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the father of heretiques ; Rodolphus Agricola, a substantiall farmer; and will not sticke to averre, that Systema's logicke doth excell Keckermans: his ill lucke is not so much in being a foole, as in being put to such pains to expresse it to the world : for what in others is naturall, in him (with much a doe) is artificiall: his poverty is his happinesse, for it makes some men beleeve, that he is none of fortunes favorites. That learning which he hath, was in nonage put in backward like a glister, and 'tis now like ware miss-laid in a podlers pack; a ha's it, but knowes not where it is. In a word, hee is the index of a man, and the title-page of a scholler, or a Puritane in morality; much in profession, nothing in practice.
S a movcable: for hee hath no abiding
place; by his motion hee gathers heat,
thence his cholericke nature. He seemes to be very devout, for his life is a continuall pilgrimage, and sometimes in humility goes barefoot, thereon making necessity a vertue. His house is as ancient as Tubal Cains, and so is a runnagate by antiquity : yet he proves himselfe a gallant, for he carries all his wealth upon his back ; or a philosopher, for he beares all his substance about him. From his art
was musick first invented, and therefore is he alwaies furnishit with a song: to which his hammer keeping tune, proves that he was the first founder of the kettle-drum. Note, that where the best ale is, there stands his musicke most upon crotchets. The companion of his travels is some foule sunne-burnt Queane, that since the terrible statute recanted gypsisme, and is turned pedleresse. So marches he all over England with his bag and baggage. His conversation is unreprovcable; for hee is ever mending. Hee observes truly the statutes, and therefore he can rather steale then begge, in which hee is unremoveably constant in spight of whips or imprisonment: and so a strong enemy to idlenesse, that in mending one hole, he had rather make three then want worke, and when hee hath done, inee throwes the wallet of his faults behind him. He embraceth naturally ancient custome, conversing in open fields, and lowly cottages. If he visit cities or townes, tis but to deale upon the imperfections of our weaker vessels. His tongue is very voluble, which with canting proves hiin a linguist. He is entertain'd in every place, but enters no further then the doore, to avoid suspition. Some would take him to be a coward; but beleeve it, he is a lad of mettle, his valour is cominonly three or foure yards long, fastned to a pike in the end for flying off. He is very provident, for he will fight but with one at once,
and then also hec had rather submit than be counted obstinate. To conclude, if he scape Tyburn and Banbury, he dies a begger.
S a chicke of the egge abuse, hatcht by
the warmth of authority: hee is a bird
of rapine, and begins to prey and feather together. He croakes like a raven against the death of rich men, and so gets a legacy unbequeath'd : his happines is in the multitude of children, for their increase is his wealth, and to that end, he himselfo yearely addes one. He is a cunning hunter, uncoupling his intelligencing hounds, under hedges, in thickets and corne-fields, who follow the chase to city-suburbs, where often his game is at covert : his quiver hangs by his side, stuft with silver arrowes, which hee shoots against church-gates, and private mens doores, to the hazard of their purses and credit. There went but a paire of sheeres betweene him and the pursivant of hell, for they both delight in sin, grow richer by it, and are by justice appointed to punish it: only the devill is more cunning, for he picks a living out of others gaines. His living lieth in his eye which (like spirits) hee sends through chinkes, and key-holes, to survey the places of darknesse ; for which purpose he studieth the optickes, but can discover no colour but black, for the pure white of chastity dazleth his eyes. He is a Catholicke, for he is every where ; and with a politicke, for he transforms himselfe into all shapes. He travels on foot to avoid idlenesse, and loves the church entirely, because it is the place of his edification. Hee accounts not all sins inortall : for for. nication with him is a veniall sin, and to take bribes, a matter of charity: hee is collector for burnings and losses at sea, and in casting account, can readily subtract the lesser from the greater summe. Thus lives he in a golden age, till Death by a processe, summons him to appeare.
S the worst part of an astronomer : a
certaine compact of figures, characters
and cyphers : out of which he scores the fortune of a yeare, not so profitably, as doubtfully. He is tenant by custome to the planets, of whom hee holds the 12. houses by lease paroll : to them he paies yearely rent, his studie and time ; yet lets them out againe (with all his heart) for 40s. per
His life is meerely contemplative : for his practice, 'tis worth nothing, at least not worthy of credit; and if (by chance) he purchase any, he loseth it againe at the yeares end, for time brings truth to light. Ptolomy and Ticho Brache are his patrons, whose volumes hee understands not, but admires ; and the rather because they are strangers, and so easier to bee credited, than controuled. His life is upright, for he is alwayes looking upward; yet dares beleere nothing above primum mobile, for 'tis out of the reach of his Jacobs staffe. His charity extends no further then to mountebankes and sow-gelders, to whom he bequeathes the seasons of the yeere, to kill or torture by. The verses in his booke have a worse pace than ever had Rochester Hackney : for his
prose, 'tis dappled with inke-horne tearmes, and inay serve for an almanacke: but for his judging at the uncertainty of weather, any old shopheard shall make a dunce of him. He would be thought the devils intelligencer for stolne goods, if ever he steale out of that quality : as a flie turnes to a maggot, so the corruption of the cunning-man is the generation of an empericke : his works fly foorth in small volumes, yet not all, for many ride poast to chandlers and tobacco shops in folio. To be briefe, he fals 3. degrees of his promises; yet is hee the key to unlocke termes, and lawdayes, a dumbe Mercurie to point out high-wayes, and a bayliffe of all marts and faires in England. The rest of him you shall know next yeare; for what hee will be then, he himselfe knowes not.