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thing else, which was so hot with red pepper that I couldn't eat three bits of it, and afther that a bit of sweet starch, so that I was as hungry as whin I sat down. It would vex a saint out of heaven all the while to see the fellows in the red breeches whipping and snapping everything, while my guts were pinching me with hunger and vexation. • Oh ye blackguards !' says I in my teeth,“ you murder. ing villians, if I had ye at home under my tobacky press, wouldn't I make you remember Paddy Flynn !' But there was no use in talking, for up they came as impudent as ever, and put before every lady and gintleman, including myself, a glass bowl of cowld water. Not knowing what the divil to do with such cowld comfort, I was looking about for the first move, when Mr. Beamish said to me, Mr. Flynn, says he, make use of that water ; we'll have the claret immediately.'Yes, sir,' says I, thinking of Tom; so I took up the bowl betwane my two hands, and threw myself back in the chair with my mouth wide open, and gulped the water down in one big swallow, till I thought there was two feet of it in my stomach, and I felt myself as full as the tick of a bed, although there was not the bigness of an egg in my body afore. But oh-och mavourneen! the cowld wather began to give such an-oh-oh-och !—it almost gives me the colick now to think of it-such a rumbling, an' grumbling, an' tumbling, an' shivering, an' quaking, an' shaking, that heartily as Mr. Beamish an' the ladies laughed at me, the divil a wrinkle was on my face or my stomach in two minutes. • Nahana. man-dhoul,' says I to the masther in a pig's whisper, *I 'm fairly flummaxed and done over.' - Oh, I hope you're not unwell, Mr. Flynn,' says Mrs. Beamish, wid the soft sweet voice of an angel • Oh no, avourneen machree,' says I, • but something mighty quare's the matter wid me. Mr. Beamish, jewel, I 'm in a morthal hurry, intirely; you must excuse me, for I can't stay. Oh, Tom, Tom, says I, what cruel usage I’m suffering for your sake ! - Mr. Flynn,' says his honour, whispering something behind his hand to me-Oh no, avourneen,' says I, slinking out of the room, and squeezing my bowels as if I hadn't a moment to live. I don't know how I got down the stairs, but when I did, a fellow at the foot says to me, · Your hat, sir, giving it a nate touch wid his sleeve. • Thank you for my own,' says I, taking it from him.— Hope you won't forget me, sir ; always get a tinpenny or two,' says the spalpeen. Oh, murther,' says I, drawing forth a tinpenny piece like a tooth from my breeches-pocket, ó what I suffer for your sake, Tom, honey!— Your gloves, sir,' says another gintleman, nicely aired ; hope you won't forget me, sir. -Oh, Tom, Tom !' says I pulling out another tinpenny.-Your cane, sir,' says Snowball, who robbed me of the dish of spinnich ; • took great care of it ; hope you won't forget me, sir.'- Indeed and I won't,' says I, laying it across his showlders an' his shins, until I astonished his wake intellect so much that he screeched with the pain ; “forget ye, indeed, faith! I'll never forget ye, ye set of thieving, whipping, snapping villains ! Let me out !' says I, roaring out like a lion, for I felt my stick in my fist ;--30 they bowed and scraped, and kept their distance till I got into the street. So as soon as I heard them shut the door, I said
to myself, • The divil burn you, Paddy Flynn,' says I, if erad dapu give two tinpennies again for a mouthful of chopped nettles ar
Pair. ful of cowld wather.'
UNCLE SAM'S PECULIARITIES.
A JOURNEY FROM NEW YORK TO PHILADELPHIA AND BACK.
AFTER remaining during a summer and autumn in New York, business induced me to make Philadelphia my winter quarters. A steam-boat carried me on the route to Newark in New Jersey, a town of some manufacturing importance in the coach-building and shoe-making trades. From Newark I proceeded in a stage to Elizabeth-town point, where I took a steamer to New Brunswick, stopping there the second night. This is an ancient town of some extent, but I did not learn that any particular branch of manufac. turing was carried on in it. There was a very large travelling me. nagerie here, besides other exhibitions ; one of which I was in. duced to visit, as it was stated there was an “ exact likeness” of the celebrated Mrs. Trollope, in wax-work, to be seen within. My sur prise and risible emotion may be imagined, when this exact likeness turned out to be the figure of a fat, red-faced trollop, smoking a short pipe, and dressed in dirty flannel and worsted, and a ragged slouched hat. ** This,” said the showman, " is the purty Mrs. Trollope, who was sent over to the United States by the British lords, to write libels against the free-born Americans.”
