ECONOMY Garrick was supping with Foote at a tavern, when the latter dropped a guinea, with which he was going to pay the waiter, and it rolled out of sight. "Where the deuce," said Foote, "can it be gone to ?"-" Gone to the devil, I suppose,' cried Garrick. "Well, well, David," observed Foote, "you're always what I said you were, contriving to make a guinea go farther than any other man."

66

among

HOLY RELICS.

Horace Walpole thus describes some relics exhibited" in a small hovel of Capucius," at Radicofani, which were brought from Jerusalem by the king; other things of great sanctity, there is a set of gnashing teeth, the grinders very entire; a bit of the worm that never dies, preserved in spirits; a crow of St. Peter's cock, very useful against Easter; the crisping and curling, frizzling and frowning of Mary Magdalen's hair, which she cut off on growing devout. The good man that showed us all these commodities, was got into such a train of calling them the blessed this, and the blessed that, that at last he showed us the blessed fig-tree, that Christ cursed.

ON A YOUNG LADY WITH GREY HAIRS. Marked by extremes, Susannan's beauty bears Life's opposites-youth's blossom and grey hairs-Meet signs for one, in whom, combined, are seen Wisdom's ripe fruit, and roses of fifteen

IMPROMPTU,

On Lord Rockingham's becoming minister during our disputes with America, when a declaratory bill was brought into the House of Commons, which was judged to be too tame a measure by the adverse party.

A FAMILIAR TALE.

Bubb Doddington was very lethargic. Falling asleep one day after dinner with Sir Richard Temple and Lord Cobham the general, the latter reproached Doddington with his drowsiness. Doddington denied having been asleep; and to prove he had not, offered to repeat all Lord Cobham had been saying. Cobham challenged him Doddington repeated a story; and to do so. Lord Cobham owned he had been telling it. Well," said Doddington, “and yet I did not hear a word of it: but I went to sleep because I knew that about this time of day you would tell that story." A PRINTER'S WIDOW.

This daily publishing the weeds of woe,
Announces to my eye, as pica plain,
A dear romantic duodecimo,

Unbound, and going into sheets again.

ADVANTAGES OF GIBBETS.

Two highwaymen were crossing Hounslowheath, when one of them observed a gibbet. "Curse those gibbets," said he, "if it were not for them, ours would be the best trade in the world."" You are a fool," cried the other,

there's nothing better for us than gibbets; for were it not for them, every person would turn highwayman, and we should be ruined."

PUNNING FLATTERY.

One day when Sir Isaac Heard was with George III. it was announced that his majesty's horse was ready for hunting. "Sir Isaac," said the king,

are you a judge of horses?"-" In my younger days, please your majesty," was the reply, "I was a great deal among them."-" What do you think of this, then ?" said the king, who was by this time preparing to mount his favourite; and without waiting for an answer, added, “We call him Perfection.”—“ A most appropriate name,' replied the courtly herald, bowing as his majesty That the nation's asleep, and the Minister Rock-reached the saddle, "for he bears the best of chaing 'em."

"You had better declare, which you may, without shocking 'em,

racters."

AN ANATOMICAL EPITAPH ON AN INVALID.
Here lies a head that often ach'd ;
Here lie two hands that always shak'd;
Here lies a brain of old conceit;
Here lies a heart that often beat;
Here lie two eyes that daily wept,
And in the night but seldom slept;
Here lies a tongue that whining talk'd;
Here lie two feet that feebly walk'd;
Here lie the midriff and the breast,
With loads of indigestion prest;
Here lies the liver, full of bile,
That ne'er secreted proper chyle;
Here lie the bowels, human tripes,
Tortur'd with wind, and twisting gripes;
Here lies the livid dab, the spleen,
The source of life's sad tragic scene;
That left-side weight, that clogs the blood,
And stagnates nature's circling flood;
Here lie the nerves, so often twitch'd
With painful cramps and poignant stitch;
Here lies the back, oft rackt with pains,
Corroding kidneys, loins, and reins;
Here lies the skin by scurvy fed,
With pimples and eruptions red
Here lies the man, from top to toe,
That fabric fram'd for pain and woe.

