a dairy?'-I can't profess she does,' his parishioners; saying, 'He looked on all says Adams. I am sorry for it,' quoth those whom God had intrusted to his care, the gentleman; 'I would have given you to stand to him in that relation.' The half a dozen cows, and very good grounds gentleman, shaking him by the hand, highly to have maintained them."-Sir,' said applauded these sentiments. They are, Adams, in an extacy, you are too liberal; indeed,' says he, the true principles of a indeed you are. Not at all,' cries the here; and the loan of your horses is a favour we shall be incapable of making any return to.'-'Ay!' said the squire, the horses shall attend you here, at what hour in the morning you please.' And now, after many civilities too tedious to enumerate, many squeezes by the hand, with most affectionate looks and smiles at each other, and after appointing the horses at seven the next morning, the gentleman took his leave of them and departed to his own house. Adamus and his companions returned to the table, where the parson smoked another pipe, and then they all retired to rest. agree to it, and declared he would not trust her behind him; for that he was weaker than he imagined himself to be. This dispute continued a long time, and had begun to be very hot, when a servant arrived from their good friend, to acquaint them, that he was unfortunately prevented from lending them any horses; for that his groom had, unknown to him, put his whole stable under a course of physic. gentleman; 'I esteem riches only as they will never suffer her to carry away the keys me an opportunity of doing good; and again.'- Pray, sir, let it not make you unwe very nation to serve.' At which words he shook him heartily by the hand, and told him, he had sufficient room in his house to entertain him and his friends. Adams begged he might give him no such trouble; that they could be very well accomodated in the house where they were; forgetting they had not a sixpenny piece among them. The gentleman would not be denied; and informing himself how far they were travelling, he said, it was too long a journey to take on foot, and begged that they would favour him, by suffering him to lend them a servant and horses; adding withal, that if they would do him the pleasure of their company only Mr. Adams rose very early, and called two days, he would furnish them with his Joseph out of his bed, between whom a very coach and six. Adams turning to Joseph, fierce dispute ensued, whether Fanny should said, 'How lucky is this gentleman's good-ride behind Joseph, or behind the gentleness to you, who I am afraid would be man's servant; Joseph insisting on it, that scarce able to hold out on your lame leg;' he was perfectly recovered, and was as caand then addressing the person who made pable of taking care of Fanny as any other him these liberal promises, after much bow-person could be. But Adams would not ing, he cried out, Blessed be the hour which first introduced me to a man of your charity; you are indeed a Christian of the true primitive kind, and an honour to the country wherein you live. I would willingly have taken a pilgrimage to the Holy Land to have beheld you; for the advantages which we draw from your goodness, give me little pleasure, in comparison of what I enjoy for your own sake, when I consider the treasures you are by these means laying This advice presently struck the two disup for yourself in a country that passeth not putants dumb: Adams cried out, Was away. We will therefore, most generous ever any thing so unlucky as this poor gensir, accept your goodness, as well, the enter- tleman? I protest I am more sorry on his tainment you have so kindly offered us at account than on my own. You see, Joyour house this evening, as the accommo-seph, how this goodnatured man is treated dation of your horses to-morrow morning.' by his servants; one locks up his linen, He then began to search for his hat, as did another physics his horses; and I suppose, Joseph for his; and both they and Fanny by his being at this house last night, the were in order of departure, when the gen- butler had locked up his cellar. Bless us! tleman stopping short, and seeming to me- how good-nature is used in this world! I ditate by himself for the space of a minute, protest I am more concerned on his account exclaimed thus: Sure never any thing than my own. So am not I,' cries Joseph; was so unlucky; I had forgot my house-not that I am much troubled about walking keeper was gone abroad, and hath lock'd on foot; all my concern is, how we shall get up all my rooms; indeed, I would break out of the house, unless God sends another them open for you, but shall not be able to pedlar to redeem us. But certainly this genfurnish you with a bed; for she has like-tleman has such an affection for you, that he wise put away all my linen. I am glad would lend you a larger sum than we owe it entered into my head, before I had here, which is not above four or five shilgiven you the trouble of walking there; lings.'- Very true, child,' answered Adams; besides, I believe you will find better ac-I will write a letter to him, and will even commodations here than you expected. Landlord, you can provide good beds for these people, can't you?'- Yes, and please your worship,' cries the host, and such as no lord or justice of the peace in the kingdom need be ashamed to lie in.'