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now," said he, "What times are these, when beg-coach overturned, and asking what the matter gars must be choosers! I say, bring this fellow a was, he was told that three or four members of mug of strong beer."

PROOF OF AUTHORITY.

A gentleman speaking to his servant, said, "I believe I command more than any man; for before my servant will obey me in any thing, I must command him ten times over."

A COWARD'S WOUNDS.

parliament were overturned in that coach. "Oh," says he, "there let them be, my father always advised me not to meddle with state affairs."..

ROAD TO HEAVEN.

A charitable divine, for the benefit of the country where he resided, commenced a large causeway, and as he was one day overlooking the work, a certain nobleman passed by, "Well, doctor," said he, "notwithstanding your pains and charity, I don't take this to be the highway doctor, "for if it had, I should have wondered to meet your lordship here."

A soldier was boasting before Julius Cæsar of the wounds he had received in his face; Cæsar knowing him to be a coward, told him he had best take care the next time he ran away, how he look-to heaven."-" Very true, my lord,” replied the ed back.

BAD COMPANY.

A profligate young nobleman being in company with some sober people, desired leave to toast the devil; the gentleman who sat next to him said, "he had no objection to any of his lordship's friends."

DISCRIMINATIVE EPITHETS.

A Scotchman was very angry with an English gentleman, who he said had abused him, and called him false Scol. "Indeed," said the Englishman," I said no such thing, but that you were a true Scot."

DANGEROUS SYMPTOMS.

PAIR OF SPECTACLES.

Two brothers were to be executed for some enormous crime, the eldest was turned off first, without speaking; the other, mounting the ladder, began to harangue the crowd," Good people," said he, 66 my brother hangs before my face, and a few moments I shall be turned off too, and then you see what a lamentable spectacle he makes; in you will see a pair of spectacles."

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INSOLVENCY.

A person enquiring what became of a friend ? 64 Oh, dear," said one of the company," poor The deputies of Rochelle attending to speak fellow, he died insolvent, and was buried by the with Henry the Fourth of France, met with a phy-parish." "Died insolvent!" cries another, sician who had renounced the Protestant religion, that's a lie, for he died in England, I am sure, and embraced the popish communion, whom they I was at his burying." began to revile most grievously. The king hearing of it, told the deputies, he advised them to change their religion too. "For it is a dangerous symptom," said he," that your religion is not long-lived, when a physician has given it over."

PARTNERSHIP.

A countryman having bought a barn in partnership with a neighbour, neglected to make the least use of it, whilst the other had plentifully stored his with corn and hay. In a little time the latter came to him and expostulated with him ▲ countryman passing along the Strand, saw a about laying out his money so fruitlessly. "Pray,

PARLIAMENTARY BUSINESS.

neighbour," says he, "never trouble your head, you may do what you will with your part of the barn, but I will set mine on fire."

THE BOAR'S HEAD TAVERN.

or they have furnished examples of hair-brained prowess, which I have neither the opportunity nor the inclinatiou to follow. But old Jack Falstaff! kind Jack Falstaff! sweet Jack Falstaff has enlarged the boundaries of human enjoyment; he As I honour all established usages of my bre- has added vast regions of wit and good humour, thren of the quill, I thought it but proper to con-in which the poorest man may revel; and has betribute my mite of homage to the memory of queated a never-failing inheritance of jolly laughShakspeare, our illustrious bard. I was for some ter, to make mankind merrier to the latest postetime, however, sorely puzzled in what way I should rity.

discharge this duty. I found myself anticipated A thought suddenly struck me; "I will make in every attempt at a new reading. Every doubt-a pilgrimage to Eastcheap," said I, closing the ful line had been explained a dozen different ways, book, "and see if the old Boar's Head Tavern still and perplexed beyond the reach of elucidation; exists. Who knows but I may light upon some and, as to fine passages, they had been amply legendary traces of Dame Quickly and her guests; praised by previous admirers; nay, so completely at any rate, there will be a kindred pleasure in had the bard of late been overlarded with pane-treading the halls once vocal with their mirth, to gyric by a great German critic, that it was diffi-that the toper enjoys in smelling the empty cask cult now to find even a fault that had not been once filled with generous wine." argued into a beauty.

