and fitting with their trade, being of a lovely and courteous condition. Leaving them, this fantastic, whose brain was made of naught but cork and sponge, came to the cold lodging of Monsieur Peele, in his black satin suit, his gown furred with cony, in his slippers. Being in the evening, he thought to hear George's book, and so to return to his inn; this not of the wisest, being of Saint Barnard's. George bids him welcome; told him he would gladly have his opinion in his book. He willingly condescended; and George begins to read, and between every scene he would make pauses, and demand his opinion how he liked the carriage of it. Quoth he, "Wondrous well, the conveyance." "O, but," quoth George, "the end is far better;" for he meant another conveyance ere they two departed. George was very tedious in reading, and the night grew old. "I protest," quoth the gentleman, "I have stayed over-long; I fear me I They, being men of good fashion, by no means will yield unto it, but every man throws down his money, some ten shillings, some five, some more; protesting, something they will pay. "Well," quoth George, taking up all the money, "seeing you will be so wilful, you shall see what shall follow." He commands the music to play, and while they were skipping and dancing, George gets his cloak, sends up two pottles of hippocras,* and leaves them and the reckoning to pay. They, wondering at the stay of George, meant to be gone; but they were stayed by the way, and before they went, forced to pay the reckoning anew. This showed a mind in him, he cared not whom he deceived, so he profited himself for the present. A shall hardly get into mine inn." "If you fear JEST OF GEORGE RIDING TO OXFORD.+ that," quoth George, we will have a clean pair of sheets, and you shall take a simple lodging here." This house-gull willingly embraced it, and to bed they go where George, in the midst of the night, spying his time, put on this dormouse his clothes, desired God to keep him in good rest, honestly takes leave of him and the house to whom he was indebted four nobles. When this drone awaked, and found himself so left, he had not the wit to be angry, but swore scurvily at the misfortune, and said, "I thought he would not have used me so." And although it so pleased the fates he had another suit to put on, yet he could not get thence till he had paid the money George owed to the house, which for his credit he did; and when he came to his lodging, in anger he made a poem of it; "Peele is no poet, but a gull and clown, I vow by Jove, if I can see him wear it, THERE was some half-dozen of citizens that had oftentimes been solicitors to George, he being a Master of Art at the University of Oxford, that he would ride with them to the Commencement, it being at midsummer. George, willing to pleasure the gentlemen his friends, rode along with them. When they had rode the better part of the way, they baited at a village called Stoken, five miles from Wycombe. Good cheer was bespoken for dinner; and frolic was the company, all but George, who could not be in that pleasant vein that did ordinarily possess him, by reason he was without money: but he had not fetched forty turns about the chamber, before his noddle had entertained a conceit how to money himself with credit, and yet glean it from some one of the company. There was among them one excellent ass, a fellow that did nothing but frisk up and down the chamber, that his money might be heard chide in his pocket. This fellow had George observed, and secretly conveyed his gilt rapier-and-dagger into another HOW GEORGE PEELE SERVED HALF A chamber, and there closely hid it: that done, he SCORE CITIZENS. GEORGE once had invited half a score of his friends to a great supper, where they were passing merry, no cheer wanting, wine enough, music playing the night growing on, and being upon departure, they call for a reckoning. George swears there is not a penny for them to pay. hippocras] A drink made of wine, sugar, and spices, strained through a cloth.-Old ed. "hypocrist." A Jest of George riding to Oxford] In The Puritan, persuade Nicholas to steal Sir Godfrey's gold chain, to Captain Idle (who is in prison) and George Pyeboard hide it in the garden, and to inform the simple knight that Idle is a great conjuror able to recover it: Sir Godfrey procures the release of Idle, who, assisted by George Pyeboard, plays the conjuror, and makes the Devil drop the chain ou a rosemary-bank.-Act 1, s. 4; Act 4, s. 2. called up the tapster, and upon his cloak borrows five shillings for an hour or so, till his man came, as he could fashion it well enough. So much money he had; and then who more merry than George? Meat was brought up: they set themselves to dinner, all full of mirth, especially my little fool, who drank [qy. dreamed?] not of the conclusion of their feast. Dinner ended, much prattle past, every man begins to buckle to his furniture among whom this hichcock missed his rapier; at which all the company were in a maze; he besides his wits, for he had borrowed it of a special friend of his, and swore he had rather spend twenty nobles. "This is strange," quoth George, "it should be gone in this fashion, none being here but ourselves, and the fellows of the house;" who were examined, but no rapier could be heard of: all the company much grieved; but George, in a pitiful chafe, swore it should cost him forty shillings but he would know what was become of it, if art could do it: and with that he caused the ostler to saddle his nag; for George would ride to a scholar, a friend of his, that had skill in such matters. "O good Master Peele," quoth the fellow, "want no money here is forty shillings; see