-I am heartily sorry,' says the gentleman, for this disappointment. I am resolved I 6 venture to solicit him for three half crowns; there will be no harm in having two or three shillings in our pocket; as we have full forty miles to travel, we may possibly have occasion for them.' Fanny being now risen, Joseph paid her a visit, and left Adams to write his letter, which, having finished, he despatched a boy with it to the gentleman, and then seated himself by the door, lighted his pipe, and betook himself to meditation. The boy staying longer than seemed to be necessary, Joseph, who with Fanny was now returned to the parson, expressed some apprehensions that the gentleman's steward had locked up his purse too. To which Adams answered, 'It might very possibly be; and he should wonder at no liberties which the devil might put into the head of a wicked servant to take with so worthy a master; but added, that as the sum was so small, so noble a gentleman would be easily able to procure it in the parish, though he had it not in his own pocket. Indeed,' says he, if it was four or five guineas, or any such large quantity of money, it might be a different matter.' tian world! I profess almost equal to what I have read of the heathens. But surely, Joseph, your suspicions of this gentleman must be unjust; for what a silly fellow must he be, who would do the devil's work for nothing! and canst thou tell me any interest he could possibly propose to himself, by deceiving us in his professions?'-' It is not for me,' answered Joseph, 'to give reasons for what men do, to a gentleman of your learning.'-You say right,' quoth Adams: knowledge of men is only to be learnt from books; Plato and Seneca for that; and those are authors, I am afraid, child, you never read.'-' Not I, sir, truly,' answered Joseph; all I know is, it is a maxim among the gentlemen of our cloth, that those masters, who promise the most, perform the least; and I have often heard They were now sat down to breakfast, them say, they have found the largest vails over some toast and ale, when the boy re- in those families where they were not proturned, and informed them that the gentle- mised any. But, sir, instead of considering man was not at home. Very well! cries any farther these matters, it would be our Adams; but why, child, did you not stay wisest way to contrive some method of gettill his return? Go back again, my good ting out of this house; for the generous genboy, and wait for his coming home: he can- tleman, instead of doing us any service, hath not be gone far, as his horses are all sick; left us the whole reckoning to pay.' Adams and besides, he had no intention to go was going to answer, when their host came abroad, for he invited us to spend this day in, and, with a kind of jeering smile, said, and to-morrow at his house. Therefore go Well, masters! the squire hath not sent back, child, and tarry till his return home.' his horses for you yet. Laud help me! how The messenger departed, and was back easily some folks make promises!"-How!' again with great expedition bringing an ac- says Adams, have you ever known him to count that the gentleman was gone a long do any thing of this kind before?'-Ay! journey, and would not be at home again marry have I,' answered the host; it is no this month. At these words Adams seemed business of mine, you know, sir, to say any greatly confounded, saying, 'This must be thing to a gentleman to his face; but now a sudden accident, as the sickness or death he is not here, I will assure you, he hath of a relation, or some such unforeseen mis- not his fellow within the three next market fortune;' and then turning to Joseph, cried, towns. I own I could not help laughing, 'I wish you had reminded me to have bor- when I heard him offer you the living; for rowed this money last night.' Joseph, smi- thereby hangs a good jest. I thought ling, answered, He was very much de- he would have offered you my house ceived, if the gentleman would not have next, for one is no more his to dispose of found some excuse to avoid lending it.'-I than the other.' At these words, Adams, own,' says he, 'I was never much pleased blessing himself, declared, he had never with his professing so much kindness for read of such a monster. But what vexes you at first sight; for I have heard the gen- me most,' says he, 'is, that he hath decoyed tlemen of our cloth in London tell many us into running up a long debt with you, such stories of their masters. But when which we are not able to pay, for we have the boy brought the message back of his no money about us; and what is worse, not being at home, I presently knew what live at such a distance, that if you should would follow; for whenever a man of fa- trust us, I am afraid you would lose your shion doth not care to fulfil his promises, money, for want of our finding any conventhe custom is, to order his servants that he iency of sending it.'-Trust you, master!' will never be at home to the person so pro- says the host; that I will with all my heart. mised. In London, they call it denying I honour the clergy too much to deny him. I have myself denied Sir Thomas trusting one of them for such a trifle; beBooby above a hundred times; and when sides, I like your fear of never paying me. the inan hath danced attendance for about I have lost many a debt in my life-time: a month, or sometimes longer, he is ac- but was promised to be paid them all in a quainted, in the end, that the gentleman is very short time. I will score this reckoning gone out of town, and could do nothing in for the novelty of it. It is the first, I do the business. Good Lord!' says Adams, assure you, of its kind. But what say you, 'what wickedness is there in the chris-master shall we have t'other pot before we K |