The figure excited a good deal of attention, and was abused in no measured terms. Impudent crittur !” said one female ; 66 she write of American manners indeed ! It would be better for her to smoke her pipe in her own country, than to come here. How can she understand our manners ?" “ I expect,” said another, “ that them lords are the most imperent critturs on this tarnal earth. They won't be quiet, even after the licking we gave 'em.” Very true, said a third, " but we must make some allowance for their feelings. You know they beat all the world before we beat them, and of course they are very angry." Another man took hold of the figure by the nose, and left a mark on each side of a tobacco-juice colour.
The next morning I got into the regular “ Citizens' line” route to Philadelphia, first travelling in a stage.coach, then by canal-boat, and lastly by a steamer, which took us down the river Delaware to the Philadelphia wharfs. The coach had but one outside place, which was by the side of the driver, and this place was mine by compulsion, as I came last on the person's book who "fixed” the pas. sengers. This was not to be regretted on my part, as I was soon convinced the inside passengers were not conversational, and the major, who drove the coach, was very communicative.
“ Come from York, Colonel ?” said my friend on the right, at the same time looking at me to give a guess, while he bit a piece from some Cavendish tobacco.
“ Yes, I left York two days ago.' “ And what's the news there, sir ? Any private letters from France
payment question ? I expect if they don't come down with a of
rs soon, Jackson will be a leetle maddish. He an't slow, no wwlting to
me, and saidat's a fact,"
“ Livingston, the ambassador, has arrived, and explained his conduct to the citizens in Greenwich, New York, previous to starting for Washington."
“ Then by the living Jingo, there's no two ways about the war! We shall have to give the French pepper, as sure as Uncle Sam ain't too old to fight like them in Europe. Are you in the military,* colonel ? I'm a major in the Forty-second Delaware Section."
“No: I am only a private in the militia, and Captain Dowbiggin, the tailor, fined me two dollars the other day, for not standing out.”+
“French is French certain, and no mistake, and they have fought a leetle, I expect; but Uncle Sam grins agin when he fights two to one. He likes to give the odds to the enemy, and beat 'em slick right away, as we did the British. Yes, two to one is just the ticket for us : we go a-head at it, as a bear can hug two monkeys, both biting him hard. But strength is everything, and if we weren't so tarnation strong we'd have no chance with the French, I guess, except with the rifle in bush-ranging."
“ You may say that.”
"Well, I expect politics will run purty smart at Washington. I go the whole ticket ag'in Jackson, but yit I calcylate he an't no sneezer; he is a real screamer, he is. Though he is a tyrant, yet he's eternal at fighting. Old Hickoryf is so hard he likes blows, they keep him warm.
Yahow! clear it smartly. That's a bad turn; no such bad lump on this 'pikes as that there."
"For a Macadamised 'pike, it certainly is too high out of the ground. It could be cleared off in a few days.”
“ That's a fact. But the railway will ease this road in a few months, and there ain't many accidents on it. That stone takes all that is, but it's a bad un to tumble on. I cut myself considerable the last as we overset this here Citizen's line; but Leeftenant Tompkins as driv the Commercial line, was killed last fallll on it. He came on awkward with his head, ag'in a piece on it shaped like a hatchet. But he had not critturs like these. Yahow! go a-head, tchee !"
“ Do you call these first-rate horses ?”
“ Yes, I do. I'd bet a spant on 'em to a span of blind donkeys, you never seed any better.”
“I think I have, major.”
“ Where, Colonel, if I may be so bold? Was it in this here State ?"
“No; but in New York.”
“I expect that makes some difference. But if there's better critturs than these here in New Jersey or Delaware, let me only see 'em, and I promise to eat 'em tee-totally; or if I can't, I know pretty near who can." 6 Who may
that be ?" “Why, I guess it's the owner and keeper of these critturs.
Volunteers. + Waiting in the street to be reviewed, while lining the parapet, on field days. # A nick-name given to General Jackson. § Turnpike road. ll Autumn,
Some are good uns to look at, but bring 'em on a crooked cutting, with the stones out right and left, and they ain't nowhere to be found. Give me the critturs that'll be good at being whipped round a stone like that we've passed, without letting the wheel touch."
“But much of that cleverness in the horses depends on the driver's hard."
“ So it does, Colonel, so it does; that's a fact. A good whip 'li teach a crittur 'rithmetic no ways slow."
“ How so ?”
“I calculate you haven't travelled much in the midst of hoss. flesh. We know a thing or two about it in Delaware. I've two lads, they beats everything at it as ever I seed. I've hard of a mother as said her children were so 'cute that if she locked 'em up
room they'd make two dollars a day by swapping their jackets to each other. Mine doesn't barter so strong in old clothes as that, I guess, but they shows more 'cuteness considerable in swapping stray hosses, knowing the minds of the critturs as are breaking in, and hunting the varmint in the patches of trees out here.” “But how can your whip teach a horse arithmetic ?"