In this perplexity, I was one morning turning over his pages, when I casually opened upon the comic scenes of Henry IV., and was, in a moment, completely lost in the madcap revelry of the Boar's Head Tavern. So vividly and naturally are these scenes of humour depicted, and with such force and consistency are the characters sustained, that they become mingled up in the mind with the facts and personages of real life. To few readers does it occur, that these are all ideal creations of a poet's brain, and that, in sober truth, no such knot of merry roysters ever enlivened the dull neighbourhood of Eastcheap.

The resolution was no sooner formed than put in execution. I forbear to treat of the various adventures and wonders I encountered in my travels of the haunted regions of Cock-lane; of the faded glories of Little Britain and the parts adjacent; what perils I ran at Cateaton-street and Old Jewry; of the renowned Guildhall and its two stunted giants, the pride and wonder of the city, and the terror of all unlucky urchins; and how I visited London Stone, and struck my staff upon it, in imitation of that arch-rebel, Jack Cade. Let it suffice to say, that I at length arrived in merry Eastcheap, that ancient region of wit and wassail, where the very names of the streets relished of good cheer, For my part, I love to give myself up to the as Pudding-lane bears testimony even at the preillusions of poetry. A hero of fiction, that never sent day. For Eastcheap, says old Stow, existed, is just as valuable to me as a hero of his- always famous for its convivial doings. The cookes tory that existed a thousand years since; and, if I cried hot ribbes of beef rosted, pies well baked, may be excused such an insensibility to the com- and other victuels; there was clattering of pewter mon ties of human nature, I would not give up pots, harpe, pipe, and sawtrie." Alas! how sadly fat Jack for half the great men of ancient chroni-is the scene changed since the roaring days of Falcle. What have the heroes of yore done for me, staff and old Stow! the madcap royster has given or men like me? They have conquered countries, place to the plodding tradesman; the clattering of which I do not enjoy an acre; or they have of pots, and the sound of "harpe and sawtrie," to gained laurels of which I do not inherit a leaf;| the din of carts and the accursed dinging of the

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dustman's bell; and no song is heard, save, haply, the strain of some syren from Billingsgate, chaunting the eulogy of deceased mackarel.

I sought in vain for the ancient dwelling of Dame Quickly. The only relic of it is a boar's head, carved in relief, in stone, which formerly served as the sign; but, at present, is built into the parting line of two houses, which stand on the site of the renowned old tavern.

WASHINGTON IRVING.

THE ACCOMMODATING BARBER.

Said a fop to a boy, at a barber's one day,
To make a display of his wit,

"My lad, did you e'er shave a monkey, I pray?
For you seem for nought else to be fit."
"I never did yet," said the boy, "I confess;
Shave a monkey, indeed, no not I;
It is out of my line; but, sir, nevertheless,
If you please to sit down I will try."

MAKING SHIFTS.

A young lady married a very wild spark, who soon ran through a fortune, and was reduced to some straights. One day she said to her husband, "My dear, I want some shifts sadly."-" D-me, madam," replied he," how can that be, when we make so many every day."

THE SEVEN BISHOPS.

When the Prince of Orange came over at the time of the Revolution, five of the seven bishops that were sent to the Tower declared for his highDess, and the two others would not come into measures; upon which Mr. Dryden said, "That the seven golden candlesticks were sent to be as sayed in the Tower, and five of them proved to be prince's metal.”

ON THE MARRIAGE OF MISS LITTLE.

A Lady remarkably short in stature,
Thrice happy Tom-I think him so;
For mark the poet's song--
"Man wants but little here below,
Nor wants that little long."

the jester, came in.

TOWN TALK

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King Charles II. being in company with Lord Rochester and others of the nobility, Killigrew, "Now," said the king, shall hear of our faults." No, faith," said Killigrew, "I don't care to trouble my head with that which all the town talks of."

JEFFERIES AND THE WITNESS.

When Lord Jefferies, before he was a judge, was one day pleading at the bar, he called out to a witness against his client, "Hark! you fellow in the leathern doublet, what have you for swearing?" To which the witness replied, "Faith, sir, if you have no more for lying, than I have for swearing, you might e'en wear a leathern doublet too."

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A village parson in his sermon one day, vehemently inveighed against usury, and said, that lending money upon interest was as great a sin as wilful murder. Soon after this he had occasion to borrow twenty pounds himself, and coming to one of his parishioners with that intent, the other asked him, if he would have him guilty of a crime he spoke so much against, and lend out money upon use?"-" No," said the parson, “ I would have you lend it gratis."-" Ay," replied the other, "but in my opinion, if lending money upon use be as bad as wilful murder, lending it gratis can be little better than felo-de-se."

