Imagens das páginas
PDF
ePub

and outward : they agree in all, like canters and gypsies, they are all zcale, no knowledge : all purity, no humanity: all simplicity, no honesty : and if you never trust them, they will never deceive you.

A Maquerela, in plaine English a Baude,

S an old char-cole, that hath been burnt

her selfe, and therefore is able to kindle

a whole greene coppice. The burden of her song is like that of Frier Bacons head ; time is, time was, and time is past : in repeating which, she makes a wicked brazen face, and weepes in the сир, , to allay the heat of her aqua vitae. Her teeth are falne out; marry her nose, and chin, intend very shortly to be friends, and meet about it. Her yeares are sixty and odde : that she accounts her best time of trading; for a bawd is like a medlar, she's not ripe, till she be rotten. Her envy is like that of the devill, to have all faire women like her; and because 'tis impossible they should catch it being so young, she hurries them to it by diseases. Her parke is a villanous barren ground; and all the deere in it are rascall : yet poore cottagers in the country (that know her but by hcaresay) thinke well of her; for what she encloses to day, shee makes common to morrow. Her goods and her selfe are all removed in one sort, only she makes bold to take the upper hand of them, and to be carted before them; the thought of which, makes her she canuot endure a posset, because it puts her in mind of a bason. Shee sits continually at a rackt rent; especially, if her lanıllord beare office in the parish : for her moveables in the house ; (besides her quicke cattell) they are not worth an inventory, onely her beds are most commonly in print: shee can easily turne a scmpstresse into a waiting gentle-woman, but her wardrobe is most infectious, for it brings them to the falling-sicknesse : she hath only this one shew of temperance : that let a gentle-man send for ten pottles of wine in her house, hee shall have but ten quarts; and if he want it that way, let him pay for't, and take it out in stewd prunes. The justices clark stands many times her very good friend; and works her peace with the justice of quorum. Nothing joyes her so much, as the comming over of strangers, nor daunts her so much, as the approach of Shrove-tuesday. In fine, not to foule more paper with so foule a subject, he that hath past under her, hath past the equinoctial; he that hath scap't her, hath scap't worse then the calenture,

[ocr errors]

|

A Chamber-maide.

HE is her mistresses she secretary, and

kcepes the box of her teeth, her haire,

and her painting very private. Her industry is up staires, and down staires like a drawer : and by her dry hand you may know she is a sore starcher. If shee lye at her masters beds feet, she is quit of the greene sicknesse for ever; for she bath terrible dreames when she's awake, as if she were troubled with the night-mare. She hath a gool liking to dwell i'th country, but she holds London the goodliest forest in England, to shelter a great belly. She reads Greenes works over and over,

but is so carried away with the Mirror of Knighthood, she is many times resolv'd to runne out of her selfe, and become a lady errant. If she catch a clap, she divides it so equally betweene the master and the serving-man, as if she had cut out the getting of it by a thred: only the knave sumner makes her bowle booty, and over-reach the master. The pedant of the house, though hee promise her mariage, cannot grow further inward with her, she hath paid for her credulity often, and now growes weary. She likes the forme of our mariage very well, in that a woman is not tyed to answer to any articles concerning questions of virginity: her mind, her body, and

H

clothes, are parcels loosely tackt together, and for want of goodl utterance, she perpetually laughs out her meaning. Her mistris and she helpe to make away time, to the idlest purpose that can be, either for love or mony.

In briefe, these chambermaids are like lotteries : you may draw twenty, ere one worth any thing.

4 Precisian.

O speake no otherwise of this varnisht rottennesse, then in truth and verity hee

is, I must define him to be a demure creature, full of orall sanctity, and mentall impiety; a faire object to the eye, but starke naught for the understanding : or else a violent thing, much given to contradiction. · He will be sure to be in opposi. tion with the Papist, though it be sometimes accompanied with an absurditie ; like the ilanders neere adjoyning unto China, who salute by puting of their shooes, because the men of China doe it by their hats. If at any time he fast, it is upon

Sunday, and he is sure to feast upon Friday. Hee can better affoord you ten lies, then one oath; and dare commit any sin gilded with a pretence of sanctity. He will not sticke to commit fornication or adultery, so it be done in the feare of God, and for the propagation of the godly; and can find in his heart to

lye with any whore, save the whore of Babylon. To steal he holds it lawfull, so it bec from the wicked and Egyptians. He had rather see Antichrist, then a picture in the church window: and chuseth sooner: to be false hanged, then see a leg at the name of JESUS, or one stand at the creede. He conceives his prayer in the kitchin, rather then in the church; and is of so good discourse, that he dares challenge the Almighty to talke with him ex tempore. He thinkes every organist is in the state of damnation, and had rather heare one of Robert IVisdomes Psalms, then the best hymne a cherubin can sing. He will not breake wind without an apology, or asking forgivenesse, nor kisse a gentie-woman for feare of lusting after her. He hath nicknamed all the prophets and apostles with his sonnes, and begets nothing but vertues for daughters. Finally, he is so sure of his salvation, that hee will not change places in heaven with the Virgin Mary, without boote.

An Innes of Court man.

EE is distinguished from a scholler by

a paire of silke stockings, and a beaver

hat, which makes him contemn a scholler as much as a scholler doth a schoolemaster. By that he hath heard one mooting, and seene two playes, he thinkes as basely of the University, as a

« AnteriorContinuar »