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new made hay-cock. She makes her hand hard with labour, and her heart soft with pitty : and when winter evenings fall early (sitting at her merry wheele) she sings a defiance to the giddy wheele of fortune. She doth all things with so sweet a grace, it seems ignorance will not suffer her to doe ill, being her mind is to doe well. She bestowes her yeares wages at next faire; and in choosing her garments, counts no bravery i'th' world like decencie. The garden and bee-hive are all her physick and chyrurgery, and she lives the longer for't. She dares goe alone, and unfold sheepe i'th' vight, and feares no manner of ill, because she meanes none : yet to say truth, she is never alone, for she is still accompanied with old songs, honest thoughts, and prayers, but short ones; yet they have their efficacy, in that they are not pauled with insuing idle cogitations. Lastly, her dreames are so chaste, that she dare tell them; only a Fridaies dreame is all her superstition : that she conceales for feare of anger. Thus lives she, and all her care is she may die in the springtime, to have store of flowers stucke upon her winding-sheet.
An arrant Horse-courser
ATH the trick to blow up horso-fesh, as the butcher doth veale, which shall wash
out again in twice riding twixt Waltham and London. The trade of spurre-making had decayed long since, but for this ungodly tyre-man. He is curst all over the foure ancient high-wayes of England ; nonc but the blind men that sell switches i'th' road are beholding to him. His stable is fill'd with so many diseases, one would thinke most part about Smithfield were an hospitall for horses, or a slaughter-house for the common-hunt. Let him furnish you with a hackney, 'tis as much as if the kings warrant overtooks you within ten miles to stay your journey. And though a inan cannot say, he couzens you directly; yet any ostler within ten miles, should he be brought upon his book-oath, will affirme he hath layd a bayt for you, Resolve when you first stretch your selfe in the stirrops, you are put as it were upon some usurer, that will never beare with you past his day. He were good to make one that had the collick alight often, and (if example will cause him) make urine; let him oncly for that say, Gra' mercy horse. For his sale of horses, hee hath false covers for all manner of diseases, onely comes short of one thing (which he despaires not utterly to
bring to perfection) to make a horse goc on a wodden leg and two crutches. For powdring his cares with quicksilver, and giving him suppositories of live eeles, he's expert. All the while you are a cheapning, he fears you will not bite; but hee laughs in his sleeve, when he hath coozened you in earnest. Frenchmen are his best chapmen, he keeps amblers for them on purpose, and knows he can deceive them very easily. Hoe is so constant to his trade, that while hee is awake, he tires any man he talkes with, and when he's asleep, he dreams very fearfully of the paving of Smithfield, for hec knowes it would founder his occupation.
A Roaring Boy.
IS life is a meere counterfet patent :
which neverthelesse makes many a coun
trey justice tremble. Don Quixotes water-mills are still scotch bagpipes to him. He sends challenges by word of mouth : for he protests (as he is a gentleman and a brother of the sword) he can neither write nor read. He hath runne through divers parcels of land, and great houses, beside both the counters. If any private quarrell happen among our grcat courtiers, he proclaimes the businesse, that's the word, the businesse ; as if the united forces of the Romish Catholickes were inaking up for Ger. many. He cheats young guls that are newly come to towne; and when the keeper of the Ordinary blames him for it, he answers him in his owne profession, that a woodcocke must be pluckt ere he be drest. He is a supervisor to brothels, and in them is a more unlawfull reforier of vice, then prentices on Shrove-tuesday. He loves his friend, as a councellor at law loves the velvet brecches he was first made barester in, he'll be sure to weare him thredbare ere he forsake him. He sleepes with a tobacco-pipe in's mouth; and his first praier i' th' morning is, he may remember whom he fell out with over night. Souldier he is none, for he cannot distinguish 'tweene onion-seed and gunpowder: if he have worne it in his hollow tooth for the toothach, and so come to the knowlege of it, that's all. The tenure by which he holds his meanes, is an estate at will; and that's borrowing. Land-lorils have but foure quarter-dayes; but he three hundred and odde. He keepes very good company; yet is a man of no reckoning: and when he goes not drunk to bed, he is very sick next morning. He commonly dies like Anacreon, with a gape in's throat; or Hercules, with fire in's marrow. And I have heard of some (that have scap't hanging) begg'd for Anatomies ; only to deterre man from taking tobacco.
A Drunken Dutchman resident in
S but a quarter-master with his wife.
Hee stinkes of butter, as if hee were
anointed all over for the itch. Let him come over never so leane, and plant him but one moneth neere the brew-houses in S. Catherines, and he'l bee puft up to your hand like a bloat herring. Of all places of pleasure, he loves a common garden, and (with the swine of the parish) had need be ringed for rooting. Next to these he effects lotteries naturally; and bequeaths the best prize in his will aforehand; when his hopes fall, he's blanke. They swarme in great tenements like flies : sixe households will live in a garret. He was wont (onely to make us fooles) to buy the foxskin for three pence, and sell the tail for a shilling. Now his new trade of brewing strong-waters makes a number of mad-men. He loves a Welshman extreinely for his diet and orthography; that is, for plurality of consonants, and cheese. Like a horse, he's onely guided by the mouth : when he's drunke, you may thrust your hand into him like an celeskin, and strip him, his inside outwards. He hoordes up faire gold, and pretends 'tis to secthe in his wives broth for a consumption, and loves the memory of