FOOTE'S EARLY PERFORMANCES.

In the early part of Foote's career, he played the part of Hamlet at Bath, for his own benefit, He went through the part tolerably well in the comical way, until he came to the last act and in the scene where he quarrels with Laertes

"What is the reason that you use me thus ? I lov'd you ever, but 'tis no matter; Let Hercules himself do what he may, The cat will mew, the dog will have his day." Stimulated by a desire to excel, he entered so much into the quarrel, as to throw him out of the words, and he spoke it thus-" I lov'd you everbut it is no matter-let Hercules himself do what he may-the dog will mew-no that is the catthe cat will, no the dog will mew-no that's wrong the cat will bark-no that's the dog-the dog will mew-no that's the cat-the cat will-no the dog the dog-the cat Pshaw! Pho! its something about mewing and barking, but as I hope to be saved, ladies and gentlemen, nothing more about it."

--

INEXPERIENCE.

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A certain citizen, who had suddenly risen into wealth, from a very low condition of life, standing up in the pit of the opera one evening, with his hat on, a lady whispered to another, we must forgive that man, he has been so little used to the luxury of a hat, that he does not know when to pull it off.”

ON THE DEATH OF A LADY'S CAT. And is Miss Tabby from the world retir’d? And are her lives, all her nine lives expir'd? What sounds so moving, as her own can tell How Tabby dy'd, how full of play she fell! Begin, ye tuneful nine, a mournful strife, And ev'ry muse shall celebrate a life.

THE HOLY FISHERMAN.

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THE BETTER JUDGE. BARRY, THE PAINTER. In an engagement at sea a sailor hoisted on his Although this artist could paint portraits, yet back one of his comrades, who had been pro- he had a great antipathy to the employment. The nounced dead by the doctor, to heave him over- Duke of Norfolk going to his house, with a desire board. The supposed dead man, however, spoke, of engaging him to paint his portrait, met a man and asked where he was bearing him. To coming down the stairs with two pails of whiteDavy Jones's locker," said the sailor. "I am wash. The duke, taking him for a bricklayer's not dead, messmate," replied the other. "You labourer, asked him if Mr. Barry was within? are a lying rascal for your pains," replied the" I am Mr. Barry," replied the other, bluntly. sailor, the doctor said you were dead! How, His grace, recovering from his surprise, explained can you know better than the doctor?" the object of his visit. "Not I," said the artist,

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INNUMERABILIA.

Can you count the silver lights,

That deck the skies, and cheer the nights;
Or the leaves that strew the vales,
When groves are stript by winter gales ;
Or the drops that in the morn
Hang with transparent pearl the thorn;
Or bridegroom's joys, or miser's cares,
Or gamester's oaths, or hermit's prayers
Or envy's pangs, or love's alarms,
Or Marlbro's acts, or Molly's charms?

PARLIAMENTARY QUALIFICATIONS.
When the friends of the youngest Thelluson pro-
posed making him a member of parliament, he
said, “he did not understand exactly what it was
to be in parliament, or what they meant by con-
stituents in the country; but, if there was any
Becessity to go backwards and forwards for their
orders, he could trot down as fast as any member
of parliament in the kingdom.

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go to that fellow in Cavendish-square, (meaning Romney) he'll paint your face for you."

PHILOSOPHY

A German professor had collected a valuable cabinet of curiosities, which he highly prized, one morning a friend came to tell him a very unpleasant circumstance, that he had seen a man get by a ladder into a window of the Professor's house.

Into which window?" cried the philosopher. "I am sorry to say," replied his friend," it was your daughter's."-" O man," said the other, you almost frightened me! I thought it had been into my cabinet."

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DEAN SWIFT'S CURATE.

I march'd three miles thro' scorching sand,
With zeal in heart, and notes in hand;
I rode four more to greet St. Mary;
Using four legs, when two were weary.
To three fair virgins I did tie men,
In the close bands of pleasing Hymen;
I dipt two babes in holy water,
And purify'd their mothers after.
Within an hour and eke an half,

I preach'd three congregations deaf,
Which, thund'ring out with lungs long-winded,
I chopt so fast, that few there minded.
My emblem the laborious sun,
Saw all these mighty labours done,
Before one race of his was run.
All this perform'd by Robert Hewitt
What mortal else cou'd e'er go through it?

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