confession of his valour; and so he prevents quarels. II A Pedant. EE treades in a rule, and one hand scannes verses, and the other holds his scepter. Hee dares not thinke a thought, that the nominative case governs not the verbe; and he never had meaning in his life, for he travelled only for words. His ambition is criticisme, and his example Tully. Hee values phrases, and elects them by the sound, and the eight parts of speech are his servants. To bee briefe, he is a heteroclite, for hee wants the plurall number, having onely the single quality of words. A Serving-man Sa creature, which though he be not the superscription of his livery. His life is for ease enough to suffice nature, and sufficient to make him happy, if he were sure of it; for he hath little, and wants nothing, he values himselfe higher or lower, as his master is. Hee hates or loves the men, as his master doth the master. He is commonly proud of his masters horses, or his Christmas: hee sleepes when he is sleepy, is of his religion, only the clocke of his stomack is set to go an houre after his. He seldome breakes his own clothes. He never drinks but double, for he must be pledg'd; nor commonly without some short sentence nothing to the purpose: and seldome abstaines till he comes to a thirst. His discretion is to bee carefull for his masters credit, and his sufficiency to marshall dishes at a table, and to carve well. His neatnesse consists much in his haire and outward linnen. His courting language, visible bawdy jests; and against his matter faile, he is alway ready furnished with a song. His inheritance is the chamber-maid, but often purchaseth his masters daughter, by reason of opportunity, or for want of a better; he alwayes cuckolds himselfe, and never maries but his owne widdow. His master being appeased, he becomes a retainer, and entailes himselfe and his posterity upon his heire-males for ever. 4 An Host S the kernell of a signe or the signe is He consists of double beere and fellow- An Ostler Sa thing that scrubbeth unreasonably his horse, reasonably himselfe. He consists of travellers, though he be none himselfe. His highest ambition is to be host, and the invention of his signe is his greatest wit: for the expressing whereof hee sends away the painters for want of understanding. He hath certaine charmes for a horse mouth, that hee should not cat his hay: and behind your back, he will cozen your horse to his face. His curry-combe is one of his best parts, for he expresseth much by the gingling: and his manecombe is a spinners card turn'd out of service. Hee puffes and blowes over your horse, to the hazard of a double jugge; and leaves much of the dressing to the proverbe of Muli mutuo scabient, One horse rubs another. Hce comes to him that cals loudest, not first; hee takes a broken head patiently, but the knave he feeles not. His utmost honesty is good fellowship, and he speakes Northerne, what countryman soever. He hath a pension of ale from the next smith and sadler for intelligence: he loves to see you ride, and holds your stirrop in expectation. A Good Wife Sa mans best moveable, a scien incorporate with the stocke, bringing sweet fruit; one that to her husband is more then a friend, lesse than trouble: an equall with him in the yoke. Calamities and troubles she shares alike, nothing pleaseth her that doth not him. She is relative in all; and he without her, but halfe himself. She is his absent hands, eyes, eares, and mouth his present and absent all. She frames her nature unto his howsoever: the hiacinth followes not the sun more willingly. Stubbornnesse and obstinacy are hearbs that grow not in her garden. She leaves tattling to the gossips of the town, and is more seene then heard. Her household is her charge; her care to that, makes her seldom non resident. Her pride is but to be cleanly, and her thrift not to be prodigall. By her discretion she hath children, not wantons; a husband without her, is a misery in mans apparel: none but she hath an aged husband, to whom she is both a staffe and a chaire. To conclude, shee is both wise and religious, which makes her all this. A Melancholy Man S a strayer from the drove one that nature made sociable, because shee made him man, and a crazed disposition hath altered. Impleasing to all, as all to him; straggling thoughts are his content, they make him dreame waking, there's his pleasure. His imagination is never idle, it keeps his mind in a continuall motion, as the poise the clocke: he winds up thoughts often, and as often unwinds them; Penelopes web thrives faster. He'le seldome be found his The Unkorally of lawa 1 Ikraris |