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in such a deformeil silence, as witches raise their spirits in. Gravity he pretends in all things, but in his private whore ; for he will not in a hundred pound take one light sixe pence; and it seemnes hee was at Tilbury Campe; for you must not tell him of a Spaniard. He is a man of no conscience ; for (like the Jakes-farmer that swounded with going into Bucklersbury) hce falls into a cold sweat, if hee but looke into the Channcerie : thinkes in his religion, we are in the right for every thing, if that were abolisht: hee hides his mony as if hee thought to find it againe at the last day, and then begin's old trade with it. His clothes plead prescription; and whether they or his body are more rotten, is a question : yet should hee live to be hang'd in them, this good they would doe him, the very hangman would pity his casc. The table he keepes is able to starve twenty tall men; his servants have not their living, but their dying from him, and that's of hunger. A spare diet he commends in all men, but himselfe: he comes to cathedrals only for love of the singing-boyes, because they looke hungry. He likes our religion best, because 'tis best cheape ; yet would faine allow of purgatory, cause 'twas of his trade, and brought in so much money : his heart goes with the same snaphance his purse doth, 'tis seldlome open to any man: friendship he accounts but a word without any signification; nay, he loves
all the world so little, that, and it were possible, he would make himselfe his owne executor: for certaine, he is made administrator to his owne good name, while he is in perfect memory, for that dyes long afore him ; but he is so far from being at the charge of a funerall for it, that he lets it stinke above ground. In conclusion, for neighbourhood, you were betier dwell by a contentious lawyer. And for his death, 'tis either surfet, the pox, or despaire; for seldome such as he die of Gods making, as honest men should doe.
S one that hath learnt to speak well of
himselfe ; for alwaies he names himselfe,
the first man. If he had betane himselfe to soine richer trade, he could not have choos'd but done well: for in this (though it be a meane one) he is still plying it, and putting himselfe forward. He is evermore telling strange newes, most commonly lyes. If he be a sculler, aske him if he be married, he'l equivocate and sweare he's a single
Little trust is to be given to him, for he thinks that day he does best, when he fetches most men over. His daily labour teaches him the art of dissembling: for like a fellow that rides to the pillory, he goes not that way he lookes : he keeps such a bawling at Westminster, that if the lawyers were not acquainted with it, an order would be tane with him. When he is upon the water, he is fare-company: when he comes ashore, he mutinies, and contrary to all other trades, is most surly to yentlemen, when they tender payınent: the playhouses only keep him sober; and as it doth many other gallants, make him an after-noones man. London-bridge is the most terrible eye-sore to him that can be. And to conclude, nothing but a great presse, makes him flye from the river; nor anything but a great frost, can teach him any good manners.
A Reverend Judge
S one that desires to have his greatnes
only measur'd by his goodnes: his care
is to appeare such to the people, as hee would have them be; and to be himselfe such as he appeares; for vertue cannot sceme one thing, and be another : he knowes that the hill of greatnesse ycelds a most delightfull prospect; but withall, that it is most subject to lightning, and thunder: and that the people, as in ancient tragedies, sit and censure the actions of those in authority: he squares his own therefore, that they inay
farre be above their pitty : hc wishes fewer laws, so they were better obscrv'd : and for those are mulctuary, he understands their institution not to be like briers or springes, to catch everything they lay hold of; but like sea-markes (on our dangerous Goodwin) to avoid the shipwrack of ignorant passengers : he hates to wrong any man; neither hope, nor despaire of preferment can draw him to such an exigent: hee thinks himselfe then most honoutably seated, when hee gives mercy the upper hand : he rather strives to purchase good name, then land; and of all rich stuffes forbidden by the statute, loathes to have his followers weare their clothes cut out of bribes and extortions. If his Prince call him to higher place, there he delivers his mind plainely, and freely, knowing for truth, there is no place wherein dissembling ought to have lesse credit, then in a Princes Councell. Thus honor keeps peace with him to the grave, and doth not (as with many) there forsake him, and goe back with the Heralds : but fairely sits ore him, and broods out of his memory, many right excellent common-wealths men.
A rertuous Widdovo
S the palme-tree, that thrives not after
her childrens sake she first marries, for she married that she might have children, and for their sakes she marries no more. She is like the purest gold, only imployed for princes medals, shee never receives but one mans impression ; the large joynture moves her not, titles of honour cannot sway her. To change her name, were (she thinkes) to conimit a sinne should make her asham'd of her husbands calling. She thinks she hath travel'd all the world in one man; the rest of her time therefore she directs to heaven. Her maine superstition is, she thinks her husbands ghost would walk, should she not performe his will : she would doe it, were there no prerogative court. She gives much to pious uses, without any hope to merit by them: and as onc diamond fashions another, so is she wrought into workes of charity, with the dust or ashes of her husband. She lives to see her selfe full of time; being so necessary for carth, God ca's her not to heaven, till shce be very aged : and even then, though her natural strength faile her, she stands like an ancient pyramid ; which the lesse it grows to mans eye, the neerer it reaches to heaven. This