POWER OF MIMICRY.

ner one evening treated to the gallery all the devils of the printing-office, that they might hiss Foote off the stage. Faulkner placed himself in the pit, to enjoy the actor's degradation, but when the objectionable scene came on, the unfortunate printer was excessively chagrined to find, that so far from a groan or a hiss being heard, his gallery friends partook of the laugh. The next morning he inveighed against them for having neglected his injunctions, and on demanding some reason for their treachery, "Arrab, master," said the spokesman, "do we not know you?sure 'twas your own swate self that was on the stage; and shower light upon us, if we go to the play-house to hiss our worthy master."

BEAUTY AND WIT.

Wilkes once observed to Lord Townshend :"You, my lord, are the handsomest man in the kingdom, and I the plainest; but I would give your lordship half-an-hour's start, and yet come up with you in the affections of any woman we both wished to win; because, all those attentions which you would omit, on the score of your fine exterior, I should be obliged to pay, owing to the deficiencies of mine.

An officer being wounded by a musket-ball at When Foote was acting in Dublin, he intro-the siege of La Rochelle, the surgeon who first duced into one of his pieces the character of dressed the wound declared that it was very danFaulkner, the printer, whose manners and dress gerous, for he could see the brain. "Can you, be so closely imitated, that the poor fellow could indeed?" said he, " do me the favour then to take not appear in public, without meeting with scoffs out a little of it, and send it in a linen rag to the and jeers from the very boys in the streets. En- Cardinal de Richelieu, who has told me a hundred raged at the ridicule thus brought upon him, Faulk-times a day that I have none."

DESCRIPTION OF GEORGE III.

but if ye'll no object to the method, I would say that ye guess right, sir, and that I come from the

By sunrise on Sunday morning, Wylie was brush-shire of Ayr." ing the early dew in the little park at Windsor, to "Ah, shire of Ayr! a fine country that-good taste the freshness of the morning gale, or, as he farming there-no smuggling now among you, himself better expressed it, to take a snuff of caller eh ?-No excisemen shooting lords now ?-Bad air. On stepping over a style, he saw close before game, bad game. Poor Lord Eglinton had a true him a stout and tall elderly man, in a plain blue taste for agriculture; the country, I have heard, coat, with scarlet cuffs and collar, which at first he owes him much.-Still improving? Nothing like took for a livery. There was something, how-it-the war needs men-corn is our dragon's teeth ever, in the air of the wearer, which convinced potatoes do as well in Ireland, eh ?" him that he could not be a servant; and an ivoryheaded cane virled with gold, which he carried in a sort of negligent poking manner, led him to conclude that he was either an old officer, or one of the poor knights of Windsor; for he had added to his learning, in the course of the preceding evening, a knowledge of the existence of this appendage to the noble Order of the Garter. This," said the embryo courtier to himself, "is just the verra thing that I hae been seeking. I'll mak up to this decent carl; for nae doubt he's well acquaint with a' about the king" and he stepped alertly forward. But before he had advanced many paces, the old gentieman turned round, and seeing a stranger, stopped; and looking at him for two or three seconds, said to himself, loud enough, however, to be heard, "Strange man,--| don't know him,- don't know him," and then he paused till our hero had come up.

66

The humour of this sally tickled our hero as well as the author of it, and they both laughed themselves into greater intimacy. "Well; but Sir," said Andrew, as I am only a stranger here, I would like to ask you a question or two about the king, just as to what sort of a man he really is; for we can place no sort of dependence on newspapers or history-books, in matters anent rulers and men of government.”—“What! like Sir Robert Walpole, not believe history? Scotsmen very cautious.' But the old gentleman added in a graver accent, "The king is not so good as some say to him he is; nor is he so bad as others say of him. But I know that he has conscientiously endeavoured to do his duty; and the best men can do no more, be their trusts high or low."

"That, I believe, we a' in general think; evea the blacknebs never dispute his honesty, though they undervalue his talents. But what I wish to know and understand, is no wi' regard to his kingly faculties, but as to his familiar ways and behaviour, the things in which he is like the generality of the world."

