The University of towa Libraries A French Cooke. E learnt his trade in a towne of garrison neere famish't, where hee practised to make a little goe farre; some drive it from more antiquity, and say, Adam (when he pickt sallets) was of his occupation. He doth not feed the belly, but the palate; and though his command lie in the kitchin (which is but an inferiour place) yet shall you find him a very sawcy companion. Ever since the wars in Naples, he hath so minc't the ancient and bountifull allowance, as if his nation should keepe a perpetuall dyet. The servingmen call him the last relique of popery, that makes men fast against their conscience. He can be truly said to be no mans fellow but his masters: for the rest of his servants are starved by him. He is the prime cause why noblemen build their houses so great : for the smalnesse of their kitchin, makes the house the bigger: and the lord calls him his alchymist that can extract gold out of hearbs, roots, mushroomes, or any thing that which he dresses, we may rather call a drinking, then a meale; yet he is so full of variety, that he brags, and truly, that hee gives you but a taste of what he can doe: he dare not for his life come among the butchers; for sure they would quarter and bake him after the English fashion; : hee's such an enemy to beefe and mutton. To conclude, hee were only fit to make a funerall feast, where men should eat their victuals in mourning. A Sexton Of all S an ill-willer to humane nature. proverbs, hee cannot endure to heare that which sayes, We ought to live by the quick, not by the dead. He could willingly all his life time be confinde to the church-yard; at least within five foot on't: for at every church stile, commonly ther's an ale-house: where let him be found never so idle pated, he is still a grave drunkard. He breaks his fast heartilest while hee is making a grave, and sayes, the opening of the ground makes him hungry. Though one would take him to bee a sloven, yet hee loves cleane linnen extremely, and for that reason takes an order that fine holland sheetes be not made wormes meat. Like a nation called the Cusani, hee weepes when any are borne, and laughes when they die: the reason; he gets by burials, not christnings: he will hold argument in a taverne over sack, till the diall and himselfe be both at a stand: he never observes any time but sermon time, and there hee sleepes by the houre-glasse. The rope-maker payes him a pension, and hee payes tribute to the physitian; for the physitian makes worke for the sexton, as the rope-maker for the hangman. Lastly, hee wishes the dog-dayes would last all yeere long: and a great plague is his yeere of jubilee. A Iesuite Sa larger spoone for a traytour to feed with the devill, then any other order: unclaspe him, and hee's a gray wolfe, with a golden starre in the forehead: so superstitiously he followes the pope, that he forsakes Christ, in not giving Casar his due. His vowes seeme heavenly; but in meddling with state-businesse, he seemes to mix heaven and earth together. His best elements, are confession and penance: by the first, he finds out men's inclinations; and by the latter, heapes wealth to his seminary. He sprang from Ignatius Loyola, a Spanish souldier; and though he were found out long since the invention of the canon, 'tis thought hee hath not done lesse mischiefe. He is a false key to open princes cabinets, and pry into their counsels: and where the popes excommunication thunders, he holds it no more sinne the decrowning of kings, than our Puritanes doe the suppression of bishops. His order is 1 full of irregularitie and disobedience: ambitious above all measure; for of late dayes, in Portugall and the Indies, he rejected the name of Jesuite, and would be call'd disciple. In Rome, and other countries that give him freedome, he weares a maske upon his heart; in England he shifts it, and puts it upon his face. No place in our climate hides him so securely as a ladies chamber: the modesty of the pursevant hath only forborne the bed, and so mist him. There is no disease in Christendome, that may so properly be call'd The kings evill. To conclude, would you know him beyond sea? In his seminary, hee's a fox; but in the inquisition, a lyon rampant. An excellent Actor. HATSOEVER is commendable to the grave orator, is most exquisitely perfect in him; for by a full and significant action of body, he charmes our attention: sit in a full theater, and you will thinke you see so many lines drawn from the circumference of so many eares, whiles the actor is the center. He doth not strive to make nature monstrous, she is often seene in the same scene with him, but neither on stilts nor crutches; and for his voice, 'tis not lower than the prompter; not lowder then the foile and target. By his action The University of towa Libraries hee fortifies morall precepts with examples; for : 1 |