what you can do; and if you please, I'll ride along with you." "Not so," quoth George, taking his forty shillings, "I'll ride alone, and be you as merry as you can till my return." So George left them, and rode directly to Oxford. There he acquaints a friend of his with all the circumstance; who presently took horse and rode along with him to laugh at the jest. When they came back, George tells them he had brought one of the rarest men in England; whom they with much compliment bid welcome. He, after a distracted countenance and strange words, takes this bulfinch by the wrist, and carried him into the privy, and there willed him to put in his head, but while he had written his name and told forty: which he willingly did. That done, the scholar asked him what he saw? By my faith, sir, I smelt a villanous scent, but I saw nothing." "Then I have," quoth he; and with that directed him where his rapier was; saying, "It is just north-east, enclosed in wood near the earth":* for which they all made diligent search, till George, who hid it under a settle, found it, to the comfort of the fellow, the joy of the company, and the eternal credit of his friend, who was entertained with wine and sugar: * and George redeemed his cloak, rode merrily to Oxford, having coin in his pocket, where this loach spares not for any expense, for the good fortune he had in the happy finding of his rapier. HOW GEORGE SERVED HIS HOSTESS. GEORGE lying at an old widow's house, and had gone so far on the score that his credit would stretch no farther; for she had made a vow not to depart with drink or victuals without ready money. Which George, seeing the fury of his froward hostess, in grief kept his chamber; called to his hostess, and told her, "She should understand that he was not without money, how poorly soever he appeared to her, and that my diet shall testify; in the mean time, good hostess," quoth he, "send for such a friend of mine." She did so his friend came; to whom George imparted his mind, the effect whereof was this, to pawn his cloak, hose, and doublet, unknown to his hostess: "For," quoth George, "this seven nights do I intend to keep my bed." Truly he spake, for his intent was, the bed should not keep him any longer. Away goes he to pawn his apparel: George bespeaks good cheer to supper, which was no shamble-butcher's]-stuff, but according to the place; for, his chamber being remote from the house, at the end of the garden, his apparel being gone, it appeared to him as the counter; therefore, to comfort himself, he dealt in poultry. His friend brought the money, supped with him: his hostess he very liberally paid, but cavilled with her at ber unkindness, vowing that, while he lay there, none should attend him but his friend. The hostess! replied, a' God's name, she was well contented with it so was George too; for none knew better than himself what he intended. But, in brief, thus he used his kind hostess. After his apparel and money was gone, he made bold with the feather-bed he lay on, which his friend slily conveyed away, having as villanous a wolf in his belly as George, though not altogether so wise, rine and sugar] When this tract was written, it was customary to mix sugar with every kind of wine. + depart) i. e. part. it appeared to him as the counter; therefore, to comfort himself, he dealt in poultry] A quibbling allusion to the Counter Prison in the Poultry. for that feather-bed they devoured in two days, feathers and all; which was no sooner digested, but away went the coverlet, sheets, and the blanket; and at the last dinner, when George's good friend perceiving nothing left but the bedcords, as the devil would have it, straight came in his mind the fashion of a halter, the foolish kind knave would needs fetch a quart of sack for his friend George; which sack to this day never saw vintner's cellar: and so he left George in a cold chamber, a thin shirt, a ravished bed, no comfort left him but the bare bones of deceased capons. In this distress George bethought him what he might do: nothing was left him; and as his eye wandered up and down the empty chamber, by chance he spied out an old armour, at which sight George was the joyfulest man in Christendom; for the armour of Achilles, that Ulysses and Ajax strove for, was not more precious to them, than this to him; for he presently claps it upon his back, the halbert in his hand, the morion on his head; and so gets out the back way, marches from Shoreditch to Clerkenwell, to the no small wonder of those spectators that beheld him. Being arrived to the wished haven he would be, an old acquaintance of his furnished him with an old suit and an old cloak for his old armour. How the hostess looked when she saw that metamorphosis in her chamber, judge those bomborts that live by tapping, between the age of fifty and threescore. HOW HE SERVED A TAPSTER. GEORGE was making merry with three or four of his friends in Pye-corner, where the tapster of the house was much given to poetry; for he had engrossed The Knight of the Sun, Venus and Adonis, and other pamphlets, which the stripling had collected together; and knowing George to be a poet, he took great delight in his company, and out of his bounty would bestow a brace of cans oft him. George observing the humour of the tapster, meant presently to work upon him. "What will you say," quoth George to his friends, "if out of this spirit of the cellar I fetch a good angel that shall bid us all to supper?" "We would gladly see that," quoth his friends. "Content yourself," quoth George. The tapster ascends with his two cans; delivers one to Master * Venus and Adonis] Shakspeare's well-known poem. ↑ of