"Gude-day, sir," said Wylie, as he approach ed; "ye're early a-fit on the Sabbath morning; but I'm thinking his majesty, honest man, sets you a' here an example of sobriety and early rising." Scotsman, eh!" said the old gentleman; "fine morning, fine morning, sir,-weather "Ha!" said the stranger, briskly, relapsing warmer here than with you? What part of Scot-into his wonted freedom, very particular, very land do you come from? How do you like Wind- particular, indeed. What reason, friend, have you sor? Come to see the king, eh?" And loudly to be so particular?-Must have some; people he made the echoes ring with his laughter.

The senator was a little at a loss which question to answer first; but delighted with the hearty freedom of the salutation, jocularly said "It's no easy to answer so many questions all at once;

never so without a reason."

"Surely, sir, its a very natural curiosity for a subject to inquire what sort of a man the sovereign is, whom he has sworn to honour and obey, and to bear true allegiance to with hand and heart,"

man,

The old

"True, true, true;" exclaimed the old gentle- of the fancy.-What's your name?" just remark.-Come on business to Lug-gentleman looked sharply; but in a moment his land-What business ?”’ countenance resumed its wonted open cheerfulness, and he said, "So you are in Parliament, eh ?--I have a seat there too.-Don't often go, however. Perhaps may see you there.-Good-bye, good

My chief business, in truth, sir, at present here is, to see and learn something about the King. I have no other turn in hand at this time." "Turn, turn," cried the stranger, perplexed.-bye." "What turn? Would place the king on your lathe, eh?"

Our hero did not well know what to make of his quick and versatile companion; and while the old gentleman was laughing at the jocular turn which he had himself given to the Scotticism, he said, "I'm thinking, friend, ye're commanded not to speak with strangers anent his majesty's conduct, for ye blink the question, as they say in Parliament."—" Parliament ? Been there How do you like it?-Much cry and little wool among them, eh?"-" Ye ɛay Gude's truth, sir; and I wish they would make their speeches as short and pithy as the king's. I'm told his majesty has a very gracious and pleasant delivery," replied our hero, pawkily; and the stranger, not heeding his drift, said with simplicity, "It was so thought when he was young; but he is now an old man, and not what I have known him."-" I suppose," replied our hero," that you have been long in his service."-"Yes, I am one of his oldest servants.-Ever since I could help myself," was the answer, with a sly smile, "I may say have been his servant."-" And I dinna doubt," replied the senator, "that you have had an easy post."-"I have certainly obeyed his will," cried the stranger, in a lively laughing tone; but changing into a graver he added, "But what may be my reward, at least in this world, it is for you and others to judge."-" I'm mista'en, then, if it | should na be liberal," replied Andrew; "for ye seem a man of discretion, and doubtless merit the post ye have so long possessed. Maybe some day in Parliament, I may call this conversation to mind for your behoof. The king canna gang far wrang sae lang as he keeps counsel with such douce and prudent-like men, even though ye hae a bit light

"Ye'll excuse my freedom, sir," said Andrew, somewhat rebuked by the air and manner in which his new acquaintance separated from him; "but if you are not better engaged, I would be glad if we could breakfast together."-" Can't, can't," cried the old gentleman, shortly, as he walked away; but turcing half round after he had walked two or three paces, he added, "obliged to breakfast with the king-he won't without me;" and a loud and mirthful laugh gave notice to all the surrounding echoes that a light and pleased spirit claimed their blithest responses.

THE INCURIOUS BENCHER.

At Jenny Mann's, where heroes meet,
And lay their laurels at her feet;
The modern Pallas, at whose shrine
They bow, and by whose aid they dine,
Colonel Brocade, among the rest,
Was every day a welcome guest.
One night, as carelessly he stood,

Clearing his reins before the fire,
(So every true-born Briton should)
Like that he chaf'd, and fum'd, with ire.
"Jenny," said he, "'tis very hard
That no man's honour can be spar'd;
If I but sup with Lady Duchess,
Or play a game at ombre, such is
The malice of the world, 'tis said,
Although his Grace lay drunk in bed,
Twas I that caus'd his aching head.
If Madam Doodle would be witty,
And I am summoned to the city,'
To play at blind-man's-buff, or so,
What won't such hellish malice do?
if I but catch her in a corner
Humph-'tis your servant, Colonel Horner;