Why, the critturs make numbers on the road with their feet. When they goes a trot, you'll hear 1, 2, 3, 4, one, two, three, four, as plain as the echo in Sleepy Hollow; but when they gallop outright, a thing which the whip will teach 'em, then you hear 1, 2, one, two, and no more. Now, if the whip 'll teach 'em the difference 'tween two and four, they learn as much as a babby first counting, and that's 'rithmetic."
“ Does the Commercial line fill as well as this Citizens' line ?"
“ No, by no means; they're second-rate. Our stages is the best as well as the critturs. Look at this here stage: strong as a steamengine, and a leetle tougher, and yet all spring, like Indine rubber. Uncle Sam's mails ain't anything to it. It goes so well it drivs the critturs along considerable, particular going down a slope. We stop here, sir, to have a wet. We treats the critturs here, and the strangers inside can have some purty good at three cents. Hollo! Jim, where did you come from? What do you eat when you're at home that you get so fat? I never seed a nigger so fat afore, or behind. I was calculating on owing you a York shilling, but somehow you're fat enough without."
“ Allaws joking, capum.”
“Don't stand in front of the critturs, or you'll frighten 'em. The prop-prietor of the Citizens' line holds with white stable-boys, he does. Give the water in three sups. We're arly to-day, and can
We now went into the road-side tavern, which had a
room in it called the “ state house" for the district, and a closet called a prison for criminals. (generally niggers,) when the “ squires” (magistrates) sit to "fix" the justice. There were three farmers in the bar-room taking their morning sling, (spirits and water,) and read. ing the newspapers, of which there was a plentiful supply, and as the air was cold, the passengers by the Citizens' line stage were glad to have a peep at the blazing tree roots and timbers on the brick hearth. The three farmers, however, kept the best of the
fire to themselves, and stirred not to accommodate, being, most likely, great observers of republican etiquette.
We must here digress from our immediate subject, for the purpose of properly introducing one of the most celebrated characters now talked of. This personage, Major Jack Downing by name, is in everybody's notice as a great American jester, but, like Uncle Sam, is but a name. There may originally have been a Major Jack Downing, a comical“ military” ofiicer, and there may also have been an Uncle Sam in Boston, who, his initials happening to be the same as the initial letters of the United States, was, from a postmaster, or government contractor of Massachusett's Bay, converted into the impersonation, or great federal representative of the twenty-six States, including Jonathan's own five particular States, New Hampshire, Connecticut, New England, Massachusetts, and Rhode Island. But Major Jack and Uncle Sam of Boston (mortal Sam) both sleep with their forefathers, if they ever had any, leaving only their names behind ; glo. rious Jack being famous in story, and Uncle Sam's initials, U. S., being wedded to E Pluribus unum, for better or worse, until the twenty-six stars of North America shall be separated by some violent effört of nature, or a general convulsion of Yankee Republicanism. But if Major Jack is never seen in propria persona, he is sometimes represented by others, who prefer his name to their own. One of Mister JJseph Miller's jokes is of a fanatic, who gave some thanks for being shown some relicts in a monastery, and added, This is the sixteenth head of John the Baptist I have seen in Italy.” A traveller in the United States is reminded of this Joe, and of King Dick's “six Richmonds in the field,” by hearing of Major Jack Downing of American ubiquity, who is spread abroad and met with as a resident in most of the large towns and many of the quiet villages, and is, moreover, one of the most witty correspondents of that many-headed monster, the Public Press.
The place where the Citizens' line stage halted had its own Major Jack, a loitering character who, as the Citizens' line driver informed me, was clerk to the state-house, postmaster, auctioneer, hair-cutter, and general dealer. This Major Jack always took his sling* when the stage stopped at his friend the tavern-keeper's door, and the passengers had not been in the bar-room a minute, before the Major called in to take a “ thimblefull," and see who the strangers were. As soon as my friend, the driver, informed me of the presence of Ma. jor Jack Downing, who at first looked but very little inclined to open his mouth, I was determined, short as the interview must be, to have some conversation with him ; so I made known my wish in the estab. lished American form.
“Major, I'm just going to have some cider and a drop of brandy in it
. Join me in something. Our York fashion is never to drink alone. Captain, a biscuit if you please, and some cider with a dash of brandy in it.
What will you take, Major ?" Why, I guess, Yankee rum I like pretty near best, for it's my favor-ite liquor; besides, it's good for di-gestin'.'
“ Indeed! then it must be quite a medicine."
“Why, you see, Yankee rum is powerful warm ; it's about the smartest liquor we have in these parts, except Apple Jack, and
* Spirits and water.