i. e. on. Peele, and the other to his friends; gives them kind welcome: but George, instead of giving him thanks, bids him not to trouble him, and begins in these terms. "I protest, gentlemen, I wonder you will urge me so much; I swear I have it not about me." "What is the matter?" quoth the tapster; "hath any one angered you?" "No, faith," quoth George: "I'll tell thee, it is this. There is a friend of ours in Newgate for nothing but only the command of the justices; and he being now to be released, sends to me to bring him an angel. Now the man I love dearly well, and if he want ten angels, he shall have them, for I know him sure: but here's the misery, either I must go home, or I must be forced to pawn this;" and plucks an old Harrygroat* out of his pocket. The tapster looks upon it: "Why, an it please you, sir," quoth he, "this is but a groat." "No, sir," quoth George, "I know it is but a groat: but this groat will I not lose for forty pounds; for this groat had I of my mother as a testimony of a lease of a house I am to possess after her decease; and if I should lose this groat, I were in a fair case; and either I must pawn this groat, or there the fellow must lie still." Quoth the tapster, "If it please you, I will lend you an angel on it, and I will assure you it shall be safe." "Wilt thou?" quoth George: "as thou art an honest man, lock it up in thy chest, and let me have it whensoever I call for it." "As I am an honest man, you shall," quoth the tapster. George delivered him his groat the tapster gave him ten shillings: to the tavern go they with the money, and there merrily spend it. It fell out in a small time after, the tapster, having many of these lurches, fell to decay, and indeed was turned out of service, having no more coin in the world than this groat; and in this misery he met George as poor as himself. "O sir," quoth the tapster, "you are happily met; I have your groat safe, though since I saw you last, I have bid great extremity and I protest, save that groat, I have not any one penny in the world; therefore I pray you, sir, help me to my money, and take your pawn." "Not for the world," quoth George: "thou sayest thou hast but that groat in the world; my bargain was, that thou shouldst keep that groat until I did demand it of thee; I ask thee none. I will do thee far more good, because thou art an honest fellow; keep thou that groat still, till I call for it; and so doing, the proudest Jack in England * Harry-groat] i. e. groat of Henry the Eighth. his mind that his old hose were called in question answered, " And, by my faith, mistress," quoth George, "your face is most damnably ill painted." "How mean you, sir?" quoth she. "Marry, thus, mistress," quoth George; "that if it were not for printing and painting,* my arse and your face would grow out of reparations." At which she biting her lip, in a parrot fury went down the stairs. The gentlemen laughed at the sudden answer of George, and being seated to dinner, the gentlemen would needs have the company of this witty gentlewoman to dine with them; who HOW GEORGE SERVED A GENTLEWOMAN. with little denying came, in hope to cry quittance GEORGE used often to an ordinary in this town, where a kinswoman of the good wife's in the house held a great pride and vain opinion of her own mother-wit; for her tongue was as a jack continually wagging; and for she had heard that George was a scholar, she thought she would find a time to give him notice that she had as much in her head as ever was in her grandfather's. Yet in some things she differed from the women in those days; for their natural complexion was their beauty: now this titmouse, what she is scanted by nature, she doth replenish by art, as her boxes of red and white daily can testify. But to come to George, who arrived at the ordinary among other gallants, throws his cloak upon the table, salutes the gentlemen, and presently calls for a cup of canary. George had a pair of hose on, that for some offence durst not be seen in that hue they were first dyed in, but from his first colour being a youthful green, his long age turned him into a mournful black, and for his antiquity was in print. Which this busy body perceiving, thought now to give it him to the quick; and drawing near Master Peele, looking upon his breeches, "By my troth, sir,” quoth she, "these are exceedingly well printed." At which word, George being a little moved in with George. When she was ascended, the gentlemen would needs place her by Master Peele; because they did use to dart one at another, they thought it meet, for their more safety, they should be placed nearest together. George kindly entertains her, and being seated, he desires her to reach him the capon that stood by her, and he would be so bold as to carve for his money: and as she put out her arm to take the capon, George sitting by her, yerks me out a huge fart, which made all the company in amaze, one looking upon the other, yet they knew it came that way. "Peace," quoth George, and jogs her on the elbow, "I will say it was I." At which all the company fell into a huge laughter; she into a fretting fury, vowing never she should sleep quietly till she was revenged of George his wrong done unto her; and so in a great chafe left their company. * if it were not for printing and painting, &c.] Compare; "Flavia. Pray you, in ancient times were not those satin hose? In good faith, now they are new-dyed, pinked, and scowered, they show as well as if they were new. What, mute, Balurdo? "Feliche. Ay, in faith, and 'twere not for printing and painting, my breech and your face would be out of reparation."-Marston's Antonio and Mellida, First Part, 1602, act ii. sc. 1. |